Loving Sofia

by Alina Man

  I check the time and realize I have only a few minutes to spare. I turn the kindle off and go back to my room. I brush my hair and decide to leave it down for a change. After some mascara and lip gloss, I’m ready to go. From my window I see Mark’s car pulling into our driveway, so I grab my jacket and bag, then stop by Mona’s room to let her know I’m leaving. I open the door before Mark gets a chance to ring the bell.

  “Hi, are you ready?” he asks.

  “Sure am.”

  I lock the door behind us and we walk to his car. I’m happy to see that today he’s not driving his truck. That monster is always so hard to get in, and usually he has to help me up. I’m not sure I want to have his hands on me right now. He opens the passenger door for me and helps me with my seatbelt. This is new to me, and I’m wondering what made him actually do that. As he leans closer, I can smell the fresh aftershave and it sends chills all over my body. I find myself inch a little closer and breathe him in. This is not a date, so pull yourself together, I chant in my head. He closes my door, then walks around to the driver’s side. Once inside, he starts the car and we are on our way to the theater.

  “I didn’t pick a movie. I thought I’d let you decide when we get there.” He changes the radio station until he finds something we both like, and I start singing along with Tegan and Sara.

  “So, I’m sure you already heard the news about Mona and Jon.”

  He doesn’t turn, but I can feel him watching me from the corner of his eye.

  “Jonathan was freaking ecstatic when he called me today. I guess it’s just you and me now, kiddo.” He winks and the corners of his mouth go up slightly.

  “She was really happy and he did such a great job picking the perfect ring. She was surprised for a change,” I murmur.

  What in the world is wrong with me? It’s not like this is the first time I’ve been alone with him in the car. I have to find a way to act normal. Well, as normal as I can, before I scare the crap out of him and he leaves my ass to freeze in the middle of nowhere.

  Mark

  Jonathan’s news about his engagement hit me really hard. Every single friend of mine was getting engaged or married; every single one except Birdie and me. I had to find a way to get her to at least go out with me, and I’m not talking as friends. But how? It’s been so long since I asked a girl out on a date. Usually I just meet them at Frank’s or at parties, and those girls don’t need special invitations—if you know what I mean. I can’t remember the last time I went out on an actual date.

  I contemplate getting some flowers before I pick Birdie up, but I decide against it. I have a feeling if I showed up with flowers in hand, I would scare her off before I even had a chance to tell her how I felt. She doesn’t look at this as a date; just two friends spending a Saturday at the movies.

  She opens the door looking beautiful as ever, and after I stare like an idiot for a few seconds, I open my mouth and ask the stupidest question ever: “Hi, are you ready?” Really Einstein? Is she ready? She’s all dressed up waiting at the door with her jacket in hand, so obviously she’s ready. I’m officially an idiot.

  We walk to my car and I open the door for her. Before I can control myself, I lean over and clasp her seatbelt on. All I want is to put my head on her shoulder and call it a day. Let’s just say I was happy I wore a long sweater to cover my increasingly growing need for her, or I would’ve made an ass of myself right there and then.

  I close the door and make my way to the driver’s side. Once inside I try to ignore the pain between my legs, as I put my belt on. My jeans are getting tighter by the minute, cutting my air supply, and I just pray I’m not going to have to walk around with a woody all day. God I feel so pathetic right now.

  Chapter 5.

  Sofia

  Mark is acting weird today or maybe I’m just imagining things. Over the years we’ve spent a lot of time together, and I don’t see why today should feel any different, but for some reason it does. You could cut through the tension in the car. For a moment I wonder if maybe I should just make up some excuse and ask him to take me back home.

  We make it to the local theater in no time and I’m happy to be out in the open air. I try to steady my breathing as he comes next to me and places his hand over the small of my back.

  “Did you check to see what’s playing?” I ask, trying to sound casual. “You know I’m not picky, so we can watch whatever you like.”

  There are a lot of people in line, so Mark gently pushes me in front of him protectively. It feels good to be near him and before long I lean back and rest my head on his chest. Together we look at the list of movies and the starting times and once we decide what to watch, we make our way to the ticket window. I take my wallet out and Mark looks at me questionably.

  “Really Birdie?” That’s all he says, but I know he isn’t going to let me pay my way. He pays for the tickets and as we walk inside, I feel his hand on my lower back. His very presence is enough to drive me crazy, but feeling his hand on me is pure torture.

  “Would you like some popcorn?”

  “I’m good, but you go ahead. I had enough coffee this morning to last me until dinner time.” The nerves in my stomach are enough to make me queasy, so popcorn is not a really good idea for me.

  The theater is small and intimate, and we walk the few steps to get seats all the way in the back. We sit down and Mark places his hand on the back of my chair. He leans all the way back and closes his eyes. I wonder what he’s thinking about. If he only knew what I was thinking …nothing PG, let me tell you.

  I turn to look at his face and my eyes rest on the full lips. What would it feel like kissing him? His eyes open and he catches me staring. The corners of his mouth turn into a smile and before he can say anything, the lights go out and previews are rolling on the screen.

  I try to concentrate on the movie and pretend the need for his touch is no longer there. The two hours are a blur and before long, it’s all over and everyone is hurrying toward the parking lot. Mark grabs hold of my hand and we walk in silence to his car. He opens my door and I put on the seatbelt before he has a chance to. I am afraid that if he gets that close again, I will grab him by the collar of his jacket and have my way with him right there in the parking lot. I am losing my mind slowly but surely, and there is nothing I can do about it.

  “Are you ok?” Mark asks.

  “Yep. I really liked the movie by the way,” I say and you can hear the nervousness in my voice. Did he notice, I wonder? “Listen Mark you don’t have to go to the grocery store with me. You can just drop me off at home, and I’ll take my car.”

  “Sofia, if I didn’t know better, I would think you were trying to get rid of me. I said I will go with you so I’m going. Besides, I’m hoping that if I keep you company you’ll agree to make some of that cherry cake thing you made a few weeks ago.” He smiles one of his dimpled smiles at me and I feel my throat constricting. Oh my God, I’m in trouble. How can I say no to that smile?

  “Ok fine, let’s go and get this over with.” We pick a grocery store that’s close to my place and thankfully it’s not too crowded. Most people go out and have fun on weekends, not grocery shopping. All of the sudden I realize that this is the first time he’s ever gone shopping with me. He has no idea what’s in store for him and that makes me smile.

  “Are you going to share?” he asks.

  “Share what? The groceries?”

  “Very funny, Birdie. What are you smiling about?”

  “Nothing. I just realized this is our first trip to the store together. I hope you are ready for this since I LOVE to take my time.”

  “Bring it on babe. I’ll spend hours in there if it means you’ll cook for me.” His eyes sparkle with excitement and I feel my knees turn to jelly.

  Shopping with him is fun. I could never get Mona to go with me. Honestly, I don’t think you’ll ever catch her in a grocery store. Her idea of shopping involves shoes, clothes, and handbags. That’s about it. After living with h
er for a while, I learned that if I wanted to eat, I had to be the one responsible for stocking the fridge.

  As I took Mark around the store, we looked in every aisle and he never once complained. It felt so natural being with him, as if we were just a regular married couple on our weekly shopping trip. An hour later we loaded everything in the car and headed toward my place. We made small talk about the movie, but mostly enjoyed the music playing on the radio.

  By the time we got home, the weather changed from cold to freezing, and I welcomed the warmth inside the condo.

  Mark places all the bags on top of the kitchen island and together we start putting everything away.

  The kitchen is my favorite room in the house. When Mona and I decided to move in together, we spent weeks trying to find the perfect place for us. It had to be close to work, in a good area, and she wanted to have a pool and a gym. I, on the other hand, had only a very small wish list: to have my own bathroom and a large kitchen with a big island. We couldn’t believe our luck when we found this place. That was before I heard the price they were asking for it. That didn’t deflate Mona in the least. She used her charm, and before I knew it, she was able to lower the price considerably and the lease was signed.

  Once all the groceries were stowed away, I forced Mark to move to the living room to watch some television. I never liked having help in the kitchen and since he knew that, he didn’t argue with me. Once there were no more distractions, I decided to start dinner for the four of us. I took the pork loin out of the fridge, prepared the rosemary and garlic rub, and placed everything in a plastic container to marinate. I was sick of potatoes since the guys always asked for them, so instead I decided to make orzo pasta with vegetables. Before long, everything was chopped and sautéing, the loin was in the oven, and the aroma filled the entire kitchen. I could hear Mona talking to Mark in the living room for a while before she stepped in the kitchen.

  “It smells so good in here. So what are we having tonight?”

  Mona had many talents but cooking was not one of them. Growing up, her family always had a professional chef preparing their meals, so she never got to spend time watching her mom or grandma cook the way I did. I tried to teach her a few things, but she had no desire to learn. As she watched me sauté the mushrooms, bell pepper, and spinach for the pasta, she realized what we were having and got really excited. Orzo pasta was her favorite side dish.

  “Wow Birdie, you really know how to make me happy. This has got to be the best weekend ever.” Her comment makes me laugh.

  “Nothing but the best for you darling,” I say with an over the top English accent. “So tell me, did you guys decide on a date already?”

  “Girl, I’ve only been engaged for a few hours. I’m still trying to digest this whole marriage thing. Besides, we were too busy to talk about anything, if you know what I mean. I still have to call my parents and let them know, although from what I remember, Jon mentioned something about talking to my dad already. Shit I still can’t believe I’m engaged.”

  I drain the pasta and mix it with the veggies and the sundried tomatoes, then turn off the stove. “Don’t remind me. I’m going to miss you like crazy, but I’m so happy for you. I know he will make you happy. No one could ever love you more than he does. Well, I do, but I can’t marry you.”

  “He does, doesn’t he?”

  That’s not even a question. She goes to the fridge and picks up a few bottles of water then we walk out to the living room to join Mark. She hands me a bottle before opening one for herself. We sit in silence and watch the game. I wonder if it will be like this after she gets married. Someone knocks on the door and Mark goes to open it. I can hear Jonathan’s voice and whatever he’s saying makes Mark laugh out loud. They walk back into the living room and Mona jumps up to hug her fiancée. Mark and I congratulate them once again, before I go to check on dinner.

  I pull the meat out of the oven to let it rest, then go to the fridge to take out the makings for salad. Mark comes up behind me and looks over my shoulder to see what I’m doing. He is so close that his breath is blowing soft warm air on my skin. It would be so easy to just turn around and wrap my arms around him. The very thought makes my skin tingle with anticipation. I close my eyes and take a long breath to steady my shaky body.

  “I’m hungry,” his voice sounds strange and makes me wonder if he’s talking about food. He is talking about food right? Maybe we’re just two lonely people and all the fuss about Mona and Jonathan’s engagement is making us have all these strange feelings.

  “Be a good boy and go back to the living room. I’ll let you know when it’s time to eat.”

  He moves back a little, but doesn’t leave the room. “Why don’t you set the table since you’re obviously bored,” I say in hope he will move as far from me as possible.

  “Why don’t I help you with the salad?” he smirks and goes to get a cutting board and a knife.

  “Fine, just make sure you don’t chop your finger in the process.”

  “Birdie, I can cook.”

  He grabs the tomatoes and cucumbers and starts chopping everything with ease. Trying not to watch him, I start preparing the dressing. When he’s done, he takes the plates, silverware, and napkins and places them on the table. Glasses follow and he takes out a bottle of wine from the fridge.

  “Would you pour me a glass?” I surprise both of us with my question. I never drink but I figured I needed something to help me relax. He gives me a questionable look but goes ahead and pours us both a glass.

  “Here’s to Mona and Jon, and to friendship,” I say and take a big gulp of the wine. The cold liquid burns its way down to my stomach and a warm feeling swims through my veins. I don’t know for sure if I like the taste. But after a few more tries, the burning subsides and it’s replaced by a relaxing feeling.

  I place the pasta in a large serving bowl and mix the salad with the dressing, while Mark slices the meat. Everything looks and smells amazing and everyone is ready to eat. Mona and Jon join us, and Mark pours more wine for everyone. The chatter around the table is casual and familiar. They are the closest I ever had to a family and I realize just how much I love all three. I sit back in my chair and just watch them eat and talk. I wish I could bottle up this moment. All the stress from the week melts away and I feel so blessed just for being here with them.

  “Damn Birdie, who’s going to feed me when I move?” Mona closes her eyes and savors the pasta.

  “That’s ok, she’ll still cook for me and I can email you pictures every night.” Mark’s comment makes me wonder. Is he still going to come over once I live alone? Will he still make time for me?

  Once everyone is finished with dinner, the guys offer to clean up and I excuse myself, feigning a headache. Mona wants to follow me, but all it takes is one look to tell her I need some time alone.

  Mark

  The smell coming from the kitchen made my stomach growl with hunger. I loved Sofia’s cooking and couldn’t wait to eat. I walked in the kitchen and leaned over her shoulder pretending an interest on what she was cooking. Her skin always looks so soft and I wondered what it would feel like under my lips.

  I could tell something was bothering her the minute she asked for a glass of wine. In all the years I’ve known her and all the parties we went to, she’s never had a drink. Not even a glass of wine. Something was different about today, so I decided that maybe a glass was just what she needed. I handed her the glass and she surprised us both by taking a big swig. It took half a glass, but eventually she relaxed some.

  During dinner she was not paying attention to what we were saying, and I would’ve given anything to find out what she was thinking. After we ate, Jonathan and I decided to give her a break by cleaning the kitchen and put away the dishes. Sofia excused herself and walked out of the room. I knew better than to follow, but for some unknown reason I just couldn’t let it go. I dried my hands and walked toward her room. She didn’t hear me knock, so I leaned against the door and I could he
ar her soft sobs. She was crying. What the fuck was going on, and why couldn’t she talk to me about it?

  That’s how Mona found me, my ear pressed on the door. “What are you doing here?” she whispered. “Are you crazy? She doesn’t want to talk to anyone, so you better go before she finds you snooping around.”

  “Did you try to talk to her?” I asked. I wondered if maybe Mona knew something already and just didn’t want to share with me.

  “No idea, but I’ll find out. Now scram and take Jonathan with you.” Mona gave me a quick hug and walked slowly into Sofia’s bedroom, closing the door behind her. For a moment before the door closed, Sofia’s eyes met mine and I could all but taste her sadness.

  I found Jonathan waiting for me in the kitchen, keys in hand. “Everything ok?” he asked, his voice full of worry.

  “Everything is fucking peachy. She won’t talk to me, so I have no clue what the hell is going on.”

  “Let’s go get a beer.” We walked out to my car for the short drive to Frank’s. So much shit was going through my head.

  The bar was almost empty and we took a table in the corner. Missy, Frank’s wife, already knew what we were going to order and before we even had a chance to sit, the beers arrived.

  “Thanks Missy. You’re a doll as always. How are the kids?” Jonathan was so good at small talk, so I just grabbed my bottle and took a long swig. I tuned them out as they went on about the kids, engagement, and work and shit. What the hell was I doing here? I should be with Birdie trying to make her feel better.

  As soon as Missy was gone, Jon leaned back in his chair and gave me the “Let’s have it” look. “So dude when the fuck are you going to tell Birdie how you really feel about her?”

  I was shocked as hell. Was everyone aware of how I felt? Everyone but Sofia?