Dirty, Reckless Love

by Lexi Ryan

  I frown. I’m not sure I like where she’s going with this. “I haven’t.”

  “Colton and Molly have old business they need to sort out.” She pulls her phone from the pocket of her jeans and taps the screen a few times. When she turns the phone to face me, a little boy with wild, dark hair smiles back at me with dimples that look just like Colton’s.

  “Hell.” I exhale heavily and drag a hand through my hair. Now I see what Ava’s saying. Just because Molly and Colton were together last night doesn’t mean they were together. They might just have some important personal issues to sort out. But at two a.m.? “You don’t think he knew before?”

  She shakes her head. “The kid was as much a surprise to him as he was to the rest of us. And now that she’s planning to move back here to run the tasting room, I can only imagine they have to hash out the details of how this is all going to work.”

  “And you’re sure the kid’s his?” I ask.

  Ava frowns at the screen, then turns it back to me again. “Look at that face. Who else’s would he be?”

  A dark corner of my brain provides an answer to that question. But I know Ava wouldn’t like it, so I just shrug, as if I can’t come up with another possibility.

  “I know you have feelings for Ellie,” Ava says.

  “She’s my friend. I care about her.”

  Ava gives me a hard look. “I know you have feelings for Ellie,” she repeats. “I just wanted to warn you that what she saw last night couldn’t have been what it seemed.”

  “Can you be so sure of that? Hell, if anything, doesn’t the kid make what Ellie saw even more damning? Now we know they have a history.”

  Ava shrugs. “Even if I believed Colton would fuck around on Ellie, I don’t believe Molly would do that to Ellie.”

  Clearly Ava isn’t aware of the rumors that circulated about Blow Job Molly in high school, but I’m not going to be the guy who brings up her old reputation. “Fine. Maybe it was innocent.” And I’m an asshole, because part of me hopes it wasn’t. When Colton was making Ellie happy, she was off-limits. But now? He’s been crushing her spirit all summer, and as far as I’m concerned, he doesn’t deserve her anymore. I want my chance.

  “I want you to be prepared for the possibility of Ellie and Colton staying together. That’s all.”

  Ava can totally read me, and I hate it. “Don’t worry about me. Worry about Ellie.” I give her a hard look. “I won’t assume they’re over if you’ll do me a favor and take all your assumptions about your brother with a grain of salt. He’s my best friend and I love him, but Ellie’s put up with more from him than she should have to.”

  “Okay,” she says softly. “It’s a deal.”

  “Thanks.”

  She studies me for a beat too long, and I look away. “Did Ellie tell you anything else last night? Anything about her?”

  “What do you mean?”

  She shrugs. “Nothing. I’m just worried. Things haven’t been right between them for a while, but they’re going to have to figure it out. If they can just get through this rough patch, they’ll be okay.”

  “But what’s next? Another year of Ellie waiting for a proposal that’s not coming?” Another two months of Colton making her feel undesirable because he’s not touching her? Not that I’d say that to Ava. Ellie’s probably told her best friend, but if she hasn’t, it’s not mine to share.

  “I don’t know, Levi. But that’s between them. Please just step back and let them figure it out.”

  I pick up Lilly’s pink-and-purple toy watering can, revealing a brown patch of grass. “She deserves better than what he’s giving her.”

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing sleeping with my girl?”

  Ava and I both swing around to the back of the house. Colton slams the door shut and stomps toward us. His eyes are blazing. He’s pissed, and experience tells me that the glaze in his eyes means he’s high. Fuck.

  “Are you drunk?” Ava asks, quickly transitioning into big-sister mode.

  I look at Ava, then back to Colton. We’ve managed to keep Colt’s drug issues from his sister—no reason to worry her—but someday, she’s going to figure it out.

  “I’m fine. Or at least I will be once I show this piece of shit what happens to assholes who make a move on my girl.”

  I fold my arms, glaring at him. “You know, they say the guilty are the most suspicious.”

  “You fucked her, didn’t you? You’ve wanted her since the day you met her. I see it in your eyes. I know you.”

  “You don’t know shit.”

  “You guys,” Ava says. “Both of you, calm down.”

  “I’m calm.” Colton’s voice is deadly soft, and I know it’s taking everything in him not to come at me. “What was she doing with you all night?”

  “Nothing I want to explain to you while you’re blitzed out of your mind.”

  “She stayed with you. She fucking admitted it.” He stumbles toward me and slams his palms into my chest, but his coordination is off, and I don’t even sway from the contact. “She didn’t come home because she was with you.”

  “And what about you? Why didn’t you come home? Oh, right. I forgot. You were too busy fucking your stepsister to come home to your girlfriend.”

  “Levi!” Ava’s put on her teacher voice, but when I look at her, there’s panic in her eyes.

  Colton pulls back, ready to take a swing, but Carter appears behind him and grabs his arm before he can let loose. “None of that shit here,” Carter says.

  “Come on, Levi,” Ava says. “Give him a break. I told you.”

  “Told him what?” Colton demands.

  “About Molly,” Ava says softly. “I know about Noah. Please, Colton. Calm down. Let’s talk about this.”

  He shakes his head. Carter’s grip on him loosens, but Colton doesn’t move toward me. The fight’s already draining out of him. “None of you know shit. You think you do, but you’re so fucking sheltered. You have no idea the real problems people are dealing with. No fucking clue.”

  “Okay,” I say, turning up my palms. “So we don’t understand poor Colton’s real problems. But maybe you should tell them to your girlfriend instead of ignoring her and making her feel like an unwanted piece of garbage. If you really love her, fix it. Don’t just feel sorry for yourself.”

  He snarls. “Maybe I don’t want her if she slept with you. Maybe I can’t just get over something like that.”

  My fists clench and my arm muscles contract. I could knock out my best friend. I want to. He deserves it. “She didn’t sleep with me. We were in the same apartment but not even in the same room. She didn’t want to go home and be alone while thinking about you and Molly. That’s on you. Don’t try to put this on me.” I walk around to the gate and push out of the backyard. Aside from weekends when I’m out of town for work, I haven’t missed a family brunch in two years. Today’s going to have to be an exception.

  I’m climbing in my car when Jake comes jogging out the front door.

  “Levi, wait up!”

  “I’m not in the mood, Jake.”

  “Ellie’s pregnant.”

  “Pregnant?” The word is a wrecking ball to my solar plexus.

  She’s pregnant. She’s having Colton’s baby.

  Levi

  Friday, October 26th

  I slide the last ladder into Jake’s truck and close the tailgate. “You need anything else today?”

  He shakes his head. “I think we’re all set. Mom’s friends are going to decorate the bar, and they’ll be there for the caterer and florist deliveries coming in this afternoon.”

  “And the rental company will come set up the chairs and arbor in the morning,” Molly says. She tilts her face to the bright blue October sky. “Perfect weather for an outdoor wedding. I hope it holds.”

  “Are you nervous?” I ask Jake.

  “That she’ll come to her senses and realize she’s way too good for me?” Smirking, he shrugs. “Not really. I’m really fu
cking amazing in bed.”

  “So we’ve been told,” Molly mutters. “Repeatedly.”

  Jake winks at her, then turns back to me. “So you and Ellie . . .”

  “Are friends.”

  “Right,” Jake says.

  “Your friend looked pretty hot hanging out in your kitchen in her PJs,” Molly says.

  Tell me about it. “I’m just giving a friend a safe place to stay.”

  “Have you two talked about where you stand?” Jake asks.

  I frown. “You mean as friends?”

  Jake arches a brow, apparently unconvinced.

  Molly shifts awkwardly and points her thumb over her shoulder. “I’ll be in the truck.”

  I wait until she climbs in and closes the door behind her before turning my attention back to Jake. “She chose Colton.” But she let me kiss her. And she crawled into my bed last night. But Jake doesn’t need to know any of that, because right now I need to focus on being there for Ellie. For making up for the time I wasn’t.

  Jake’s expression is full of understanding and sympathy. “Just don’t get yourself hurt.”

  “Are you trying to say I’m weak?” I punch him lightly in the shoulder, but his eyes remain serious. He won’t let me blow off his concern.

  “You’re vulnerable when it comes to her.” He glances back toward the truck. “Molly is too. She feels like hell about everything.”

  “I know it doesn’t seem like it right now,” I say, “but it’s good Ellie remembers her.”

  “She’s probably in your guestroom making voodoo dolls,” Jake says. “But when Molly doubles over in pain later, at least we’ll know why.”

  I roll my eyes and sigh. “Don’t be a dick.”

  Jake holds up both hands. “I’m not judging. Even Molly wouldn’t blame her for some voodoo torture.”

  “I’m thrilled someone can find humor in this situation,” I mutter. “But what I mean is it’s all starting to come back. Last weekend she didn’t even know who I was, but now she remembers enough to be angry with Molly. This is progress.”

  “And now you’re thinking maybe she’ll remember what happened that night, and we’ll finally know who hurt her?”

  I stiffen. Every time I think about what happened, all the muscles in my body tense up, ready to fight. Right now, I’m all too aware that she’s inside my house alone. I need to be okay with that. I can’t be by her side at all times, even if she wanted me there. “Yeah. That.”

  “I think it’s the not knowing that’s killing Ava,” Jake says. “She just needs some fucking closure.”

  “Come here a minute?” I lead him into the garage for some privacy. It’s unlikely Molly can hear us, but I’m not willing to risk it. “Do you believe Colton is Noah’s father?”

  Jake’s brows shoot up and disappear under his messy mop of hair. “That’s what they told everybody.”

  “You didn’t answer my question.” When he just stares at me, I grimace. “Listen, I like Molly, and I know she’s about to be your stepsister-in-law or some shit, but something’s not right with her whole Colton’s my baby daddy story. I think it’s a cover for the truth.”

  He glances toward the truck, then back to me. “You too, huh?”

  “The timing on everything with Colton.” I shake my head. “It doesn’t make sense. When he found out about Molly’s kid, he was annoyed that she kept the secret. He’s been into Molly so long that if there was any chance that kid was his, he’d have gone straight to her door and demanded the truth.”

  Jake squeezes the back of his neck. “I know. I’ve thought the same thing. So if Colton isn’t the father but the kid looks just like a McKinley . . .”

  “Maybe Colton went off the deep end after learning the truth,” I say.

  Jake’s eyes are sad when they meet mine. “The truth being . . .”

  “The truth being that Nelson McKinley isn’t just an asshole but a very bad man.” I don’t want to say the rest.

  “I could see Colton snapping on Nelson,” Jake says. “But even if that’s why Nelson is missing, where is Colton now?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t figure it out.” I’ve been spinning through possibilities in my head, but nothing has made sense. If they’d disappeared at the same time, I could tell myself they were involved in some shady business deal together and it went south, but Colton went missing almost two weeks after Nelson. “The only thing I’m sure of is that Molly has secrets. They may or may not be related to what’s going on now and what happened to Ellie, but if there’s any chance there’s a connection, we need to know.”

  Jake squeezes his temples. “I know, and I’ve been thinking that too. It’s just . . .”

  Just that this is his wedding weekend. Shit. “Not today or tomorrow, of course, but . . .”

  “No. I get it.” He shakes his head. “I’ll talk to Molly soon.” He looks toward the house. “Do you think you can get Ellie to come to the wedding?”

  “I plan on trying.”

  “Good. Too many people who matter to Ava are missing. Ellie should be there.” He looks at his watch. “I need to get going. I’ll see you at Brayden’s tomorrow morning?”

  “I’ll be there.”

  He claps a hand against my back and heads to his truck. I close the garage door and go inside.

  Ellie’s in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. She dressed while we were loading the ladders into the truck, and now she’s wearing a black skirt and a light pink knit sweater. She looks like she’s ready to put on her realtor hat and sell a house, not like a woman who’s planning to spend her day lounging on my couch.

  “Is she gone?” she asks.

  “Yeah.” I tuck my hands into my pockets. I’ve always struggled to keep my hands to myself around Ellie, but fuck if it hasn’t been harder since I almost lost her. “Do you want to talk about what you remember?”

  She studies the contents of her mug. “Late-night phone calls. Whispers. Colton pulling away like he didn’t care anymore. Loneliness.” She lifts her head and meets my eyes. “I remember staying at Jake’s with you. I guess I make a habit of asking to sleep with you.” She laughs, but when I don’t respond, her cheeks bloom red. “Oh my God, do I? How many times have I tried to sleep with you?”

  “Not so many.” My voice cracks on the words.

  “Do you think we’ll ever know what happened to Colton?”

  “I hope so. Not knowing is hell.” And despite everything, I still want him to come home.

  “You really think he’s dead?”

  I close my eyes. I betrayed my best friend. Hell, he might still think I’m betraying him now—sleeping with her in my arms, doing everything I can to keep her under my roof instead of alone in her house. “I’m not even sure what to hope for.” I swallow hard. “I can’t stand the idea of not getting to settle things between us, but if he’s alive, where the hell is he? And why did he disappear?” There are other questions I don’t let myself speak out loud. Did he kill Nelson? Did he nearly kill you?

  “He wanted to be a good man,” she whispers. “It never came naturally, but he was trying so hard. But everything changed after he found out he had a kid.” She presses a hand to her stomach. “He knew Noah was his for two months and didn’t say a word to me.”

  “I think Colton . . .” I look away, guilt clawing at my chest. “There was nothing that made him want to change before you. He didn’t care about cleaning up until he met you. You changed him for the better.”

  “Then why did he cheat on me?” she whispers.

  “I don’t think he did.” I frown, because I’m still not sure what I think about what happened between Molly and Colton. “When you went back to him, you believed he’d been faithful.”

  She laughs. “I guess I’m missing the memories where I transformed into a stupid woman, then.”

  I drag a hand over my face. I can’t exactly defend her decision when I hated it at the time. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She looks at the clock and
then shakes her head. “Even if we had more time, I’m not sure I’m up for it.”

  I turn up my palms. “I have all day. Ava and Jake decided to skip the whole wedding rehearsal thing, so we don’t have any official plans.”

  She bites her bottom lip. “I need to go to Chicago.”

  I blink at her. “I thought that was just a cover story so your mom wouldn’t worry.”

  “It was. Mostly. But I have to check on something. It’s a potential job that just came to my attention last night.” She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes, and I know she’s not telling me the whole truth. “Research and stuff.”

  I return her fake-ass smile and pocket my keys. “Awesome. Let me know when you’re ready to leave. I’ll drive.”

  “You don’t have—”

  “I insist.”

  Ellie falls asleep halfway to Chicago. She looked exhausted as we packed the car, so I was glad to see her drift off. She must be as tired as I think, because she doesn’t even wake up as I navigate through the stop-and-go of downtown traffic.

  I was surprised she didn’t argue when I said I was going with her. I expected a fight, but now I think she actually wants my company—something I can’t let mean more than it does. Friends.

  I pull into a parking garage, prepared to leave my car here for the day, cut the engine, and stare at her. It’s time to wake her up, but I let myself have a minute to take her in: the dark lashes on her flushed cheeks, the slight part of her full lips, the freckles across the bridge of her nose.

  This morning, I promised her I didn’t need anything more than friendship, and even though I know that might kill me a little, I meant it. For Ellie, I can do anything. But being what she needs has never stopped me from wanting more.

  She must sense me staring at her, because she opens her eyes, yawns, and stretches before looking around. “Where are we?”

  “Parking garage. You slept through half the trip.”

  “Oh my gosh.” She rubs under her eyes. “I’m the worst.”

  “I think you needed it.”

  “Probably. I haven’t been sleeping very well.” She shrugs it off. “Thanks for doing this. It means a lot to me.”