Before I could say another word she pushed me through the door of The Old Theatre.
‘You’ve already met?’ I was surprised to find Nick at a table with Stevie and Rob, half-empty pints in front of them all.
Nick stood up and gave me a quick, but very soft and lovely peck on the lips, setting the butterflies away again. ‘Stevie and I have met before,’ he said.
‘No! How come?’
‘I’m a mate of Stuart’s,’ Stevie said.
‘Skye’s fiancé? Small town.’ I shook some rain off my brolly and leaned it against the table.
Clare coughed behind me. ‘Sorry. Clare, this is Nick. Nick, Clare.’
Introductions over, we shed our coats and scarves while Stevie headed to the bar for another round. I sighed shakily as I sat down next to Nick.
‘Sorry we’re late. Did you get my text?’
‘Yes, thanks. It’s been good to catch up with Stevie. Are you okay? You look a bit stressed.’ He tenderly touched my arm, making my heart race. I wanted nothing more than to cuddle him tightly and remove the last few hours from existence. But it wasn’t that simple. Andy’s reappearance had stirred up a whirlpool of hidden emotions and I had no idea what to do next.
‘I’m fine.’ I was aware that my voice sounded high and squeaky. ‘Busy day and you know how much I hate being late.’
Nick gazed into my eyes but I couldn’t hold eye contact. ‘I’m not going to push you, but I’m here for you if you want to talk about it, whatever it is.’ He gave me such a warm, reassuring smile that my heart melted. Damn Andy for re-appearing and throwing a spanner in the works. And damn him for having the right name. Nick didn’t deserve this. Neither did I.
‘Thanks, Nick.’ I squeezed his hand. ‘I may take you up on that offer later.’
‘Oi you two, stop canoodling and pay attention to your friends,’ called Clare across the table. Her eyes caught mine and the expression asked if I was okay. I nodded and smiled weakly.
‘Is Stevie brewing these drinks himself?’ I joked, craning my neck to see him trying to get served at the bar. ‘A girl could die of thirst in here.’ Or of guilt.
Despite the emotional turmoil presented by Andy’s reappearance, I still managed to have a great evening. Nick met with Clare’s approval, which was a relief after her contempt for Jason. ‘I can’t believe you’d even consider Andy when you’ve got a man like Nick,’ she said on a visit to the toilets. ‘Nick’s a keeper. He clearly idolises you and I can tell you feel the same. If that eejit Andy hadn’t shown up today, you wouldn’t even be questioning your relationship. You were so right to ditch the Steven search for him. Don’t let Andy back into your life. I beg you.’
Nick walked us home. The rain had eased a little but the wind hadn’t. I felt a storm brewing, physically and metaphorically. Clare announced she’d make drinks then head up to bed with hers and several rounds of toast to soak up the alcohol.
Left alone in the cool lounge, I curled up on the opposite end of the sofa to Nick and pulled a throw over our legs for warmth. Twenty-four hours earlier we’d been snuggled on the sofa and I’d felt like I hadn’t a care in the world. What a difference a day could make.
I looked at Nick’s concerned expression. I didn’t want to hurt him but I had to tell him. ‘Something happened this afternoon. I don’t know what to make of it but I think honesty is really important in a relationship so I’m going to tell you even though it might hurt you.’
Nick sighed. ‘This sounds ominous. Should I be worried?’
I couldn’t reassure him. ‘I don’t know where to start.’ My eyes filled with tears.
‘The beginning?’
Clare poked her head round the door, passed me two mugs of tea, then headed upstairs, leaving the enticing aroma of toast hanging in the air. Bloody Andy. The three of us could have been laughing and joking over tea and toast instead of Clare feeling banished to her room while I had one of the hardest conversations of my life.
‘When we went to the pub after Auntie Kay tried to set us up, do you remember me telling you about Andy?’
‘Your boyfriend at university? The one in Dubai?’ Nick blew on his tea.
‘I haven’t seen him for about fifteen months, but he emailed me recently to say he was coming back to the UK for good. I told him I’d split up with Jason and moved back home. He turned up at the shop this afternoon.’
Nick put his tea on the coffee table. ‘I’m guessing he wasn’t after mate’s rates on a bouquet?’
‘No. He wants to try again.’
‘And you said…?’
My cheeks flushed. ‘I said it was out of the blue and I didn’t know what to say or think.’
‘Did you tell him about us?’
‘No,’ I admitted in a small voice, hanging my head in shame.
‘Any reason?’ He didn’t sound mad, just hurt.
‘Clare asked me the same thing. She’s furious with him, by the way, for thinking he can just walk back into my life. I don’t know why I didn’t mention it. We only had a brief conversation and I couldn’t think how to throw it in. I mean, he travelled all the way here to tell me he loves me. I didn’t want to hurt him by throwing it back in his face.’
‘He told you he loves you?’
Too honest, Sarah. Why did you have to say that?
‘Not in so many words,’ I muttered. I knew I was doing the right thing in telling him about Andy. I also knew that Nick meant the world to me and, if the pained expression in his eyes was anything to go by, I was breaking his heart. What I really didn’t know was how I felt about Andy anymore. Half of me was screaming that it felt so right with Nick and he really could be The One despite being a non-Steven. But the other half was screaming that I’d always believed Andy was The One and, here he was, begging me to get back with him… and he was a Steven… well, sort of.
‘How did you leave things?’
‘He’s staying at The Ramparts. I didn’t ask him to. He’d already booked himself in. I guess I’ll meet him at some point to talk.’
Nick studied my face for what felt like a lifetime. ‘There’s something else, isn’t there?’
How could he possibly know?
As if reading my mind, he said, ‘Remember that I volunteer with children who have seriously messed up lives. I’m not saying you’re seriously messed up or anything. I just mean that I can spot when someone’s not telling me everything.’
I stared at the empty fire. ‘I hadn’t thought about it until he walked into the shop and Clare said it aloud.’
‘Said what?’
‘His name.’
‘What about it?’ I turned to face him and saw realisation dawn.
‘Andrew Steven Kerr,’ I said. ‘Clare and Andy always wound each other up by saying each other’s full names because Clare hates her middle name. They did it today.’
Nick looked as though I’d punched him in the stomach. ‘I thought you’d given up on the search for Steven.’
‘I had. It’s just… I…’ A tear rolled down my cheek.
He reached out and took my hand. ‘Please don’t cry. I get it. I do. It sounds like you need some time and space right now so I’m going to make things easy for you and say let’s just park what happened last night.’ He swallowed hard. ‘I think the world of you and I believe we have something pretty special. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I think we could have a great future together. But you and Andy have a past together. If you don’t explore the Steven connection and whether the timing is finally right for you both, you and I won’t survive for long because he’ll always be there in the background like a ghost and you’ll always be wondering what if?’
‘But…’ The words caught in my throat as another tear trailed down my cheek. Nick tenderly wiped it away.
‘It’s for the best. I should go.’
I nodded, unable to speak as more tears fell. I followed him to the door in a daze. I hadn’t made a decision about Andy. I hadn’t wanted to push Nick away; I’d ju
st wanted to be honest with him. I’d only wanted him to know I was going to meet with Andy to understand more about why he was here; I wasn’t planning to run off with him.
‘Goodbye, Sarah.’ Nick hugged me tightly then disappeared down the garden path into the darkness and the rain.
I shivered as I leaned against the doorframe, the wind whipping my hair across my face. I had to fight hard against the urge to chase after him and beg him to stay because I knew he was absolutely right; not exploring things with Andy would leave too many unanswered questions and too much pressure on my fledgling relationship with Nick.
The sky lit up followed by a deep rumble. The storm had broken and I started to shake.
‘You’ll freeze if you stand there all night,’ said a soft voice right behind me. Clare reached around me and gently closed the door. ‘Come here, you.’
‘He ended it,’ I whispered as I sunk into her arms and sobbed.
A knock on the door a few minutes later made us both jump. Clare released me and opened it cautiously. ‘Can I speak to Sarah?’ asked Nick.
Clare moved aside. Rain trickled down his face and his dark hair lay flat against his head.
‘You’ve changed your mind?’ I asked. Please say yes. We’ll find a way through this. I want you in my life.
‘No. But I couldn’t leave without saying something. I really am going to give you the time and space you need to decide whether you want to try again with Andy. But I don’t want you to make the decision thinking it’s been easy for me to walk away from you because I’m not that bothered or because we only got together last night. I said you mean the world to me but that was a cop-out. Andy says he loves you. Well, so do I. I didn’t want to say it because I didn’t want to scare you by being too serious too soon. I know we only met ten weeks ago but I already can’t imagine my life without you in it. You’re amazing, Sarah. You’re beautiful, funny, kind and intelligent. I’m so impressed with what you’ve done with Kay’s business and I was excited about supporting you as you go from strength to strength. The minute I met you before Callie’s wedding, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I’m not someone who believes in love at first sight but it happened to me that day.’ He paused for breath.
You love me? I opened my mouth to speak but no words came.
‘Please don’t say anything,’ he said. ‘You need to meet Andy to talk but you need to have the full picture first. I’m not going to get in touch with you again. It’s up to you to make the next move if you want to. If you decide that this thing with Andy was over years ago, it’s just a coincidence that Steven’s his middle name, and you do want to be with me after all, you know where I am. But you need to be completely over your search for Steven because I definitely can’t do this again. I hope you will come back to me. I’ll be waiting for you, Sarah. However long it takes.’
As another bolt of lightning illuminated the sky, he leaned forward and tenderly kissed me on the cheek. ‘However long it takes,’ he whispered. Then he retreated into the darkness again, his footsteps drowned out by the thunder.
‘I don’t care what that stupid clairvoyant said. You should be with your man Nick.’ I turned around. Clare was sitting on the stairs, crying. Clare never cries. ‘If you really believe in fairy-tale endings, how can you not see that Nick’s yours? I can see it and I don’t even believe in all that crap.’
29
✉︎ From Auntie Kay
Just spoken to your mum. She told me about you and Nick. Beside myself with excitement. Knew you two were perfect for each other. Glad you’ve come to your senses and called off your Steven search. When you have a moment, please email me with all the details. Don’t leave anything out! Is it too early to buy a hat?!!! xxxx
My heart sank. She was so right. We were perfect for each other. But was Andy also perfect for me, just like he was when we got together twelve years ago? Or was he still the Andy who treated me like crap as soon as he started his fast-track career? Or perhaps someone even worse? But what if he was The Steven? I had to find out or, as Nick said, I’d be forever wondering ‘what if?’
‘Another text from Andy?’ Clare asked as we relaxed on the sofa after a late breakfast on Sunday.
‘No. Auntie Kay.’ I blew on my tea. Andy had already texted me twice to ask if we could meet to talk.
‘Are you going to meet him?’
‘Not today,’ I said. ‘I’m too confused. I need some space before I jump into something I might regret. Do you fancy a walk around The Headland?’
‘Is there a pub at the other side?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’ll get my boots on.’
✉︎ To Andy
Sorry for not replying sooner. Can’t meet today. Got plans with Clare. Can you pick me up after work tomorrow? 5.45pm
Andy knocked on the shop door bang on 5.45 p.m. the following day. ‘I’ve got something for you,’ he said when I closed the door behind him. He reached into a large paper carrier bag. My stomach churned as he pulled out a familiar-looking brown box tied up with cellophane and red ribbon. ‘I didn’t feel it was appropriate to give my business to someone else and get you flowers so I got you these.’
It can’t be. Please don’t let it be the same as Nick’s gift. I reluctantly undid the bow and opened the lid to reveal the same mix of floral cupcakes and biscuits.
‘What’s wrong?’ Andy asked. ‘Is it a bad gift? You’re not on a diet again, are you?’
I blinked the tears away and tried to look pleased. ‘No. Nothing like that. They’re great. Thank you. It’s a lovely thought. Really. I’ll just pop them in The Outback. Wait here a second. Don’t move. Back in a sec.’
With an overwhelming feeling of sadness, I placed the box on the worktop in the kitchen area, next to the half-empty box from Nick. I swallowed hard on the lump in my throat as I re-read Nick’s message, wondering what he was doing at that very moment and whether he was thinking about me.
‘Where do you fancy going?’ Andy’s shout brought me back to the present.
I shook my head and threw a tea-towel over the two boxes. Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe. Pull yourself together, girl. Andy’s here and he could be Steven. You’ve dreamed about getting back with him for years so stop moping about someone you’ve known for five minutes. Nick’s given you the time and space to explore this so stop hiding in the kitchen and get exploring.
‘I don’t mind,’ I shouted back. I grabbed my coat and bag and headed back into the shop. ‘Food or drinks?’
‘I was thinking both. Maybe we could start with a drink then I can take you out for a nice meal?’
I smiled. ‘I think we’ll play it by ear. It’s work tomorrow so I can’t do a late one. Exactly how long I stay out may depend on how quickly I’ve had enough of you.’
‘Then we may be out for a long time. I’ll treat you so well tonight you’ll never want to go home. My aim is to make sure you’ve never had enough of me.’ Andy flashed his most dazzling smile.
I shook my head. ‘That has to be the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard you say.’
He grimaced. ‘Sorry. It’s been a while. Maybe I need to work on my lines.’
‘Maybe.’ I pushed him towards the door. ‘Let’s start in The Purple Lobster and take it from there.’
Despite my best intentions to only give Andy a couple of hours of my time and get an early night, one drink turned into four. Tucked away in a booth in a quiet corner of The Purple Lobster, we reminisced about the night we got together, the rest of our time at university, our graduation, and that last holiday in Rhodes before things went downhill. I confessed about my disastrous last year with Jason and Andy told me about his on-off relationship with Kelly. It was one of those nights where the conversation flows and the hours whizz by… just like it used to.
‘This is me,’ I said when we reached Seashell Cottage shortly before eleven. ‘I’d invite you in, but…’
‘I know. It’s too soon.’
I nodded. ‘I�
��ve had a great time, though. My sides actually hurt from laughing so much.’
‘Mine too. Could you bring yourself to do it again tomorrow night? Perhaps we can manage something more sophisticated than a bag of chips on the way home?’
‘The chips worked for me,’ I said. ‘But tomorrow doesn’t. It’s Christmas Eve.’
‘I know. Oh. I bet you have plans.’ Andy’s eyes looked full of hope. ‘Do you?’
‘Sorry, Andy. Ben’s coming home and we’re having a family get-together at Mum and Dad’s. It’ll be the first time in years it’s just been the four of us.’
‘Sounds nice. I’m assuming you’ll be spending Christmas Day there too?’
I nodded. ‘I’d invite you, but—’
‘I’m the git who broke their daughter’s heart?’
‘Something like that. Sorry. Plus, I don’t want to tell them about… this… until I know what this is.’
‘Stop apologising. I’m the one who appeared out of the blue four days before Christmas. I’m the one who should be apologising. I realise my timing sucks. I was so desperate to see you again that I didn’t think about the time of year. Any chance you’re free on Boxing Day? Or the day after? Or the day after that?’
I studied Andy’s disappointed face. The glow from the moon made him appear so young and innocent… yet incredibly alluring. Why did he have to be so damned attractive? Oh, what the hell. Mum wouldn’t mind if I was a little late. ‘Pick me up at the same time tomorrow night. I can only give you an hour, absolute max.’
His face lit up. ‘You’re sure?’
‘I’m sure. Now get out of here before I change my mind.’ I pointed back up the road.
‘I’m going. But first I have to give you one of these.’
Andy reached out and gave me a hug. It felt good to be held by him, familiar and comfortable. He gave me a gentle kiss on the top of my head. That felt good too.
‘Tomorrow, then.’ He cupped my face in his hands and gave me a soft and gentle peck on the lips. ‘I’ll be counting down the hours. Goodnight, Sarah.’
New Beginnings at Seaside Blooms Page 21
