Surrender (Forbidden #3)

by Michelle Betham

  ‘It wasn’t your fault.’

  He shrugs and sweeps an arm across his eyes to wipe away the tears. ‘Maybe not. But we were all to blame, in some way. I was as wrapped up in the business as anyone…’

  ‘You were away, most of the time.’

  ‘Yeah, and maybe if I’d been around more…’

  ‘It wouldn’t have mattered, Kris. It was a mess, and nothing was going to change that.’

  He looks right at me, and my heart breaks for all the time I’ve missed with this man. ‘Jon he must – he must really love you.’

  ‘Yeah. He does.’

  ‘And you feel the same way?’

  ‘I think I’ve always loved him. I don’t think I ever stopped.’

  ‘Are you happy, Kira? Now, I mean. Are you happy?’

  I throw him a small smile. ‘I’m getting there.’

  I watch as he nervously runs a hand over the back of his neck, briefly bowing his head, breaking the stare.

  ‘Look, I… What you did… what you became…’

  ‘An escort, Kris. You can say the word.’

  ‘It’s changed you.’

  He doesn’t even phrase that as a question, because he doesn’t need to. The answer’s quite obvious.

  ‘Everything that happened changed me. I’m really not the same person I was the last time you saw me. I’m not the sister you knew, the sister you grew up with. That’s why I had to change my name, change everything about myself. All that shit messed me up and changing was the only option I had left.’

  ‘I really am sorry.’

  I shake my head and reach out for his hand, taking it in mine and bringing it up to my cheek, holding it there. ‘It’s over, Kris. OK? I’ll talk to the police, I’ll tell them what they need to know but once that’s done, it’s over. I’m not coming home, and I don’t know if I can ever see Mum and Dad again, I really don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do that. But I want it all to be over. And then I’m moving on, once and for all.’

  He catches sight of my engagement ring and runs his thumb lightly over the diamond solitaire that sits in the centre of the white gold band. ‘You’re getting married?’

  ‘I’m getting married.’

  He smiles, and I squeeze his hand and he pulls me in for another hug. ‘Don’t push me away again, sis. You got that?’

  I nod and cling on to his jacket as he holds me tight but I’m still trying to process what’s happening here; I’m still reeling from his appearance, still numb with shock; with guilt.

  I’ve got my brother back.

  But his coming here, it’s changed everything.

  Again.

  It’s changed everything…

  Five

  Neal

  ‘Has something happened?’

  Joey glances up from the paperwork he’s checking over behind the bar in Bam-Bams. ‘Like what?’

  ‘Kira.’

  ‘What about her?’

  ‘She was supposed to arrive in New York yesterday, but Benni’s just told me she’s still in Maine.’

  Joey continues to look at me as though I’m speaking some kind of alien language. ‘Helen not with you today?’

  ‘She’s at the gallery.’

  ‘Working with you now, is she?’

  ‘Has something happened, Joey?’

  He slides his reading glasses up onto his nose and looks back down at the papers. ‘It’s a long story, handsome. Suffice to say, her brother’s turned up out of the blue, and now all kinds of family business is currently being dug up.’

  I frown. A pretty big frown, actually. Now I’m just fucking confused. ‘Brother? I didn’t even know she had a brother.’

  ‘Didn’t you?’ He glances back up at me. ‘Well, he’s here, anyway, and like I said, now all kinds of shit is hitting the fan, so…’

  ‘What kind of shit, Joey?’

  ‘I don’t know for sure, Neal. She hasn’t said all that much, our conversations have been pretty brief.’

  ‘She must have said something? I mean, why would he turn up now, after all this time? I thought her family…’

  ‘It’s complicated. Probably more complicated than either you or I will ever know.’

  ‘But she’s told you way more than she’s ever told me. I mean, you knew she had a brother, right?’

  He looks at me over the top of his glasses. ‘Yes. I knew. And if she’d thought it was something you’d needed to know about then I’m sure she would have told you, too. In time.’

  I frown again, because I’m still fucking confused. ‘So, why’s he come looking for her now, after all this time? I thought they…’

  ‘Simon. He’s been arrested. For assaulting his wife.’

  I’m lost for words for a beat or two. I’m just trying to take in what Joey’s telling me here. ‘Arrested?’

  He takes off his glasses and leans forward across the bar, folding his arms in front of him. ‘They know. What Simon did to her, Neal. Her family, they know. Now.’

  ‘I… Jesus… How? I mean…’

  ‘To cut a very long story short, the bastard who hurt her attacked his wife, she went to the police, he was arrested, and then, for some reason, he decided to spill his guts, blame Kira for the way he turned out, cowardly son-of-a-bitch that he is – well, he blamed her, and Jon, because he knew about their affair all along, apparently…’

  ‘He knew? For how long? I mean, did he know…?

  ‘He knew it was going on from the very start.’ He shrugs and pushes his glasses back up his nose. ‘Don’t ask me how, like I said, our conversations have been brief, but that’s what she told me. He knew from the very start.’

  I feel like I’m in the middle of some ridiculously confusing nightmare. ‘This is crazy…’

  ‘That weak, pathetic specimen of a monster claims it was finding out that she was sleeping with his best friend that drove him to do what he did. I swear, if I ever got my hands on him…’

  ‘Get in line, Joey.’

  He looks at me, and there’s the hint of a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. ‘Anyway, Kira’s spoken to the police, told them what he did, what happened to her, and along with what he did to his wife, hopefully that should be enough to put that bastard away for a long time.’

  ‘She’s spoken to the police?’

  ‘She might have to go back to give evidence, once the date for the court case is set.’

  ‘Back to the UK?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And she’s OK with that?’

  ‘Neal, sweetheart, I don’t know. Like I keep telling you, our phone conversations have been brief at best.’

  ‘And her family? What’s – what’s happening there? I mean, her brother turning up like this… how did he even find her? After all this time?’

  ‘I don’t know, Neal. All I know is they managed to track her down through Jon. Once everyone knew about the affair, that’s when they found out Jon was in America, and knowing that he had the house in Maine… Anyway…’ He waves a dismissive hand at nobody in particular. ‘It’s complicated. She can barely get her own head around it, so no wonder the rest of us are confused. But, they’re all arriving here in New York, this afternoon. Just in time for our pre-wedding dinner party tonight. You are still coming to that, aren’t you? You and Helen? The caterer is doing the most beautiful confit of duck, I swear, it just melts in your mouth…’

  ‘Joey, hang on, slow down a bit will you? They’re arriving this afternoon? Is her brother…?’

  ‘Yes, he’s coming too. I’ve never met him, but she used to talk about him every now and again… well, she’d mention him, I’m not sure we ever had a conversation based around him. You know as well as I do how she felt about her family, how she didn’t really want to talk about them, but…’

  ‘Jesus Christ…’

  ‘Are you alright?’

  I lean forward and rest my arms on the counter, dropping my head and raking both hands through my hair. ‘Shit!’

  ‘She’
ll be fine, Neal. This is Kira we’re talking about. She can handle this.’

  ‘Can she?’

  ‘Yes, she can. So don’t go getting any ideas, you hear me?’

  ‘Ideas?’

  ‘She’s getting married. She’s in love. This – it doesn’t change any of that.’

  ‘She tell you that, did she?’

  ‘Yes, she did. There might be a few more unexpected things she’s got to get her head around now, but, as far as her and Jon are concerned, nothing has changed.’

  ‘And the brother? He’s staying in her life, is he?’

  ‘From what I can gather, yes. He is. But it’s early days on that score. I think she’s probably going to need some time before she’s got her head completely around what’s happening now.’ He picks up his glasses and sticks one of the arms in his mouth, chewing on the end of it as he stares out across the empty club. ‘And I’ve also gathered, from what she’s told me, that he’s quite a looker, too. Tall and handsome with dirty-blonde hair and blue eyes, that’s what she said. But, come on, if he looks anything like his sister he is going to be beautiful!’

  I’m starting to tune him out now. All I can think about is Kira; what she’s going through, how she’s feeling. And I want to be there for her, more than anything that’s what I want. I want to be there for her.

  ‘Neal.’

  Joey’s voice snaps me back to the here and now and I look at him.

  ‘No ideas. OK? Talk to her, tell her you hope she’s doing alright but after that, leave her to get on with her life. And then you get on with yours.’

  Which all sounds like the perfect plan.

  I’m just not sure that it’s gonna be possible anymore.

  Kira

  I throw my bag onto the bed and sit down on the edge of it, just staring at the wall in front of me. I can’t focus on anything, not really. I’m still too numb.

  ‘You OK, kid?’

  I turn to look at him standing in the bathroom doorway, and I smile. ‘Yeah. I’m fine.’

  ‘You sure?’

  He sits down beside me and I reach out to tug gently at the towel tied loose around his waist. ‘You’ve had your shower, then?’

  ‘I’m thinking I should have waited for you, huh?’

  I smile again, and lean in to kiss his slightly open mouth. ‘Yeah. That could have been a mistake on your part, mister.’

  He grins, and I let him push my jacket back off my shoulders. ‘Kris settling in OK?’

  ‘My brother’s fine. I’ve left him wading through the cable channels while he tries to process everything I’ve told him about Joey. He needs to be prepared for that meeting.’

  ‘So, we’ve got some playtime then?’

  ‘Oh no, not yet. I need that shower first.’

  ‘I’ll take you dirty, darlin’,’ he growls into my neck, his fingers sliding inside my shirt. ‘I prefer you that way.’

  I laugh quietly, my nipples hardening against his hand as he slides it up under my bra. And then he’s tearing at my clothes, and my fingers are raking at his skin as he strips me naked. It’s like all the pent-up emotion of the past day or so is finally reaching its peak, spilling out of me in the only way I know how to deal with it.

  He picks me up and I wind my legs around him, his mouth crashing down onto mine in a hard, heavy kiss as he slams me back against the wall, pushing inside me with an almost violent force that makes me cry out loud. But the pain is beautiful, and welcome, and I savour every thrust as his cock rams into me, his fingers digging into my thighs as he tries to keep me steady.

  It’s necessary sex. It’s the release we both need. And as that familiar wave of white-hot pins and needles sweeps across my body I cry out again, and within seconds he’s coming, too, every jerk, every spasm pumping more of him into me. And then we’re done. It’s over. The fast and brutal sex we both needed.

  He laughs quietly, and I join in, our mouths together, his fingers lightly stroking my cheek as our bodies remain joined. ‘Jesus, Kira. Shit just won’t leave us alone, will it?’

  I run my fingers through his hair, messing it up, because I like him that way – messed-up. I like everything that way. I thought I was getting used to normality, but like I said, Kris turning up like that – it’s changed everything.

  ‘Maybe we’re just not destined to be normal, huh?’

  ‘We were getting there, babe. Weren’t we?’

  He pulls out of me and puts me down, grabbing the towel off the bed and wrapping it back around himself. I stay naked. I like being naked. I like the power it gives me.

  ‘Weren’t we, Kira?’

  I walk over to him and he catches my waist and pulls me closer. I rest my hands against his chest, keeping my eyes down as I run my fingers over his skin. ‘We need to get ready. We’re going to be late for Joey and Benni’s dinner and I still need a shower.’

  I pull back from him but he gently grabs my wrist, stopping me from leaving just yet. ‘I love you, Kira. None of what’s happened – none of it’s changed that.’

  I look at him and smile. ‘I know.’

  ‘Kira…’

  ‘I’d better go take that shower.’

  Because I need some time alone.

  Just a few minutes.

  To think…

  Neal

  I knock back another shot of whiskey and wish there was a way I could stop my eyes from constantly veering to the door. But she hasn’t arrived yet, and I’m on fucking edge. I was never over her, and I can’t believe I didn’t fight harder. I quit. I gave up. I let someone else win. I just rolled over and let him take her but, at the time, I couldn’t see an outcome that had me winning that fight. And I don’t know why I should think any differently now; why I think anything’s changed, but it has. Even though I’d all but decided to try and make it work with Helen, I’m not sure I can do that now. After what’s happened; what I’ve heard… I dunno. It really does feel like something’s changed. I just don’t know what, and I won’t know. Not until I see her.

  ‘Come and look at this painting, Neal.’

  Helen’s hand lightly touches my arm and when I turn to look at her she smiles, and all of a sudden I pull back from those rash thoughts of Kira and everything changing. I let her go, and maybe that was for the best. And she’s dealing with a lot right now, I don’t think she needs me complicating her life any further. And I’m not sure I really need her complicating mine.

  ‘I didn’t know Joey had such wonderful taste in art, but he tells me you’ve been advising him and Benni on some pieces for this new apartment of theirs, and you seem to be teaching them extremely well, Mr Cannon.’

  The second she calls me that I freeze. It feels like someone wrapped an ice-cold hand around my heart and squeezed just a little too tight. And it’s like that same someone is controlling me now as my head involuntarily snaps around, forcing me to look towards the door just as she walks in, hand in hand with the man she’s going to marry. And all I can think about are the times she called me exactly what Helen just called me then. Mr Cannon. Except, when Kira called me that it made my stomach flip and my head spin and I can’t stop the memories from flooding forward at a pace so rapid I can’t breathe. She looks incredible in a figure-hugging black sheath dress and killer heels, her blonde hair falling loose around her shoulders, and I feel my chest tighten as I watch her move further into the room. Her make-up’s minimal, because she never did need as much as she chose to wear when I first met Kira Blu, but her eyes are dark and her lips pale and I am dead, man. She’s never gonna stop doing this to me, and I know now that I can’t be around her, I can’t even look at her and not want her again. And it’s with a sense of crushing reality that I realise how much I still need her. How much I never stopped missing her; wanting her. And I don’t think I can get through the next couple of days unscathed. I can’t do it.

  I drop my gaze, and when I look back up she’s talking to Joey and Benni, and she’s still clinging on to Jon’s hand but they’ve now been
joined by a tall man with dark-blonde hair who stands by Kira’s side, an almost protective air emanating from him as he glances towards her. I can only assume he’s her brother.

  ‘Is that it now, huh?’

  Once more Helen’s voice drags me from my thoughts and I reluctantly tear my gaze away from Kira to look at her. But I don’t really know what to say. I’d completely forgotten she was there. The second Kira walked into the room I became oblivious to anyone else’s existence, and I hadn’t meant to be quite so blatant about that. Because I hadn’t expected to feel quite so shell-shocked when I saw her again.

  ‘I’ll never be able to compete, will I?’

  Her voice is quiet, because even she knows that’s a rhetorical question. No. She won’t ever be able to compete. But I still don’t know what to say. I can’t have Kira, but is it fair to carry on letting Helen think we could still have some kind of future together? Although, as I look at her, right into her eyes, I’m not sure that’s even an option anymore. I think I’ve pushed her too far now. She’s realised how bad an idea we really were.

  ‘I thought you were a good man, Neal. I thought that with her out of the picture you’d at least try and make some attempt to get over her. And I gave you the benefit of the doubt, I really did, but you can’t do it, can you? Because I don’t think you want to. You’re weak. You can’t let her go even though she’s moved on. You can’t live in the present because you still obsess over the past…’

  ‘It’s not that simple, Helen.’

  ‘Isn’t it?’

  Our eyes lock, and I think we both know what’s happening here.

  ‘I really wanted to believe, Neal. And I hung around, and I waited, like some lovesick idiot because I thought you just might have finally gotten over her. Or maybe that was just me, wishful thinking. But what we had, I thought it was good, I thought we were good…’

  ‘We were, Helen, you have to believe me… We were good, and we could have been great, I know that, it’s just…’ I run a hand back and forth through my hair, dropping my gaze because looking at her, it hurts. I know I’ve been so unfair to her; to this women who’s done nothing but try and make everything better. And the guilt is crushing. She deserved so much better than me. ‘I’m just not ready.’