Dirty, Reckless Love

by Lexi Ryan

  “You’re a piece of trash.” I’m shaking. Holy shit. I’m shaking so hard, and I can’t decide if I want to run away or pound on his chest and scream at him. “I won’t put up with it. I won’t let you treat me like this.”

  “I know.” His fists clench in front of him, and then he spins and leans his head against the wall, thunking it softly. “Fuck it. I know.”

  “So stop.” My vision’s blurry with tears. I turn him and take his face in my hands, waiting until he meets my eyes. “I slept with Levi. We did it. And I can’t take that back.”

  “You’re mine, okay?”

  There’s that word again. I might have his ring on my finger, but I don’t belong to Colton. That’s a gift you give to someone you trust, and I haven’t trusted him enough for that in a long time.

  “Mine,” he repeats. “Don’t forget that again. I’ll lose my mind if you forget that again.”

  “You can’t own a person, Colton. I don’t want you to try to own me or keep me. I want you to hold space for me. We’re doing this. We’re together again, and we’re going to work on this. But we’re sure as fuck not good, and there’s a lot of work to be done.”

  He throws up his hands. “What the fuck? I can’t win with you, Ellie.”

  “Don’t yell at me.”

  “You see this, though, right? You see that I spent my whole fucking day trying to do something nice for you, trying to prove that I can be who you need me to be. And instead of just being grateful, you’re giving me the third degree over a stupid phone call.”

  “And instead of telling me there’s nothing to worry about, you’re screaming at me for asking a question.”

  He snaps his mouth shut and turns back to the kitchen to finish his task of transferring dinner into the serving dish. When he’s done, he quietly walks toward me and slides it onto the table. “Enjoy your dinner,” he snaps.

  “Where are you going?”

  He’s already walking away from me. “I need to get out of here.”

  I close my eyes and listen to the thud of his footsteps as they head out the door. If we’re going to make this work, we’re going to need to fix up a whole lot more than the nursery.

  Ellie

  Sunday, October 28th

  When Levi pulls into the driveway, I head to the front door to climb into his truck, but he and Molly climb out and are halfway to the porch before I can even get the alarm disabled.

  As I pull the door open, Molly wraps her arms around her chest. “Hey.” Her eyes are red and her face is drawn tight. “I saw Levi at Brayden’s and he was on his way over here. I hope it’s okay that I came.”

  “Molly wants to talk to us,” Levi says, ushering Molly into the house before I can reply.

  I blink at her, my stomach churning with horror.

  “Since it started when she was ten, I think it’s fair to say it was a nonconsensual, fucked-up relationship from the start.”

  “Oh, Molly.” I press my hand to my mouth. “I’m so sorry.”

  She gives me a wobbly smile. “No offense, but I think I preferred your unfair anger over your pity.”

  “I . . .” I turn to Levi, then back to her. “I’m sorry. I won’t say anything. I . . .”

  “It’s okay,” she says. “You can talk about it. I’m done with secrets.”

  I close my eyes as my brain clicks the pieces into place. Molly told Colton the truth about her son’s father, and Colton spiraled out of control, then Nelson went missing. And now they have evidence. “What did he do? What did Colton do to Nelson?”

  Her hand shakes as she lifts it to her face. “I don’t know. I never wanted Colton to hurt him. I swear to you, Ellie, I just wanted to come home. To be close enough to my mom that she could watch her grandson grow up. I wanted that without having to see Nelson. I just wanted to live my life without being afraid.”

  I wave to the couch. “Sit down. Tell me everything.”

  She slowly lowers herself onto the cushion, and I take the seat beside her. Levi sits in the chair, elbows on his knees.

  “Nelson McKinley is a sick man,” Molly says, “but as a ten-year-old girl, I didn’t understand that. He loved me, and I was starving for a father figure, for some security for my mother, and a life like the other girls had. I believed that what happened at night was just the price I had to pay to live a normal life. And every once in a while, he’d stop. Sometimes I’d have months between his visits, and I’d believe it was over. But it never lasted.”

  “Jesus,” Levi says, scraping a hand over his face.

  “By the time I hit high school,” Molly says, studying her hands, “I’d do anything to stay out of the house. I volunteered like crazy, joined every club possible, and fucked around a lot. I thought if I could sleep with enough guys, I could wash away what he’d done to me. If he was one of a hundred men who’d been inside me, he would matter less, wouldn’t he? But it never worked, and no matter how long I stayed away, I could never escape him.

  “When you’re a child, it’s so clear who the victim is and who the predator is. But when you’re a grown woman, people don’t want to believe you.” She swallows hard. “He hadn’t touched me since I was sixteen. That night, I’d pulled a knife on him, threatened him if he touched me again. But when I was visiting that summer after undergrad, he caught me with my guard down. He was drunk and just too strong.” She lifts her eyes to mine. “And I ended up pregnant.”

  “Oh, Molly,” I whisper. “He’s so awful.”

  She shrugs, as if it’s no big deal. As if this story she’s telling is about nothing more than the ugly paint color of her childhood bedroom. “There I was. Well-known slut. Blow Job Molly, pregnant with her stepfather’s baby.” She shakes her head. “Sluts don’t get to cry rape—not if they want to be believed. So I didn’t. I hid. And I told my mom that Colton was the father in case Noah came out looking like a McKinley. At that point, Colton was in trouble—getting in fights a lot, nights in jail for his wild behavior. I told Mom I didn’t want to tell him, and she agreed that we could keep my secret. From everyone. She just didn’t realize I was keeping it from her too.”

  “Or she did and didn’t want to admit the truth to herself,” Levi says.

  “But after Ava saw Noah, you had to tell Colton the truth,” I say.

  “She said if I didn’t tell him, she would,” Molly says. “Ava didn’t see the bad in her father; I don’t think it ever crossed her mind that Noah could be anyone but Colton’s. So I sent Colton a letter confessing my secret, more or less. I should have found another way. Or maybe I should have denied what everyone saw so clearly.”

  “What did Colton do when he got the letter?” Levi asks.

  Molly grimaces. “He was obsessed. He’d call me all the time in the middle of the night—just to make sure I was okay, just to make sure I didn’t need anything.” She meets my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Ellie. We really were just friends. It was nice, connecting with him like that, having someone who understood to confide in about all the ways Nelson controlled me. When Colton agreed to pretend Noah was his child, I didn’t think anyone would be hurt. It seemed like a harmless arrangement that could spare the people I love from the truth, but I should have known better.”

  “Do you think he killed Nelson?” My voice cracks on the words. Part of me doesn’t want to know.

  “Colton knew I wanted to move home,” she says, dodging the question. “I had this amazing opportunity with Jackson Brews but wouldn’t take it if it meant living in the same town as my stepfather.” She grips her purse straps tighter, her knuckles turning white. “Colton said he could talk his father into leaving town. He convinced me that he could persuade Nelson to leave. I didn’t know the details of how Colton planned to convince him. I didn’t want to know. Colton made it sound so simple, and I figured it was worth a shot. I never expected that Nelson would just disappear so quickly, and at first I thought maybe Colton blackmailed Nelson into leaving.”

  Levi studies her as silence fills the room w
ith what none of us wants to believe. “But you don’t think that anymore.”

  She shakes her head. “I . . . I don’t know. My stepfather was a bad man in every conceivable way. Maybe Colton just couldn’t handle it anymore.”

  Levi and I exchange a look. Anyone else hearing this information might laugh. Nelson McKinley is the best-known lawyer in town, and he’s done stints on the city council and downtown development boards. On the surface, he’s a model citizen, but Levi, Colton, Molly, and I all know better.

  “I should have known he was using,” Molly says. “Instead of agreeing to whatever he had planned, I should have talked to you and gotten him help. But I didn’t, and then you got hurt too.”

  “Molly, I don’t believe Colton would hurt me. Surely, you don’t believe that either.”

  “Sober Colton wouldn’t do anything to hurt you,” Levi says.

  “He needs help, Ellie,” Molly says, apology softening her tone.

  There’s a heavy knock on the door, and Levi gets up to answer it. “Ben?” he says, pulling the door open.

  The detective’s face is grim. “Hi, Levi. May I come in?”

  Molly tenses and looks back and forth between me, Levi, and the detective.

  “Sure,” Levi says, pulling the door wider.

  “Hey, Ellie.” The detective nods at me. He extends a hand to Molly. “Hi, Molly. Thanks for coming in to the station this morning. Your testimony was helpful.”

  I frown. “What testimony?”

  Levi squeezes my shoulder. “It’s okay.”

  “I had to tell them what I know,” she says. “Not just about Colton. But about Nelson, too. They need to understand why Colt might have snapped. They need to know Colton wasn’t in sound mind when everything . . .” She closes her eyes and shakes her head before meeting my gaze again. “If he hurt you, I’m sure he wasn’t himself.”

  “He wouldn’t hurt me.” Am I the only one here who believes this? Am I the only one who doesn’t care what kind of evidence they have?

  The detective studies me. “They had the dogs out in speedboats today,” he says. “They cruised along Lake Michigan looking for Nelson McKinley’s body.”

  I nod, because I don’t know what else to do. He has to pay for what he’s done. Those words have haunted me ever since I remembered Colton saying them. He has to pay for what he’s done. Did Colton make Nelson pay? Will he have to spend the rest of his life in prison for that mistake?

  Suddenly, Huxley’s words click and I shake my head. “Nelson’s been missing nine weeks. Do they really think they’ll find his body?”

  “Colton must have only recently tracked Nelson down,” Huxley says, his face tight. “The evidence they found on the boat was fresh.” He turns to Levi. “We’re searching your family’s property now. We found some of Colton’s belongings in a camper by the track, so I imagine it’s just a matter of time.”

  “What?” My eyes burn with sudden tears. It was bad enough to hear about the warrant, but now they’re searching the property where I saw Colton only two nights ago?

  “Thanks for the tip, Levi,” the detective says.

  I turn and meet Levi’s sad, dark eyes. “The tip?”

  Ben and Levi exchange a look, but Ben turns to me. “Are you up for briefing me on what you remember, Ellie?”

  They’re looking for Colton. They’re going to arrest him. “Yes. I will. Of course.”

  “I’ll wait in the car. You can ride with me to the station.” Huxley gives a last polite nod in my direction then turns back to his black SUV parked in front of Levi’s house.

  I spin on Levi. “The tip?” My voice trembles. Please explain this. Please tell me it’s not what I think.

  “Nelson McKinley is dead, Ellie.”

  I shake my head. “They don’t have a body.”

  “They have evidence.”

  “Colton didn’t kill him.” I want to say it on repeat until I’m sure it’s true. “He’s being framed.”

  “You’re sure about that?” He sinks onto the couch beside me and takes my shoulders in his hands. “Because I’m not anymore. I’m not sure he didn’t kill his father, and I’m not sure he didn’t almost kill you.”

  “How could you?”

  “I did what I had to do to protect you.” Levi reaches for me as I stand, but I scramble away from his touch. “Call me when you’re done at the station. I don’t want you to be alone.”

  I cock my head. “But they’ll have Colton in custody any minute now, so if he was the one out to get me, I should be fine without your protection. Right?”

  Levi squeezes his eyes shut for a beat before he looks at me. “Don’t make me out to be the bad guy here.”

  “But you are. You were his best friend, and you turned him in.” I wrap my arms around myself. “You didn’t give a shit about him when I asked for your help, and you don’t give a shit about him now.”

  He looks stricken. “Please, Ellie.”

  “Don’t. I have to go.”

  He holds up his hands. He looks tormented and heartbroken, but right now I can’t make myself care about that. “I love you. I’d do anything to protect you.”

  I don’t want to hear any more, so I grab my purse and walk out to Detective Huxley’s car.

  Ellie

  Thursday, September 6th

  The house is dark and empty, and the echo of my heels on the hardwood floors sounds like it belongs on the soundtrack to a scary movie.

  My client moved out last week and asked that I walk through a couple of times a week—either while showing it or on my own. Since the commission on the listing could potentially match a third of last year’s income, the request seemed well worth it.

  When I come out of the master and into the living room, there’s a lamp on. Nelson McKinley is standing by the fireplace. Hate pumps through my blood at the sight of him. I’ve always known Nelson is a bad man—nothing like the upstanding citizen everyone in this town believes him to be—but now that I know what he did to Molly, the sight of him disgusts me.

  I stop two steps into the room, not wanting to be any closer to him than I have to be. “You should call your wife and let her know you’re okay. Everyone’s looking for you.”

  He tilts his head to the side and studies me. “Didn’t my son tell you?”

  “Tell me what?”

  He grins. “That I don’t exist anymore. My boy is blackmailing me. In exchange for him not destroying my life, all I have to do is disappear. Kind of ironic, isn’t it?”

  Shit. I’d have thought Colton was smarter than that. Blackmailing Nelson McKinley can’t end well. “Why are you here?”

  “I’m simply trying to oblige my son,” he says, lifting his hands. “Colton just doesn’t realize that I don’t like being told what to do. You see, I took off for a few days to think, and I’ve decided I’m going to give my son what he wants.”

  I stare at him. I know this is the part where he wants me to ask questions, to contribute my piece to the conversation, but I’m not interested in playing his games.

  “I’m going to disappear. I’m going to die, actually.” He laughs. “He would love that.”

  I wrap my arms around myself. “Good. What are you waiting for?”

  His glare feels like a sheet of ice coming at me. “It would be so easy for me to make it look like my son killed me.” He drops his gaze to my stomach. “I wonder what it’ll be like to raise the child of a murderer. Do you think the people in this town will treat your baby like any other when they know its father brutally murdered his own dad?”

  “No one will believe that.”

  He throws his head back and laughs. “Won’t they? From a man with Colton’s history? Seems pretty believable to me.”

  “How do you know about my pregnancy?”

  He smiles. “I have eyes in this city. I feel like you’re smart enough to understand that, even if my son’s not. I have so many people looking out for me. People who owe me favors.”

  “And so many p
eople who know you enough to stab you in the back at the first opportunity.” I’m bluffing. I have no idea if anyone but Colton has the courage to stand up to Nelson, but if I can put even a wrinkle in his confidence, it’ll be worth it.

  “Given your condition, I imagine you’d like Colton to be around for your baby, whereas I’d find it rather satisfying to frame him for my death. He has everything he needs to blackmail me, and I have everything I need to frame him.” His grin is so disgustingly genuine that I want to puke. He’s enjoying this game. “Or maybe if they took Colton away, you’d just fall back on Levi. But I know things about Levi, too. Things you wouldn’t believe. How good he is with cars. How fast he can make something disappear just because I asked him to. And Levi . . . Levi was never after the money. He just wanted the thrill. I should’ve known better than to let those boys try the straight and narrow life. It was my mistake. I assumed they’d come back.”

  I take a step toward the couch. There’s a lamp there with a long neck and a heavy base. If he comes at me, I can grab it. “Why are you here? What do you want from me?”

  His laugh is so loud and booming that I’m sure everyone in the neighborhood must hear it. “I want what everyone wants, Ellie. I want what your white-trash self wanted when you were working for Tate Andrews. I want money.” He shrugs. “My son’s tied my hands, and now I have no choice but to get what I need from you.”

  His eyes skim down my body, and my stomach lurches. “Don’t come near me.”

  “I don’t want sex.”

  “You want money?” In a different situation, that might make me laugh. Nelson has more money than I’ve ever had in my life. “I don’t have any. Like you said, white trash, remember?”

  “You have resources.” He steadies his gaze on my hands. “You have skills.”