A Home for my Heart (Matters of the Heart #3)

by Velvet Reed

  I’m woken up the same way I get woken up every day and normally, tiny fingers poking my face don’t bother me. This morning, however, I know without even looking at the alarm clock, I’ve only had about three hours sleep and those tiny fingers aren’t so cute. Argh, need more sleep. My little Ruby has always been one of those kids who gets up at the crack of dawn, and on any other day I’d be okay with that, but it’s New Year’s Day, and we had a very late night.

  When soft little lips kiss my cheek, my mild annoyance at being woken up so early dissipates, and I open one eye to find a mass of wild auburn red curls and a cheeky smile bearing down on me. There’s no stopping the smile that spreads across my face because Rubes is my princess, and I’d be absolutely lost without her.

  Moving back so she can sit on her bottom, she places her favorite doll in her lap before signing Good Morning, Daddy, to me. Her signing has become much more fluent over the last six months, and I immediately sign the greeting back, changing the daddy part to princess.

  Rubes is perfect just the way she is, and I love her more than life itself, but that doesn’t stop me from having wistful moments of thought where I wonder what it would be like to actually hear her voice. Do parents with children who can speak and hear ever stop and appreciate that their children have those seemingly normal abilities?

  This is our normal, though, and it just makes Ruby all the more special for it.

  I ask her if she had fun at her Aunt Gracie’s party last night, which results in quite a long recap of how she played with Nate and how much she wishes Cooper could walk and play with her. It still amazes me the way Nate treats Rubes. Always playing and spending time with her, helping her with her signing and just being a great friend. But then again, his nature is exactly like his big sister, and amazing isn’t even the right word to describe Allison.

  Rubes continues signing about the streamers, balloons and the pretty party hats. The decorations at the party were in abundance, that’s for sure. After a few more minutes of signing back and forth, she tells me she’s going to watch cartoons and proceeds to crawl across my bed, then hops down, waves to me and scurries out of my bedroom. I listen to her little sock-clad feet as they pad down the hall, then stop just before the music from a popular kids show filters from the living room. The noise only lasts a second before it’s muted, something my dad taught her early on.

  Settling back into my pillow, I let my mind drift back to thoughts of Allison. The dark fitted jeans she wore last night had done spectacular things to her ass while the white sweater that dipped low in front gave me tantalizing glimpses of her supple breasts all night long. It was damn hard trying to hide the effect she had on me, and I actually had to walk away and compose myself a few times to prevent embarrassment.

  I was so close to getting a New Year’s kiss. So close. Our eyes were locked, I was moving in, and then, with only an inch separating our lips, Nate came barreling over and popped the bubble we were in. Hence no New Year’s kiss for me.

  It’s not like we haven’t kissed before, though, because we have. On several occasions. Our relationship has been teetering on the edge of friendship and something more for a while now, and I, for one, think it’s time to step over the line to the more.

  There’s nothing about Allison that I don’t like. She’s intelligent and hardworking. She has a great laugh, with quite a quirky sense of humor, and she’s also the most caring and selfless person I’ve ever met. The way she looks after Nate, taking on just as much responsibility as her mother, is incredible.

  When her mom lost her job over six months ago, Allison had them move in with her and started working extra shifts to help support them. Thankfully, her mom found a new job after we got back from Hawaii, and Allison could cut back from running herself ragged. I made the suggestion that I could help out financially so she didn’t have to work so much, but she refused. Her pride and immense love for her family didn’t allow her to accept my offer. A big part of her appeal is that her commitment to those she loves mirrors mine.

  She adores Ruby, too. They get along like a house on fire and my little girl feels exactly the same way about her ‘Allie’. Knowing sign language and the fact that my family love her and Nate just makes the situation even more perfect. And it also doesn’t hurt that she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life. Yep, we definitely need to leave the friend zone far, far behind.

  Sighing, I glance over at the clock and see it’s seven am. If I keep laying here thinking about Allison, I’m gonna get myself worked up, and then I’ll have to take care of business myself. I really don’t think a cold shower and hand job sets a good tone for the New Year. So I throw back my blankets and climb out of bed, ready to start the day.

  After using the bathroom, I make my way to the kitchen and start making coffee. I’ll be requiring more than one cup this morning, that’s for sure. I get out Ruby’s usual cereal, then go and get her from the living room, where she’s curled up on the couch.

  We’ve only taken a few bites of our breakfast when Dad makes an appearance.

  “Morning, son.” he says, walking straight to Rubes and kissing her on the head. Ruby gives him a beaming smile and signs, ‘Hi, Poppy.’

  “Morning. Coffee’s ready,” I reply.

  “Thanks,” he mutters and makes a cup before sitting down at the table with us. “Thought you should know that Allie and young Nate will be here at ten. Thought we could all go over to John and Olivia’s together.”

  My head snaps to him in shock. “Why would you do that?”

  He stares at me a second and shakes his head. “You’re my son, and I’m proud of the man you’ve become, Charlie, but when it comes to that girl, I just don’t understand your thinking.”

  “I…” I start, but he cuts me off.

  “I told you back on Ruby’s birthday to get your act together and you’ve still done nothing. I’m not sure what the hell you’re waiting for. It’s damn obvious to me that Allie means something to you, and a blind man could see you mean something to her. Now, if I have to keep throwing you two together until you damn well make your move, then I will,” he says.

  “Jesus, Dad. I don’t need you trying to organize my love life,” I snap, causing him to raise his eyebrows.

  “If you don’t need my help, then why aren’t you two together?” he asks.

  It’s what I’ve been thinking about not only this morning but for a while now. Looking down at the last of my coffee I decide to tell him the truth.

  “I do want to be with Allison,” I admit. “I’ve wanted her for a long time now, but to be honest, I’ve hesitated because she’s become one of my best friends. There’s also the fact that she’s so close to Gracie and Ashley, and that you and Rubes adore her, too. What if it doesn’t work out? It will just make it awkward for everyone.”

  “What if it does?” he rebukes.

  “Huh?” I retort dumbly.

  “What if it does work out? What if Allie is the one you’re meant to be with for the rest of your life, son? Are you willing to sit back and never find out?”

  If it worked out, I’d be the happiest man alive.

  I can still remember how my parents were together. How much they loved each other. I also remember how much pain my dad was in when Mom died. Was it worth it? “Dad, if you knew how things were going to work out with Mom, would you have done things differently?”

  He seems a little stunned by my question at first, but then answers, “I had fourteen years with your mom before the cancer took her away. They were the best damn years of my life. I loved that woman with everything I had and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss her like crazy.” He stops for a second, his eyes closed. “There’s not a thing I would have done differently because I’d rather have those fourteen years of beautiful memories than have nothing at all.”

  When he opens his eyes again they’re glassy with unshed tears. “Don’t live your life on what if’s, Charlie. If you want Allison, then make h
er yours. You have no idea what tomorrow will bring and the absolute worst thing you could do is end up years from now living with regret over the one you let get away.”

  I stay quiet while contemplating his words. I told myself in bed earlier that it was time Allison and I moved out of the friend zone, but now, after listening to my dad who lost the love of his life and still has no regrets, well, he’s just helped me solidify my decision.

  Glancing over at my baby girl, who has sat contently eating her cereal throughout this entire conversation, I know having Allison in both of our lives is exactly what we need. Turning back to my father, the person I admire most, I ask, “So do you think you can come up with some excuse to take Rubes and Nate in your car, so Allison and I can talk?”

  The cocky, self-satisfied smirk that appears on his face is something I haven’t seen for a long time. “I think I can come up with something,” he says happily.

  I stand and so does he, though he rounds the table and surprises me by pulling me into a hug. “She’s worth it, Charlie. Just you wait and see.”

  “I know she is,” I reply, hugging him back. I’m just about to pull away when something crashes into our legs and a little arm circles my thigh. Pulling apart, Dad and I both look down to find Ruby joining us in a group hug, her smile so bright and full of love. Ruby will always own my heart, but now it’s time to give part of it to another. It’s time to let Allison know what she means to me.

  At five minutes to ten, Allison and Nate arrive. They haven’t even been inside the door a minute and barely get to say hi before Dad is blurting out some lame excuse about needing special helpers and telling us that he’s taking the kids and meeting us at the Tierney’s. Smooth, Dad, real smooth.

  Allison looks utterly confused by the whirlwind Dad just created. “Okay, that was weird,” she mutters.

  “Yeah, he wasn’t very subtle.”

  Her eyes scrunch and now she looks thoroughly perplexed. “Why would he need to be subtle?”

  I blow out a breath and look her straight in the eye. “That was his way of giving us some time alone, so we can talk.”

  The confusion is replaced quickly with surprise and some obvious concern. “Is everything okay?” she asks hesitantly.

  “Everything’s perfect,” I reply. “Well, at least I hope it will be in about five minutes. Why don’t we go sit down?”

  Allison nods and precedes me into the living room where she sits on the couch, giving me enough room to sit beside her, with my body angled in her direction. “So what’s up?”

  She looks beautiful and I can’t stop myself from staring. Her brown hair is up in a high ponytail and she has minimal makeup on. Not that she needs makeup at all, but her face is fresh and belies the fact that she would have only had a few hours of sleep last night.

  “Charlie?” she says, turning my attention back to the fact that I have things to say.

  A sudden attack of nerves hit me, and I give an awkward laugh. “I feel like a kid who’s about to talk to a girl for the first time.” Her features soften and she rolls the side of her lip between her teeth before it pops back out and it looks like she’s about to say something but doesn’t.

  I can do this. I want her and I’m going to make it happen. I shuffle closer to her so our legs are now touching and take her hand. Just say it, Charlie! “I want more.” Allison’s brows raise at my declaration. What the hell was that? Jesus, say something else. “I… I mean…” Fuck! Now I’m stuttering. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, hoping that I’ll magically be sucked into a black hole and never have to face her again. This was supposed to be easy, and I’ve messed it up in two sentences. What’s wrong with me?

  “Charlie.” Her soft voice floats over me, but I’m so damn embarrassed. “Charlie,” she says again, and this time it’s accompanied by a silky hand on my cheek. I open my eyes and she’s smiling at me, and a fire ignites in my heart because it’s the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. “I want more, too,” she confesses. “I have for a really, really long time.”

  A rush of relief flows through me and I blow out a deep breath that I didn’t realize I was holding in. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” I ask.

  Her eyebrows rise, mocking me. “Why didn’t you?” she counters.

  I shake my head. “You mean a lot to me, Allison. You mean a lot to Ruby and Gracie and everyone else, too. I just didn’t want to risk messing anything up.”

  Her fingers skim across my cheek and I lean my face into her touch. “I guess we thought the same. I don’t want to lose what we have, but I can’t pretend anymore that I don’t have strong feelings for you, Charlie. It’s killing me being around you so much and pretending we’re only friends.”

  “Me, too. So how about we stop pretending? We both want to be together, so as of this moment we are… exclusive,” I say, because it’s not that I think she has other guys hanging around, and I certainly don’t have other woman, but because I want her to know I’m in this completely.

  “We’re together. Exclusive,” she repeats, her face glowing with happiness, and I know I have the most ridiculous smile on mine as well.

  “So I think we need to seal the deal with a kiss. I mean, you know for luck and all and to welcome in the New Year since we didn’t get one last night,” I cheekily tell her.

  “I think that’s a great idea.”

  The second those words leave her mouth, I’m leaning forward and covering it with mine. Slow at first, our lips just touching and moving together as if introducing themselves. When Allison’s tongue slides out and traces the seam of my lips, I’m a little shocked at her making the move to deepen the kiss, but open willingly and then plunder her mouth, claiming it as mine. As our tongues tangle and our hands start to explore, we both let out little moans of pleasure.

  Her taste is addictive, and I don’t want to stop. Knowing that I can now kiss her and be with her any time I want is truly a heady feeling. Not to mention the anticipation of actually having sex with her, hopefully soon. I’ve waited and wanted this for so long, I’m almost giddy with excitement that it’s actually happening. I sound like a damn girl.

  I know when my pants start becoming tighter that it’s time to slow down. I’d love to keep going, but we do have a barbeque to go to, after all, and honestly, I can’t wait for everyone to see that Allison is now mine.

  I break our steamy kiss, but give her soft little ones as our heavy breathing begins to calm to a more regular rhythm. “We’ve got somewhere to be,” I say between kisses.

  “I know,” she sighs.

  Placing one last kiss on her now slightly swollen lips, I stand up and readjust my clothes before helping Allison to her feet. “I’ll just grab my keys and we can go.”

  She nods and I hurry out of the room to the kitchen, double checking that Dad took Ruby’s bag and the beer with him. When I reenter the living room she’s standing there waiting for me, and all I want to do is pull her into my arms and kiss the shit out of her again.

  Holding my hand out for her, she comes to me and places her hand in mine, allowing me to lead us to the front door. The feel of her soft skin against mine is just one of the things about Allison that I’m going to love getting used to. “I’ve got food and stuff in my car to take with us,” she informs me.

  I pull her hand to my lips, kissing it before smiling. “No worries, we’ll just transfer it to my truck. It’ll only take a minute.”

  “Okay,” she smiles back shyly and damn if I don’t want to kiss that mouth of hers again.

  Swinging the door open, I’m about to step outside when I come face to face with the one person I never thought I’d lay eyes on ever again.

  “Hey, Char.”

  I always hated that fucking nickname, but hearing her voice say it again now, after so long, is like listening to nails scrape slowly down a chalkboard. It’s the worst sound in the fucking world.

  Her gaze roams over me and then to Allison standing at my side, our entwined hands catching her
attention. “Looks like you’ve got yourself a friend. Are you going to introduce me?”

  Is this chick for real? I haven’t seen her in nearly four years, and she wants to act like nothing’s happened? Like we’re old friends catching up. I don’t fucking think so.

  Allison tries to gently remove her hand from mine, but I tighten my grip and tug her a little closer. I need her. Need her like the air I breathe. Need her touch to keep me in the now, so I don’t rip this bitch’s head off. Who the fuck does she think she is?

  “Cat got your tongue, Char? Aren’t you even going to wish me a Happy New Year?”

  That does it!

  I take a menacing step forward, and she takes a small step back. “What the fuck do you want, Nikki?” I shout.

  Her eyes widen at the venom in my voice and I don’t mistake the flash of fear. I couldn’t give two fucks if I’m scaring her. The bitch has some nerve showing up on my doorstep.

  “Charlie,” Allison’s soft tone along with the hand she places on my bicep urging me back has me turning my attention to her. The anxious look on her face instantly calms me a little, that is until I hear Nikki speak again.

  “I want Ruby. I want my daughter.”

  My head snaps back around and as I stare at the woman who abandoned me, abandoned my daughter, anger like I’ve never felt before consumes me. My blood pressure rises as rage fires through my veins. My heart’s jackhammering in my chest and my nostrils flare as I take in a long, deep, loud breath. Then I yell the only words that come to mind.

  “Hell, no! Over my fucking dead body!”

  To my wonderful husband Dean,

  We’ve had a hell of a year, but if there’s one thing I know to be true, it’s that the only home for my heart is with you. I love you more than I ever dreamed it was possible to love someone.

  To my three beautiful children, Abbey, Declan and Riley,

  You three are my greatest achievement. I’m so proud to be your mummy, and I love you so very, very much. I promise to support every dream and goal you have, because that’s what you have done for me, both as a mummy and an author.