Dirty, Reckless Love

by Lexi Ryan

  Her bottom lip quivers. “I’m sorry.”

  I open my arms, and she dives straight into them. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

  “I’m fine. Nothing happened.” She sniffs and shakes with a ragged inhale as her tears wet my bare chest. “I didn’t want to stay there tonight. I didn’t want to bother Ava, and I didn’t know where else to go.”

  “Shh.” I press a kiss to the top of her head and stroke her hair, my panic subsiding at the feel of the soft strands beneath my fingers. It feels fucking amazing to have her here. To know she’s safe. To smell her hair. “You’re fine. You can stay here. Before you knocked, I’d just decided I was going to get dressed and come get you. I don’t like the idea of you staying there alone.”

  “Do you think Nelson McKinley is dead?” The question is asked in a whisper against my chest, but it sends chills up my spine.

  I close my eyes and breathe her in. She’s here. She’s safe. “Yeah. I think he probably is.” Is it just me or do those words melt some of the tension from her shoulders?

  “Do you think Colton killed him?”

  I don’t know how to answer that. I’ve heard through the grapevine that the police suspect Colton snapped and attacked Ellie in a drug-induced rage, and while I don’t believe that, I could see him hurting his father under the same kind of circumstances. He hated his father more than anything.

  “Do you?” Ellie asks. “Tell me the truth.”

  “I don’t know, but they would’ve arrested him before he disappeared if they had any evidence.” I realize I’m holding her too tightly and loosen my arms around her. “You can stay here as long as you want. In the meantime, hopefully they’ll figure out who’s responsible for everything.”

  She pulls out of my arms, sniffs, and swipes at her cheeks. “Thanks, Levi. You’re a good friend.”

  I shake my head. If I were a good friend, I wouldn’t have shut her out when she told me she was taking him back. I would’ve been there to listen when she said she needed help. And then maybe I would’ve been there to protect her the night she got hurt. All I can do now is try to make up for it. “I’ll go get dressed and put some fresh sheets on the guest bed, okay?”

  Her eyes flick down to my bare chest before returning to my face. “I can do it myself.”

  “Let me. I’ve felt helpless as shit since I got the call saying you were in the hospital. It’ll make me feel better to take care of you while you’re here.”

  She nods and treats me to a tentative smile that curves her tempting pink lips. I walk away. I have to or I’ll kiss her. She needs a friend right now. Nothing more.

  Ellie

  As Levi heads to the back of the house, I catch myself comparing the breadth of his shoulders to his narrow hips. I watch the muscles of his back and imagine what they’d feel like under my hands.

  I don’t want to be a weak woman who runs to a man when she’s scared, but the truth—whether I want to admit it to myself or not—is that right now I am weak, both physically and emotionally, and the second Levi opened the door and pulled me into his arms, I felt like I was going to be okay.

  Maybe after everything I’ve been through in the past two months, I can give myself a pass for a little weakness while I build up my strength again. Maybe I can allow myself to need protection while I search for answers.

  His bedroom door clicks closed, and I grab my phone from my purse to call my mom. It only rings once before she answers. “Hello?”

  “Hi, Mom. Did you have a good day?”

  “I did. I took Phoebe to her music lessons, and then we stopped by the park to play. Such a beautiful night.”

  “Gotta take advantage of the warm weather while it lasts,” I say, a lump forming in my throat. Talk of Phoebe is the perfect reminder that I did the right thing by leaving home. I won’t bring trouble to her door. I just need to figure out a way to break it to my mom that I’m staying away for more than a long weekend.

  “Are you having fun?”

  “Mm-hmm. It’s good to get out.” I scan Levi’s living room—the oversized couch and TV, the big windows at the back of the house that overlook a flagstone patio. Colton and I came here a few times, but not much. The three of us were more likely to hang out at the bar or Brayden’s house. Neutral territory. “I should go. I don’t want to be rude and stay on my phone too long, but I wanted to say good night and let you know I made it okay.”

  “Thank you for calling. I love you.”

  “Love you too. Kiss Phoebe for me.”

  “Of course. Night.”

  I end the call and slide my phone back into my purse.

  “Who was that?”

  When I turn to Levi, he’s dressed. Sort of. A pair of athletic shorts sit low on his hips in place of the towel that was there before, and his chest is still bare, his hair still wet. I still have this need to crawl into his arms and have him wrap himself around me until all the scary in my world disappears.

  “I was just checking in with my mom. She thinks I’m in Chicago visiting friends.”

  He arches a brow. “How long is that lie going to work?”

  I wring my hands. “Through the weekend at the most. Then I’ll have to tell her the truth.”

  “What made you decide to come back?”

  I swallow and meet his eyes. “I decided that if there’s a reason to be afraid in Jackson Harbor, there’s a reason to be afraid at my mom’s. My niece lives at my mom’s. Leaving was the right thing to do.”

  He pulls me into his arms again, and again I’m wrapped in the safe haven of his heat and the reassurance of his strength. He cocoons me in warmth and a smell that’s so uniquely Levi. Is it his deodorant? A body wash? Maybe his shampoo?

  “No regrets.”

  I pull back. Would he tell me about that memory if I asked? Would he put it in a context? Could I be remembering a dream?

  “Want a cup of tea?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “I’m good.”

  “The guest bedroom’s ready.” He gestures down the hall, and I follow him to a small bedroom. There are stacks of old paperbacks in the corner, and the queen-sized bed is covered by a worn blue quilt. “Thanks. I really appreciate this.”

  “I’m glad you’re here.” His gaze drops to my mouth for a long beat, and I wonder if he’ll kiss me again. I wonder if I’d kiss him back this time. “I’ll get out of your way.”

  I nod stupidly.

  When he’s gone, I sink to the floor, avoiding the bed. I remember the day I realized I was desperately in love with Colton McKinley. I remember the day he saved me from myself by stealing the Discovery collection, and the day he saved me from his father. I promised myself I’d save him in return. Instead, sometime between that moment and agreeing to marry him, I slept with his best friend. I rest my head on my knees. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper. Maybe Colton is on the bottom of Lake Michigan. Maybe he’s dead and can hear my apology.

  “No regrets.”

  I lift my head and stare at the dark hallway. I broke a promise to Levi, too. I regret so much.

  Levi

  The light on my smoke detector glows green in the darkness, giving me something to focus on as I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling.

  She’s here and she’s safe.

  I just have to keep reminding myself of that. Tomorrow we’ll talk about what comes next. If she doesn’t plan to stay with me, I’ll try to change her mind and convince her this is the best place she can be. Then I’ll convince myself that I can sleep with her down the hall. I’ll convince myself that I don’t need her any closer and that I can be the friend she needs.

  My bedroom door clicks open, and the wedge of light from the hallway grows wider as it swings open. “Levi?”

  I sit up in bed, blankets falling to my waist. “Is everything okay?”

  She steps into the room, silhouetted by the hallway light behind her. She’s in a T-shirt that comes down nearly to her knees, and she folds her arms across her chest as she scans my room. “Ye
ah. I . . . I don’t want to sleep alone.”

  Oh hell. “You don’t have to.” I pull back the covers and pat the bed beside me.

  She starts to close the door and hesitates. “Do you mind if I leave it cracked? The dark is . . .”

  “It’s fine. I don’t mind.” She pushes the door closed until only a sliver of light slants in from the hallway. I listen to her feet pad across the carpet and try to make sense of the tangle of emotions tightening my chest.

  I hate that she’s scared. I love that she’s here.

  She climbs onto the mattress and immediately rolls to her side, curling away from me. I shove my hands into my hair to keep them from reaching for her, but damn. Even from two feet away, I can feel her trembling.

  “Hey,” I whisper. “It’s okay. I’m right here.”

  “I have sleeping pills. My doctor insisted on prescribing them, but I just . . . I don’t like taking anything.”

  “It’s okay.” I roll to my side and wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her back against my chest. “I’ve got you.”

  Little by little, she stops shaking and the tension in her back melts away. I lie there, listening to the sound of her breathing until it becomes low and even with the rhythm of sleep. Even then, I hold on to her—so she knows she’s not alone. So I know she’s safe.

  Ellie

  Friday, October 26th

  Colton comes to me in my dreams. Flashes of his smoldering gaze. His reassuring smile. His rough touches and sweet caresses. He fucks me in the shower, pressing my breasts against the cold tiles as he enters me from behind. He whispers dirty promises in my ear and reaches around to stroke my clit.

  I’m half awake, half dreaming when he pulls me into his arms and holds me tight. It feels so good to have his warmth against me. How long has it been since we’ve had a lazy Saturday morning together or stayed in bed half the day? Neither of us in a rush to get anywhere, his cock hard against my ass, his body ready for me and mine preparing for him even as sleep drags me back under.

  Dreams mingles with reality, wakefulness with sleep, and I arch my back and moan, rubbing my ass against him. I grab his hand from my waist and guide it up to my breast. His hiss against my neck is hot and so delicious that I groan. Sleep catches me in its web, even as his fingers tease my nipples and his cock grows thicker. I fade in and out, letting him explore me as we remember this old rhythm we used to know so well.

  He kisses the back of my neck. “Are you sure this is okay?” he whispers.

  The veil of sleep is jerked away. I’m yanked from my dream and stiffen in Levi’s arms. Colton. I was dreaming of Colton. Of happier days and simpler times. I’d forgotten I was in Levi’s bed.

  “Ellie? Are you okay?”

  I roll away from him and climb out of the bed, putting my hand over my mouth as I shake my head. “I’m sorry.” I swallow. “I’m so sorry. I thought you were . . .” The moment I see Levi pale is the moment I wish I’d never started that sentence. Levi doesn’t want to hear that I thought he was Colton. I grimace. “Shit. I’m so sorry.”

  He climbs out of bed, his thick erection obvious through his athletic shorts. I make myself turn away. Now, thinking about how good he felt pressed against me, I want to look. I want to rewind and let myself experience waking up in Levi’s arms. Levi, who’s good and strong and steady. Levi, who’s safe and warm and . . . more. I wish I understood exactly what he is to me, but this feeling I get in my chest when he’s close isn’t something that can be answered with a simple question. I need my memories.

  “Sorry.” His voice is low and husky, and it does something to my belly. When I peek at him in my peripheral vision, he’s grabbing clothes from his closet, still not looking at me. “I should have known you were sleeping. I should have—”

  “Don’t. Please, Levi? Don’t take the blame for this.”

  He turns to meet my eyes. “This isn’t all or nothing for me, Ellie. I didn’t let you stay here because I expected anything to happen, and I don’t need more than friendship from you if that’s all you have to give.”

  No wonder I feel this connection to him. So much for being a bad boy like I thought the night we met. Levi’s gotta be the best guy I’ve ever known. “I don’t know what I want.”

  “You don’t need to. You’ve been through a lot. I’m not some asshole who doesn’t understand that.” He grimaces and drags a hand through his hair. “You tell me not to take the blame for this, but the truth is, I shouldn’t have touched you.”

  I stare at him, fighting back the urge to argue. I don’t want to betray Colton with Levi, but I don’t want him to feel like he needs to keep his distance from me either. I bite my tongue to keep myself from trying to explain feelings I don’t understand myself. “I was wearing his ring. Aren’t you pissed at me for that? Even a little?”

  “I was.” His laugh is a dry, hollow sound. “But now the only person I’m pissed at is myself for not fighting him for you two years ago.”

  My stomach flips.

  He waves toward the en suite. “I’m gonna take a shower. There’s another bathroom down by your . . .”

  We both know he was going to say your bedroom. But he doesn’t. Maybe because it only brings more attention to the fact that I’m the one who came to his door, that I’m the one who crawled into his bed when I was too scared to sleep alone.

  “There’s a bathroom by the guestroom. Help yourself to towels and whatever.” He disappears into the bathroom and shuts the door.

  I take a step to go after him before I stop myself. It wouldn’t change anything. He’s still my fiancé’s best friend. And I’m still the woman who slept with Levi and then planned to marry Colton. The woman who loves them both.

  Levi

  Ellie looks so damn gorgeous standing in the middle of my kitchen in her shorts and baggy T-shirt. The sight of her undoes any good my cold shower did for me.

  “Are you okay?” She wraps her hands around her mug.

  I arch a brow. “Yeah, why?”

  She blushes. “Your lips are blue.”

  I shrug, as if it’s nothing. As if a cold shower is a normal choice I’d make. That was a first for me, and I can’t say I’m a fan.

  “Do you have plans today?” Clearly she’s as anxious to change the subject as I am.

  “Nope. I should probably get into the gym to train at some point, but other than that . . .” I shrug. The truth is that I don’t want to let her out of my sight.

  “I can go back to my place this morning.”

  “Don’t,” I blurt. When she meets my eyes, I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. “Don’t leave. Stay here. I like knowing you’re okay.”

  She looks into her coffee. “I really want to take you up on that, even though I feel like I shouldn’t. I think if I stay here, we both need—”

  Before she can finish, there’s a sharp rap on the front door.

  “Levi,” Molly says. “We’re here to get the ladders for decorating the bar.”

  When Molly and Jake come through the front door, I regret giving Jake a damn key to my house. Ellie and I have been dancing around what is and was between us, and I want to know what she was going to say.

  “They’re in the garage,” I say, trying to keep the irritation from my voice. It’s not their fault my life is screwed up right now.

  Jake steps into the kitchen and stops suddenly when he spots Ellie. His gaze ping-pongs between us, his eyes wide. “Oh, shit. I didn’t realize . . .”

  Molly follows behind him and puts her hand over her mouth. “Ellie is here. Okay . . .”

  “She didn’t want to stay alone,” I mutter, irritated that I feel like I have to explain.

  “Of course not,” Jake says, and Molly adds, “Who could blame her?”

  Ellie has gone stone still. She’s staring at Molly.

  “Shit, sorry. Ellie, this is Molly, Colton’s stepsister,” I say.

  Ellie’s face pales, and she sets her coffee mug on the counter with a clatter. “Yes. E
xcuse me. I need to go . . . check on something.”

  I frown. “Ellie doesn’t remember you yet,” I tell Molly. “Not more than a name from Colton’s stories.”

  “Yeah, well, I remember now.” Ellie leaves the kitchen, and I hear the door to the guest bedroom click closed.

  Molly closes her eyes and exhales slowly. “That could have gone better.”

  Jake shrugs. “Could’ve gone worse, too.” I glare at him. “What? It’s true.”

  Ellie

  Saturday, August 25th

  If I catch my boyfriend ogling the blonde across from us one more time, I swear to all that is holy I’m going to knee him in the balls so hard he can taste his own sperm. God knows those little fuckers have caused me enough grief.

  Colton sits in the booth next to me, but his eyes are on his stepsister—the beautiful Molly McKinley, the object of all his adolescent fantasies. Before Molly showed up tonight, Colton was twitchy and agitated—as if he was only here because he was expected to be. As if he’d rather be anywhere else than next to me. But ever since Molly joined our festive little celebration, he’s been in no hurry to leave. Fucker.

  “I can’t wait until you move home,” Ava says to Molly. “I can’t decide if I’m more excited about spending time with you or Noah.”

  My stomach heaves, and I suck on a piece of ice to calm it. I thought the nausea was supposed to be better by now. “You’re moving to Jackson Harbor?” I ask Molly. “I had no idea.”

  Molly looks at Colton for a beat before settling her gaze on me. “That’s the plan. Just as soon as I work out a couple of personal details.”

  “We’ll get you all set,” he says.

  We? They’re a we now?

  “Just let us know if you need any help finding a place to stay,” Ava says. “Ellie’s in real estate, so she can find you something that’s not going to blow the budget.”

  I try to smile instead of glaring at my friend. She used to be the one who couldn’t stand Molly, but now it’s my turn. Lucky me. “There aren’t many options around here. Everything’s pretty pricy thanks to all the tourists.”