Alaska Reunion

by Jennifer Snow

  Drinking was definitely not the answer to his heartache, but Callum was willing to give it a try.

  As he entered the bar, he knew it would take more than one tequila shot to settle the heavy uneasiness weighing on him. Ellie had wanted him to leave. She’d chosen Brent and she’d told everyone the truth.

  Still, he was nervous about having left her there. After the boating accident, he didn’t trust her “friends.” What else were they getting up to that could endanger Ellie’s life or at the very least make her uncomfortable?

  He knew she’d been waiting for him to make the decision for her earlier that day in the cottage, but he couldn’t do it. She had to make her own choices, and if Brent and the lifestyle with that group was what she wanted, then there was nothing he could do about it. And he wouldn’t stand in her way.

  He just wanted her to be happy. Even if that wasn’t with him.

  “Hey, man, what are you drinking?” Tank asked as he leaned against the bar, his six-foot-five, all-muscle frame looking like it could snap the wood in half. He glanced at Callum and shook his head. “Never mind. I know what you need.” He poured two tequila shots and handed one to Callum.

  Bartender clairvoyance from years of seeing different expressions from those sitting on these bar stools.

  They tapped glasses and downed the liquid.

  A warm sensation coursed through Callum, but it barely took the edge off. “Thanks, man. I’ll take two more of those and a beer.”

  “I take it the time at the cottages didn’t go as planned?” Tank asked, already looking slightly squirmy about the prospect of having to talk about emotions or some shit. He filled two shot glasses and poured the beer.

  “It was going well...” one shot “...then not so much.” Second shot.

  “You’re back early.”

  “Yep.”

  “She stayed?”

  “She did indeed.” A gulp of beer and he was finally feeling a little less raw.

  “Sorry, man. I know you had your heart set on that one.” Apparently he was worse at hiding his feelings for Ellie than he’d thought, if Tank had picked up on it. The beast of a bartender wasn’t exactly tuned in to emotions.

  “Yeah, well, I’m not sure how many times I needed to hear that she wasn’t interested.” He slumped on a stool and rested his head in his hand, self-pity setting in. Then it was immediately replaced with irritation. “But you know, it’s bullshit, because there was definite interest on both sides, and the spark in that kiss could have set the cottage on fire.”

  Tank raised an eyebrow as though realizing that things had escalated to heartbreak level. “You kissed her?”

  “It was more than once and more than just a kiss.”

  Tank’s eyebrows would have touched his hairline if he’d had hair.

  Callum shook his head. “Nah, not like that, man... We just connected on a real deep level. That shit doesn’t happen every day.”

  Tank nodded. “Should I grab the darts?”

  Darts. Tank’s way of dealing with emotions was to throw pointy things at his personal dartboard in his office. Words of wisdom just made him queasy.

  At this point, Callum would take any form of bartender therapy Tank was offering. “I want the red ones.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  SUNLIGHT STREAMING THROUGH the window of the cottage the next morning had Ellie’s eyes opening far too early. She sat up and glanced at the chaise lounge before remembering Callum wasn’t there. She lay back against her pillows and sighed. The night before had been a troublesome sleep—tossing and turning long into the night and then nightmares when slumber finally did take over.

  Images of drowning, sinking deeper and deeper into the cold lake, had plagued her...and in the dreams, Callum wasn’t there to save her. It didn’t take a psychology degree to figure out what her subconscious had been telling her.

  Unfortunately, there was little clarity regarding everything else.

  Things between them had gotten so complicated so fast. She had no idea how she felt about him or if her feelings even mattered anymore. By sending him back to Wild River early, she’d essentially told him that she was choosing Brent, so she wasn’t sure how they came back from all of this. Or if they ever could. How were they supposed to work together now? Could they go back to being friends?

  Did she want that?

  She had no idea what she wanted anymore.

  The night before with Brent had been disappointing. Were the memories she had of their time together enough of a foundation to build a new relationship on?

  Brent might be different now, but then maybe so was she. It had been foolish to think that just because her life hadn’t changed much in the last ten years, she was still the same person. Maybe some things weren’t meant to have a second chance.

  Would she be feeling this way if things hadn’t changed between her and Callum? If she hadn’t started to be attracted to him? Have feelings deeper than friendship for him? Or would she have come to the same conclusion after having spent this time with her ex-boyfriend?

  Guess she’d never really know.

  She rolled over in the bed and reached for her cell phone. No new messages or calls from Callum. What had she expected? He was obviously upset by the way things had turned out. She hoped he’d made it back to Wild River okay. Maybe a quick text would be good...just to check.

  She put the phone away. He would have texted if he wanted to talk to her.

  She stared out the window and forced several deep breaths.

  The day before had been a nightmare. Things had gotten out of hand and complicated. Her feelings and emotions had been a mess, and connecting with Brent had been almost impossible. She had been looking at him with the critical eye of someone just having made a choice. But now that the dust had settled and Callum was gone, it was just her and Brent that she needed to focus on. Maybe now things could be put into better perspective.

  Today would be better.

  A new day. A new start.

  Tossing the sheets aside, she climbed out of bed and into the shower. The hot water and the invigorating, spicy scented soap made her feel a little better, and by the time she was dressed, she did believe things would be okay.

  That feeling quickly vanished as they arrived at the site of that day’s “adventure.” Peering over the breathtaking view of the Alaska wilderness tree line, all Ellie saw was her body tangled in the evergreen branches.

  Zip-lining was probably as close to hell as she thought she’d ever get.

  Other people might love that rush of adrenaline as they soared over the beautiful scenery attached to a thin cord, supported only by a harness, but Ellie couldn’t appreciate the experience. After the rappelling incident, she was terrified about how this would go. At least with the rock face, she’d had some control over her fate. With this, she’d be at the mercy of the cables. And after her near-death experience in the lake, she wasn’t eager to tempt fate again so soon.

  Huddled in the tiny wooden structure at one end of the line, the operator—a guy barely past puberty with, obviously, no sense of mortality—explained the operating instructions for the harness and what to do at the other end. He said something about pulling a brake...but Ellie wasn’t listening.

  Could she do this? No doubt they all expected her to bail. Or at least be scared stupid.

  Well, they were right. But what did she care? So what if she only confirmed what they thought of her? All week she’d found herself back in the same place she’d been in high school—trying desperately to impress a bunch of people that she shouldn’t need to prove anything to. Back then, it was excusable. Now it was pathetic and unnecessary.

  “So, everyone’s taking a turn?” the young guy asked, handing out helmets.

  Ellie shook her head. “I think I’ll sit this one out.”

  “Oh come on,” Nick sa
id, buckling his helmet under his chin as the guy helped him into a harness. “It’s going to be amazing.”

  “Yeah, don’t let fear hold you back, El,” Alisha said.

  Callum was right. Peer pressure was the same, even if the wording used as adults was different. “It’s not fear, it’s just a knowledge of myself and my interests.”

  She was older and wiser now. May as well go with it. They could say she wasn’t living in the moment and taking chances; she saw it as knowing her limitations. Maybe someday she’d feel differently or want to experience this. Today was not that day, and that was okay.

  “You’ll love it once you get over the canyon,” Cheryl said.

  “Nope.” Simple and firm. She wasn’t doing it. They were wasting their breath.

  “Well, there’s a hiking trail along the east side of the canyon you can take to the other side to meet up with the group,” the operator said. “It has really great scenery and a waterfall at the bottom.”

  Ellie nodded. “Great, I’ll see you all there. Have fun.”

  She turned to leave, but a few steps away, Brent joined her. “Hey, wait up.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m going with you.”

  He was? He was giving up an amazing experience, that she knew he wanted, to be with her instead? “You don’t have to miss out.”

  “I’m not missing out on anything,” he said, taking her hand in his. “Shall we?”

  “Sure. Let’s go.”

  Reaching the edge of the waterfall a half hour later, Ellie was proud of the way she’d finally stood up for herself. It was a small victory, but a step in the right direction of growing the backbone she’d always wanted.

  In the distance, she could see the others soaring over the treetops, the sound of laughter and several squeals echoing through the valley.

  Removing her shoes and socks, she sat on the edge of a large rock and put her feet into the cool, running water. The sound of the waterfall in the distance was soothing, and the light breeze blowing through her hair was refreshing after the hike. She lifted her hair off of her neck and secured it in a loose bun on top of her head.

  This was definitely more her speed, and it was a relief to know that Brent was capable of slowing down, taking a breath and not needing the constant adrenaline high.

  She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, determined to live in this moment. No more thinking about the past or the future. She would just be here in this moment with Brent and then see if she wanted to experience the next one with him.

  She opened her eyes as Brent sat on the rock next to her. “It’s so beautiful out here,” she said.

  “It really is. I’ve seen a lot of beaches in some of the most beautiful parts of the world, but I have to say, nothing compares to the views here in Alaska.”

  She turned toward him. “So, you’ve really been all over the world?”

  He nodded. “Just about, yeah. All over Europe and South America, Asia, Australia...”

  She’d never been outside of Alaska. Her parents had done all of their traveling and seeing the world before they’d had her and had been perfectly content not to leave the state in their retirement years. She supposed she could be traveling now, but the idea of going alone didn’t appeal to her, and she wanted to hold off experiencing the world until she could embark on the journey with someone special. “That’s so exciting. It’s what you always dreamed of doing.”

  “Yeah,” he said, sounding less thrilled than she would have expected. “It’s great. It’s just different than what I imagined.” He brushed his foot up against hers in the water, and a slight tingle sizzled between them.

  Finally. The spark. Was it because he was being a little vulnerable and real with her for the first time that week? “Different how?”

  “Well, it sounds glamorous—and sometimes it can be when there’s an opportunity to see the sights and take some time off. But more often, I fly into a place, sleep in the airport hotel and then get back on another flight heading somewhere else the next day. It’s a lot of airports, hotels and cockpits.”

  Was he regretting his lifestyle choice? She didn’t really hear regret, just maybe boredom. “Do you still enjoy it?”

  He paused, weighing his answer. “Let’s just say, I wouldn’t want to do anything else.” He turned to look at her. “Maybe if I had someone to travel with, it might get exciting again.”

  She swallowed hard and looked away as she said, “I bet you are fluent in a dozen languages by now.”

  He laughed as he shook his head. “Nope. Basic Spanish is about all I can fumble my way through.”

  She frowned as her head snapped back toward him. “But you were studying German, French and Japanese when we graduated. You wanted to be able to speak the language wherever you went.”

  “Turns out that was a little ambitious of my teenage self.”

  “I thought it was a fantastic aspiration to have.” She’d even taken basic courses online of each one...just in case. That was obviously for naught.

  Nope, she wouldn’t think like that. A language learned was something she’d always have.

  But so much for the fantasy of raising multilingual children with him someday.

  Brent shrugged as he kicked his feet through the water. “Well, I quickly discovered how difficult that was, and almost everywhere in the world they speak English now. I get along fine with some basic phrases.”

  She nodded. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

  “You seem disappointed in me again,” he said, tipping his head to the side to look at her.

  “No!” She wasn’t. Not really. It was more that she was realizing how much of her attraction for him had lingered over the years based on who she’d assumed he’d turned out to be rather than on reality. She’d watched his life through Instagram pictures and Facebook posts and then she’d just filled in the gaps herself with what she wanted to be real.

  It was unfair to expect him to be living up to her imagined version.

  “You know, you really should come on a trip with me,” he said.

  Her heart raced, but not in a good way. Could she really take more time off? Where would they go? She doubted they traveled the same way—from what she’d learned about him, she suspected he was a resort traveler, not really into exploring the less touristy parts of the world. And if she ever did travel, she wanted to go off the beaten paths, see places only the locals knew about.

  Why was her immediate reaction to look for an excuse to say no? What was happening to her? This was something she’d only ever dreamed about. Now, here he was in the flesh, asking her to go on a trip, and all she could think about were reasons why it wouldn’t be the best thing. “Yeah, maybe,” she said.

  He reached for her hand and held it.

  The same tingle of excitement she’d gotten when Callum had held her hand didn’t flare within her. Brent’s hand felt clammy, awkward and heavy linked with hers. Not natural, right and comfortable the way Callum’s had.

  She missed him. She wished it were him sitting there with her, holding her hand. She couldn’t do this. Couldn’t keep trying to make things work with Brent when they just weren’t. Her heart wasn’t in it. Wasn’t into him anymore. The realization hit hard, but it was better than moving forward, hoping for things to get better, holding on to that hope long after she should have let it go.

  “Brent...” She went to pull her hand away but he beat her to it as his cell phone chimed in his pocket and he reached for it.

  He smiled as he read a text message, and Ellie couldn’t stop her gaze from dropping to the phone. The picture on the screen above the message was of the stunning woman in his latest set of Instagram photos.

  I had a great time sexting last night. You free tonight?

  Sexting?

  He’d left her cottage after saying he wanted to
try again, after making a play for her, and had gone to his own cottage to sext with the supermodel who had dumped him?

  He caught Ellie’s stare and tucked the phone away quickly without responding.

  “You’re still texting her?”

  “It’s nothing, just casual.”

  Sexting was casual? Maybe in his world, but certainly not in hers. How could she not have seen all of this? How different they both were now? How incompatible?

  She had. She’d just chosen to ignore all of the things she didn’t like about him...hoping the good qualities she’d admired when they were teens were still there. None of this was Brent’s fault. It was all hers. He shouldn’t have to try to be someone he wasn’t, just as she couldn’t try to be the person her high school friends wanted anymore.

  Unfortunately, it only solidified what she already knew.

  He wrapped an arm around her and she pulled away.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t think you and I are going to work,” she said softly but firmly.

  “Is this because of Samantha? ’Cause I can stop texting her.”

  “Ghost her?”

  He shrugged. “Nah, just end it officially. It really was nothing, anyway.”

  “I don’t think we are anything either,” she said, removing her feet from the water and picking up her shoes. She knew in her heart, deep down, that they weren’t. He had to know that too.

  “You’re wrong, Ellie. You’re different. You’re special,” Brent said, getting to his feet. His slightly pleading look would normally have weakened her. Made her reconsider.

  But the truth was, despite how Brent might feel about her or thought he felt about her, he was no longer special to her.

  “I’m sorry, Brent. I don’t think we can ever get back what we had in high school. Some things are just better left in the past,” she said, walking away from the one man she’d thought she’d never walk away from.

  * * *

  HE’D BEEN RUNNING. Sweat glistened on Callum’s tanned, sculpted chest and his dark hair looked wet as he entered the cottage. Ellie’s body reacted to the sight in a way it never had before. The temptation to go to him and press her body to his was overwhelming. She longed to feel the heaving of his inhale and exhale against her, breathe in the scent of the outdoors and exertion on his skin, feel his tight muscles beneath her hands. But unsure if her advances would be welcomed, she stayed on the bed.