Dead Girls Never Shut Up

by Stec, Susan

  Antoinette ignored Martin's attempt and addressed Sara. "Bartholomew might have to wait inside Rufus unless I need the cat for someone else. But either way, you won't be entering Paul's body." Antoinette locked eyes with her spirited granddaughter until the meaning sunk in, and Sara pouted. "I intend on monitoring all of you closely, including the seer ghost, until the family gift has passed on."

  "So I can't get in anyone's body? Is that what you're telling me? Because you said I could enter my friends if I didn't interfere. You promised."

  "And you can. Just not Paul's body. Do I make myself clear?"

  "I'd say that's fair, wouldn't you, dear?" Ruth tried, putting on a motherly smile.

  "Swell, tonight's going to be another ignominy. I think you should reconsider, Antoinette," Martin sucked up. "The girl has a temper. God forbid her boyfriend is there with her old BF. All hell will break loose, again."

  "Oh, that is so unfair," Sara said. "The bitch so deserved that."

  "By whose standards, honey?" Martin guffawed. "Because yours are not only out of the box, but a good ten feet away from it."

  "Blessyerghostshredding'eart, Martin. I would think reverence would be in 'er best interest. I'm sure Sara wouldn't want t'create an unpleasant scene at 'er own funeral. Would y'dear?"

  "A diversion might just be entertaining," Antoinette mused.

  "You weren't there," Martin said, "it wasn't pretty, and magazines flying around on their own accord isn't-"

  "Dead girl! Standing right here!" Sara huffed. "Don't talk around me, dammit! And I'm not stupid. I won't do the floating magazine thing again. I got it, Martin!"

  "Do you?" Antoinette asked Sara, and walked out of the room. "I'm going to eat some lunch. You three coming along?"

  Sara wafted after her grandmother, and Ruth signaled Martin with a raised finger at the top of the stairs. "Did y'see the book o'spells, dear?"

  "Whatever you're thinking, I'm not going to be part of it," Martin whispered, "because I'm not stepping any further into that woman's bad side."

  "Gran's clearly not goin' t'help us, Martin, bless'eracridsoul, but maybe Sara will."

  "Whaddaya mean?"

  "Suppose she can summon spirits as well, dear? It's worth a try, is all I'm thinkin'," Ruth said. "We need answers, and there's nary a creature that can stop 'im. But we know two spirits that 'ave 'istory with the seer—the one's we killed."

  "Oh, God! Oh, hell no! I am not," arm swinging, finger pointing, head rocking, "letting Sara summon that dead vamp! I slit his throat!"

  "We 'ave t'do what we 'ave t'do, Martin," Ruth said, flitting down the steps. "The vampire spirit may know a way-"

  "I want to go on record as saying that this is such a bad idea!" Martin flew after her.

  "We don't even know if'n it's possible yet, and we don't 'ave t'do anythin' right away, dear. Tonight is Sara's night, bless'ervainlittle'eart. All I'm sayin' is we should give it some thought, we should."

  "Or not," Martin groused.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Belle drove into the parking lot adjoining the Golden Chapel Funeral Home and coasted into a space signed: 'Immediate Family Only'.

  A van pulled in behind them, hung a left, and parked next to several other vehicles along the side of the building. All the doors opened on the van at once and ten of Sara's friends poured out.

  Sara blew straight up through the roof of Belle's car, and bolted across the front hood.

  "This should be entertaining," Martin quipped.

  "Now, now, Martin, y'shouldn't be gainin' 'umor from another's folly, dear."

  "You've got to be kidding," Martin injected.

  Unaware of her sister's theatrics, Toni struggled with her own reaction at the sight of Sara's friends. "Why are they here already? It's only six-thirty." Oh God, what am I going to say to them? If they're anything like Sara, they'll want details. I'm so not ready for details.

  Ruth tsked."I'm thinkin' it's time for some intervention, dear," Ruth told Martin. "Bless'er'arshlittle'eart, not to mention 'er misusage o'power. Why, she's an accident waitin' t' 'appen, she is."

  As Martin passed through the rear, passenger window, he caught sight of Sara's grandmother in the side-mirror. Her eyes twinkled with humor.

  Ruth and Martin jetted toward Sara. Antoinette opened the front door of the car, and stepped out. She grinned when Sara came to an abrupt stop near her friend's van and the other two ghosts barreled through the back doors and into the vehicle.

  Back in the Farrell car, Toni shuddered and blinked several times. I'm going to hyperventilate. "Mom, I don't have to," she panted, "um, talk to anyone right away, do I? Is there a back door?"

  "You certainly do not," Belle said, getting out of the car. "How rude of them to arrive so early. And we will certainly not let those girls dictate what door we enter."

  Antoinette smiled as she opened the back door for Toni. "You can just tell them you're unable to talk about your sister at the moment, and thank them for coming."

  Out in the parking lot, Sara squealed as Ruth and Martin flew through the sunroof on top of the van. "Will ya look at Jessica's short skirt—the tramp." Her smoky form darting around the girls who all had their eyes on Toni as she got out of the car. "At least she's colored her hair."

  "Oh, honey, her makeup is tee-rash-ee," Martin conspired, wiggling his buttocks as he air-strutted over to Sara. He linked one arm through hers and tried to give Sara's hip a conspiratorial little bump, only his ass ended up near her pelvic bone. "No one is going to notice the hole in your neck with her around."

  "BlessyerMachiavelliannature, don't encourage 'er, Martin." Ruth said from the top of the van.

  "Oh, cut the crap, Ruth. I'm just trying to help," Martin said, rolling his eyes.

  As the threesome breezed past, Toni paused, shuddered, grabbed her grandmother's arm and pulled her toward the front door of the funeral parlor, Belle close behind.

  Antoinette patted her granddaughter's hand. "Just relax, sweetheart. I'm sure the director will hustle us directly into the viewing room in case we want them to make any changes."

  Sara, too busy to notice her sister's anxiety, whipped through the girls, Martin cheering her on and Ruth shaking her head.

  Jessica's hair slapped her face, and then fanned up like a winded umbrella. Ursula, a tall girl with short yellow curls and a black tank top that was stretched so tight it looked like she was about to fire torpedoes, had both hands on her flying skirt, looking like a Marilyn Monroe wannabe. Carolyn yelped when Sara whipped through her body, making her trip over her own feet.

  The other seven girls bolted for Toni, who was hurriedly pulling Antoinette around the front of the building. They crossed the lawn and up the front steps, Belle stumbling behind them.

  Toni yanked opened the front door, stepped inside, and gasped when she saw Paul standing in the lobby with a dark haired girl. This is my worst nightmare. That must be Paul's sister. She looks familiar. Where have I seen her? School? I don't think so. With Sara? No. A picture on Sara's cell phone? Why am I rambling?

  At the sound of Toni's gasp, Paul turned and gave her a shy smile while the dark haired girl straightened his tie and rolled her eyes.

  He's in a suit. A suit for heaven's sake! And I'm in jeans because we're supposed to go out later. What was I thinking? With a death grip on her grandmother's arm, one side of Toni's mouth turned up and she started shaking. Belle began to whimper the minute she passed through the door behind them.

  Antoinette pulled some tissue out of her pocket and passed it to her daughter, then gripped Toni's arm. "It's all right. The director is expecting us. Hang tight, honey."

  Clarence Bean glided around the corner, in what looked like the same suit he'd worn yesterday, the minute the little bell over the door tinkled. "Mrs. Farrell, please come this way." He extended his arm toward the hall he'd just walked out of. "I have the room all ready for you."

  "See," Antoinette soothed.

  Toni let out the breath she'd been holding
. Keep moving. Just smile and keep moving. She started in Clarence's direction as the group of girls pushed their way in the front door.

  Clarence frowned at the noisy arrivals. "Welcome ladies," he said, with a reverent nod. "Step into the waiting room, please." His hand did a little circle thing and then waved toward the French doors. "There are refreshments and a guestbook available for you to sign. Make yourselves comfortable; the viewing is at seven." He glanced at his watch with one thick eyebrow peeking over the rim of his glasses.

  "Um, Toni…" Jessica flipped her messy hair out of her eyes and her hand latched onto Toni's shoulder. "…I am so sorry about what happened, and right in front of you, it must have been just awful."

  Clarence placed his fingers against Toni's lower back, gave Jessica a hard look, and guided Toni toward the hall.

  Toni sucked in a whopping breath and smiled embarrassment at Paul and his sister as she walked by.

  "Ohhh, I just bet you're sorry—ho-bitch!" Sara spat, circling Jessica. "It didn't take you long to wrap your purple lips around David's-"

  "Blessyerfilthymouth," Ruth said, shaking a finger at Sara. "Tis' hardly a time t'get all graphic, now is it, dear?"

  "Oh, give her hell, honey. I sure would," Martin encouraged, smiling at Sara.

  "Martin, Godblessyerinterferin'soul, yer words embolden another melee, they do."

  "Watch and learn! The bling-ho's about to make a fool out of herself again!" Sara shot Martin a saucy grin and zipped through the French doors behind Jessica.

  "Oh dear, see what y'ave gone 'an done, Martin? We'd better follow 'er, and I do wish ya'd choose yer words more carefully, dear," Ruth suggested, bolting after Sara.

  "Me? The bling-ho deserves whatever she gets!" Martin flitted off to join them.

  "Sorry about that," Clarence apologized, but of course, he wasn't talking about the ghosts. Ushering the family down the hall, Bean said, "I understand how overwhelming a time like this can be." He stopped in front of a double set of doors and opened one, waving them in.

  Clarence flipped a switch outside the door and music wafted down from the speakers overhead in the darkened room. He turned a knob inside the door and gold sconces on the walls flickered like candlelight.

  "I hope the music is acceptable?" Clarence queried with a reverent smile. He slid his black rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose, and placed his folded hands in front of his chest waiting for an answer.

  "It sounds lovely," Belle answered.

  "Judy Collins, Liverpool Lullaby?" Antoinette said, extending her hand. "I'm Antoinette, Sara's grandmother. Shame you couldn't play the lyrics, but the instrumental is lovely."

  A lullaby, how sweet, Toni thought. Clarence was batting his eyes so hard, Toni thought he was convulsing until he shoved his hand at her grandmother.

  Clarence grabbed the tip of her hand with three fingers, and gave it a little shake. "Yes, well, while I love the background music I felt the words were a bit..." He cleared his throat. "I'm the director, Clarence Bean, and I'm pleased you find it lovely."

  Antoinette answered, "I do, Mr. Bean. And I feel Sara would find it quite appropriate."

  Toni's breath hitched in her throat at the mention of her sister's name.

  Clarence abruptly let go of her hand, steepled his fingers, brought them to his chin and nodded. "Well then, I'll be back in about ten minutes to see if you need anything before we admit Sara's guests." He turned sharply, and stepped through the door, closing it gently behind him.

  Toni looked around at all the cherry-wood trim and burgundy walls. Sara would find none of this appropriate. Chairs were set in rows behind three wooden benches which were layered on each side of the room, leaving an aisle of burgundy carpet leading up to the casket. Baskets and wreathes of flowers littered the far end of the room. The eleven by fourteen picture of Sara sat on an easel at the head of the casket, circled by a wreath of burnt orange roses laced with a banner that read: Beloved daughter, sister, and granddaughter.

  Lunch threatened at the back of Toni's throat and she couldn't move. My sister is up there. Waiting…waiting to be put in the ground. I'm never going to see her again. No more laughing at her silly escapades. No more worrying about the next mess she will get me into. No more wishing I could be as outgoing as her. No more living through her experiences. I'm on my own now.

  "Belle, why don't you go on up first," Antoinette offered. "Toni and I will sit in the front row for a few minutes." She took Toni's arm and gently prodded her toward the front pew.

  Belle slowly walked down the aisle and up onto the dais until she stood in front of the casket. She leaned over her daughter, face hidden behind the rim.

  Sitting on the edge of the first pew Toni watched her mother's body shake with grief and quietly thanked God Sara's remains were not visible from seating area.

  Antoinette patted Toni's hand and whispered, "Do you want me to walk up with you?"

  I can't go up there. I don't want to remember her like this. "Gran, I don't think I can." Toni choked out an anguished sob.

  Antoinette picked up a box of tissue from the end of the pew and handed it to Toni. "Then don't. It's your decision to make." She got up and smoothed Toni's red curls. "I'll be right back, sweetie."

  Belle turned to Toni with glistening cheeks. "Honey, come up and say goodbye. She looks beautiful, and so happy," she dabbed at her eyes, and finished, "so content, so peaceful... so... colorful."

  There's no way I'm going up there. Did she say colorful? Oh, god, I should at least make sure she looks okay in that stupid dress my mother picked out. "Maybe in a minute, Mom."

  The back door opened, and Clarence walked up the aisle, his hands linked in front of his Adam's apple, a hopeful look on his face. "Doesn't she look lovely, and so peaceful?"

  "Yes, she does," Belle sobbed.

  Antoinette turned from the casket. "I'm quite satisfied, Mr. Bean, and please, give your mortician and makeup artist our thanks as well. She has such a sweet smile on her face."

  Clarence beamed then looked at his wristwatch. "Will five more minutes be enough before I open the doors?"

  Belle ran the tissue under both eyes and only managed to smear her eyeliner more. "That's fine, thank you Clarence."

  Clarence walked toward the door, but paused for a minute, fingers splayed across his chest when Sara tore right through him at warp speed, heading for the casket.

  "Godrest'erimpulsivesoul, stop 'er Martin!" Ruth shouted in close pursuit. "One muddle is enough fer tonight, it is. Why that poor girl Jessica's a mess, she is."

  Sara let out a shrill shriek. "Son-of-a-bitch! I'm gonna kill my sister!" Sara shot up to the ceiling and passed through a rafter before dive-bombing into her body.

  Martin floated over to the casket. "Oh. My. God!" He slapped his hands over his mouth and leaned over with wide eyes. "She looks like a Teletubby in drag!" he squealed. "And she's smiling. I don't think I've ever seen anyone dead… smile that… big. You can actually see all of her teeth."

  "A Teletubby, dear?"

  "It's just so…so awful," Martin said, a grimace of disgust on his face.

  Ruth gave a look. "Oh dear, well yes, and bless the individual who patched the color on 'er face. Why, she's quite a rainbow o'delight, she is. And that smile, well it gives one the impression she's quite pleased t'be dead, it does." Ruth clucked her tongue and shook her head, fingers strumming inside her chin.

  Sara floated up to the ceiling in a mass of disconnected pink smoke, reformed and shouted, "Dammit, I'm stuffed with some kind of stiff crap. I can't move my dead body!"

  "Just as well, dear, y'wouldn't want… well, I'm thinkin' while yer face is reminiscent o' a lovely rainbow, flyin' it around the room might be in bad taste, it would."

  Antoinette brushed at her dress and smiled at Toni. "Do you want to see your sister before they open the doors, sweetie?"

  "Oh, Gran. I just can't. I know I should, but-" Toni shook violently.

  Antoinette gave Toni a hug while Belle sob
bed into her soiled tissue.

  "Dammit all to Hell, Gran!" Sara whipped around her grandmother several times, pointing at the casket. "Do something or I'm gonna create a humungous diversion!"

  Antoinette looked pointedly at Sara who was hovering inches from her nose. "Belle, I forgot to mention; Rufus arrived while you were getting ready. I hope it won't be an inconvenience."

  "What? No, of course not," Belle answered absentmindedly.

  "Don't you dare threaten me with that damn cat!" Sara shrieked, "Do something!"

  Ruth and Martin shared a moment of unspoken words that only Sara and Antoinette could see.

  The door opened and Clarence walked in.

  "You prick!" Sara bolted right for him. "As if a baby-shit colored dress isn't enough! I have lavender lipstick on, which so totally does not match. You march right up there, Mister, and wipe that grin off my face! Whose idea was that? Huh? What's with the friggin' blue shadow, and pink blush? I look like someone puked an Easter basket on my face! I'm so-dead when my friends see me!"

  Ruth tried to help. "Actually, dear, them gold butterfly barrettes in yer 'air are quite feminine, they are, an'… while those ringlets in front o'each ear are a wee bit o'an overstatement, they do add a generous amount o'distraction, they do."

  "How ya doin', Sara?" Martin jibed.

  "Are you ready for me to open the doors?" Clarence asked, a look of fake empathy on his face.

  "Come on! Just say no! Pleeeeese somebody, say no!" Sara begged, flying over to the pew.

  "Toni, are you ready?" Antoinette asked, eyeing Sara with lips that looked anus cavity.

  Toni took in a deep breath and had no idea her sister was right in front of her face.

  Sara backstroked as her smoky hair wafted too close to nose holes. "Get your sad excuse for an ass up out of that pew and go look at my face! You've got to fix this!" She bounced a fist off Toni's temple, unable to penetrate the surface. "Pleeeese hear me. Puh-leease get up!"

  Toni took several short breaths and shook her head up and down while Sara tried to unsuccessfully move it from side to side. I can smell Sara again. I'm going to pass out before this is over with.