Identity

by Nat Burns

  “I’m fine, Liza. You just caught me off guard. I’m glad you like the lunch.” She hugged the tablecloth close. “Where shall we eat?”

  Liza seemed pleased by Shay’s ridiculous reaction. “Come with me,” she said lightly, taking the laden basket from her.

  Shay followed Liza and, when Liza held the door open for her, hesitated only briefly before climbing into the passenger seat of Liza’s white Tacoma pickup. She caressed the soft gray cloth of the bench seat as Liza paused to stow the basket in the truck bed.

  “Wow, what a truck,” she commented as Liza slid into the driver’s side.

  “Well,” drawled Liza pointedly, “it’s not a lemon yellow Volkswagen, but it’ll have to do.”

  Shay smiled, glad she had decided to deal with the extreme feeling the taller woman engendered in her. She resolved to forget about the feelings for now and examine them later when she was alone and safe from Liza’s knowing gaze.

  “Where are we going?” she asked, experiencing a sudden clenching of fear as they pulled onto Professional Drive.

  “Just around the bend. There’s this gorgeous tree there. It’s made for picnics. Tell me if you agree.”

  Within moments, Shay saw exactly what Liza meant. “Omigosh! That is one awesome tree.”

  Liza chuckled. “We have to hike in a little ways, okay?”

  “Sure.” Shay stepped out of the truck and stared at the beautiful mushroom cloud of oak tree. It had to be at least three hundred years old. The trunk was thicker than Shay and Liza’s bodies put together. Poison oak had lost a battle with the tree and a dead vine as thick as Shay’s thigh wrapped sinuously around its pockmarked trunk.

  Liza held a barbed wire fence down so Shay could cross, all the while juggling the basket. Shay stepped over and laid the tablecloth across the barbs, then held the fence so Liza could cross.

  Liza smiled at Shay as she retrieved the tablecloth and Shay felt the same melting feeling as before. They turned as one and walked side by side toward the tree.

  “Acorns are down,” said Liza as a flock of wild green parrots exploded from the branches and flashed away in a blur of lime green color. She shielded her eyes and watched the parrots circle.

  “They’ll be back,” she said, “and will give us hell for disturbing them, I bet.”

  Shay was eyeing the tree mistrustfully and Liza laughed at her.

  “We’ll sit a little way out,” she said, setting the basket aside and taking the tablecloth. After kicking acorns aside until she had a smooth plane of grass, she spread the cloth and placed the basket in the center. She patted the cloth and took a seat next to the basket.

  “Come on! I’m starving.”

  Shay smiled, amused at Liza’s easy manner, her simple joy in life. She knelt and removed the wine and two plastic cups.

  “Sorry this isn’t colder,” she said apologetically as she poured.

  Liza took the wine offered and sipped slowly. And sipped again.

  “Holy cow,” she said. “What is this?” She took the bottle from Shay and held it up to the light. Afternoon sunlight warmed itself in the golden depths of the bottle.

  Shay laughed and shared her first experience trying the wine at a vineyard in Charlottesville, Virginia. “It was love at first taste. I buy it by the case now, even though I’m not a big drinker, and every year has been just as good as that first one.”

  “It’s amazing. I need the name and address of this winery. And drinking this doesn’t classify as ‘drinking,’” she added. “This is an experience. I’ve always liked Rieslings but this one has them all beat.”

  Shay dipped her head, pleased that Liza enjoyed the wine as much as she did. Soon she had a feast spread before them and they both jumped in eagerly.

  As she chewed, Shay’s mind flashed back to her painful time with Pepper. Struggling, she tried to rise above the memory, tried to continue to enjoy this one moment of contentment. It was a battle but she got there. A part of her realized that Liza would never complain about Shay’s food preparation nor become abusive if things weren’t to her exacting specifications. She smiled. She bet Liza didn’t even have exacting specifications about anything. She appeared too easygoing for harsh regulations.

  Watching Liza’s gentleness with the shelter animals was the true measure of her character. Anyone who loved and respected animals the way Liza did would never harm another. Shay was sure of this one fact.

  Liza was talking about lettuce. Shay came back to the present with a start, upset by her rudeness in ignoring the other woman.

  “I do believe this is my lettuce,” Liza was saying.

  “Well, of course, silly. I wasn’t going to try and take it from you.”

  Liza watched her blankly as she chewed. “Huh?”

  “The lettuce. I won’t take it back. It’s on your sandwich, so yes, it’s yours.”

  She screwed up her freckled nose, wondering about Liza’s lettuce issues. She had to say, she’d never met anyone with a lettuce fetish before. Was that why Liza hugged her earlier? Because there was lettuce on her sandwich?

  Liza laughed at Shay’s expression. “No, you goose, I grow it. More than likely, this is some that I grew. Did you get it from McCormacks?”

  Now it was Shay’s turn to stare blankly. “Yes, yes, I did but…”

  “That’s what I do. I guess I never mentioned it. I grow things, lettuce, carrots, potatoes, peas, beans, tomatoes, beets, herbs. We even have some citrus groves in Montgomery, but I haven’t done much with that.”

  “You grow them?” Shay asked, making sure she’d heard Liza correctly.

  Liza nodded. “Have you ever heard of Meadows Produce?”

  “Omigosh, you work for Meadows? Everyone’s heard of them. You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  “No, seriously. My ex and I started the business twelve years ago in Montgomery. She’s still there managing things.”

  They fell silent. Shay had so many questions that she was having a hard time sorting her thoughts into coherent order. “So she manages the business. What do you do?”

  Liza laughed as she began to peel an orange. “Swell up with my own importance mostly, at least that what’s my grandmother would say.”

  Shay lifted one eyebrow and held out her hand for a section of the orange.

  “No, like I said, I grow things. In the beginning, I did all the research since I’ve always been a little plant crazy. I never thought about doing this as a career, but doors opened one after the other and I just stepped on through.”

  “Meadows is big,” Shay offered, her face expressionless.

  Liza sighed. “Yes, yes it is. And growing all the time. I have to say Gina’s good at what she does.”

  “So she’s your ex?” Shay nibbled at her sandwich and licked mustard from her thumb.

  “Yeah, for about a year now.”

  “How is working together?” Shay watched Liza keenly.

  “It’s okay. We avoid one another mostly.” Liza had finished the orange and reached for the grapes. “I wish things had worked out. As the business grew, I…I saw a different side of her. I’m a little driven. She’s a lot driven.”

  “How do you mean exactly?” Shay nabbed one of Liza’s grapes.

  “Well, her idea of a good time was endless cocktail parties. She said she needed to press the flesh to promote the business.” She paused and laid back, contentedly rubbing her full stomach. “Not that I fault her. There is a certain amount of that needed to promote a business, especially a new one. Frankly, I was glad she was up for it. I certainly wasn’t.”

  Her voice softened, grew thoughtful. “The more she pressed the flesh, the more our paths diverged. We had no common ground anymore.”

  A silence fell as both women followed their own thoughts. Liza watched the sky. Though she tried not to, Shay watched Liza. There was something so endearing about Liza’s kind smile. Her cocoa brown eyes were so frank, so honest. And in them Shay had seen Liza’s pain at the failed relationship. She id
ly wondered if this was due to continued feelings for her ex or simply because she had failed to maintain something so important.

  “So she changed,” Shay said finally.

  “Umhmm.” Liza turned her gaze toward Shay. “And I did. It’s like I saw what really matters to her. Fame. Attention. Things I really don’t care about.”

  “And if she came to her senses?” Shay tried to mask the interest her question conveyed.

  Liza sighed heavily and poked at a mound of grass with the heel of her athletic shoe. “It wouldn’t matter. I’ve seen a different side to her now. I have accepted that it’s over between us. She’s a stranger to me now.”

  Shay studied her, with admiration and new interest.

  Liza’s eyes found and held Shay. They connected again, as if melding together. Shay felt as if she had stepped into Liza’s being. Whispered words fell from Liza. “I’m going to kiss you.”

  Shay, munching grapes, grew still. She swallowed. “What?”

  “Can I kiss you? I’ve been wanting to all day.”

  “No. No, you can’t.” She knew she didn’t sound convincing.

  “Why?” Liza smiled, and Shay knew her eyes totally belied the rejection. “Don’t you like me even a little?”

  “I…I like you, but…”

  “So, how about a kiss?A little one? A peck?”

  Shay’s hands set aside her grapes and grabbed the tablecloth on either side of her body, bunching it into two star-shaped piles. “Why?”

  Liza rose from her recumbent position and moved close. “Because it’s what we both want,” she whispered, her breath warmly fanning Shay’s lips.

  Hunger leapt in Shay and she pushed forward into Liza’s kiss. It was a reflexive action fueled by desire, without thought of consequence, without agony. Falling into Liza’s kiss was as natural as breathing and just as welcome. As the kiss deepened from a small kiss into a sharing of souls and need, Shay pulled away, her very foundation shaken. Silence fell between them.

  “Are you okay?” Liza’s voice was intimate, washing across Shay like hot oil.

  “No, not really.” Reaction had raised dark blotches on Shay’s cheeks, and she felt her heart drop. She needed anger. Anger was going to be the defense of the day.

  “I didn’t hold you down, Shay. I didn’t force you,” Liza said calmly.

  Shay looked down, uncertain, filled with fear spawned from memory. She caught at her bottom lip with her teeth. Pride wouldn’t let her back down now.

  “You think you’re so irresistible.” Shay shifted to her knees and started carefully packing up the picnic.

  Liza sighed loudly and stood. She moved to one side, arms hugging her own body as she wondered how such a pleasant time could have turned out so badly. Guilt washed across her, she wanted to kick herself, especially as her body still thrilled to Shay’s closeness. And her kiss.

  Shay, finished with packing up, stood silently, tablecloth folded across her forearm. “Let’s go back,” she said, her voice even.

  Liza studied the darkening sky. It closely matched her mood. She saw Shay’s averted face and felt wretched that the woman avowed to feel nothing for her. She hadn’t meant to rush her, but it was better to find out sooner rather than later. But that kiss, didn’t that tell the true story?

  They moved toward the truck in silence. Liza lifted the fence and opened the truck door for Shay, but the motions were automatic, both women lost in thought.

  As Liza pulled the truck next to the yellow Volkswagen, she spoke haltingly. “Shay, listen. I didn’t know, didn’t realize…”

  Shay turned to Liza. She looked as if she had awakened from a deep sleep. “Realize what?”

  “That you might not be like me. That you’re maybe...not into women.”

  “What?” Shay frowned at Liza even as she pulled the tablecloth close, comforting herself with the fragrance of crushed grass.

  “It’s okay…if you prefer men. I understand. I shouldn’t have pushed myself on you that way.”

  “Oh, hell,” Shay muttered as she pushed open the truck door. “Go home, Liza. I just need some time, okay? I’ll see you later.”

  Liza watched with her mouth open as Shay tossed the basket into the passenger seat of her Volkswagen and sped off along the shelter road, heading toward Professional. She slumped forward, her forehead resting on the backs of her hands where they held the steering wheel. Would she ever understand the way this woman’s mind worked?

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  “Chloe’s coming to take you to the doctor, Pop. Can you be ready in half an hour?”

  Tom looked at his oldest daughter over the top edge of the newspaper he was reading. “You’re not going?”

  Liza shook her head and speared another slice of banana. “Nope. Her turn.”

  His face fell and he folded the newspaper, setting it to one side. “Don’t you want to go with me?”

  Liza, surprised at his child-like tone, quickly realized how out of control his fight with skin cancer must make him feel. “Dad, you know better than that.” She studied his face with fond eyes. “I always enjoy my time with you. Chloe does too, and she just wants her turn.”

  “She’s so busy,” Tom argued petulantly. “She must resent it.”

  Liza laughed and tapped the table lightly with one finger. “Believe me, Pop, we’d all know it if Chloe resented taking you.”

  Tom chuckled and spun his coffee mug from palm to palm. “This is true.”

  Chloe wasn’t a bad person, she was just...difficult. She expected her way always and, to keep the peace, the family allowed it. She was the pampered younger daughter. She truly adored her big sister Liza, however, so, in Liza’s mind, it was a good trade.

  As if thoughts could materialize, Chloe appeared in the doorway that separated the kitchen from the family room.

  “You two are talking about me,” she accused. “I can always tell.”

  As usual, Chloe carried a large canvas handbag on one shoulder and a large briefcase on the other. The weighty items never seemed to faze her however. Liza believed you could put Chloe under a brick wall and her boundless energy would keep the crushing weight balanced high above.

  Chloe’s long blond hair must have made a recent visit to the salon as her highlights were positively blinding in the early morning sunlight that was streaming in through the kitchen windows. Her eyes were large, dark brown, with a bewitching uptilt at the outer corners which she, of course, emphasized with perfectly drawn eyeliner. Her lips tilted the same way and she always seemed to be laughing at some private amusement. Indeed, sadness was a foreign emotion to the young legal secretary. Selfishness, giddiness, forgetfulness and thoughtlessness could all describe her at various times but never sadness. She reminded Liza of their mother, Sienna. She too had been a happy woman, albeit never one as demanding as Chloe.

  Liza tilted her head to one side as she studied her younger sister. It was a strange phenomenon of genetics. Chloe and Liza had received their father’s thick blond hair and ruddy, fair skin. Steve and Richard, the brothers, had received Sienna’s Native American darkness. Richard and Liza had also received her stocky, sturdy figure, while Chloe and Steve had received Tom’s more willowy form. Strange.

  “What?” Chloe asked, clearly irritated at the perusal. “Do I have bagel on my face or something?”

  Her phone rang, splitting the morning with Beethoven’s Ode to Joy. Chloe juggled her bags until she could tap the BlackBerry that was her lifeline. “Chloe Hughes.”

  Liza leaned toward her father. “Go get ready, Pop. You need any help?”

  Tom shook his head and rose. “You got the dishes?”

  Liza nodded as Chloe slid into his vacated chair, her bag and briefcase tumbling to the tile floor. She signed off.

  “Just the office,” she explained. “Is he ready?”

  “Few minutes. His appointment’s not ’til nine thirty. Y’all have time. How’s your schedule today?” She, as always, pushed her coffee cup toward her siste
r. Chloe lifted it gratefully and took a healthy swallow.

  “Not enough milk, Liza. Listen, I need to borrow that blue silk undershirt. You know, the one I was so crazy about when we went to New York? I have a club date coming up, and I thought I’d wear it under my black silk shirt, belted. Won’t that look cool?”

  Liza smiled and leaned forward. “Tell you what. I’ll give it to you if you do me a favor.”

  Chloe stilled and leaned forward, her excitement palpable. Liza never asked her for favors. “What! What is it?”

  Liza colored slightly but pressed onward. “I met this woman who’s driving me crazy. I need to know more about her.”

  Chloe sat back, her winsome mouth pursed. “It’s about time. I thought Gina was going to haunt you forever. Tell me more.”

  Frowning, Liza retrieved her coffee. “She moved into the Carson place over next to Mémé’s. I hear that she bought it under another name, and I found out the other night she knows absolutely nothing about Maypearl. Why in the world did she choose this town?”

  Liza rose and started clearing the table.

  “She says she had family here, but I can’t imagine who. Is she lying? Also, she is real standoffish. I know it could be because she’s a Yankee.” She turned from the sink and pinned her sister with an unwarranted accusatory stare. “She’s from DC, by the way. But there seems to be something else, and I was hoping you could do a little sleuthing for me, see what you can find out.”

  Chloe, taken aback by Liza’s unusual vehemence, was silent for a long beat. When she spoke, her voice was slow and measured. “Are you sure she’s gay?”

  “What does that matter?”

  “Well, obviously you’re interested. Does she live alone?”

  “I’ve never been to her house, but I think so. Mémé says that a man came out and bought the place for her so I don’t know what that means...this is why I need your help. Can you get on that national database you guys use and see what you can find?”

  Chloe lifted her BlackBerry and began typing into it. “Of course, honey, what’s her name?”

  “Shay...” Liza realized suddenly that she didn’t remember Shay’s last name, she’d only heard it once, briefly. “Rainey!” she exclaimed, “No, Raynor! That’s it. Raynor.”