A Home for my Heart (Matters of the Heart #3)

by Velvet Reed

  I sit back in to my chair and heave a heavy sigh. “I want to talk to him, I really do. But I don’t trust myself.”

  Her expression turns to one of pity. “That’s because you still love him, Sweetie. If you didn’t, it wouldn’t hurt so much. I seriously doubt you would have reacted the way you did at Thanksgiving if he didn’t mean something to you.”

  I won’t deny that I don’t love him, I never have. God, when I think back to seeing him in the doorway, it was so hard not to run and hold him tight, but I wanted him to hurt at the same time. Just as I had. It was wrong to punch him and I feel so bad about it now.

  “What you really need to ask yourself,” Mary continues, “is whether or not he deserves a second chance. I know you feel like Sam leaving was just like your parents, but there’s one big difference, Ashley.”

  Difference? What difference? What is she talking about? I know I look confused as I stare at her. “What do you mean?” I ask.

  Her smile starts in the corner of her mouth and begins to grow. “The difference between Sam and your parents, Sweetie, is that Sam came back. And if all these little things he’s been doing tell me anything, it’s that he came back for you.”

  He came back for me? Is it possible what Mary is saying is true?

  “You really think so?” I ask incredulously.

  Her smile is big and her eyes tender. “I do. I really do.”

  I think about that for a moment. About the way we were before he left and how he asked me to move in with him. That’s not the actions of someone who doesn’t care about me. Then I think about what he found out and how devastated I felt and it didn’t even happen to me. Now he’s back and seems to have made amends with his family and gone back to the job he loves. He has almost everything back to normal… except with me. Has everything he’s been doing been because he wants me? Because he might even love me? The possibility sends my heart pumping into overdrive, because I’ve never been more excited or scared at the same time.

  My phone pings on the desk in front of me signaling a new message. I reach out tentatively and pick it up, then go through the routine of opening my message app.

  Sam: Was just thinking about your laugh.

  It’s the most amazing sound in the world

  I want to make you laugh again.

  He thinks my laugh is amazing? I smile unwittingly at the screen.

  “And that right there is exactly why you need to talk to him,” Mary practically shouts while pointing at me.

  “What?” I ask, having no idea what she’s talking about.

  “The only time you have ever smiled like that was when you were with the handsome Doctor. Since he’s been gone, you haven’t even come close to showing that kind of happiness and I bet you weren’t even aware you were doing it.”

  My eyes widen at her observation.

  “Please just think about what I’ve said,” Mary pleads. And I will, because somehow she’s made everything clearer for me. I need to talk to Sam and hear him out.

  “I will,” I promise, then pull myself to my feet. “But right now we have to finish the arrangements for the Coulson wedding, so no more chit chat. Let’s get to work.”

  After a quick hug, Mary and I head to the back room and get to work surrounded by hundreds of white Roses, Dahlias and Sweet Peas. The scent in the room is absolutely divine and somehow clears my mind. This is what I was meant to do with my life and I truly am living my dream. My little florist shop always makes me happy, and hopefully soon, things get worked out and I’ll be happy with every other aspect of my life as well.

  Hurrying to the door I open it just as Tanner’s fist is about to knock on it again. “Sorry. I had the hair dryer on and didn’t hear you. I’m running a little late,” I explain for the delay.

  Stepping inside so I can close the door, Tanner puts his hand on my hip and leans in to kiss me. He lingers for a second without deepening the kiss before standing back and he says, “Hi. You look beautiful” I smile and say thank you, but just like every other time he says the word beautiful, my mind centers on Sam.

  His brows furrow slightly and he removes his hand before walking into the living room. Following behind him, I know my reaction is not the one he wanted, but I feel like there might be something else wrong. “You okay?” I ask, genuinely concerned.

  “Yeah. I’m just tired,” he replies, flopping down on the couch.

  I really want to go out tonight and have some fun, but I don’t want to make Tanner go if he’s not feeling up to it. “Listen, we don’t have to go if you’re not feeling up to it. We can just stay in and watch a movie,” I offer.

  He studies me for a second. “Of course we’ll go. I’m fine, honestly. It’s just been a busy week.”

  “Are you sure?”

  He smirks and grabs my hand to place a gentle kiss on the top of it. “I’m positive. We’ll grab something to eat, I’ll have a few beers, and we’ll have a great night.”

  “Excellent,” I say, a little giddy with excitement that we’re still going out. “Give me a few more minutes and I’ll be ready to go.” I rush back to the bathroom, put the finishing touches to my hair and make-up and we’re out the door.

  During the drive to ‘Pitch and Tone’s’ we talk about work and plans for the weekend. On Sunday he’s going to a car show with Bryan and Charlie, so I decide that I’ll be spending the day cleaning and actually putting up my Christmas decorations which I haven’t had a chance to do yet. I normally ensure that they’re up on December first without fail, but this year I’ve been a little slack and the influx in December weddings as well has made work extra busy.

  Since I haven’t purchased a Christmas tree yet, Tanner suggests we do that tomorrow. It feels a little weird to be getting a tree with Tanner because I’ve always gotten one myself. As stupid as it sounds, it feels like something a couple in a serious relationship would do, and we’ve only been together a month. Then again, he does have the truck, and it would be much easier to transport the thing, so I agree.

  We get to the club at half past six and while I’m signing up to sing, Tanner orders some food and drinks. There’s no denying that I get special treatment here because Pitch comes out with our plates before we know it and gives us a complimentary drink. We have a quick catch up and he’s heading back to the bar and kitchen, ensuring that everything runs smoothly.

  Gracie and Cole arrive at about seven, and Charlie and Allison aren’t too far behind them. It’s so great seeing Charlie and Allison together; I mean, they haven’t made it official yet but they’ve been seeing a lot of each other since the wedding and even though Charlie says they’re only good friends, I know he wants more.

  After the others order, we settle back, talking and having a laugh. I’m having a great time, but I usually do when I’m here with my closest friends. These people mean the world to me and I still regret pushing them away the way I did.

  I’m deep in conversation with Allison about her little brother Nate and how he’s doing at his new school when I hear the most annoying and high-pitched voice I’ve ever heard. Turning away from Allison to see who decided to crash our party, my eyes find the gorgeous green ones that haunt me.

  I smile. It’s a completely unconscious reaction. I decided today that I would talk to him and now that he’s standing right here in front of me, a shot of anticipation runs through me. He’s here. I’m surprised because no one told me he was coming, but I’m really glad he did. That doesn’t even last for a minute, because when I look to his right and get an eyeful of bleached blonde hair and pink lips, I realize who the annoying, high-pitched voice came from.

  My heart squeezes painfully in my chest as disbelief and anger replace the happy mood I was feeling. Is he fucking serious right now? I wanted to talk to him but there’s no way in hell that’s going to happen now. I look at him and then at her again.

  He came here with fucking Nurse Barbie!

  Complete Asshole!

  I pull up outside ‘Pitch and Tone�
��s’ at seven thirty. The others usually get here earlier so Ash and Gracie can sign up to sing, so I know they’ll already be here. I’m nervous as all hell, but I’ll take any opportunity I can to try and get Ashley to speak to me… or at least listen to me. Since Thanksgiving I’ve tried my damnedest to get a reaction from her. Bringing her lunch every day and sending flowers to her house, texting and emailing her throughout the day to let her know how much I think about her. I’ve even made sure to re-enact things I did when we were together, like the note I wrote and the first lunch I brought her. I hoped that by doing those little things they would evoke memories and feelings for her. I prayed that even though she wasn’t reacting to me in person, then maybe she would at least be thinking about me. About us.

  Taking a deep breath and blowing it out quickly, I make my way towards the front door when I hear my name being called from across the car park. “Sam! Sam!”

  Turning around, I see Valerie Knowles, a nurse I took out a few times last year. If I recall, last New Year’s Eve was the last date we had, because that was the night I kissed Ashley for the first time and I knew from that one kiss that I was a goner.

  Valerie hurries over to me as fast as she can in her sky high heels somehow managing to stay upright. “I heard you were back,” she says, giving me an overly bright smile. “This must be fate because I was hoping we could catch up.”

  Perfect! Just what I need. I offer a tight smile. “How are you, Valerie?” I ask out of courtesy.

  Her smile gets bigger, if possible, and she bats her eyelashes. “Oh, well, I’m fantastic now that I’ve run into you,” she purrs, blatantly flirting. I really don’t need to deal with this right now.

  “Listen,” I say, rubbing my hand over the back of my neck because this situation is uncomfortable. “We’ll have to catch up another time, because I have people waiting for me.” It’s a lie. I really have no intention of spending any time with her again, but I figure this is the nicest way to get away from her.

  Her smile falls a little, but she recovers quickly. “That sounds great. My number is the same, so just call me any time,” she offers.

  “I’ll do that,” I reply, give her another curt smile and then continue walking to the club. I don’t get more than five feet before I realize that she’s walking beside me and throw her a questioning look that says, ‘what the hell are you doing?’ She says nothing, though, and then we’re at the door and stepping inside the packed club.

  I spot Cole and the others and make a beeline to them without another word to Valerie and it’s only when I hear her say, “Oh Cole’s here, I should say hi.” that I realize she has followed me over to the table as well. Shit! This chick does not know how to take a hint.

  “Hi, Cole. Hi, everyone,” Valerie greets in an over enthusiastic high pitched voice that has all heads snapping in our direction.

  I don’t worry about anyone’s reaction except for one. Ashley. The moment her eyes find me I see a spark of what I think is surprise and happiness. My heart soars with hope that tonight might be the night when she lets me back in. But the second she sees Valerie, it’s like a bucket of water dowsing a fire, as she shows the hurt and disappointment she’s feeling.

  “Hey, everyone. Valerie just caught me in the car park and wanted to say hi,” I offer as an explanation for why the woman is standing beside me. I don’t get the reaction I desired from Ashley, however, because at my words her expression morphs into one of anger and downright disgust. Brilliant!

  The whole time I’ve been watching Ashley, Valerie has been talking to Allison and Cole about work and introducing herself to Tanner. I need to get her out of here, so I turn to her and say, “Your friends must be waiting for you, Valerie.” Truth be told, I have no fucking idea if she’s meeting friends here or not, and I really don’t care. She just needs to go.

  “Oh, right,” she says, her voice considerably lower than a few minutes before, but there’s no way I’m feeling guilty.

  Before she can leave, though, Ashley’s voice rings out loud and clear. “No, you should join us… What was your name again?”

  “It’s Valerie,” Valerie replies

  “Right, right, Valerie. Starts with a V, like Vagina. Which is actually pretty damn perfect for Sam.” The smile on Ashley’s face is so fake it’s almost comical, but I can tell she’s just getting started in bitch mood. “Pull up a chair, Vagina… Oh, I mean, Valerie. I was just about to order some shots.”

  “Ash,” Gracie calls, trying to get her attention, but Ashley’s gaze is focused solely on me. For fuck’s sake, I already said I found Valerie in the parking lot, but it’s obvious Ashley think’s I brought her as a date, which I absolutely did not.

  “You don’t mind, Sam?” Valerie asks tentatively but her excitement at the offer is evident.

  I’m just about to tell her that I’d rather catch up with my friends when Ashley pipes up again. “Mind? Why would he mind? I’m sure he missed you while he was away, Vag…Valerie.”

  What the fuck?

  Valerie’s eyes light up at Ashley’s words. Ash’s behavior is taking a turn for the worst and I instantly regret coming here tonight. So much for trying to speak with her in a mutual setting. I don’t know what else to do and I’m starting to think that she’ll never give me another chance.

  Without even getting an answer from me, Valerie sits down at the table, oblivious to everyone’s uncomfortable and disbelieving looks. The only one who seems to be enjoying herself at my expense is Ashley. Even as she sits there, a contemptuous grin on her gorgeous lips, all I really want to do is haul her to her feet and claim that snarky little mouth and kiss her with everything I have until she surrenders and gives me another chance.

  From the corner of my eye I see Tanner watching Ashley and while he doesn’t look pissed off, there’s something in his stare that tells me the way she’s acting in my presence has him thinking. Then as if he feels me watching him, he looks in my direction, gets to his feet and says, “I’m gonna go get those shots.” Since I’m still standing beside the table, I don’t miss his mumbled, “I think I’m gonna need them,” as he walks away.

  “Take a seat, Vagina Man. Now that you and Valerie are here, this little reunion can really get started,” Ashley snipes while staring me down. Vagina Man. She’s only called me that one time since we got together and it’s a clear message that she thinks I’m an asshole again. As much as it’s going to kill me to sit here and listen to her be like this all night, I refuse to take her bait. My goal is to show her how much she means to me, so I’ll take whatever she throws at me.

  “Thanks, Beautiful. You look amazing tonight,” I reply, and mentally high five myself when she appears completely taken aback by my words.

  I start up a conversation with Cole and Gracie about Cooper, hoping that a now silent Ashley joins. She loves our godson so much and I was sure she’d say something, but she sits there looking at her Cosmo in quiet contemplation.

  Tanner ends up rejoining the group a few minutes later with a tray loaded with shot glasses. Before he can even place them on the table, Ash grabs two and downs them one after the other, wincing at the burn I have no doubt they create in her throat. I mustn’t be the only one stunned because Gracie tries to speak to Ash again, “Ash, how about we got to the bathroom?”

  Ash is having none of that, though, and quickly replies, “No, I’m good, Gracie.” Then she takes yet another shot. Gracie and Cole share a look, before they both turn to me with matching expressions full of concern and empathy. I simply smile back and get ready for what I’m sure is going to be an interesting albeit excruciating night.

  A few hours have passed and Ashley hasn’t stopped drinking. I’ve never seen the girl drink this much in all the time I’ve known her and the fact that she’s downing shot after shot rather than her usual Cosmo is a little concerning. Charlie and Gracie have both been trying to get her to stop, but since the volume of liquor really hasn’t hit her yet, she’s just waving them off that she’s fine
and having fun.

  Tanner’s had a few shots with her, but swapped to water a while ago. He hasn’t said much all night and he’s been keeping a watchful eye on Ash, which makes me think that he can’t be too bad. Maybe if he wasn’t trying to steal the woman I love, we could’ve been friends.

  Although she may seem okay, Ashley’s tongue has certainly loosened up with each shot, because her comments are becoming progressively harsher and harsher. Valerie got up and left the table a little while ago when Ashley called her ‘Nurse Barbie’ and told her not to expect anything out of me because I was incapable of caring about others and she was just another piece of ass.

  I felt bad for Valerie but I wondered if Ashley’s words were just alcohol-fueled shit or whether she did actually believe some of what she said.

  “Where did Vagina go?” Ash asks rather loudly.

  “Her name’s Valerie,” I reply and instantly regret it.

  Her eyes burn with fury and her lips curve into a small snarl. “Forgive me for getting your girlfriend’s name wrong, Vagina Man.”

  “She’s not my girlfriend, Ashley. She saw me walking in here and followed me. I didn’t invite her to join us,” I tell her.

  She stands up. “Whatever, Vagina Man. What you do has no impact on me anyway. You could screw every girl and guy for that matter, in here and I wouldn’t give a shit. You mean nothing to me.”

  I’m on my feet in an instant and I try. Lord knows I really do try to hold back, but I can’t take it anymore. “You keep telling yourself that, Princess. But if you really didn’t give a shit about me and what I do, then you wouldn’t be acting like the bitch you’ve been all night long.” I point at her and keep going even though Cole says my name. “I’ve tried to get you to talk to me, but you ignore every attempt I make. I left, I’m an asshole. You know it, I know it, and so does everyone else, but you won’t even give me a chance to talk to you, apologize and explain.” I take a breath before saying my final words. “Go ahead and say you don’t care, Ashley, because the way you’re acting tells a whole different story. You want to treat me like shit, go for it, baby, because I’m not going anywhere.”