Fall From Love

by Heather London

  As I’m still standing there, watching him, I study his expression a little more carefully. It takes me a moment to realize it, but I finally see that he’s uncomfortable… or maybe it’s annoyed. I don’t know him very well, so it’s hard for me to read the exact expression his face is making. All I know is that he doesn’t look happy or interested.

  Shifting in his seat, he anxiously starts to glance around the small coffee shop. When his eyes find mine, a look of relief appears on his face and a smile breaks across his lips. He sits up a little straighter in his chair and, without even having to try too hard, a small smile tugs at my lips, too. I make my way over to him and it doesn’t take the woman long to follow his gaze, assessing me as I approach the table.

  “Hey, Carter,” I say, taking a seat across from him.

  “Hey.” He’s still smiling. I notice that his grin is getting bigger and bigger by the second.

  “What can I get for you?”

  I look up and see that it isn’t just some random girl leaning over and flirting with him, it’s the waitress. “I’ll have a cappuccino, thank you.”

  “One coffee and one cappuccino, coming right up.” She glances back over to Carter, winks, and then smiles again before walking off. Unable to stop myself, I smile—mostly at how hard the poor waitress is trying and how disinterested Carter seems to be. Poor girl.

  “Wow, thanks,” he says, relaxing back in his chair. “You saved me just now. I thought I was actually going to have to ask her to get off the table. A few more seconds and I’m scared she would’ve mauled me or something.”

  I chuckle and purse my lips, trying to hide my smile. “Sorry, that’s rude,” I say, shaking my head.

  “What? To smile?” He looks at me with confusion.

  “No, it’s rude to laugh at someone.”

  “Ah… I see. So you’re laughing at me?” A tiny smirk appears on his face. “Here I was thinking that you were laughing with me.”

  Unable to stop it, my smile comes out again. “It was pretty sad to watch. You looked like you were in pain and the poor girl was only talking to you.”

  “Sometimes girls try too hard to flirt and it makes things awkward. She’s just a freshman so I guess there’s a reason she’s so bad at it. Maybe I should’ve been more of a gentleman and given her some pointers or something.”

  I can’t help being thankful to the flirty waitress, she helps ease the awkwardness between us that I feared was inevitable. My mind had been spinning at what I was going to say to him when I first saw him. The silence that’s between us right now is what I’ve been dreading.

  Suddenly, my body feels warm and I realize that my scarf is still wrapped tightly around my neck. It’s only mid-September, but the weather has already started to turn chilly. I yank the scarf off and shove it in my purse. The flirty waitress returns, setting our drinks down in front of us and my hands immediately cling to the warm cup.

  “So, how are your classes so far?” he asks when she walks off.

  The cliché questions are also something I dreaded.

  I shrug as I take a sip of my cappuccino. “So far, so good. I’m finally starting to settle into a routine now. It always takes a few weeks, you know?”

  He nods. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

  “What’s your major?” I ask, licking the foam that I can feel lingering on my lips.

  “Engineering. You?”

  “Journalism.”

  “Really? Do you have Dr. Langford?”

  It surprises me that he actually knows my professor by name, especially since he’s not a Journalism major. “Yeah, how did you know that?”

  He shakes his head as if it’s no big deal. “He’s just an old family friend. He and my dad were college roommates. I hear he gives some killer tests, though... or that’s his reputation at least.”

  “Yeah,” I sigh and my stomach turns. “I’ve heard that, too.”

  “Maybe I can put in a good word for you.”

  “No,” I shake my head and force out a laugh. “Please don’t. I would prefer to blend in as much as possible. No need to draw unwanted attention. The first test is next week, so I’ll be able to tell you if the rumor is true or not.” I swallow hard and take another sip of my cappuccino, knowing that another bad grade will send my GPA even farther down the tubes. Last semester, with what happened with Adam, my grades suffered terribly. I should’ve failed most of my classes, but I think the pity from my professors is what saved me.

  “So what are your plans this weekend?” I ask, hoping to change the subject.

  “Probably just studying or something,” he says. “You?”

  “I’m going to take Jenna out... it’s been awhile since we’ve done anything with just the two of us.”

  He nods and relaxes more into his chair. “That’s cool. I hear there’s a new club or something on Main Street.”

  “Yeah, I heard some girls in class talking about it, too, but I’ve got something different in mind. Something a little more exciting.”

  “Really?” He seems intrigued.

  I smile. “We’ll see. She may hurt me when I tell her what we’re doing.”

  He eyes me suspiciously. “This is supposed to be a nice thing, right? Why would she hurt you?”

  I fumble with the napkin in front of me, not able to meet his eyes, and not able to wash the smile off my face. “If I tell you, you’ll have to promise to keep it to yourself and especially don’t tell Josh. I don’t want to give her too much of a head start in strangling me.”

  He raises an eyebrow. “I’m really confused now, but definitely intrigued. You don’t have to worry; I’m good at keeping secrets.” He leans forward across the table and his face comes within a few inches of mine. Slowly, I lean away from him, feeling my whole body break out in a small sweat. From the look in his eyes, it’s clear he notices my retreat.

  “Skydiving,” I tell him, my voice barely above a whisper. “We’re going skydiving on Saturday. Or at least, I’ve made us an appointment.”

  A smile tugs at his lips as he leans back in his chair. “Wow, and she doesn’t know? I’d pay money to see the look on her face when you tell her.”

  “Yeah, it’s actually something I’ve always wanted to do. She may not be too thrilled with it at first, but I know she’ll love it.”

  When I glance back up, I see him looking at me, like he’s analyzing every feature on my face. I shift around in my seat, feeling uncomfortable with his gaze. He clears his throat and finally looks away.

  My eyes look away, too, and I find myself staring at our two empty coffee cups.

  “Well, I should probably get back to campus.” I give him a polite smile. “It was really nice to see you again, Carter. Jenna seems really happy with Josh and I think it would be great if we could all be friends.”

  “Friends would be great,” he says and I can’t help noticing his face relax a bit.

  I make it back to my car and glance to my left, seeing Carter giving me a small wave before he pulls away. My eyes follow his car until it’s gone, out of sight, and I exhale the breath I didn’t know I’d been holding.

  Chapter Six

  We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets.

  ~ Marilyn Monroe

  CARTER

  I’m lying in bed, staring at the shadows bouncing across my ceiling. The wind is howling through the trees and I grab my pillow to press it over my head, hoping to drown the high-pitched sound. That sound never used to bother me, but now, unwelcome memories come along with it.

  “Hey, is everything okay?” Paul asked me as I walked up to the station headquarters.

  “Yeah, everything is just great,” I answered, not intending to sound so bitter.

  “Hey, we heard about your dad, man. I’m really sorry; that’s gotta be tough on you and your family. You should be with them right now, not here. I’ve already found someone to replace you for this rescue.”

  “What’s the call?” I as
ked, ignoring his previous comment.

  “A hiker is stuck up on the ridge. He fell about twenty-feet and injured his right leg. It should be a pretty easy rescue, so I think you should just head home.”

  I shook my head. “I want to be here. I need to be here. Being at home right now is... it just sucks, alright?”

  Paul swallowed hard. “Alright, man, if that’s what you need. Adam just finished his training and since this will be his first rescue, it wouldn’t hurt to have you up there looking out for him.”

  I glanced over and saw a guy walking over to us. He had a sparkle in his eye and I could tell that he was anxious to get up the mountain. I could remember what it felt like to be on your first rescue; the anxiety and adrenaline coursing through your veins... there’s nothing else like it.

  “Hey, I’m Adam.” He held his hand out and I reached out to grab it.

  “Carter. Nice to meet you, man.”

  Paul slapped Adam on the back before walking off, telling him, “Just stick close to Carter; he’s the best guy out here.”

  The hike up to the ridge wasn’t too bad. The weather was cooperating, for the most part, and by the time we got to the top, we were ahead of schedule. It wasn’t until we were securing the patient’s leg in a brace and getting him ready to descend that the weather had taken a turn for the worse. A strong gust of wind came out of nowhere and nearly knocked me over.

  “Shit,” I said, looking over at Paul. “We need to get down before it gets any worse up here.”

  “Yeah, I think we’re good to start heading back down. Jake and I can handle carrying down the patient. You and Adam lead the way, we’ll be just a few minutes behind you. I’ll radio you if we have any issues.”

  “Sounds good.” I looked over at Adam as the rain started coming down. “Are you ready?”

  “Yeah,” he said, nodding.

  We were just a few minutes into our descent when the storm rolled in, full force, making things more complicated for us. The rain was coming down so hard that I had trouble seeing the trail along the steep ridge in front of me. The wind howled and thunder echoed off the mountains surrounding us.

  “We’re gonna take this real slow!” I yelled to Adam behind me.

  My nerves were heightened, knowing, with the storm there was even more room for another accident if we weren’t careful. Just then, a loud thunder clap broke through the air and a surge of wind blew in...

  When I open my eyes, I’m breathing hard, and my body is covered in a thin layer of sweat. I rub my eyes almost to the point of pain, but I want to make sure I’m awake, that the nightmare I was having is over. Blinking hard, I try to focus, seeing my desk lamp still glowing in the corner. I shake my head and swallow hard, trying to get myself under control.

  There’s a faint buzzing noise coming from the living room downstairs, telling me Josh fell asleep on the couch with the T.V. on again. Normally, it annoys the shit outta me when he does that because I have to hear him complain about how much the couch sucks and how his back is sore, but tonight, I’m thankful that he isn’t in the room next to me. In my dream, I was falling and screaming; I’m not sure if those sounds actually made it out into reality.

  I swing my feet off the bed and shuffle my body down the stairs. Leaning over, I click off the T.V. and shake Josh awake, telling him to go to bed. Every light in the house is on and I go around shutting off each one before making my way into the kitchen for a drink. My cell phone is lying on the counter and when I glance down at it to check the time; I see a missed text from Holly. Pressure clamps down on my chest and I strain my eyes open to read the text.

  Holly: Just wanted to say thanks again for the coffee today.

  Damn, it’s one in the morning. She sent the text almost three hours ago. I feel like an ass for not responding to her sooner. Even though I know she’s probably sleeping, I decide to send her a text back anyway.

  Me: You’re welcome. It was good to see you. Maybe we can do it again sometime.

  I click send and then analyze the message I sent her. Maybe we can do it again sometime? That may be the cheesiest fucking line I’ve ever written. It probably would’ve been smart to actually read it before I sent it. I set the phone down and grip the counter. My heart is beating fast and hard, I’m not sure if it’s rattled from the nightmare or maybe it’s just seeing the message from Holly. My phone beeps and I glance down at it, seeing her name flash across the screen.

  Holly: It was good to see u too. R u up late studying?

  Carter: Not really. Couldn’t sleep.

  Holly: Me either.

  I type in my response, but erase it, only to write it again. I repeat this stupidity about ten times before I actually have the guts to send it.

  Carter: Wanna talk?

  Holly: Sure.

  We’ve been on the phone for a few minutes. I’m sitting on the couch in the garage and freezing my balls off, but since Josh is back up in his room, I don’t want to take the chance to talk in my room and have him hear me. I feel like I’m back at home, hoping my mom doesn’t hear me sneaking around, talking to my high school girlfriend late at night.

  We talk mostly about school, movies, T.V. shows, music—stupid, mind numbing crap—but I’d talk to her about why the sky is blue or if she believes in aliens if it means I get to hear her voice. I know I’m playing a dangerous game. I know that it’s probably not healthy for me to be thinking this way about her, but I can’t help it. For some reason, hearing her voice and seeing her face is the only thing that seems to pull me out of the darkness.

  After about an hour, I can’t stand the cold garage anymore and quietly walk back up the stairs to bury myself underneath the covers.

  “So have you told Jenna about skydiving yet?” I ask, shivering even more as my body hits the cold sheets. I’m surprised at how easy she is to talk to. We’ve been on the phone for about an hour and there hasn’t been a single moment of uncomfortable silence between us.

  “No, I was going to tonight, but I chickened out. She was studying earlier and that usually puts her in a grumpy mood.” She pauses for a minute and then laughs. “Come to think of it, she’s usually a grump in the mornings, too, so I may have just screwed myself anyway.” She laughs again and I close my eyes, trying to savor the sound. “So, what about you? Have you made any plans for this weekend, yet?”

  “No, not yet. Josh and I aren’t on call for the rescue team so we’ll probably just hang out around here.” I bite my lower lip and curse to myself. “Sorry, Holly. I didn’t mean to bring it up. It’s late and I’m not thinking straight.” I feel like a complete ass.

  “Don’t worry about it,” she says. “I’m fine. I don’t want people to feel like they have to act differently around me. Believe me; it makes me feel worse when people treat me different. It makes me feel like I’m walking around with a target on my back or something.”

  “Yeah.” I swallow the lump rising in my throat, understanding exactly what she means. “I get that.”

  There’s a long silence between us and, even though I want to find something to say, I can’t think of the words. My mind is still reeling from what I just said and I can’t help feeling like an idiot for bringing it up.

  “Well, I think I should get some sleep,” she says.

  “Yeah, me, too,” I lie, knowing there’s no way I’m going to sleep a fucking wink for the rest of the night.

  “Goodnight, Carter.”

  “Goodnight, Holly.”

  ❧

  “Dude, you look like shit,” Josh says, chewing a mouthful of food as I walk in the kitchen.

  “Yeah, I didn’t sleep well.” I pull a cup from the cabinet and pour myself some coffee.

  “Man, you were talking in your sleep again last night,” he says, totally catching me off guard. “It woke me up a few times.”

  “Yeah, well, you fell asleep on the couch with the T.V. on again,” I counter, hoping to turn the focus off myself. “How would you know if I was talking in my sleep anyway?”


  “After I went back up to my room, I had trouble falling back to sleep and I heard you whispering and mumbling, but I couldn’t understand any of it.”

  He arches his back and moans. “My back is killing me, man. I say we burn that couch. It’s the most uncomfortable thing to sleep on.”

  “Well that’s because it’s not to sleep on, moron. You have a bed for that.”

  He walks over to the sink and rinses his bowl. “Sleeping alone in my bed sucks now. Ever since Jenna and I’ve been together, it’s lonely without her.”

  I shake my head, hoping he doesn’t want to talk to me about his relationship with Jenna. I’m about to slip out of the kitchen, but I don’t make it in time.

  “Man, I’m not sure what it is about that girl, but I’m so whipped.” He turns around and leans up against the counter. “She’s… I don’t know, man. She’s just... freaking awesome.”

  My eyes roam the refrigerator for something quick so I can get out of here before he starts talking in detail. The only thing quick and easy I see is an apple.

  “So, I was thinking about inviting Holly and Jenna over for dinner this weekend. Is that cool with you?” He still has the fantasy idea in his head that we’re all going to get along. I know that he’ll never give up so I have no other choice but to agree to it.

  “Sure, man. Whatever.” I shrug and take a large chunk out of the apple. He still doesn’t know about the coffee I had with Holly yesterday, or the late night phone call from last night. The only reason I don’t tell him is because I know he’ll read too much into it.

  “Calm down, dude. Don’t get too excited about it.”

  What Josh doesn’t know, and what I would never tell him, is the second he says anything about inviting Holly and Jenna over, I get excited. My heart starts pounding in my chest just knowing that there is a possibility that I’ll get to see her face this weekend.

  HOLLY

  When I finally drag myself out of bed, I see Jenna standing at the stove and she’s cooking breakfast. I blink hard and wonder if what I’m seeing is real. One, Jenna’s never up before me, and two, she never makes breakfast... ever.