Unbroken Hearts

by K-lee Klein

  “Zip it, you,” Brett snarled before encircling JT’s wrist and settling it on his knee.

  The parking lot was nearly full when they pulled into Bubba’s Pubba. Brett parked the truck, but rather than immediately jumping out like he usually did, he squeezed JT’s fingers. “Hey. Can we sit a bit?”

  JT wiggled their hands. “Everything okay?” He tried hard to tamp down the shakiness in his voice, but it matched the shaky indecision playing havoc in his head. “I don’t mind just going home. You’ve already had a busy Halloween night.” His attempt at humor fell flat.

  “No, that’s not what I want.” Brett released JT’s wrist, then leaned over the console of the truck. He tucked white-gloved softness behind JT’s neck, fingertips instantly rubbing at tense muscles. “I just wanted to say that you never have to be afraid to tell me what you want.” His gaze was soft, sincere, as he used one finger to guide JT’s chin until they were face-to-face.

  “I know.” And overall it was the truth. JT tried not to dwell on his leftover Walt insecurities. Yet they obviously still cropped up.

  “I’m dead serious. This is going to be a blast, and it’s something you wanted to do, right?” JT nodded with a downturned glance. Brett tightened his hold. “Dammit, kid. I love you. And you got to know my love runs deep and hard.”

  “Har—”

  “Don’t, kid.” Brett gave him a little shake before resuming the soothing pressure of his fingers. “You’re no better at this than I am, are ya? I need you to listen to me. Then you can get as dirty as you want.” Brett cracked a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes, and it faded as quickly as it appeared. “I’d give you the moon if that’s what you really wanted.”

  JT gazed goofily at him, mindful of the love and devotion shining back at him. But nervous energy sank him back into humor. “The Halloween moon?”

  “Any moon,” Brett said with a genuine smile this time. “But I also need you to know that whatever Walt and I had, whatever we did, doesn’t have anything to do with you and me.”

  JT let the words flow through him. He remained perfectly still as Brett slid his thumb across his top vertebra. “What do you mean?”

  Brett’s reply was swift and maybe a little more impactful than intended. “I mean you keep asking about stuff that Walt and I did together. Like tonight.” He paused to wave a hand between them before resting it on JT’s chest. “But for what it’s worth, Walt and I never did this shit. We never went out period, at least no farther than Mama’s or the diner in town. Even if we did, I wouldn’t compare that with you and me. I ain’t got no right to expect you to understand my heart. But I gotta know… when you ask about Walt, is it because of something I’ve done? Do I do stuff that makes you question how I feel about you?”

  Suddenly, there wasn’t enough air in the truck for JT to breathe. He covered Brett’s palm on his chest, seeking the right words to explain what the fuck was filling his head and heart. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Brett. I guess I’m feeling a little insecure about some things.”

  “What kind of insecure? Not the kind that makes you want to get the hell out of Dodge, I hope.”

  “God, no. It’s more like I want to know everything about you.”

  Brett squinted at him with a smirk. “Pretty sure you know everything that counts.”

  “I get that I’ll never know everything, but I just….” JT sighed when the words failed him. Brett dragged him closer, resting their foreheads together while JT focused on breathing. He tried again. “I’ve never wanted to know so much about one person. It’s just so… different with you. I want to know everything that’s inside your head, everything inside your heart… just everything.”

  “And all this time I thought I was an open book,” Brett teased. He knocked their heads together, then drew a soft line across JT’s lips. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know, Darlin’. But can I just remind you of one little thing?”

  “Of course,” JT croaked the words, his throat dry and scratchy. He held Brett’s hand tighter to his chest.

  “I’ll never say anything to disrespect Walt, and I’ll never lie to you. So when I tell you I love you, it’s honestly a love I’ve never felt before. Walt will always have a place in my heart, always, but it doesn’t take up near as much space as you, sweetheart. And I’m not saying that because maybe you need to hear it. I’m saying it because some days it’s really all I think about.” Brett hesitated. He drew his head back, his gaze traveling to the darkness outside. He stayed that way when he spoke again. “Some days I think I’m the most selfish man on the earth and I wanna be even more selfish. You gotta know how blessed I feel to have wrangled something so beautiful that I don’t know whether I rightly deserve at all. And as good as I may be with writing lyrics and songs, I’m really bad with just telling my feelings.”

  “No, you’re not,” JT began, but Brett cut him off.

  “Just give me a sec. The things I feel for you can’t be summed up in any old song. They can’t be sung or written down. I believe there’s different ways to love, and I don’t mean the love of family, like Mama or old Ray. I mean loving you is different than the love I’ve felt for anybody in my whole life, and hell… sometimes that scares the daylights out of me. But at the same time, I worry I’ll hold on too tight. I’m scared I’ll send you running for the hills because I may not be all that you need.”

  “You’re crazy,” JT said. He touched Brett’s face, pinching his chin between his fingers. Brett twisted back to face him again. “Since we’re being totally honest… I suppose I ask you about Walt so much because I think I’m not enough. Your history intimidates me a little. And I admit I’m jealous of what you had with Walt. Not in a bad way, if that makes any sense. You’re just… you’re my first real relationship, but I know I’m not yours.”

  “But you’re definitely all mine now,” Brett teased with a sad grin.

  JT leaned in, kissed Brett firmly, then brushed their noses together. “I am. But I guess I’m still unsure about some things. I try to keep my thoughts rational because, I mean, I took all those psychology courses and classes that were supposed to help me understand people. Yet when it comes to you, all that knowledge just flies out of my head. It’s like you suck out everything I know and replace it with stupid feelings and dreams that make me feel like I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off.”

  “Ranch reference. Extra points.”

  “You’re such a dick.” JT pressed his forehead to Brett’s again, and Brett took the opportunity to push the cowboy hat off his head. He tightened his grip on the back of JT’s neck and pushed their mouths together, harder than JT’s kiss but still sweet and tender. It was just what JT needed. When they eased away, Brett stroked strong fingers over JT’s jaw.

  “So, you’re the educated one of us, right? You got any idea how we can rectify this particular situation?”

  “I just told you that you’ve sucked everything I’ve learned out of my head.” He tapped Brett’s bottom lip. “So take your own advice, cowboy. Don’t turn that into a dirty thought.”

  “You usually like my dirty talk.” Brett snickered against JT’s lips. “How about we give each other permission to say whatever’s in our sucked-out brains?”

  JT pulled back so he could see Brett’s eyes. “What do you mean? I think we’re mostly honest now. Aren’t we?”

  “Yeah, ’course. Sure we are. But there seems to be some things we still need to know about each other. So let’s just ask or say or tell or whatever. Like, how about I tell you how I feel tonight?”

  “About your Mad Hatter look?”

  “Mama took me back into her room, and I thought you’d both stepped off the fucking reality train.”

  JT snorted. “Why don’t you tell me what you really think?”

  “Exactly what I’m doing. I looked at that costume and thought, ‘man oh man, there is no way in hell I’m going out dressed like some goddamn cartoon character.’”

  Eyes wide wi
th anticipation, JT poked Brett in the belly. “But….”

  “But I remembered you all gussied up in your cowboy clothes and the good—well, you looking hotter than shit—overtook the bad of me dressed like a fool.”

  “I thought you liked—you’re not dressed like—”

  “No, I know. I like it. Mama was right. That Mad Hatter dude was always my favorite even if he was off his damn rocker.”

  “There was a wig to go with it—”

  “What?”

  “Millie found a white-haired wig just like the one in the cartoon. You can thank me for saving your ass on that one because then, then you would have looked like a weirdo.”

  “Well, bless your heart. I guess that’s one of the reasons I keep you around.”

  “I thought it was because you couldn’t live without me,” JT teased. Well, maybe half teased.

  “Damn straight it is. So you still want to do this? Parade me around in front of all those rednecks in Bubba’s?”

  “How about I tell you a secret first?”

  “I’m listening.”

  JT brushed his nose against Brett’s ear and lowered his voice. “I’ve never been to a costume party when I wasn’t just there to get laid.”

  Brett gasped with a snort. “And how is this any different, Darlin’?”

  “I’m already lucky.” Heat crept into JT’s face. But the truth did that sometimes.

  “There, you see? Now you’re talking like a sappy cowboy. Best keep that mushy charm to yourself or, you know, only use it on me, because not everyone appreciates all the mush like I do.”

  After a few more chaste but happy kisses, JT stuck the hat back on his head. Brett helped him get the brim just right. “I love you,” he said before reaching for the door handle. “And I’ll try harder to let go of my jealousy for Walt.”

  “I can’t ask for any more. Let’s get in there. I’ve got me a rodeo stud to show off.”

  THE INSIDE of Bubba’s was as packed as the parking lot, and Brett barely recognized the old beat-up bar. He’d be the first to admit, he hadn’t frequented the joint much in, well… ever. But there definitely hadn’t been orange Christmas lights lining every surface and tacky decorations hanging everywhere. No doubt about it, Halloween had thrown up on more than just his mama’s yard. It was almost disturbing and had Brett still been best friends with Jack, the bottle not the o’lantern, he might have been downright afraid.

  “This is so cool.”

  Of course, the kid would think it was great. Maybe it was that age gap thing Brett tried to forget that made bats with blood-dripping fangs, glowing ghosts, and too much darkness for a fella to see two feet more annoying than anything else. JT looked on it with some amusement that Brett definitely didn’t feel, even though he’d do most anything for his darlin’.

  It didn’t help that they’d come fresh out of a heart-to-heart and into Halloween hell.

  “Not thinking about pulling that too old for this shit card on me, are you?” Brett didn’t know what that meant, but JT looked so cute snuggled up to his side, he didn’t much care until…. “Honesty, remember? You’re a little creeped out, aren’t you?”

  Brett nudged him with his hip. “You think you’re so damn smart. I was just thinking how much I liked the tacky shit Bubba shoved into his usually average establishment for such an auspicious occasion.”

  “Wow. You are old.”

  “Shut it, kid. Buy me a drink and I’ll work on changing my opinion.”

  They made their way through the crowd of costumed partiers, Brett holding tight to JT’s hand as he led the way. Thank the spirits that the bar was in its usual spot, but the headless fella serving drinks was anything but usual.

  “Hey, Brett!” the decapitated body called out once they’d moseyed up to the bar. “You look…. What the hell are you supposed to be?”

  “Jesus Christ! Bubba? Is that you inside all that gory shit?” Brett peered more closely, spying the near see-through material in the neck of the headless horseman. “I’m the Mad Hatter, man.”

  Two bottles of beer miraculously appeared in front of them, and Bubba stepped closer. “That guy from the television show? Something about fairy tales?”

  “The what?” Jesus Murphy, what had JT gotten him into? “Alice in Wonderland.”

  “Oh, with Johnny Depp, right?”

  “What? No. The cartoon with the white rabbit and weird smiling cat.”

  JT, who had been unusually quiet, decided to pipe in then. “Old-school Mad Hatter. Millie and I didn’t think Brett could handle the more modern version.”

  The headless torso turned toward JT’s voice. “Holy shit. You look hot, JT.” Bubba gestured for JT to spin in a circle, and the damn kid did. “I think that suits you more than it would old grumpy hatter here.”

  Brett took a long pull of his beer before giving Bubba a what-for. “Does Denise know you swing both ways? You probably shouldn’t be talking about a man’s fella like that if you don’t want people to talk.”

  “She knows.”

  JT clapped Brett on the back a few times when he almost choked on his next mouthful. “She what?”

  Bubba turned his headless form to JT again. “Is he getting hard of hearing in his old age? Maybe you should get him one of those hearing aids, yeah?”

  “I’ve already scoped out the catalogue.”

  “Bastards!” Brett said as JT slung an arm over his shoulders. The kid snickered into his half-full bottle. “How come you didn’t tell me there’s more than one Hatter?”

  “I didn’t think it mattered. Why don’t we grab a table or….” His voice trailed off as he straightened to his full height, then tipped his hat at Brett. “Or just belly up to the bar like real cowboys?”

  He sounded so ridiculous it was almost cute. “I ain’t bellying up to nothing. This here… dead guy is downright rude tonight. Let’s find somewhere as far away from him as possible. And I ain’t giving my usual tip unless he gets more polite-like.”

  Bubba waved a hand at the throng of people. “Good luck with that, Mr. Hatter. You want me to track you down for the next round?”

  “Of course,” Brett said as he laid a big bill on the bar. He couldn’t fake a scowl anymore. His face broke out in an involuntary grin. “Great party, Bubba. I never knew you had it in you.”

  Somehow they lucked out and managed to snag a table next to the dance floor, where skeletons and werewolves and even normal folks were wiggling to some new-age country song. There was no way in hell that Brett would call what they were doing dancing. Shit. Maybe he was getting old. JT reached for his hand before he could ponder on it too much.

  “You going to stand there gawking or sit down?”

  Brett hip checked him, then collapsed into the chair beside him. “Don’t press your luck.”

  JT’s reply was a cocky smirk.

  It really wasn’t as bad as Brett thought it could’ve been. It was damn entertaining to look at all the creative and not so creative costumes. Everyone was in high spirits, and the atmosphere was addicting. Brett had nothing to complain about. He had a cold beer in his hand, a velvet hat the size of Texas on his head, and the best-looking guy in the joint at his side. Just to show he was cucumber cool, he leaned across the table and smacked JT on the lips.

  He held up a finger when JT looked at him curiously. “And just in case you’re gonna ask, the answer is no. I never kissed Walt at a Halloween party in a bigass velvet hat and god-awful bow tie. Never kissed him in public at all, matter of fact.”

  The tilt of JT’s head was a dead giveaway, even under the ten-gallon hat. “That’s kind of sad.”

  Brett shrugged. “Was just how it was with us. Don’t think it was a conscious thing. We never sat down and said no kissing in public or no PDA around other people. Walt was from a different time even than me. He would’ve made one hell of a straight man married to a wife who stayed home to raise their young’uns.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  Brett concentr
ated on the bottle in his hand, sipping at the last of his beer. “He just had a different way about it. I suppose I did too, back then. Isn’t that something people end up doing? Adapt to who you spend your time with and what you get used to?”

  “I guess so. So you’ve adapted to me?” The question was firm, but Brett sensed the underlying waver of uncertainty. He decided honesty was the best policy and wasn’t that what they had been discussing not even half an hour before?

  So he told the truth. “Probably a little. I don’t think we would have got on so well had we met in my other life.”

  JT’s eyes widened, and he leaned over the table, closer to Brett. “Really? Why?”

  “I dunno… I guess the last year or so before Walt passed on, I wasn’t a very happy man. My chosen career or the one that chose me had lost its magic by then. I didn’t like being paraded around like a pretty pony and told what I could or couldn’t do.”

  “I can understand that. You never got to be you.” The kid was a damn godsend. “So, honestly, you don’t miss it?”

  “I miss the singing and performing sometimes, but not the restrictions or even the traveling. Not saying I’ll never be an entertainer again. I don’t see it in my immediate future, but if I ever do, it’ll be on my terms. Right now, I’m content just where I am.”

  “Me too. You know, we don’t have to stay. I feel like I’m parading you around like a toy pony—”

  “Pretty pony,” Brett corrected with a sly smirk.

  JT beamed at him. “Sorry. Pretty pony. I really don’t want you to feel like I’m doing that.”

  “I’m happy, kid. And I make this ridiculous outfit look damn sexy. Don’t you think? I might just keep the hat around for special occasions or something like that.”

  “Maybe we can keep our hats on later too. And nothing else.”

  “I like how you think.” Brett tapped another kiss to JT’s mouth. “How about one more beer then, and we’ll discuss that proposition a little more intimately.”