He narrowed his eyes and shrugged. ‘What do you want me to say?’
‘How about, “I’m sorry, Sarah, for being a lying little shit. I’m sorry, Sarah, for coming back into your life without warning and getting you to split up with an amazing man to see if we could make it work again. I’m sorry, Sarah, for insulting your shop, your home, and your life. I’m sorry, Sarah, for being an ignorant, arrogant, self-centred lying pig”.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘You could try to sound like you mean it. It’s time you left now.’
He got to his feet, wobbled, then looked at me so coldly that a shiver ran down my spine. ‘I’ll go but answer me one thing first. I still don’t get it. Why would you throw away a great career, an exciting life in the city, and a chance to be with me for… for… this.’
‘You’ve just answered your own question, Andy. You just don’t get it. And that’s the reason why I choose all this over you. You don’t get it. You don’t get me. We don’t get each other. It’s over. Forever.’
The coldness in his eyes seemed to drop a few more degrees. ‘You say I’ve changed but you’ve changed too and not for the better. I’m not sure I even like you anymore.’
‘Fine. That makes us quits. And you can have these back.’ I swiftly removed my new earrings and unclasped my necklace before dropping them back into the bag.
He snatched it from me. ‘You know that photo of you that I said I kept in my wallet? I found it at the bottom of a crate when I was packing, discarded and forgotten. You’re not all that special, you know. You’ve really let yourself go. I’m not sure I want a fat girlfriend showing me up. I hope your business fails.’
‘And I hope you never get promoted. Get out!’ I picked up his shoes and socks and shoved them into his arms, stormed towards the front door, and yanked it open. ‘I’m waiting.’
When I slammed the front door behind him a few moments later, I let out a shuddery deep breath and prepared myself for the floodgates to open. But they didn’t. I was still shaking from the confrontation but the only feeling I had was relief. Eight years of wondering ‘what if?’ had finally reached a conclusion. Our time had been when we were at university and I’d been foolish to think that, with so much happening in both our lives, we could ever be those same people again. Andy was right; I had changed but, unlike him, it was for the better. He may have the right middle name but he wasn’t the Steven. I knew who was, though. I picked up my phone to reply to Nick’s text but spotted a message from Auntie Kay.
✉︎ Auntie Kay
I knew it! I knew Nick was your Charlie! I’m beside myself with excitement. Go get him!
* * *
✉︎ To Auntie Kay
I will. But first I really need some sleep. It’s been a tough week xx
And now for my reply to Nick. I just hoped it would work…
✉︎ To Nick
Andy’s gone. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve put you through. Hope we can stay friends and maybe go out for a drink soon xx
35
Elise had offered to work a couple of shifts over the school holidays. She was waiting outside the shop for me on Monday morning and glanced at her watch as I fumbled with my keys in the door. ‘Cutting it a bit fine this morning, aren’t we?’ It was two minutes until opening time.
‘Don’t,’ I mumbled. I felt stressed enough about being late without anyone commenting on it. ‘It’s been a hideous weekend and I slept through the alarm this morning.’
Getting the door open at last, I flipped the sign round to open and headed into The Outback to get the float for the till. ‘Can you watch things? I’ll just be a minute.’
‘Sure.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Elise said when I’d brought her up to date on the Andy situation between serving customers. ‘How do you feel?’
‘Angry but relieved.’
‘You did the right thing. I hate to be the bearer of more bad news but you know the fireworks he said he’d organised…?’
‘Another lie?’
She nodded. ‘Sorry. The landlady of The Ship was celebrating her fiftieth birthday and twenty-five years of being a landlady with—’
‘With a firework display that would have been seen over the castle?’
Elise nodded. ‘It was in this morning’s paper. I was wondering how to tell you.’
I covered my face with my hands and muttered. ‘Oh, Elise, I’ve made such a mess of things this past week or so.’
‘Hey. You didn’t make a mess of anything. Andy did this; not you.’
I looked at her sadly. ‘But I could have told him to get lost right at the start. I could have stuck with Nick but I had to be blinded by the whole Steven thing.’
‘What are you going to do about Nick?’
‘I honestly don’t know. I know I want to be with him but I can’t decide whether he’s moved on or not. We saw him with Blonde and you’ve seen them twice since, but then he sent me that lovely text. You wouldn’t send something like that if you were seeing someone else, would you?’ Something about Elise’s expression concerned me. ‘More bad news?’
‘I’ve seen them together again. Twice more.’
‘No!’
‘Sorry.’
‘When? Where?’
‘In her car at the lights near the theatre yesterday afternoon and I saw them on foot the night before but I can’t remember where.’
I hardly dared ask but I had to know. ‘Did they seem… together?’
‘Ooh. I was hoping you wouldn’t ask that. When I saw them on foot, he had his arm round her.’
‘I guess that’s that, then.’ I swallowed hard on the huge lump in my throat.
‘It could still have been innocent.’
‘You don’t really believe that, do you?’
Elise slowly shook her head. ‘I want to, though.’
‘Oh well, plenty more fish in the sea. Or plenty more Stevens on the-one.com.’
‘And you don’t really believe that, do you?’ said Elise.
I shook my head and sighed. ‘I really do think Nick was The One and I’ve let him slip away. He was obviously just being nice in his text on Saturday and I’ve built it up to be something I want it to be. I guess I know why he didn’t reply to my text about Andy leaving. He doesn’t care.’
‘You know that’s not true,’ Elise said. ‘I know the evidence points towards Nick and Blonde being together, but we don’t know that for certain and, even if they are, it doesn’t mean it’s anything serious. He said he’d wait for you however long it takes, didn’t he?’
‘Words. Only words.’
Elise gave me a hug. ‘So what now?’
I sighed and shrugged. The only certainty I felt was that my search for Steven was over. For me, it had to be Nick or nobody. And terrifying as the thought was of being alone like Uncle Alan, I knew that I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person like Jason or Andy. And, as Auntie Kay had pointed out, I had family and great friends so I’d never truly be alone. I hoped.
36
✉︎ From Auntie Kay
Not heard from you since you sent Andy packing. Are you and Nick back together yet? Really hope so. You’re made for each other xxx
* * *
✉︎ From Elise
Hate to say it but just seen them together again. Don’t get down. Obviously not meant to be. It’s a new year tomorrow and that means new beginnings. Maybe a fresh start on the search for Steven? xx
‘You did the right thing, sweetheart.’ Mum put her arm around me the following day. ‘You gave him a chance and he showed his true colours.’
‘I know. At least I finally have closure. It only took eight years.’
‘Then why don’t you look a little more pleased? Is it Nick?’
I nodded. ‘I’ve lost him, Mum.’ I tried to blink back the tears but it was too late. Mum hugged me tightly and I sobbed on her shoulder, hoping no customers would appear.
‘I’d better get myself tidied up,’ I
said when the tears finally subsided. ‘It’s quiet enough today without me scaring the customers off with my panda eyes. Shout if you need me.’
The bell tinkled a couple of times while I was in The Outback but Mum didn’t shout so it was clearly nothing too complex.
I wandered back into the shop, feeling better for a good cry. ‘Thanks, Mum. Anything sold?’
‘Small bunch of spray carnations and a woman collected those white roses.’
My heart sank. ‘Callie?’
‘She didn’t give her name.’
‘About my age? Dark hair? Similar build to me?’
Mum nodded.
‘That was Nick’s sister. Did she say anything?’
‘She just said thanks and paid. Seemed in a rush. I’d have shouted you if I’d realised. Sorry, sweetheart.’
‘It’s my fault. I should have said whom they were for. I didn’t think… Oh well, while it’s quiet, I think it’s time you told me all about Auntie Kay and Charlie Blake.’
Between serving customers, Mum told me everything she could remember, including Auntie Kay’s resolve never to date again.
‘Do you think she made the right decision?’ I asked.
Mum shrugged. ‘I think it was right for her. I’d have loved to have seen my big sister get married and have kids, but I saw how she was with Charlie and I saw how she was with Tim. It was chalk and cheese. Kay and Charlie were soulmates. Kay and Tim were friends. Poor Tim would always have been second best and they both knew it. If he’d never joined the army, who knows what would have happened? Maybe Kay and Tim would have married, but if they had, I think they’d have had a rough ride and I don’t think they’d still be together today.’
‘What about when it ended with Tim the second time? Couldn’t she have found someone else? Someone more like Charlie?’
‘She didn’t want to. She’d already met the love of her life and he’d been taken away too young. Nobody else was ever going to compare. Every time I thought about encouraging her to move on, I’d imagine how I’d feel if, God forbid, I lost your dad. I’d never want to be with anyone else and I’d resent anyone who expected me to be.’
‘Do you really think there’s only one true match for everyone?’
‘I do, sweetheart, but I base that on personal experience. If neither Andy nor Nick are your soulmate then keep looking because I’m sure he’ll be out there.’
‘What if Nick is my soulmate?’
‘Then why aren’t you fighting for him?’
It was a very good question.
‘Sarah! You’ve got a visitor.’ Nick? My heart raced as I scrambled down the stockroom stepladder an hour or so later.
But it wasn’t Nick.
‘Clare? What are you doing here?’ I rushed at her for a hug.
‘I was bored. You know I hate New Year’s Eve even more than I hate Christmas. You were moaning that you had nothing to do now that you’ve sent that numpty packing so I’ve invited myself to stay. I thought we could stay in, stuff our faces and drink shed loads. I’ve got enough food and drink in the car to feed an army.’
I hugged her again.
‘What’s the matter with you?’ She wriggled free. ‘You know Clare hugs are on a limited supply.’
‘Sorry. I’m just really pleased to see you.’
Clare stretched out on the sofa later that evening while I screwed up newspaper for the fire. ‘I still think you should tell Nick straight out that your man Andy’s out of your life now for good,’ she said.
I shrugged. ‘He knows. I’ve texted him and I’ve put it on Facebook but he hasn’t responded. He’s been spotted with Blonde loads so I have to accept that, for now, he’s moved on.’
‘I’m not convinced he has. Remember I was here when he made that little speech less than two weeks ago. That wasn’t a man who was going to get over you this quickly. There has to be another explanation.’
‘Can you think of one?’
Clare was quiet for a moment. ‘No. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t one. I couldn’t think of an explanation around your man Andy’s OTT behaviour but there was one, wasn’t there?’
Hmm. Good point as usual.
Five minutes later, the fire was blazing. ‘I think it’s time.’ I picked up my laptop and sat beside her on the sofa.
‘Are you sure you want to do this? If it really is over with Nick, surely you should be ramping up your search for Steven, not calling it off.’
‘You’ve changed your tune. I thought you didn’t believe in the Steven thing.’
‘I still don’t but you do.’ She narrowed her eyes at me. ‘Or have you finally seen sense?’
‘I still believe it but I think the name is a red herring. I listened to the CD several times on Sunday. Madame Louisa says that I’ll reach a crossroads where past meets present and I have to follow my heart not my head because my heart will lead me to Steven. The crossroads were obviously Andy and Nick. My head was telling me to try again with Andy because I’d always believed we’d get back together one day but my heart wouldn’t let go of Nick. Nick’s the heart decision and the heart decision is supposed to lead me to Steven.’
Clare frowned. ‘So if Nick is really Steven, even though that’s not his name, why aren’t you fighting for him?’
‘Mum asked me the same thing. It’s hard to explain.’
‘Try me.’
I sipped on my wine. ‘Firstly I feel stupid and embarrassed about the Andy thing. Secondly, he’s seeing someone else—’
‘Possibly.’
‘Almost definitely. And thirdly, if we really are meant to be together, it will still happen. He’ll have his fling with Blonde and I’ll have had my blip with Andy and we’ll be on an even footing to start again. Well, sort of even. I didn’t sleep with Andy—’
‘And you don’t know that he’s sleeping with Blonde, do you now?’
‘I hope he isn’t, but it’s none of my business.’ I switched the laptop on while Clare stared at me. I really didn’t have the energy for an argument.
‘I still don’t get it,’ she said. ‘Why remove your dating profile? Using your logic, couldn’t you just keep it on there and have a bit of fun until destiny finally reunites you and Nick or whatever it is you’re expecting?’
‘I don’t think it would be fair. I don’t want to meet anyone else. The only person I want is Nick. I’ve already messaged the three Stevens who asked me out before Christmas to say I’m removing my profile and concentrating on the business for the foreseeable future. It’s my New Year’s Resolution.’
‘And what will you really be doing?’
‘Removing my profile and concentrating on the business.’ And hoping that Nick will come back to me eventually.
I’d made a decision that the New Year signalled time for a new perspective on things. I was going to be grateful for all the amazing things that had come my way over the past few months. I had a great business, a great team to help run it, my health, a rent-free roof over my head and my friends and family around me. I was incredibly lucky and I needed to start acting like a lucky person instead of a victim.
‘Why do you keep staring at me?’ I said. Midnight was fast approaching but we’d already agreed not to acknowledge it. I wasn’t a fan of New Year’s Eve either. I always found it such an anti-climax so was delighted to be spending it at home with one of my best friends instead of squashed in a sweaty pub with a five-deep queue at the bar and a three-hour wait for a taxi home at quadruple the usual price.
‘I’m trying to imagine what it must be like being you.’
I laughed. ‘Now why would you want to do something scary like that?’
Clare didn’t laugh. ‘A few months ago, you ended a three-year relationship with Jason because he wasn’t The One, right?’
‘Yes.’
‘And a few days ago you ended a twelve-year on-off relationship with Andy because you finally realised he wasn’t The One either, right?’
I nodded.
‘But you think Nick is The One?’
‘Yes.’
‘And, not only that, you think he’s the Steven your clairvoyant predicted was the perfect match for you, but she somehow got the name wrong?’
‘Correct.’
‘Then I just don’t get it. You’ve found your man. He feels the same way about you. He told you he’d wait for you as long as it takes. He sent a text to say he misses you. You’ve removed your online profile because you don’t want to be with anyone but him. You decided to say no to Andy even before you learned the truth about him. You can’t stop thinking about Nick. You’re not eating properly, you’re not sleeping properly and you can’t imagine life without him. Yet you won’t do anything about it. You won’t phone him. You won’t go round to see him. You’re just prepared to – and I quote – “see what happens”.’
It sounded so stupid me avoiding Nick when Clare described it like that. But the thought of knocking on his door or phoning him up and having Blonde answer was too much to bear. ‘I’m scared of bumping into her,’ I admitted. ‘She’s slim, blonde and beautiful. I can’t compete with that.’
‘Bollocks!’ Clare said. ‘You’re curvaceous and beautiful and hair colour’s got sod all to do with anything. If you put yourself down again, I’ll slap you.’
‘Ooh, so masterful,’ I joked.
Clare shook her head at me. ‘If the only thing that’s stopping you from getting back with the man of your dreams is the fear of running into her, then you need to think of a time or a place to catch him where she definitely won’t be.’
‘Like where?’
‘I don’t know. I’ve only met him once. Does he have any hobbies? Play any sports? Go anywhere she wouldn’t be?’
I shrugged. ‘He goes running along the beach a few times a week.’
New Beginnings at Seaside Blooms Page 27
