The Road to Damascus (bolo)

by John Ringo

  Simon had been duty-bound to file reports with Sector Command, but the likelihood that Sector would interfere was as remote as the likelihood that POPPA would voluntarily relinquish its increasingly strong grip. Sector had more serious fish to fry. The war front had shifted away from Jefferson, but only because there were no longer any human worlds beyond the Void in need of protection.

  That there were no Deng worlds nearby, either, was of scant comfort. The three-way war had eradicated the populations of some seventeen star systems that were now vacant property. Much of that real estate had been burned to radioactive cinders, something Simon knew entirely too much about, first-hand. The Melconians weren’t taking advantage of the situation, either, apparently because the fighting was so fierce elsewhere, they couldn’t commit the resources necessary to move in with their colonies. Apparently, the Deng were fighting a losing battle just to hang onto their inner worlds.

  Things were grim when one counted blessings in such negative terms.

  That thought brought his gaze back to his computer, where the message he had been expecting had finally appeared. It had taken POPPA’s leadership five and a half years to gain the nerve to take the step represented by that message, but they’d finally put together the same information Simon had about the shifting battle front beyond the Silurian Void. They had acted within hours of the realization that the war was no longer in their back yard.

  Gifre Zeloc’s message was short and to the point: “Deactivate your Bolo. Now.”

  Simon had no choice. That fact rankled bitterly. There was no possible justification he could offer for defying that order. He would not, however, obey it until Kafari had returned home. Sonny was a friend. An uneasy friend, with whom very few people could ever relax, but a friend nonetheless. For Simon, it was different. Shared experience of combat changed a man, changed the way he felt about a battle partner whose guns and war hull stood between his frail human self and the world-shaking roar of modern fields of slaughter. When death set the very wind ablaze, when life hung on the spider-silk thread of electronic reflexes, a man’s fear of his Bolo burned to ash and scattered itself across the stars. What replaced it…

  He was going to miss Sonny more than he had ever dreamed possible.

  “Simon,” the familiar voice jolted him out of his complex misery, “Kafari is on final approach. Her aircar will land at Yalena’s daycare center in two minutes.”

  “Thanks,” he said, voice stricken with emotion that choked the sound down to a whisper.

  “I will only be sleeping,” the Bolo said, his own voice strangely hushed.

  In that single, excruciating moment, Simon wanted to put both arms around his friend and just hang onto him, for a moment or a lifetime. His arms were too small to hold the immensity of his feelings, let alone the vast and poignant honesty that was his friend. His only friend, besides Kafari. He closed his eyes against the pain, wishing for a moment that he could pour out the misery like last night’s bath water, leaving himself empty and at peace.

  “I know,” he managed, inadequately.

  He was still sitting there, eyes closed, when Kafari opened the door, bringing their child home from the Nineveh Base daycare center, which was closing as of next week. Simon was not looking forward to the evening, with its own battles to be fought. To say that he hated Yalena’s daycare center was on a par with saying the Deng were irritating. What that daycare center was doing to Yalena would have constituted criminal abuse on most worlds. What would happen when she started school… Worst of all, there was absolutely nothing he could do about it, short of forcing his wife and child onto the next freighter bound for Vishnu.

  He wasn’t sure he could cope, tonight, with the hellion that his daughter had become. She was already shrieking at her mother.

  “I wanna go back to play with my friends!”

  The scathing emphasis on that final word demonstrated with piercing intensity that Yalena did not place her parents in that category. It appalled Simon that a five-year-old child could condense that much hatred in a single, simple word.

  “You’ll see your friends tomorrow, Yalena.”

  “I wanna see them now!”

  “You can’t have everything you want, Yalena.”

  “Oh, yes I can,” she hissed. “The law says so!”

  That brought Simon out of his chair. “Yalena!”

  She whipped around, rage contorting a face that should have been pretty. “Don’t shout at me! You’re not allowed to shout at me! If you shout at me again, I’ll tell Miss Finch how horrible you are! Then they’ll put you in jail!”

  She ran into her room — the size of which was federally mandated — and slammed the door so hard photographs on the wall jumped on their nails. The bolt-lock — also federally mandated — slammed into place with an audible snap. Kafari burst into tears. Simon didn’t dare move for long, dangerous moments, aware with every atom in his body that if he took a single step in any direction, he wouldn’t be able to contain the violence of his emotions. Or the actions that would follow.

  Doing any of the things he needed to do — kicking down the door, warming Yalena’s backside, shaking sense into her — would only precipitate disaster. And play right into the hands of Vittori Santorini and his minions. They were itching for an excuse to invade Simon’s house and finish destroying his little family. If he laid so much as a finger on his child, the resultant feeding frenzy would culminate in POPPA seizing Yalena to “safeguard” her from violent and dangerous parents and give them grounds to demand that the Concordiat cashier and expel him from Jefferson. It was a measure of his anger — and his dark foreboding about the future — that any excuse for leaving Jefferson was attractive.

  Kafari, voice breaking with misery, said, “She didn’t really mean it, Simon.”

  “Oh, yes, she did.” His voice came out flat and full of sand.

  “She doesn’t understand—”

  “She understands too well,” he bit out. “She understands so much, we’re naked over a barrel and she knows it. And it’s going to get worse. A lot worse.”

  Kafari bit her lower lip. Her glance at Yalena’s bedroom door was full of misery and failure. “If we could just pull her out of daycare…”

  “The only way to do that is to leave.” He didn’t need to add, And you won’t do that. They’d already fought that fight, more than once. His voice came out weary and bitter. “Kafari, you have no idea how much worse things are about to get. I’ve been ordered to shut Sonny down. Without him, I can’t possibly stay on top of what POPPA is planning and they know it. I can only see what they’re doing through his taps into security cameras. I can’t read fast enough to scan the entire datanet, much less track what’s on the computers connected to it. I can’t hear what’s being said through telephones, wireless voice transmissions, or computer microphones, not without Sonny. The minute he goes into inactive standby, I lose all of that.

  “I’m the only check-and-balance still operating on this world and that’s changing, as of today. I can’t interfere unless I have direct evidence of activity that violates the treaty with the Concordiat. I can’t provide evidence if I don’t have the technical ability to look for it.”

  She sat down abruptly, eyes glazed as the shock of it settled in. “You can’t refuse?”

  “No.”

  She lifted a stricken gaze to meet his. “I’m so sorry, Simon. It must be like losing your best friend.”

  Her words took him completely by surprise. Quite suddenly his eyes stung. “Yes,” he said hoarsely. He blinked rapidly a few times. Said in a low voice, “You know I love you more than life, Kafari. But Sonny was with me…”

  “I know,” she said in a whisper, when he couldn’t finish.

  He just nodded. It was impossible to convey what combat was like to anyone who hadn’t been through it. Kafari had. She knew. Understood the reason for his rough silence. She hadn’t been on Etaine; but then he hadn’t been through combat between a Bolo and Yavacs without a B
olo’s warhull between him and the enemy. It was a different way of experiencing war, a different kind of terror, but the damage to the soul was the same. So was the deeper understanding that sometimes, the horror and shock if it were utterly necessary.

  That she realized this, that she understood what it was doing to him, to lose the one companion who knew what had happened on that far-away world, left him humbled. She had chosen to love and live with him. And now… Jaw muscles tightened down against bone. Now they had new problems. New fears. A new kind of battle. And an enemy that twisted reality around to suit its aims and poisoned innocent minds to accomplish them. POPPA was on the verge of shattering everything that was — or had been — good and beautiful about this world. The question that slipped into his mind like silent misery had no answer that Simon could find.

  What are we going to do?

  He was a soldier. An officer. There was only one thing to do. Sometimes, duty was a bitch.

  II

  Yalena hated school.

  She hadn’t wanted to leave the nursery class on Nineveh Base. She had loved playing with other children whose parents were soldiers, too. But there weren’t any soldiers any more, just police who didn’t have children, and she was old enough, at six, to have to go to a real school in Madison.

  “There’ll be all kinds of wonderful things to do and learn,” her mother had told her, the first day.

  Her mother was right. There were wonderful, fun things to do and learn. But only for other kids. Yalena didn’t get to do any of them. And everybody hated her. It had started the first, horrible day, when Mrs. Gould, the kindergarten teacher, called out everybody’s name and made them stand up and tell the class who they were and who their parents were.

  “Yalena Khrustinova,” Mrs. Gould had said, with something in her voice that made Yalena’s flesh creep, like the teacher had said a naughty word or maybe stepped in something smelly.

  She stood up, slowly, while everybody stared. She didn’t know any of the other kids. When the soldiers had left Nineveh Base, they’d all gone home and none of them had lived in Madison. Not this part, anyway. So she stood there, with everybody looking at her, and said in a shaky little voice. “My mommy is Kafari Khrustinova. She works at the spaceport. She makes computers do things. My daddy is Simon Khrustinov. He’s a soldier.”

  “What kind of soldier?” Mrs. Gould asked, staring down at her through narrow little eyes like a lizard’s.

  “He talks to the Bolo. And tells it to shoot its guns.”

  “Did all of you hear that?” the teacher asked. “Yalena’s father is responsible for telling a huge, dangerous machine to shoot people. That machine shot millions and millions of people on a world far away from here. Does anyone know how many people it takes to make a million? There are ten million people on our whole planet. Seventeen million people died, on that other world. To kill seventeen million people, that machine would have to kill every man, every woman, and every baby on Jefferson. And then it would have to kill almost that many more. The Bolo is a terrible, evil machine. And Yalena’s father tells it to kill.”

  “B-but—” she tried to say.

  Mrs. Gould slammed both fists on her desk. “Don’t you dare talk back to me! Sit down this instant! No recess for a week!”

  Yalena sat down. Her knees were shaking. Her eyes were hot.

  Somebody hissed, “Lookit the crybaby!” and the whole class started jeering and laughing at her. That was the first day. Every day since then had been worse. A whole year of horrible, awful, worse days. During class, everything she said was wrong. Even if somebody else said the same thing, somehow it was wrong when she said it. If she tried not to talk at all, Mrs. Gould made her stand in a corner all by herself, for being secretive, dangerous, and sly.

  Every morning, when her mother dropped her off for school, Yalena threw up in the bushes outside. At lunch, nobody would sit near her. At recess… The teachers wouldn’t let anybody actually hurt her, not badly enough to need the school nurse, but she usually came back into class with scraped knees, bruised shins, or mud in her hair. She hated recess more than she hated any other part of school.

  And now it was time to start all over, again. The first day of first grade. And all the same kids who hated her and tripped her and shoved her off the swings and threw mudballs at the back of her head and spilled paint on her favorite clothes…

  The only things that were different were the room and the teacher.

  The room, at least, was nothing like Mrs. Gould’s kindergarten. The walls were a sunny yellow that lifted the spirits, just walking in through the door. There were wonderful pictures everywhere, pictures of places and animals and things Yalena wasn’t even sure had names, let alone what they might be used for. There were other pictures, too, that somebody had painted, rather than photographs of things, and they were all as sunny and cheerful as the yellow walls. It was a room Yalena wanted to love, at first sight, a room that made her want to cry, because she was going to spend a whole year being miserable and alone in it.

  She wanted to sit in the farthest corner in the back, but there were cards folded like tents on each desk, with names on them. Yalena was the first person to arrive, not because she wanted to be there early, but because it would be less awful to sit down in a nearly empty room and watch everyone come in than it would be to arrive in a room full of people who hated her, glaring with every step she took trying to get to her desk. She looked at each desk and finally found her name, in the middle of the room.

  It said Yalena.

  But not Khrustinova. Nobody’s card had a last name on it. There were three Ann name cards, but they didn’t have last names, either, just Ann with a single initial: Ann T., Ann J., and Ann W. That was definitely different from Mrs. Gould’s class, where the boys were “Mr. Timmons” and “Mr. Johansen” and the girls were “Miss Miles” and “Miss Khrustinova,” which always came out sounding like somebody gargling with vinegar.

  There was no sign of a teacher anywhere.

  Puzzled by that strangeness, Yalena made her way to her new desk, carrying her book bag like a magic shield that would guard her until she was forced to put it down to start studying. Classmates she remembered arrived in noisy clusters, laughing and talking about things they had done together over the summer. Yalena had spent the summer on Nineveh Base with her father. It had not had been a fun summer. They had gone to some interesting places, like the museum in Madison and her grandparents’ and great-grandparents’ farm and fishing in lakes up in the mountains, a few times, but she didn’t like the farms very much. They were hot and smelled strange and the animals on them were huge and didn’t like little girls poking at them.

  Nobody from school had called her to ask if she wanted to come over for a pool party or a sleep-over or anything else. So she had stayed in her room, mostly, reading her books and playing on the computer, which didn’t care who your father was or whether your mother was a jomo or any of the other reasons kids found to hate her. It was difficult, watching the others come into the classroom, laughing and having a wonderful time, and harder to watch them give her sneering looks and scoot their chairs as far away from hers as possible.

  She opened her book bag and pretended to read the first-grade primer her father had bought for her, along with all her supplies. She was still pretending when a very pretty woman in the prettiest dress Yalena had ever seen sailed into the classroom, with a smile as bright as sunlight and a scent like the summer roses on her grandmother’s front porch, which was the only spot on the whole farm Yalena thought was pretty.

  “Bon jour, bon jour, ma petites,” she said in a language Yalena had never heard, then she laughed and said in perfectly ordinary words, “Good morning my little ones, how lovely to see everyone!”

  She sat down on the edge of the desk at the front of the room, rather than in the chair or standing over them like somebody’s mean dog. “I am Cadence Peverell, your teacher. I want everyone to call me Cadence. Does anyone know what Cadenc
e means?”

  Nobody did.

  “A ‘cadence’ is a rhythm, like when you clap your hands and sing.” She clapped and sang a little song, also in words that Yalena couldn’t understand, although nobody else seemed to, either. Then Miss Peverell laughed. “That is a French song, of course, with French words, because a long time ago, my ancestors were French, back on Terra where humanity was born. Everyone’s name means something. Did you know that?”

  Yalena certainly didn’t. Other kids were shaking their heads, too.

  “Ah, but you shall see! Douglas,” she said, looking at a boy in the front row, “your name means ‘the boy who lives by the dark stream.’ And Wendell,” she pointed to a long, lanky boy who had spent kindergarten trying to climb over the play-yard fences, “means someone who wanders.”

  Laughter broke out as Wendell grinned.

  “And Frieda,” she addressed a girl in the back row, “means ‘peaceful.’ But you know,” the teacher said with a sound like warm butter and a gentle smile, “there is one name in this classroom that is the loveliest name I have ever heard.”

  Miss Peverell was looking right at Yalena.

  “Do you know what your name means, Yalena?”

  The entire classroom went utterly silent.

  She shook her head, waiting for the teacher to say something horrible.

  “Yalena,” Miss Peverell said, “is a Russian name. It’s the Russian way of saying the name ‘Helen’ and that name means ‘light.’ Beautiful, clear light, like the sun in the sky.”

  The silence continued. Yalena was staring at her teacher, confused and so scared she wanted to start crying. And strangely, the teacher seemed to understand. She slid down off the desk, crouched down at the end of the aisle, and said, “Would you come to see me, Yalena?”

  She was holding out both arms, like she really wanted to give Yalena a hug.