A Home for my Heart (Matters of the Heart #3)

by Velvet Reed

  She looks at the ground before looking back up at me. “Mrs. Wilson in delivery room two is nine centimeters dilated. Doctor Lewis is in with Mrs. Howard, so he told me to find you before you leave.”

  I love my job, I love my job, I repeat in my head. Looks like I’ll be delivering another baby before I head home for the night. “No problem. I’ll be there in a minute, just make sure everything’s ready to go.”

  “Yes, Doctor,” Hannah replies and scurries away.

  I gather the charts slowly, giving myself another minute to gain my composure. Going in to deliver a baby with a hard-on would be considered highly inappropriate, especially since young Hannah probably already thinks I’m some kind of creep.

  When I get to the delivery room and find a flaxen haired woman in the final stages of labor I take a deep breath. Snapping on some surgical gloves I smile in reassurance and nod to who I assume is Mr. Wilson. “Are you ready to meet your little one, Mrs. Wilson?” I say in greeting.

  Mrs. Wilson grimaces in pain. “I’m so ready, Doctor Evans, and please call me Ashley.”

  My heart skips a beat and starts racing a mile a minute. After another deep breath again, I move into position to deliver the baby. “Okay then, let’s welcome this little one into the world.”

  When she’s ten centimeters dilated, I go through the motions and then I’m holding a safely delivered squalling baby boy in my hands. This is what I was born to do. While Maria, the other nurse, takes care of the baby, Hannah assists me with Mrs. Wilson. When everything’s done, I stand back and watch the Wilson’s meet their son for the first time. I feel privileged for this and all the times I’ve witnessed moments like this. But as I watch this flaxen-haired woman, her husband and her child, I see Ashley’s face. I see me beside her, looking down at a blond-haired baby and Ashley looking from me to the child with undisguised love and awe. I see my family.

  “Congratulations again,” I say to the Wilson’s before turning and hurrying out of the delivery room. Longing and fear are the overwhelming feelings coursing through me as I head to the doctors’ lounge to change and head home.

  Yep, not thinking about my Ashley while I’m at work is definitely something I’m going to have to work on.

  I arrive at Cole and Gracie’s at eleven o’clock. When I got home last night, I sent Ashley a quick text saying that I was home and would meet her here today, and then I had a shower and went straight to bed. Twelve hours later I woke up at ten o’clock, got ready and came straight here. I’m hoping her short reply text doesn’t mean she’s pissed at me. All it said was, ‘Okay. Get some sleep.’

  I head around the back of the house, knowing they’ll be busy setting things up, and find Cole filling a cooler with ice and drinks.

  “Hey,” I greet him.

  “Hey. Heard you had to go back to the hospital the other night and were there all day yesterday,” Cole says as he finishes with the cooler.

  I climb the steps to the deck and we do a man hug thing. “Yeah, Grant’s father had a heart attack and they couldn’t get hold of anyone else. Then Lisa came in sick and I sent her home, so it was after nine when I got in last night.”

  “So much for your two days off, but at least you’ve got today,” Cole commiserates as we go through the French doors into the kitchen where Gracie’s preparing food; Cooper’s lying awake in his rocker that has a musical mobile spinning above him playing a lullaby.

  “Sam!” Gracie practically squeals when she sees me and rushes over for a hug. She’s a little more excited to see me than usual and I wonder if Ash has filled her in about our time together Friday night. With her extra bright smile and wink I have my answer and chuckle as I say, “Hey, darlin’, how’s my godson doing?” I distract her using Cooper and it works.

  “Oh, he’s great. Getting bigger every day,” she replies and continues organizing the food with Cole’s help.

  I walk over to Cooper and pick him up since he’s wide awake, nestling him in the crook of my arm. Even at only three months old, there’s no doubting that this little guy is Cole’s with his mass of dark hair and similar features. A rush of affection and warmth spreads through me as I look down at him, and the unbidden thought of holding my own child comes again. What the hell is wrong with me?

  “Hey, hand over that baby. He’s mine.”

  Her honeyed voice floats through the air and my body starts to hum with anticipation. Lifting my focus from Cooper, I’m immediately lost in the mischievous twinkle of her eyes. If she wants to play, then I can play, too. I cock my head to the side and squint my eyes in contemplation. “Hmmm… Well, if I’m going to hand over my little pal here, you’re going to have to give me something in return.”

  Ashley’s eyes widen infinitesimally and then she’s sauntering over to Cooper and I. “And what is it exactly that you require in exchange?” she purrs batting her lashes dramatically. This confident, sassy attitude has my dick waking up and paying attention. It’s been less than forty-eight hours since I had her gorgeous body beneath me and I’m more than ready to have her again, but I’ll keep it simple.

  “I think a little lip action would suffice,” I bait her and she takes it hook, line and sinker. I bend slightly as she reaches up on tip toe and wraps one hand around the back of my head, pulling me to her lips. What was meant to be a quick kiss hello turns into a tongue tangling embrace as I wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

  When I feel Cooper being moved from the arm that holds him protectively to me, I unlock my lips from Ashley’s.

  “I’ll just take him out of your way, shall I? We wouldn’t want him to get squished or you know… accidently dropped,” Gracie mocks.

  I gape at her and my jaw hits the floor. “Gracie, I would never…” I splutter but she cuts me off, laughing, while she hands Cooper to Cole who then wraps his arm around her lovingly.

  “Sam, stop! I was joking.” She laughs again. “Just say hi to my girl properly and you guys can have him back.”

  By this point Cole and Ashley are laughing right along with her and I’m sure I’m blushing like a damn girl… like Gracie. To cover my uncharacteristic embarrassment at showing a woman a little PDA, I grab Ash and pull her against me. “You think that’s funny?” I ask and she giggles at me, nodding in response.

  As I peer down at her, taking in her happy demeanor, my embarrassment quickly fades. “Hi,” I whisper and place a soft, sweet kiss on her lips.

  “Hi,” she replies breathily as she palms my cheek and rubs her thumb across it. “You look tired. Did you sleep last night?”

  I simply nod and get lost in the little bubble we’ve created between us. “About twelve hours,” I tell her. “And I’ll need to get more tonight knowing what kind of week I have ahead of me.” I already know this week is going to be a shocker, which means that we won’t be seeing much of each other. Ashley seems to understand the unspoken implications of my words and gives a little shrug.

  “I guess we’ll just make the most of today so you can get an early night.”

  God, how I wish I could just take her home and spend the day in bed with her. We lean in for another kiss that doesn’t last long when I hear a commotion coming from outside on the deck. All attention turns to the arrival of Bryan, Charlie, Ruby, Olivia and John, but I catch sight of Cole watching me with a small smile on his face. He nods his head as if in approval before getting overrun by everyone wanting to see Cooper.

  I stand back and watch, shaking hands with Charlie and Bryan and getting a hug from little Ms. Ruby before John comes over. I’ve never really called him dad, no matter how much I’ve wanted to, but I’ve never called him John to his face, either. It’s always been ‘sir’ or no title at all. ‘Sir’ was what I called my real dad… well, when he was around, that is, and my mom was always ‘ma’am’. I never understood why they didn’t want to be called mom and dad.

  “Sounds like you’ve had a rough few days, son.” John says while giving me a hug and pat on the back.

  �
�Yep. They really need to find another full time OBGYN, especially before we all head for Hawaii. We’re stretched too thin when someone isn’t available.” I admit.

  We talk for a few more minutes about work before Olivia pries herself away from Cooper. “Look at you.” She frowns and takes my face in her hands. “You look exhausted. This wedding and vacation can’t come soon enough.”

  “I’m fine.” I smile because it’s nice to have her fussing over me. It makes me feel important and cared about. “It’s just been a busy few days.”

  She pulls me into a hug and kisses my cheek. “You just make sure you get as much rest as possible and eat properly, okay? I don’t want you getting run down and sick.”

  “Livie!” John chides affectionately. “Give it a rest. He’s just doing his job and it’s no different from what Cole and I do and have done in the past.”

  Olivia lets go of me and slaps John lightly on the shoulder. “Yes, and if you didn’t have me keeping an eye on you all, where would you be? I’m a mother and a wife, I’ll always fuss and worry, so don’t tell me to give it a rest, mister.” She looks back at me and pats my chest. “I’m just asking you to look after yourself,” she says, then turns towards the kitchen and gets immersed in conversation.

  “God only knows where I’d be without that woman,” John murmurs thoughtfully beside me and the same thought goes through my own mind. Where the hell would I be now if Olivia Tierney hadn’t been around to take care of me?

  The afternoon’s relaxing and just what I need. I’ve had a few beers and the usual amazing barbeque food these gatherings have become known for. I think back to family get-togethers before Gracie came on the scene, and while they were normal and enjoyable, they’ve taken on a whole new dimension.

  “Excuse me, everyone.” Cole stands from his chair and Gracie moves over to his side. Ash comes over and I pull her onto my lap. “Instead of asking everyone individually, we thought we’d just tell you what’s happening with the bridal party and then you can’t say no even if you wanted to.” Everyone chuckles and Ash bounces up and down on my knee in excitement.

  “So I think it would be pretty obvious that Ashley will be Gracie’s maid of honor.” Cole announces and Ash squeals and bounces even harder, so I grab her hips to stop her. She turns and looks at me apologetically. “And there’s no one I’d rather have standing beside me than my best friend and brother.” He looks at me meaningfully and there goes that stupid emotion shit inside me again. I rein myself in, because I’m not having another display like when they asked me to be Cooper’s godfather.

  “There’s no place I’d rather be,” I tell him.

  Cole continues telling everyone that Charlie will be the groomsman and April the bridesmaid. Then they ask Allison if she would read something during the ceremony because they want her to be involved as well. She accepts, seemingly a bit surprised that they would want to include her. When it comes to asking little Ruby to be flower girl, Ash interprets what Ruby’s saying because my sign language isn’t that great. Then again, I don’t need to be an expert to see how happy and excited she is, because the smile on her face and the way she’s dancing around say enough.

  More wedding details are discussed and Gracie tells us that exact dates will be given within the next few days. The twelve of us – the Tierneys, the Rivers, Allison, Ashley and myself - are going to be the only people attending the wedding, so they’ve decided to have a big joint bucks and hens’ night together so everyone else can celebrate with them. Personally, I think Cole and Gracie’s idea of a wedding is perfect. I can’t imagine having a huge big gathering with people you hardly see or even know.

  Movement on my left catches my attention and I watch as Allison’s little brother Nate’s hands fly as he signs to his big sister. I’ve come across hearing impaired people whilst working at the hospital before but I’ve always had an interpreter on hand to help out. As I watch Nate and think about Ruby, I acknowledge the fact that now that there are two hearing impaired people within my circle, I need to step up my game and make more of an effort to learn how to sign properly. I can’t imagine what it would be like not being able to experience the world through sound.

  “Aww, poor baby,” Ashley whispers, and I turn to find her watching Nate, too.

  “What’s wrong? What’s he saying?” I ask, although I’ve just realized how incredibly impersonal a signing person’s conversation is to anyone who can understand sign language. Unless they’re in a secluded area, their conversation has no privacy whatsoever.

  “He’s upset because Allison will be going away without him and he doesn’t understand why he can’t go with her,” Ash explains to me, and I can tell that his sadness at being left behind is affecting her.

  We haven’t discussed a lot about our pasts. She knows that my parents were killed in a small plane crash while on one of their many trips away without me, and she knows that I never felt particularly close to them. From what she’s told me, her Grammy raised her from when she was six years old because her parents couldn’t be bothered having a child anymore. The assholes just dropped her off and left, never to be heard from again. Although this isn’t anywhere near a similar circumstance since Allison is only going away for the wedding, it’s obvious Ash feels for him.

  She’s up off my lap and in front of Cole and Gracie pulling them to the side away from everyone else. I watch in interest as she speaks to them and they all glance in Nate’s direction and then back to each other. When I see a tear slip down her cheek and Gracie pull her into a hug, I start to move out of my seat. What the hell is going on? I haven’t even made it two steps before Cole and Gracie walk over to Nate and Allison and Gracie starts signing away.

  Allison shakes her head no a few times, but Nate’s smiling and hugging Gracie and Cole. I get to Ashley’s side, and I’m about to ask her what’s going on, when Gracie announces and signs. “We have one last addition to the bridal party, everyone.” All heads turn to her curiously. “Nate has just agreed to be our page boy.” There’s some clapping and a few cheers and Nate’s beaming with happiness.

  “Care to tell me what you just did?” I ask quietly in my beautiful girl’s ear.

  She turns to me and shrugs in a self-deprecating way. “I just suggested that a page boy would make the bridal party even.”

  I wrap my arms around Ash from behind and we watch as Nate goes and plays with Ruby. “You didn’t want him left out, did you?” I murmur.

  She’s silent for a few seconds before she turns and arches her neck, looking back up at me. “I told Gracie that I’d pay for all his expenses. It probably wasn’t my place but I know that Allison’s mom lost her job and they’ve moved in with her at Gracie’s old house. Allison said they haven’t had a vacation since before Nate was born, but she was worried about leaving him here because if her mom finds work, there’s no one to watch Nate. He deserves some fun, too, and now Ruby will have someone to keep her company. Look at them.”

  They do get along well together. I don’t think at eleven years old I would have been too happy about playing with a five-year-old, but Nate seems completely fine about it. I guess since they have the same challenges, it makes it easier to get along. “He’s being really patient with her, you know,” Ash comments.

  “Yeah. I was just thinking that I don’t think I would have liked to hang around a little girl at his age.”

  Ashley giggles. “No, I can’t imagine you would. But what I meant was that he’s being patient with her signing. Allie told me that she asked him to help her out because she was still learning, and he said he was going to be a great teacher. He is. I’ve seen him repeat signs to her today when they’re not quite right, and he signs much slower to her than he does to anyone else.”

  Now that I’m paying close attention to the children I can sort of see what Ash is saying. “I bet Gracie and Cole refused any money to pay for him, though. They’re not like that, but it was nice of you to offer so he’s not left out. He seems like a great kid.”<
br />
  Gracie grabs Ashley’s attention and she walks away to where the women are chatting about the wedding, no doubt. I spend the rest of the afternoon discussing sport with the men and just enjoying the atmosphere.

  After all the cleaning up is done, everyone starts to head home to prepare for the week ahead. A week I’m dreading, because I know with the current staff situation I’ll be pulling extra hours. Hopefully, things will get back to normal quickly and I’ll be doing my Sunday to Thursday rotation again and be able to spend more time with Ash.

  It’s six o’clock when I say bye to Cole and Gracie, and Ash entwines her fingers with mine to walk me to my car. “So I guess we’ll have to settle for phone calls and texts until things calm down at work.”

  “I guess so,” she replies solemnly.

  I lean my back against the door and tug her closer by one of the belt loops on her jeans. “Think I can get a kiss to tide me over until I see you again?” I request.

  Ash smirks and wraps her arms around my neck. “I think I can manage that.”

  Desire shoots straight through me as our lips meet and she molds her feminine curves against me. My pulse races as we deepen the kiss, our tongues gliding together. A soft moan escapes my beautiful girl, and I know we have to stop. With great reluctance I pull away and rest my forehead against hers.

  “You better go before we make a spectacle of ourselves on Gracie and Cole’s front lawn,” she sighs, her breathing quick and shallow.

  “Yeah, okay,” I grudgingly reply.

  With one last quick peck on the lips Ash steps back so I can open the car door and hop in. “Make sure you have your phone handy at all times,” I instruct.

  Ashley giggles and nods. “I will.”

  I start the car and put it in reverse. “See you soon.”

  “See you soon,” she mimics.

  I feel like we’re a couple of teenagers who keep telling each other to hang up the phone first and I don’t have room in my life for shit like that. I give her a small wave as I back out of the driveway and head down the street. When I look back in the rearview mirror I can no longer see her, but the feelings going on inside me are making me uncomfortable. Ashley’s definitely not like any other woman I’ve ever known and she certainly makes me feel and think about things I never have before. I just don’t know if I can deal with it all and put myself in a place where I risk losing everything. I don’t know if I’m emotionally capable.