Lottie Biggs is Not Tragic
Page 18
Endnotes
1 Our school rugby team isn’t supported by Wags because none of the players are legally old enough to be married. It’s supported by Dags. Dads and Girlfriends.
2 I once asked my double-science teacher, Mr Thomas, why this happens and he gave me a very thorough reply. It went something like this:
‘Well, Lottie, there are two possible explanations. One is that your friend Elvis is effectively using the cone as an amplifier by touching it with his lips and causing it to vibrate. This then increases the efficiency with which the sound waves are transferred into the air and, thus, makes them louder. However, a second and more likely explanation is that it is simply a result of concentration. Instead of the sound energy being spread out in all directions, it is concentrated through the cone in just that single direction, making it seem very much louder – but only for those at the opposite end of the cone. Does that answer your question?’
I said, ‘Yes.’ Because it did.
3 Mr Doughnut isn’t Mr Doughnut’s proper name. He’s actually called Mr Dougherty and he runs our tuck shop in his spare time. And as he makes quite a lot of doughnuts and sells quite a lot of doughnuts and eats quite a lot of doughnuts, it’s hardly surprising that we’ve tweaked his surname a fraction. Incidentally, Mr Doughnut is stick thin and doesn’t actually resemble a doughnut in the slightest.
4 I was out of phone credit.
5 Four floors of fashion at cost-cutting prices.
6 My dad lives in Wrexham which is three hours away by train. He doesn’t like putting money in the post so I don’t feel the financial benefit of his sympathy very often.
7 Which was cool because I finally had hair that didn’t look like beige candyfloss.
8Unfortunately, only in posters.
9 Emotional Hardcore Punk – obviously! Even Cardiff has them.
10 Don’t get me wrong, I know what this word means. But there are certain times in life when you need a precise definition and only a dictionary can provide it. Otherwise, you just carry on remaining all discombobulated.
11 Gareth knows more Welsh than I do so I asked him to translate this for me and he said it means ‘Carnage at the Disco’.
12 This is one of the animals that sits on the wall of Cardiff Castle in the centre of town. There are bears and monkeys and all sorts of things sitting on that wall – but sadly no chinchillas or orang-utans.
13 Or whatever other pukesome disgusting thing it is that middle-aged people do when they’re being flirty with each other.
14 Hanging means the same as minging. Not to be confused with banging, which means stonking.
15 Her first name is Geraldine. So what?
16 Knitted Ugg boots. Obviously.
17 Female emo. Obviously.
18 This is how Cardiff is described in my dad’s travel guide.
19 I STILL haven’t and now there are only TEN days left!
20 Well, not ACTUALLY like this! I was wearing my jeans for a start. But this is a good visual approximation of the MOOD I was in. In making this illustration I have been helped by the famous French artist Henri deToulouse-Lautrec (1864–1901).My art teacher showed us all a documentary about him once. As long as I live, I’ll never EVER forget the first words of that film. They were these: Although Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec was only five feet tall, he was not a small man; he had an enormously large manhood.
21 I looked him up on the computer in Wrexham library. He’s another one whose name isn’t spelled how it sounds. Think cream teas, lemon teas, sockra-teas.
22 This doesn’t include any colours that need shades of black or white in them. But strictly speaking black is not a colour – it is merely an absence of light. And white isn’t a colour either – it is merely an absence of darkness. This means that grey is not a colour either. It is merely larkness. Or dight.
23 This is likely to be a long chapter because a lot happened.
24 Jeans are cool.Denim jackets are cool. BUT NOT TOGETHER.
25 I haven’t spent ALL of my time in this library just typing up my stream of consciousness and staring at a laminated poster on the wall opposite called ‘Small Mammals of Great Britain’. I’ve also been looking at some books about philosophy. Allow me to introduce Søren Kierkegaard – born in Copenhagen in 1813. He said a lot of VERY INTELLIGENT THINGS. Most of them I don’t understand.
26 Are you searching for that casual comfort of leggings combined with the smart styling of a trouser?Then you need treggings! I’m not going to explain the knuggs thing all over again.
First published 2011 by
This electronic edition published 2011 by Macmillan Children’s Books
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Text and illustrations copyright © Hayley Long 2011
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