Fall From Love

by Heather London

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask when I feel him staring.

  “I know you pretty fucking well. You know that, right?”

  “Don’t even start giving me shit, man.” I stand up and make my way to the kitchen.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, following me.

  “Tell you what?”

  “You weren’t talking in your sleep last night; you were talking on the phone with Holly, weren’t you?

  “What are you talking about?” I ask and I’m not sure why I’m being so defensive.

  “Don’t be a jackass. You can’t deny it. When I talked to Jenna this morning, she said she heard Holly talking to someone really late last night.”

  “Do I have to tell you everything I do?”

  “Didn’t know it was a secret is all, but I know what you’re trying to do,” he says, standing his ground.

  “Really? And what is that?” I’m curious to know what his peanut-size brain has come up with.

  “You’re trying to stop yourself from feeling the guilt. I know you’re still beating yourself up about what happened that night, but you need to let it go, man. It wasn’t your fault. You and everyone else on the team know that it wasn’t your fault. There’s nothing you could’ve done to save him. It was an accident, man. A terrible, tragic, fucking accident.”

  “Why would you even bring that up right now?” I glare at him, and then look around to find something to chuck at him.

  “I told you, man. I know you. I know you feel some sort of guilt for the shit Holly’s been through, too.”

  “Dude, I’m fine.” I whirl around to face him again. “I just want me and Holly to be friends—for all of us to be friends. It would be nice if she didn’t want to run every time she saw me... especially now that you and her best friend are fuck buddies.”

  He punches me in the arm. “Hey, don’t be disrespectful and don’t be an asshole… and most of all, don’t be a douche and act all weird around Holly tonight, either. Jenna says she’s doing a lot better and trying to get her life back together. So just act normal tonight.” He aims a pointed look at me like I’m an idiot and can’t understand the words that just came out of his mouth. That’s when I realize I just can’t take it anymore; I just want to get the hell out of here. The memories from that night begin to rush back to me and I can’t take it.

  “Whatever, man, I’m going for a run.”

  I push past him and walk out of the kitchen, feeling like crap. If he knew me so well, then he would know that the accident is all I think about and bringing it up is not the right thing to do. That night plays over and over in my head constantly. Every time I close my eyes to sleep at night, I see images from that night... the same images I see when I look at myself in the mirror each morning.

  It takes me only a matter of minutes to change and then I’m taking my anger out on the pavement. My run starts out as a slow jog, but the more I think about that night and all the other people that have disappeared from my life in the past few years, the more I push my legs to move as fast as they will go. I’m hoping the pain and guilt I’m feeling in my chest will vanish with each step I take. I push myself harder and with every breathe I take the air burns in my chest, rises up and enters my throat. I run until my lungs are on fire and I can hardly catch my breath. Finally, when I’ve had enough punishment, I hunch over and gasp for air, feeling lucky that I’m here and I can still breathe. It’s hard to forget how close it came to having two deaths that night and not just one.

  ❧

  I’m down in the kitchen chopping vegetables for some new pasta dish Josh is making. Even though the shit he said earlier today—about not acting like a douche—still pisses me off, deep down, I know he’s right. I’m sure Holly is trying her best to get on with her life and I don’t want to make things uncomfortable for her. I can’t help it, though; just seeing her brings me back to the night I had to tell her everything at the hospital. The way she cried and screamed, it was if she reached into my chest and ripped my heart out with her bare hands. Maybe that’s why it helps so much to see her happy, to see her smile, and to know that she’s doing okay.

  The front door opens and two female voices float into the kitchen. Josh gets that stupid, big grin on his face and aims a pointed look in my direction. “Remember, don’t be a douche and don’t let the bread burn.” He wipes his hands on a dish towel and practically runs to the front door to meet them. I shake my head and keep chopping.

  A few seconds later Holly walks in and I look over at her.

  “Hey,” I say.

  “Hi, Carter.” She smiles—a real smile—and hangs her purse over the back of the chair next to me. “Josh said that he had something to show Jenna real quick. Can I help you with something?”

  Yeah, I’m sure he has something to show her… and I’m sure it’ll be a quickie.

  “I can help you chop,” she continues, eyeing the vegetables in front of me. It takes me a second to realize that she’s staring at me, awaiting my reply. I’m not sure why I’m staring at her, but I swear that there’s something different about her today. She looks as hot as always, yet I swear she’s glowing or something. She has the biggest smile on her face and I can’t tear my eyes away from it.

  “Uh, no, I’m almost done.” I force my eyes to look away. “Can I get you a drink or something?”

  “Sure, a drink would be great.”

  “It’s pretty much beer, water or milk,” I offer, pushing out of my chair and standing up.

  “Beer is good.” She nods.

  She follows me down the hall and into the garage.

  “So, how was skydiving?” I ask her.

  “It was…” she pauses for a second, searching for the right word, and I find myself staring at her, waiting for her response. “Un-freakin-believable,” she finally decides.

  I laugh at her made up word. “Cool. I guess Jenna didn’t have a meltdown after all?” I ask, handing her a beer.

  “Yeah, she wasn’t too happy about it at first, but I think she may have enjoyed it more than I did.” She smiles so big it causes her eyes to crease. It’s the largest smile I’ve seen from her and it almost takes my breath away. Then her smile fades and she scrunches her nose. “It smells like something’s burning.”

  “Shit.” I run past her and down the hall. When I open the oven, smoke escapes and I can see that the bread is torched.

  HOLLY

  Jenna and I help clear the table when we finish with dinner.

  “The food was awesome; where did you guys learn to cook like this?” I ask, piling the plates neatly and sitting them next to the sink.

  “I’m not the cook.” Carter laughs. “Betty Crocker over there is the chef. I’m just his assistant, helping him out with whatever he tells me to do.”

  “That’s right,” Josh agrees. “And it would’ve been even better if you listened and hadn’t burnt the bread, dumbass.”

  Carter laughs and shakes his head, holding out his hands to take the second round of dishes I have in my hand. “Here, let me take those.”

  “No, you guys cooked; Holly and I will clean.” Jenna approaches the sink and looks over at me.

  “Yeah, it’s only fair,” I agree.

  “Hey, no arguments here. I love to cook, but cleaning sucks,” Josh says, leaning back in his chair. “Well, what do you two ladies want to do for the rest of the evening? We could go to Sterling’s? I hear that they have a pretty good band tonight?”

  “Yeah, speaking of Sterling’s,” Jenna begins and I glance at her, giving her my best pleading look, hoping she won’t say what I think she’s about to. “We could go and Holly over here could keep her end of a deal.”

  My stomach twists and I glare over at her.

  “What deal?” Carter asks.

  “Oh, Holly and I made a deal today. I, being the bestest best friend in history would agree to jump out of a perfectly good airplane, if she would sing at open mic night again at Sterling’s.”

&n
bsp; “We agreed before senior year ends,” I say through gritted teeth. “Plus, it’s not open mic night tonight. It’s battle of the bands.”

  “Oh, whatever. I’m sure Joe would make an exception for you.”

  I shake my head and scrub the pan I’m holding even harder. “Not tonight.”

  “Oh, yeah, that’s right; you have to finish writing the song first.” She nudges me and gives me a smile. I want to be mad at her, but I can’t. I want to tell her to drop it, but I won’t. This is how she would’ve treated me a few months ago and it’s me that asked her to be normal. This playful banter between us, this is our normal.

  “Damn, you sing and write your own shit, too?” Josh asks, slamming his hand down on the table, bringing the attention back to him, which I’m thankful for.

  I can’t help laughing at how he just described my songwriting as shit. “Yeah,” I answer. “I’m trying, but we’ll see how it goes.”

  Jenna rolls her eyes at me. “Whatever, Holly is being way too modest. She’s a brilliant songwriter and has an awesome voice to match. You guys should totally come when she does sing.”

  This time I don’t even try to hide it; I aim a pointed glare right at her.

  ❧

  After all the dishes are clean and dry, we pile on the couch.

  “Okay, so coin toss to see who gets to pick the movie,” Josh says, flipping a coin up in the air and catching it.

  Jenna sighs and sinks back into the couch even farther. “I think you should let the girls choose, it’s the gentlemanly thing to do.”

  “Yeah, well, you know that’s not happening. How about I’ll let you call it?” Josh counters. “What’s it gonna be? Heads or tails?”

  “I think you should let Holly and I choose,” Carter speaks up and I turn to look at him. “It’s not like the two of you will be watching it anyways.”

  Jenna playfully glares over at him and I look over to her with a questioning expression.

  “Heads or tails?” Josh asks again.

  “Tails!” Jenna yells out and Josh flips the coin up in the air.

  He catches it and slaps it down on the back of his hand. Smiling, he looks to Jenna and I laugh at the fallen expression on her face. “Sorry, babe, Zombie Apocalypse it is. I guess the chick flick will just have to wait for another night.”

  Josh puts the movie in and hops onto the couch next to Jenna. Adjusting the pillow behind me, I glance over to the recliner beside the couch and find Carter watching me. I smile politely and then focus my attention on the T.V. in front of me.

  It’s not even thirty minutes into the movie before Josh and Jenna are making out on the couch beside me. Carter’s in the chair to my right, so I’m sandwiched in between him and two sex crazed people. Awkward and uncomfortable doesn’t seem to do the situation justice or explain how bad I am going to kick Jenna’s ass for this later. Thirty more minutes go by and I reluctantly glance to my left to see that Josh and Jenna are still at it.

  How obvious would it be if I just got up, walked out the door and drove away? I wonder. Reaching my eyes to the right, I see Carter playing with his phone.

  As I’m contemplating my exit plan, my phone chimes and I lean over to get it, hoping—no praying—that it’s a message stating that zombies are invading Colorado and we all have to evacuate. Even though it’s not the state of emergency I was hoping for, the name that pops up on my screen still surprises me.

  Carter: Want to get out of here?

  I smile and glance over at him. He’s smiling, but still looking down at his phone, and not meeting my gaze. Before I even have a chance to respond, my phone chimes again.

  Carter: Or are you enjoying the make out session beside you?

  Glancing over at him, I shake my head and purse my lips. Carter stands and jerks his head towards the kitchen, signaling me to follow his lead. We walk down the hall that eventually empties into the garage.

  “Thanks for bailing me out,” I say when he closes the door behind me.

  “Well, I know that once they get started, especially during a movie, they don’t stop.” He laughs.

  I can’t help but laugh, too. “So you’ve had to witness this for the last few months?”

  “Oh, yeah, that’s PG compared to some other things I’ve seen.” He shakes his head as if trying to empty the memories from his head.

  “Oh, wow, I had no idea. Maybe they’ll start splitting up the time between you’re place and our place, and give you a break.”

  “Watch it.” He smiles. “Be careful what you wish for.” He walks over to the pool table, takes a ball out of the pocket and tosses it up in the air. “It’s cool, though. I haven’t seen Josh this happy in a long time… maybe ever, so I’ll deal with it. Tonight was some big plan for us all to hang out and get to know each other better. I think he’s tired of his girlfriend and best friend not getting along.”

  “Don’t let Jenna get to you.” I take a few steps closer to the pool table and then lean against it. “She’s really a nice person when you get to know her. It’s just that she’s—”

  “Protective,” he says, interrupting me. “I know and I get it.”

  “It’s more than that, though. She’s loyal and can be really sweet when she wants to be. You just have to get to know her.”

  “That’s the plan.” He tilts his head and shoves the ball across the table. It bounces off the corner and comes to a rest on the other side of the table, near me.

  “She put up with a lot from me this past summer.” I shiver involuntarily. “Most friends would have given up on me a long time ago… but she… even at my worst, she was still there for me.”

  His face softens and he swallows hard. Crossing his arms across his chest, he rests his left hip against the pool table and stares at me, his eyes unwavering.

  “Aren’t you cold?” I ask to fill the silence. It isn’t too strange of a question; he really could have been cold. The temperature in the garage can’t be much warmer than outside. He’s only wearing a t-shirt. I, at least, have a sweater on.

  “Nah, it’s not too bad. You?”

  “No, I’m okay.” I shrug. “We don’t have to stay out here if you don’t want to. The movie’s probably almost over anyway... and I’m sure the make out session will end, too... hopefully.”

  “We can go in, if that’s what you want.” His gaze never leaves mine and I can’t figure out what it is about his eyes. They’re not only tired looking, but lost and sad, too. We hold our stare for a long minute before the door swings open.

  “There you are,” Jenna says, smiling blissfully at me. “The movie is over.”

  “Hey.” I return her smile.

  “That movie was so disgusting. It was pretty uncomfortable to watch, huh?”

  I choke out a laugh, but try to cover it up by clearing my throat. “Yeah, it was uncomfortable to watch, all right.”

  Carter and I exchange a smile and then follow Jenna back inside.

  It’s clear when we get back to the living room that Jenna and Josh want to finish what they started. Jenna pulls me aside and gives me the keys to her car, saying she wants to stay with Josh tonight.

  “She can take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch,” Carter offers and we both turn our heads towards him.

  “I can’t take your bed. I’ll just drive home,” I say.

  “I hadn’t even thought of that,” Jenna says, smiling and glancing over at Carter. “It’s late, Holly. I’ll just worry about you all night. Stay here, please.”

  “I’ll change the sheets for you and everything,” Carter continues.

  “It’s not necessary.” I look over at him. “I’ll sleep on the couch. Just give me a pillow and a blanket, and I’ll be fine.”

  Josh chuckles. “You say that now, but you’ll be cussing in the morning when you wake up all stiff and sore. That couch sucks.”

  “Just take my bed,” Carter says again.

  “I can’t do that, I would feel bad.”

  “Don’t feel bad. I’m
offering it to you,” Carter says.

  Chapter Eight

  A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

  ~ George Bernard Shaw

  CARTER

  I wake up to something hitting me in the face.

  “What the hell?” I squint out of my right eye.

  “Wake up, dude, it’s almost ten,” Josh says, chunking another orange at my head. I grab my pillow and dodge it just before it makes contact.

  “I’m gonna kick your ass, shithead.” I stretch my legs out and feel a sharp pain shoot up my back reminding me that I slept on the couch last night. That one thought sets off a domino effect, reminding me that I gave my bed to—Holly! My body jerks up into a sitting position and a searing pain runs up my back and into my neck.

  “Sleep well?” Josh laughs and I chuck my pillow at him. “The girls already left. Apparently, Holly said she couldn’t sleep because your bed smelled really bad.”

  “Whatever, dude.” I shake my head and stretch my neck to the right and then back to the left. “Did they really leave?” I ask, rubbing the back of my neck.

  “Yeah, they went home to shower and change. That was nice of you to offer up your bed, by the way. I’m sure you won some brownie points for that one.”

  “I’m not trying to win any brownie points from Holly.” I roll my eyes, not sure why I woke up in such a grumpy mood. Oh yeah, I remember, this couch sucks.

  “I was talking about Jenna. For some reason it’s taking her a while to warm up to you. You do need to get your lazy butt up and get ready, though. We’re leaving here in an hour.” He disappears into the kitchen.

  Damn. Football at the Sigma house today. I totally forgot. “You may have to play without me, man. My back is killing me,” I groan and fall back to the couch.

  His head comes fast around the corner. “You’re not backing out on me, man. Not at the eleventh hour. I need you. The team needs you. If you don’t play, then we’ll have to settle for Brady as quarterback and he can’t throw a ball to hit the side of a barn. You’re not bailing on us.” After he finishes his whining, he disappears into the kitchen again. “Actually, make that forty-five minutes. We’re picking the girls up on the way. I guess, if you want to be a pussy and back out, I’ll just show up with two hotties; one on each arm.”