Secret Admirer

by Melody Carlson

  “But you said part of it was good, Chelsea,” pointed out Morgan. “Tell us the good part.”

  Amy looked up with a smidgeon of hope now. Was it possible that despite the fact that Brett hadn’t written that note — or had denied it in front of his friends — that perhaps he liked her anyway? “Yeah,” said Amy. “What was the good part?”

  “Well, I guess it was more like good for me …” Chelsea looked slightly uncomfortable now.

  “Good for you?” demanded Amy. “What do you mean?”

  Chelsea made a sheepish smile. “Well, it turned out that Brett wanted to get to know me better. He was actually glad that I came up and spoke to him.”

  “So you go up there and totally humiliate me by telling Brett Woods that I thought he was my secret admirer and then when he denies it — and why wouldn’t he with all his friends looking on? — you go ahead and put the moves on him while you’re at it?” Amy’s embarrassment was quickly turning to anger now.

  “I did NOT put the moves on him, Amy,” said Chelsea. “I just talked to him, and we had a few laughs. I can’t help it if he likes me.”

  “And I suppose you can’t help it that you go over there to do me a favor, to talk to the boy I like, and then you end up stealing my guy right out from under my nose? And you think that’s perfectly fine?” Okay, Amy knew she was being irrational, but this hurt. It hurt a lot.

  “He wasn’t your guy to steal, Amy.”

  “But you didn’t know that.”

  “Come on, Amy,” said Chelsea. “Don’t be mad at me. Let’s go get some lunch. He wasn’t your secret admirer. It’s no big deal.”

  “Maybe not to you.” Amy stood now. “But it is to me. It’s a big deal, Chelsea. You knew that I liked Brett, and you just went in there and flirted and took advantage of —”

  “I did not flirt.”

  “You sort of did,” said Carlie. “We were watching you.”

  “I was just being myself,” said Chelsea defensively.

  “It kind of looked flirty to me,” said Emily.

  “So you’re taking Amy’s side on this?” asked Chelsea in a hurt tone.

  “No one’s taking sides.” Morgan let out a groan now. “See, this is what happens when you get all boy crazy, Amy.”

  “No,” said Amy. “This is what happens when someone you trust betrays you.”

  “Amy,” said Chelsea. “Brett’s just not into you. I can’t help that.”

  “No,” said Amy again. “I guess you can’t.” Then she turned and walked away. Okay, she knew she was acting really stupid now. But she just couldn’t help it. Then Amy headed for the girls’ restroom, went into a stall, and actually cried. As silly as it seemed, she just cried. After a few minutes she came out and washed her face with cold water, removing the last traces of that stupid makeup. And, although she was hungry, she couldn’t force herself to return to the cafeteria. Instead, she got an apple and some nuts from the snack machine and decided to go back to the band room to eat it. Mr. Barnett, the band teacher, always encouraged kids to practice there during lunch break, but usually no one took him up on it. Amy didn’t intend to practice now. Mostly she just wanted a quiet getaway. And when she saw first chair empty, she decided to sit in it. Someday this chair was going to be hers anyway. She sat down and took a bite out of her apple, trying to figure out just where she’d gone wrong and what it would take to fixit.

  “What’s your problem?”

  Startled to see that she wasn’t alone, Amy looked up. And, naturally, Oliver Fitzgerald had decided to come to the band room today. Just great!

  Amy narrowed her eyes at him without answering.

  “Well, at least you washed your face,” he said as she took the chair, second chair, next to her. “That’s an improvement.”

  She turned and glared at him now.

  “Really, Second Chair, you look much better without all that gloppity goop on —”

  “Just shut up!” she said angrily. Then she stood, tossed her uneaten apple in the trash can by the door, and marched out of the band room, slamming the door behind her. She knew that she’d been incredibly rude, but she just didn’t care.

  Amy laid low for the rest of the day. Not only did she avoid Brett Woods, but she also managed to avoid her friends as well. And as soon as the final release bell rang, Amy hurried from her last class. Then, instead of going to their regular meeting place, at the end of the seventh grade locker bay, Amy made a quick exit and headed toward town. She knew her friends would wonder what had become of her, but she didn’t care. She was too humiliated to care about anything.

  Okay, as Amy slowly made her way toward town she decided she did care about a couple of things. 1) She cared that her feet were screaming in pain from these horrible, horrible shoes. She didn’t know how other girls could stand them, and short or not, Amy did not intend to wear them again — ever! And 2) she cared about the fact that her stomach was growling with hunger. Amy was starving!

  “What’re you doing here?” snapped Ly as Amy slipped in the backdoor. She frowned at Amy’s feet now. “And what are you wearing?”

  “Don’t even ask,” said Amy. And suddenly tears were streaming down her cheeks.

  Ly seemed to soften now. “What’s wrong?” she asked in a surprisingly kind voice.

  “I’ve had the worst day of my life,” said Amy as she came into the kitchen. And then she removed the despised shoes and actually dumped them into the big trash can.

  Ly put an arm around Amy’s shoulders now. “Come with me,” she said, guiding Amy toward the office. “Mom and Dad are meeting with the upholstery man, talking about getting the booths redone. An is out getting supplies, and Tu is out front, balancing the till after the lunch rush — it was Lyons Club Tuesday.” Then she set Amy down in one of the easy chairs and opened the coat closet and rummaged around until she emerged with a pair of white canvas sneakers. “These might be a little big,” she said as she handed them to Amy.

  “Thanks.” Amy sniffed as she slipped on the shoes, which turned out to be only about a half size too big.

  “So, why is this your worst day ever?” asked Ly as she sat in the chair across from Amy.

  Normally Amy didn’t tell Ly too much about her life — mostly because Ly was usually too busy or too grumpy or too bossy. But suddenly Amy was pouring out the whole sad story. And as she told Ly, she almost expected her oldest sister to laugh — because in some ways it did sound a little silly. Or perhaps Ly might even scold Amy for being so foolish. But Ly just nodded and when Amy finally finished, she simply said, “I know how you feel, Amy.”

  Amy blinked. “You do?”

  Ly nodded. “I don’t have time to go into all of it right now, but I’ve been there too, Amy. I’ve experienced that same sort of thing myself.”

  “You have?”

  “It’s a hard lesson to learn … that it’s better just to be yourself, Amy. But in the end it’s worth it.”

  Amy was stunned. But instead of questioning her sister, she just nodded.

  “So, you missed lunch?” Ly stood now. “You must be starving.”

  “I am.”

  Soon, Ly returned with a plate heaped with food, which Amy quickly devoured. One thing about having a family restaurant — you didn’t usually go hungry. And with a full stomach and feet that were no longer throbbing, Amy decided that maybe she was ready to walk home.

  “Thanks, Ly,” she said before she left. “For everything.” Then to Amy’s surprise, she actually hugged her sister. Ly looked surprised too, but she just smiled. Of course, in typical Ly-style she then rushed Amy out the backdoor, saying she had to get back to work now and reminding her to “be good!”

  As Amy walked home she considered her day. On one hand, it had been lousy — totally a mess. She’d been humiliated in front of Brett Woods and his friends, finding out that he was not her secret admirer. By now she knew that when he’d smiled at her, he was probably actually laughing at her. The same way that stupid Oliver Fitzge
rald had laughed at her. Even her own friends had questioned her “new look,” which she was beginning to understand now. And then she’d gotten into a fight with Chelsea … because she’d been jealous. Really, it was a nasty day that she never wanted to relive again. And yet being with Ly just now, hearing that she understood … well, that was something.

  Suddenly Amy remembered that today was supposed to be their homework afternoon. She wondered if the others were already there. She also remembered that she had promised to help Carlie with algebra. So, stopping off at home long enough to dump her backpack, change into comfortable clothes, and leave a note, Amy hurried on over to the clubhouse. She was surprised to see that no one was there yet. But she knew she had the day right. So she unlocked the door, went in and turned on the lights and the little heater, and made herself at home.

  After a day like today, it felt particularly comforting to be back in the clubhouse. She just wished her friends were here too. She wanted to apologize to them — especially Chelsea — for acting like such a brat. After a while, she decided to put on a vinyl record. She thumbed through the stack of oldies (they had come with the bus) until she found a colorful old Beatles album called Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. She had to laugh at the title, since she felt like she could relate to being a “lonely heart.” Maybe she should start a club herself, she thought as she put the needle carefully onto the record. And then after she played the song — and then played it again — she got an idea. And, as she played the song a third time, Amy’s idea grew bigger. She would start her own Lonely Hearts Club!

  “There you are!” declared Morgan as she and the other girls piled into the bus and began peeling off jackets and backpacks, piling them here and there.

  “Where have you been?” demanded Carlie, shaking her finger at Amy.

  “Yeah, we’ve been looking all over for you,” said Emily.

  “I’m sorry,” said Chelsea quietly. “I know you ran off because of me.”

  “No,” said Amy. “I ran off because of me. I’m sorry too, you guys. I was really acting like a brat today. I mean, I thought I was being all grown-up and mature, but really I was acting like a big baby.”

  Soon they were all hugging and apologizing, and Amy felt mostly better. Okay, she was still a little irked at Chelsea and still a little hurt that Brett had denied being her secret admirer, but other than that, she was feeling more like her old self.

  “And I got an idea,” she announced as they began to sit down and get comfortable.

  “An idea for what?” asked Morgan with interest.

  So Amy told them about playing the old Beatles album and how it had affected her. “And so I have decided to create a Lonely Hearts Club myself,” she told them.

  “Huh?” Emily frowned. “What is that exactly? Like some kind of matchmaking service?”

  “You don’t mean something like those online dating websites?” asked Morgan. “My mom has been threatening to try out one of the Christian sites, but I think it sounds totally freaky.”

  “No, nothing like that,” Amy explained. “This is more like a secret club.”

  “A secret Lonely Hearts Club?” Carlie looked totally confused. “That sounds pretty creepy to me.”

  “Yeah, I have to admit that it sounds a little weird to me too,” said Chelsea. “I mean, we all saw what happened today when I tried to help Amy with Brett. It got pretty messed up.”

  “Yeah, that was not cool,” said Morgan. “Why would you want to do something like that —”

  “No-no-no!” declared Amy. “You guys just don’t get it. That’s not the point!” Suddenly Amy felt discouraged all over again, like maybe this idea was just as lame as the makeup and shoes she’d worn to school today. Maybe Amy should learn to just lay low and keep her mouth shut. Certainly, that would be much less embarrassing than being teased by her friends!

  chapter six

  “So what is the point of this secret Lonely Hearts Club?” asked Emily after the bus had grown quiet and Amy was ready to completely abandon her idea. Really, what had she been thinking? Why did she think they would understand? She pressed her lips together and just frowned at her friends. She didn’t want to talk. In fact, she was tempted to walk out just now.

  “Come on, Amy,” urged Morgan more softly. “Tell us. What is the point?”

  “Fine!” Amy stood up now. “You’ll probably just make fun of me all over again. But the point is there are a lot of sad people out there, people who have lonely hearts.”

  “And?” Carlie nodded like she wanted Amy to continue.

  “And I think they need to know someone cares about them.”

  “Yes,” said Morgan with an encouraging smile. “That’s a nice idea. Go on.”

  “Okay,” said Amy. “There are people like my sister Ly. I was talking to her after school today, and I started to see her in a whole new way. I mean, sometimes I just think she’s a big bossy grump, but suddenly I realized that maybe she’s had her heart broken too. And I felt sorry for her. And I got to thinking about how it will be Valentine’s Day next week, and there’s all this focus on love and romance … you know?”

  “Yes,” said Emily eagerly — like she understood. “Go on!”

  “And, well, I wondered if some of those lonely hearts might actually be lonelier than usual. And I thought about how it felt kind of good to get a note from, you know, a secret admirer — I mean, even if it wasn’t Brett Woods, it was still nice.” Amy sighed. “So I thought maybe we could become sort of like secret admirers too — you know, for the people we know who might feel like lonely hearts on Valentine’s Day.”

  “That’s a fantastic idea!” said Emily, clapping her hands.

  Amy blinked in surprise. “Really?”

  “I love it!” said Carlie.

  Morgan nodded with equal enthusiasm. “Me too! And we could even include my mom. She sometimes gets kind of sad around Valentine’s Day too. Especially if she’s not dating at the time, which is the case this year.”

  “And my mom is lonely too,” added Emily quietly.

  “And I was thinking about Miss McPhearson,” said Amy. “Living by herself … and we haven’t been to see her since Christmastime.”

  “And how about Mrs. Hardwick down the street?” said Carlie. “Her husband died last year.”

  “And Mrs. Drimmel at the library,” added Emily. “She’s a widow too.”

  “And how about guys?” said Morgan. “Like Mr. Greeley.”

  “Mr. Greeley!” they all squealed at once.

  “He would never admit it in a million years, but I know he’d love to get a secret admirer note!” exclaimed Emily.

  “What about Mr. Hilliard?” suggested Chelsea. “He’s single.”

  Emily laughed. “Yeah, and every girl in seventh grade has a crush on him, Chelsea. He probably already gets lots of secret admirer notes.”

  But more and more names were tossed out, and the enthusiasm for Amy’s idea seemed to be steadily growing.

  “So what will we do for all these lonely hearts?” said Carlie.

  “Do we just write them each a secret admirer note?” asked Chelsea.

  “That’s a start,” said Amy. “But I think we can do better than that.”

  “How about if we make them something?” suggested Morgan.

  “Homemade valentines?” queried Emily.

  “How about cookies too?” said Amy.

  “And flowers,” added Carlie.

  And soon they had a complete plan. They would put together secret admirer valentine packs for every lonely heart they could think of. Chelsea offered to supply the heart-shaped pink boxes — she’d seen some with her mom at the craft store. Morgan would bring the valentine-making supplies. They would use Amy’s kitchen to make cookies. And Emily would bring a book of poetry that they could use for transcribing onto the valentines. “Just in case we can’t come up with something original for each one,” she told them.

  “Well, we better start by making a list,
” said Amy, grabbing for the notebook that Emily used for meeting notes. “You’re the secretary, Emily. Want to write them down?”

  So the girls all started throwing out names again. Even more this time than before. And between single or widowed neighbors and friends, family members, and teachers at school, the list grew longer and longer.

  “What ab out kids at school?” said Amy suddenly. “I mean, most of our list seems to be for older people, which is great … but what about kids like, well, like Susan Brinks.”

  Chelsea made a face. “That girl actually smells.”

  “That’s not a very nice thing to say,” said Morgan.

  “But it’s true. I have to sit next to her in home ec. And, believe me, I try to keep my distance.”

  “Exactly,” said Amy. “Everyone tries to keep their distance from someone like Susan Brinks, which means she is probably really, really lonely. She needs a secret admirer more than anyone!”

  “But how do we sneak our Lonely Hearts packages to kids at school without being seen?” asked Chelsea. “It’s not like we can slip it into their lockers.”

  “Maybe we should do something smaller for kids at school,” suggested Emily.

  “Yes,” said Amy. “Something like the note I found in my locker only more like a real valentine. But something that would slip between the vent slots.”

  “I’ll make a separate list for those valentines,” said Emily as she tore off another sheet of notebook paper.

  So they all began tossing out even more names. And to Amy’s dismay, even Oliver Fitzgerald’s name wound up on their list. However, Amy decided that she’d let one of the other girls cover for him. No way was she going to send him a secret admirer’s note!

  “Wow,” said Emily as she held up two nearly full pages of names. “There are a lot of lonely hearts in Boscoe Bay.”

  Although distracted with ideas for their Lonely Hearts Club, Amy reminded them of why they’d met this afternoon. “Remember homework and wanting to keep our grades up to get into Honor Society?” she said, nodding directly to Carlie now. “Didn’t you want help with your algebra?”