Loving Sofia

by Alina Man

  Mona picked a violet material for my dress, which was strapless and more fitted than I would’ve liked. Looking at myself in the mirror, I feel like all you can see is ass and boobs. I try to stretch the material unsuccessfully. Suddenly I hear footsteps behind me, and I turn to find Mark watching me.

  “You look so beautiful, Birdie.” I am waiting for him to joke around or something, but he just stands there, eyes locked with mine.

  “You too. Are they ready? I never know what to do at these things and I’m afraid I’ll fall on my face in front of everyone.”

  Just as he’s about to answer, Mona’s mom comes in the room letting us know it’s time to get to our places. We walk next to each other, not saying a word. I can hear violins playing in the background and I’m thankful for the noise since my stomach is having its own concert at the moment, making loud growling noises.

  God I hope I can do this. Once inside, Mark walks to the front to sit with the rest of the groomsmen, and I am left to wait for my cue. The room is filled with beautiful crystal, fragrant roses, and different shades of gold everywhere.

  Once we’re all in our assigned places, the music changes and Mona and her dad appear, walking slowly toward us. My God she looks so beautiful. The whole thing, from her walking with her dad, to the really breathtaking dress, is so beautiful that I have to fight back the tears. I glance at Jon and his expression is priceless. You could feel their love for each other in every inch of the room.

  As we are listening to Mona and Jon recite their vows, I can’t help but look over to Mark and find him watching me. We don’t try to look away and in that moment all I can think is that he is the only one I want. And it scares the hell out of me.

  “You may kiss the bride,” the priest says and everyone cheers to the newlyweds. Limo after limo lines up in front of the beautiful cathedral to take us to the reception. As I’m trying to find my way, someone grabs my wrist.

  “Running away?” Mark winks at me.

  “Hardly. Even if I do run now, I’ll still end up at your place tonight,” I smile but it doesn’t reach my eyes. His touch is driving me insane, giving me goosebumps everywhere. Is he not aware of the kind of power he has over me? We both get pushed by the mass of people rushing to get to their rides, so he continues to hold my hand as we make our way outside.

  “I drove so how about I give you a ride?” Is he kidding me? Hell yeah I want a ride. At least I won’t feel stupid arriving all alone at the reception. He opens the passenger door for me, then gets in the car and drives away faster than necessary.

  “Are you in a hurry?” I try to look scared but he knows I am joking.

  “Yeah, I’m hungry.” Here comes that wink and dimple, blue eyes and muscles, and everything in between. Oh, I was hungry too, but for something totally different. Where did all these dirty thoughts come from? I’ll have to blame it on that Fifty Shades book I read last night. Yeah that’s it. After all, I am a good girl and good girls don’t think like this.

  The reception room is exquisite and I can’t help feel a little jealous. Will I ever get married? And if I do, will it be as happy a day as this one? We arrive for the happy hour before dinner and the food and alcohol are plentiful. A live band plays softly and some couples are already dancing. I grab a glass of champagne and make my way out to the balcony for some fresh air. Mark follows me, and together we watch the party.

  “They did it,” I say. “Do you ever think about getting married?” I ask him.

  “I do. I just have to find her first,” he laughs.

  “What if you never find her? What then?”

  “Then I guess you’ll have to marry me.”

  “Promise?” I say. I don’t even recognize my own voice.

  “I promise, Birdie,” he tells me with serious eyes.

  I don’t know why, but I laugh at his answer. I guess I feel nervous thinking that maybe it could happen.

  “Sounds like a plan, my friend.” With that all settled, we finish our champagne and go to greet the newlyweds. They enter the room just as Christina Perri’s “A Thousand Years” starts playing. The perfect song for the perfect couple.

  We all applaud and cheer them as they dance gracefully around the infinite room. I’ve never seen Mona look so happy and it is intoxicating. She dances with her dad next, and for me that is really hard to watch. That moment reminds me that no matter if or when I marry, I will not have the opportunity to share my dance with the one man I truly loved the most: my dad. I miss him so much and tears start rolling down my cheeks. As always, Mark appears at my side, tissue in hand, wiping away my moist face. He puts his arm around me and I lean into his shoulder, instantly I feel safe and warm all over.

  A few minutes later, Mona makes her way to our table. She’s holding a bottle of champagne and before I can say anything, she pulls me from my chair. After a wave in Jon’s direction, he starts over and we all walk out to the balcony. Mona raises her glass and says with tears in her eyes, “Here’s to everlasting friendship. May we always love each other and be there for one another, no matter where life takes us.”

  “Here’s to you guys. I hope you stay happy forever and ever.” The crisp and bubbly alcohol feels like little needles on my tongue. “So do you feel any different now that you made it legal and all?”

  “Birdie you know nothing will change just cause I agreed to marry him,” she laughs. “I’m still going to be pampered, even more now actually, since I’m the wife.”

  “You know it baby,” Jon grabs her by her waist and kisses her loudly.

  We finish our drinks, and eventually the bride and groom are called back in, so Mark and I hit the dance floor. We have always danced well together, but after a few glasses of champagne, I guess I feel a little friendlier than my usual self. Not that he’s complaining. I can feel his arms around my waist, moving lower and pulling me closer to his body. I’m not sure how long we grind, I mean dance, but my whole body is flushed and I really need to go to the restroom.

  “Want me to go with you?”

  “Seriously? To the restroom? I drank, and you got drunk I think.” I laugh enthusiastically. He’s too funny. Or maybe I’m just too drunk. I tell him to stay where he is and walk slowly toward the hallway, praying I won’t get lost. It takes me a while, but eventually I find a nice lady who points me in the right direction.

  Once inside, I find an empty stall and lock the door behind me. I can hear several women walking in. They are talking loudly and I decide to be nosy and listen on their conversation.

  “I can’t believe Mona would be friends with someone like her. Did you see the way she was moving on the dance floor? I bet you all she’s drunk, too.”

  “Not only that, but I heard someone say she has no job and that Mark guy felt so sorry for her that he let her move in with him. What a burden. He comes from a good family you know, and she’s taking advantage of him just like she did with Mona. Poor thing. I mean how is that guy going to find someone while she lives in his house?”

  “She’s going to ruin him, just watch.”

  OH MY GOD. They were talking about me. Those bitches. I couldn’t listen anymore. How can these women say such vile things about me? They don’t know me from Adam, and yet here they are talking shit. I decide to wait for them to leave before I come out, since the last thing I want is to have a confrontation at Mona’s wedding. When I finally do come out, I wash my now shaking hands and splash water all over my face. What if they are right? I wonder. I mean, ever since I moved in, Mark has spent every moment with me. Obviously he isn’t dating anyone. Was it because of me? Would I date a guy who lived with another woman? The questions are swirling in my head making me woozy. I realize that the only right thing to do at this moment is to move. I rush out when a strong hand grabs me by the arm and jerks me back.

  “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “Let go of me Mark,” I say with unsteady voice. I pray that I can keep the tears from falling.

  “What happened that mad
e you run away?” concern fills his voice.

  “I don’t want to talk about this now. Please let go of me. I’m ok. We’re ok. I just want to go home.”

  “One more dance, and I’ll take you home after.”

  There’s no point in fighting with him so I just take his offered hand and walk to the dance floor. Just as luck would have it, Give into Me starts playing. He moves closer and my body molds against his. I close my eyes and let him lead us into a slow agonizing dance. Everything about him feels so right and yet so wrong. I lean into him, his heartbeat drumming in my ear. He brushes his lips against my temple and I shiver involuntarily. That only makes him pull me closer. I didn’t know how much more I could take and was happy when the song ended. I couldn’t wait to put some distance between us. We both needed some distance.

  We say our goodbyes, and then walk hand in hand to his car. I feel like everyone is staring at us, talking behind our backs, making my escape uncomfortable. We don’t say a word on the drive home; not that I wanted to talk about what just happened in the restroom. He unlocks the door and lets me go in first. I drop my clutch and wrap on the table. Turning to go up to my room, I walk past him and feel his fingers link with mine.

  “Please talk to me,” he whispers. “What happened in there that made you so upset?”

  “There’s nothing to say.”

  “The hell there’s not. Wanna spend the night here in the foyer? Cause I have nothing better to do, and I’ll wait here until you’re ready to fess up.”

  “Fine. I was just thinking about stuff that’s all. Mark, this, you and me, this is not healthy. I swear we’re like a fucking old married couple. We have a daily routine for fuck sake. How the hell are we supposed to move on with our lives if we’re always together? Me being here is not good for you. I am holding you back and that’s not fair.”

  “You’ve been thinking in the restroom? Are you for real, Birdie?”

  “I’m done talking tonight. Go to bed Mark. I’m tired and drunk. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Ah, no you don’t. What is it about us that’s not healthy? You are my best friend and it never bothered you before that I was not dating anyone. Maybe I am dating and just don’t like to bring her home, have you thought of that? Birdie, did someone say something to you?” He waits for me to answer, and my silence is just what he needs to keep him going. “That’s it, isn’t it? Tell me.” I could tell how hard he was trying to stay calm.

  “Does it really matter?” I answer in a small voice.

  “Are you fucking kidding me? Please tell me this is a joke. This is what this is about? Some stupid bitch talks shit in the restroom and you let her get to you? And run at the first chance you get?”

  I can’t really tell if he’s hurt or angry, but before I have the chance to defend myself, he turns around and walks away. I am too stunned to say anything; too stunned to even move. I feel like I’ve just been hit by a car, and am rolling and rolling down a hill at some incredible speed. If that really happened, I still don’t think it would hurt as much as this does.

  Chapter 11.

  MARK

  Damn my head feels like shit. I can’t remember the last time I got that drunk. Last night, after the blow off with Sofia, all I wanted to do was find a way to mute that pain my heart was feeling. I guess that’s what I did by drinking myself to sleep. I fell asleep with the same clothes on that I wore at the wedding, smack in the middle of my room, the lines from the rug indented in my face. Not my best night, that’s for sure.

  I take my clothes off and jump in the shower. Slowly, one by one, the events from last night come back to me. I finish washing and dress faster than I thought possible. Then I make my way to the kitchen. Sofia is already there, coffee in hand, reading her kindle.

  “Morning Birdie.”

  “Morning. There’s coffee and toast if you’re hungry.”

  She doesn’t look at me when she speaks and it makes me wonder if she is still pissed. I pour a cup of coffee then sit across from her at the table. I keep staring at her and I know she can tell, yet she doesn’t say anything.

  “Are you going to give me the silent treatment?”

  She looks up and gives me a faint smile, but still stays silent. “Birdie, about last night. I’m sorry if I said anything stupid. I just hate that you would let some pushovers get to you. When are you going to stand up for yourself?”

  “Do you remember what happened last time I stood up for myself, or anyone else, for that matter? I’ll tell you what happened, I got fired,” she says as she rinses her cup.

  “That’s different and you know it. Would you just stop doing that and talk to me for just a second?”

  I wish she would forget the washing and come back to the table so we can fix this. When is she going to realize that she’s stronger than she gives herself credit for? She wipes her hands then places the towel on the small hook next to the sink, the same way I’ve seen my grandma do so many times.

  “Look, I’m not going to be here for lunch so let me know if you want me to make you something before I leave.”

  “Leave? Where are you going?”

  “Mark, I know we’re friends but I don’t have to tell you what I do all the time. Maybe I have a date.”

  My heart is racing and I can feel the blood rushing to my head, making the room spin. She is going out? Like on a date? When the hell did this happen? Jon’s words were coming back to haunt me, reminding me that I should’ve done something sooner rather than later; now my chance was out the door.

  “A date. Hmm…if you say so. I don’t need you to cook for me. I did just fine before you moved in.” Just like a spoiled child would, I turn around, with my nose up in the air, and leave the room. I already know I’m acting like an asshole, but I can’t help it.

  If this is what she wants, I guess I’ll play along. Friends, she says…

  SOFIA

  That went really well, I think. I go back to my room, change into jeans and pull a thick sweater over my head. After I grab my jacket and my bag, I pick up my kindle and head out. I can hear Mark talking on the phone in his room, but can’t tell who he’s talking to. He sounds really pissed so I just walk away without saying bye.

  I can’t understand why he is so mad. I get the whole stand up for yourself crap, but that’s not a good enough reason to get all worked up. I probably should’ve told him that I was just going to go to Starbucks to work on my resume and look for jobs, but maybe letting him think I had a date was better. We both need to start living a little, and I’m thinking today is the day to do it. I stop at the first Starbucks I can find, happy to see it almost empty. I order my coffee, then find a table in the corner and turn on my laptop.

  I haven’t had a chance to check my emails in a few days and I’m surprised to see that there are two from Bradley. Warm mocha in hand, I feel suddenly courageous as I dial his number.

  “Hello?” his voice is deep as if he just woke up. He sounds very manly and very sexy.

  “Hmm, hi Bradley. This is Sofia, Mark’s friend.” Please tell me he remembers me, otherwise I’ll feel like an ass.

  “Oh wow, I’m so glad you called. How are you? Ready to go on that date with me?”

  “Well I was about to start my job search, and I remembered your offer. If the offer still stands, I was wondering if we can get together and talk more about it.”

  He is quiet for a second and I really hope he hasn’t changed his mind. I really need a job pronto and so far he is my only hope in finding one.

  “And I was wondering if you would have dinner with me, and not just to talk about the job.” His voice is soft and I can tell he’s smiling. I probably shouldn’t get his hopes too high, but I find myself agreeing with him.

  “That works too,” I laugh.

  “Then it’s settled. How about this coming Friday? I could pick you up around seven, if that works for you.”

  “Seven is perfect.” And with that we say goodbye, a big smile creeping its way up over my
face. I spend the next few hours job searching, answering a few emails—including Mona's, then head home. At home, Mark is still moody so I decide not to bother him, and i start dinner instead. Just as I’m about done making the sauce for the pasta, I hear him walk in the kitchen. In an instant he is behind me, dropping his head on my shoulder. Even if I wanted too, I can no longer ignore his presence.

  “I’m so sorry, Birdie. I had no right to say those things to you.”

  I turn around and wrap my arms around him. “Listen no matter what, you will always be my best friend and I’ll always be here for you. I just need you to be happy for me and that I’m finally getting out there. We both need this. Mark look around and you’ll see we are the only ones that are still single. It freaks me out. I’m afraid that I’m going to blink and I’ll be in my thirties, still single and no kids. I don’t want that. And I don’t want that for you, either. So before you freak out on me again, I need to tell you something.”

  He pulls back a little to look at me, his eyes worried. “What is it? What did you do?”

  “I didn’t do anything, you crazy person. Let me speak for once.” I take a deep breath and decide to just spill it. “Well remember last time I came by with lunch, and Bradley kind of offered me a job?”

  “Aha, what about it?”

  “I talked to him today and not only did he mention the job but he asked me out to dinner.” I cringe inside as I wait for his reaction.

  “Bradley? Rich boy Bradley? That one? Shit birdie, why are you doing this? He’s not good enough for you.”

  I move away from his arms, surprised by his words. “Well, according to you, no one is ever good enough and I wonder why. It’s not like I have a line waiting for me to pick from. He is nice, and besides, it’s not like I’m going to marry the guy.”

  “I can’t believe this. You’re really going out with him?”

  “Yes and that’s the end of this discussion. Can’t you just be happy for me?”

  He pulls me back to his chest and it feels so good to be in his arms; maybe too good. I have to get away before it’s too late.