Bang Gang

by Jade West

  It was becoming a regular thing.

  So regular that this play it by ear shit needed to come to a head one way or another. But I was nervous, like a stupid teenager, scared of blowing my chances by handling things too hard too soon.

  I had a habit of doing that.

  All I pissing needed was for Lorraine to put a spanner in the works. Rather she come to me than try to screw things up Jodie’s end. Fuck knows what the bitch wanted from me.

  Although I had an inkling.

  Tonight, I said. Come to mine. You’d best not be shitting me, Lorraine.

  I got back to work and didn’t give the cow the courtesy of another fucking thought.

  I swung the door open without any niceties, ignoring the fact that Lorraine was dressed in her finest with a bottle of wine in her hand. Like I ever fucking drank the stuff.

  “What do you want?” I grunted.

  She tutted, brushed past me and went to the kitchen like she owned the place. She took out two glasses and uncorked the bottle, pouring two hefty fucking measures. She held hers up.

  “It’s been a while, Darren. Cheers.”

  I pushed the second glass away from me, shunted it across the counter.

  “What’s this about?”

  She smiled, pretended this was a regular thing. Like fuck it was. “It’s about you. Me. Us…”

  I couldn’t hide my disgust. “There is no us, Lorraine. There’s never been an us…”

  “No,” she said. “Because there’s always been a Jodie, and I’m sick of it Darren, I’m sick of watching you chase after her like she’s Mother fucking Mary, like she can do no fucking wrong.”

  I laughed. “Mother fucking Mary? I think she’d surprise you.”

  “No,” she snapped. “I think she’d surprise you.”

  Her eyes twinkled, that smug grin plastered on her face as she sipped at her wine. She was a know it all, but I was done. I’d had enough of this shit.

  I pulled my cigarettes from my jeans. “I’m gonna have a smoke. You’ve got a couple of minutes to either drink your wine and get out of my face, or tell me what the fuck you’re really doing here.”

  “Don’t be like that…”

  I walked straight down the hall, practically launched the front door from its hinges. I was halfway through my cigarette when I heard her heels behind me. I didn’t bother turning around.

  “You want her, don’t you?” she said, and there was that tone again, that condescending fucking tone she’s always used around me. “You want to move back home, and get her to play little wifey, cooking and cleaning and looking pretty around the house while you go and bang half the fucking village and play a dirty bit of rough for anyone who’s willing to pay for it.”

  “What I want with Jodie is none of your fucking business, Lorraine.”

  “Oh, but it is,” she said. “I’m Jodie’s boss, practically her best friend… and you and me… well, we’re…” Her fingers trailed up my spine as she stepped around me.

  I glared at her. “We’re nothing. I offer a service, you paid for it. End of.”

  “Offered. Last I heard, you couldn’t get it up.”

  I took a drag. “Yeah, like that sounds likely.”

  She bit her lip, raised an eyebrow. “Hope not, Trent. Hope you’re not losing your touch. Maybe you need some more lessons…” Her hand shot to my crotch and squeezed. I grabbed her wrist, pushed her away. “Don’t be coy,” she said. “Not like I haven’t seen it all before, baby. You’re everything you are now because of me… Jodie’s reaping the benefits and she doesn’t even know it…”

  “I’m done,” I said. “With all of it. I’m done with you.”

  “Sure you are…”

  “I am. Think what you fucking like, Lorraine. It’s over.”

  “And that’s it, is it? No more clients, no more Bang Gang, no more cash lump sums you can use to treat that cute little family of yours? Is my money not good enough for you all of a sudden? You’ve taken enough of it.”

  “Can’t speak for the rest of the lads,” I said. “Give Buck a call. I couldn’t give a shit.”

  “I don’t want a four-way, Trent, and you know it.” Her eyes were full of spite. “But Jodie does… In fact, I don’t think she’d care if you were there or not from the sounds of it…”

  I looked right at her. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  She sighed, full of drama. “I didn’t want to tell you, but I can’t stand by and let you make a fool of yourself, even I’m not that cruel.” I waited for it. “I know you may think this is about you, Darren, but she’s using you. She doesn’t see you as any more of a keeper than I do. You’re just a piece of rough to her, same as you are for everyone else. She wants a gangbang just the same as every other cheap slut in this village, only she won’t tell you that, will she? It’s not as if she can afford one…”

  I kept my gaze steady. “You think she’s only with me because she wants to have a free fucking gangbang, Lorraine? That’s seriously what you think?”

  She grinned, triumphant. “That’s what I know. She told me as much. She told me she’d never be with you, not properly, not with you being such a loser, such a liability, such a player.”

  “But she wants to fuck the rest of the guys? I’m just a free meal ticket?”

  She nodded. “She’s a woman finding herself again. It’s only natural, Darren. She has needs and no means of paying for them, of course she’s using you… It’s clear she wants an actual relationship, just not with you. She needs someone who can be a proper role model to those girls, and she knows it… but in the meantime she’s… out to have fun… at your expense, it would seem.”

  I flicked my cigarette away. “And when did she tell you all this?”

  “Only the past few days, or I would have come sooner…”

  “Let me get this straight. Jodie told you that she’s only using me to get a shot at a gangbang with the guys, and she told you this a few days back?”

  “I guess the gossip has finally reached her. Turned her head. Like I said, it’s only natural she should want what other women are having.” She smiled at me. “See how ridiculous you’re being? How pathetic? Thinking she wants you when she only wants your cock, yours and your mates’…”

  “Clear off,” I said. “Now.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “What? Oh, come on, Darren! You can’t seriously want to take this out on me. Don’t shoot the pissing messenger!”

  “Like hell you’re a fucking messenger, Lorraine, you’re nothing but a cheap liar.”

  She folded her arms. “I’m not lying, Trent. That’s what she wants, you just can’t accept it. Don’t be a fool! She’s using you! Laughing at you!”

  I leaned in close, my mouth to her ear, and my voice was full of fucking malice. “The only person who’s taking me for a fucking fool around here, Lorraine, is you.” I brushed past her and stepped back inside, making it damn well clear she wasn’t invited to follow me. “It’s over, you and me,” I said. “So stay out of my fucking face, and stay out of Jodie’s too.”

  “Darren! Just hear me out! You’re angry, I know, but you’re making a big…”

  I slammed the door before I could hear any more of her shit.

  I nearly sent Jodie a message right there and then, nearly told her exactly what a conniving little cunt Lorraine really was, but to do that I’d have to tell all. I’d have to hash up all the sorry details of the long seedy history between me and that fucking woman, a woman I should never have touched with a fucking barge pole.

  I’d have to tell her that I’d been fucking Lorraine in secret for years, that the majority of the cash in the box under my bed was from her seedy advances, that she’d been the one to orchestrate the whole fucking lot of it.

  And Jodie thought they were friends.

  They weren’t fucking friends.

  I tried to type it out, tried to say what I needed to say, but everything sounded shit. I’ve never been fucking good with words.
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  I changed my message to a general we need to talk that sounded so fucking ominous I didn’t want to send it. And then what? If I did? I tell her about Lorraine and what? We weren’t even together, not yet, not definitely. Something like this could put a spanner in the works before we’d even had a shot, before we’d even given ourselves a fair fucking chance of making something real again.

  What if Jodie took Lorraine’s side?

  She wouldn’t. Couldn’t. Not with a bitch like her.

  But would she believe me? Why would she believe me? She hadn’t even trusted me with Mia’s fucking bullying issues.

  I hated to think what fucking shit Lorraine would whisper in her ear.

  I smoked another cigarette when the cow had finally fucked off, and another after that. I needed to tell Jodie something, needed to warn her, but now wasn’t the time.

  We had the rally weekend coming up, in person would be better, talk her through it when I could see her face and she could see mine. Tell her it didn’t mean anything, that Lorraine didn’t mean anything, tell her that I wasn’t even Bang Ganging anymore, hadn’t been since she first came over.

  I’d tell her everything. Lay it all out on the table.

  Nothing like breaking the habit of a fucking lifetime.

  We were all packed up, my poor little Ford bursting to the seams with tents and sleeping bags and a million supplies we’d probably never need. I’d left Nanna with kind Maisie Harris, who came to do her toenails every month. She didn’t mind house sitting, she’d said. No need to house sit, so Nanna said, but I wasn’t convinced.

  “I can’t believe we’re actually camping,” Tonya said for the hundredth time. “We haven’t been camping since that time we went out to the cider festival with Trent and Buck when we were kids. I still remember you puking behind the bandstand after too many vodkas.”

  “Urgh,” Mia said from the back. “You got drunk, Mum?”

  Daisy giggled, and Mia did, too. Two giggly peas in a very small pod, those two.

  “It’s an exaggeration,” I lied. “I think I had a dodgy hotdog.”

  “Probably that, yeah,” Tonya said, and flashed me a grin.

  I wondered if Darren was there already. I guessed he was, and all the guys with him, at least that’s what Ruby claimed. I imagined he was already hard at work, doing all the car stuff, whatever stuff needed to be done with these rally cars.

  The event was signposted for miles, and we pulled up into open fields that had been segregated into camping areas. The attendant pointed us over to a spot in the corner, and Ruby squealed in excitement as we got out of the car. People were already setting up tents around us, so we grabbed ours from the car and marked out a spot. I still couldn’t believe I was doing this.

  Tonya opened a bottle of cheap fizz as I arranged the tent poles, handed me one in a crappy plastic tumbler. I couldn’t stop laughing.

  “Jesus, Tonya, it’s not even ten a.m.”

  “Start as we mean to go on,” she said and clinked my glass. “Cheers.”

  I took a courtesy sip and placed the tumbler on the car roof. “Let’s get set up.”

  She downed hers. “Sure thing.”

  I was wrestling tarpaulin when Ruby’s voice rang out. “It’s Buck! Buckkkk! Over here!”

  I couldn’t help but notice how quickly Tonya pulled her head from under the canopy. Like a brother my arse.

  Ruby was already hanging off his hip, yapping in his ear about her dad, and how brilliant this was going to be, and how many cars were there. He had infinite patience, answering her every question with a smile. I loved Buck for that. He’d always had so much time for the girls.

  I watched him hitch her onto his shoulders and point into the distance.

  “There he is!” Ruby shrieked. “Mum! Dad’s over there!”

  Those bloody butterflies started up again. “I’ll catch up with your dad later, Ruby. We’ve got to get this bloody tent up, unless you want to sleep in the car.”

  Buck dropped Ruby at my side. “I’ll give you a hand,” he said.

  He did, too. He had the tent up in no time, then blew up our airbeds with the foot pump without even breaking a sweat.

  Mia and Daisy hovered, whispering into each other’s ears before Mia found voice enough to ask if they could go chill amongst the crowds.

  “Alright,” I said. “But not far.” I handed her a tenner for some drinks, and she put her hand on her hip like she was the coolest kid in town. The Daisy effect.

  “Thanks, Mum. We’ll stay off the hard stuff.” Cue the laughter.

  At least she was smiling again.

  They checked their makeup in the rearview mirror before they left, and my heart gave a weird pang. My little girl, far too grown up for comfort. I waved them off.

  Tonya sighed. “When did she get so bloody old?”

  “I was just thinking the same thing,” I said.

  Ruby squeezed my hand. “Can I go with Buck? To find Dad?”

  “Alright,” I said. “Be good though, stay out of his way. He’s working.”

  “Yeah yeah, I do know,” she said.

  I watched her leave, her little hand in Buck’s big one, telling him all about the wonder of life the universe and all the cars in it.

  I was a million miles away when Tonya nudged my ribs. She handed me my drink from the car roof and I relented, let myself smile.

  “Cheers,” I said, and downed the thing in one.

  I was busy as fuck, getting cars tuned up ready to go, but not too busy to hoist Rubes up on my shoulders and point out the track when she came running. She was a ball of energy, her voice higher than usual, squealing at this and that, cars and drivers, and stalls of merchandise.

  “Be a good girl and give me a hand, will you?” I said, and her face lit up.

  I got her passing me tools, and she took it proper seriously, eyebrows pitted in concentration as I barked out orders.

  I sent her off with Buck and Hugh when the event started, told them to keep an eye on her. Off she went, swinging off their arms as she skipped between them. My heart swelled up, so proud I could burst, and there amongst it was Jodie. She was everywhere, right the way through me.

  I kept an eye out for her, but I didn’t spot her, not until I’d taken a break and slumped on the grass with a cold beer. I heard Tonya first, and her laugh told me she’d been drinking. My eyes followed the sound, and I caught a flash of cherry red amongst the crowd. My gut did that sappy flip.

  They headed in my direction, talking and laughing, and didn’t see me until they were almost on top of me. Tonya saw me before Jodie did, and nudged Jodie in the arm.

  I loved the way Jodie lit up when she saw it was me. The smile that crept across her face said too much, and I suspected she’d had a couple with Tonya.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “Alright,” I said.

  I got to my feet, wiped oily hands on my jeans. I wanted to pull her close, wrap my arms around her and kiss her like she was mine, but I didn’t.

  “Tent all set up?” I asked.

  She nodded. “Yeah, Buck helped.” She pointed to the field beyond. “We’re in the corner, just over there.”

  I gestured to the opposite corner of the same field. “We’re over that way.”

  “Great,” she said. “Well, I guess we’ll be… seeing you around…”

  “Righto,” I said, then cursed myself. I stumbled over words, so many of them. Do you want a drink, Jo? A hotdog? Want to drink vodka with me until you’re sick behind the bandstand and I have to hold your hair back? I kissed you after, do you remember? Do you remember me carrying you back to the tent and holding you all night long?

  She brushed her hair behind her ear. “We’ll be… um… around later, I guess… if you’re not too busy.”

  “I’ll be around,” I said. “I’d like that, Jo.”

  Tonya let out a laugh. “Jesus, you two. Maybe at this rate you’ll get together sometime in the next ten bloody years.”

&nb
sp; Jodie’s cheeks flushed pink, and I stared at the grass, ran my hand through my hair. Ridiculous, this was fucking ridiculous. I felt like a fucking kid again, trying to work out whether the fuck she liked me or not.

  “The girls,” Jodie said. “Have you seen them?”

  “Rubes is with Buck and Hugh. Haven’t seen Mia.” I looked around the crowds. “Where is Mia?”

  “Relax,” she said. “She’s with Daisy, I’m sure they’re fine.”

  I couldn’t help but scowl. “There’s a lot of people here, Jo, a lot of people drinking, a lot of lads.”

  She rolled her eyes. “She’ll be fine, Darren. She’s nearly a teenager, I’m sure she can get some Cokes and hotdogs and wander around with Daisy.”

  I wasn’t so fucking sure, but I bit my tongue. She saw my reservations a mile off.

  “I’ll find her,” she said. “Make sure she’s alright. Ok?”

  “Alright,” I said. “Thanks.”

  I spotted Jimmy O on the approach, Petey at his side. Jo saw them too. She waved to them, but made an exit, told me she’d see me later.

  I watched her through the crowd until she disappeared out of sight.

  For a rally event, given that I don’t know shit about cars, and struggle to be all that interested in them, the afternoon was a lot of fun. I had a couple of glasses of light fizz with Tonya, grabbed burgers for us and the girls, and checked in with Nanna who told me she was doing just fine.

  It felt so strange to relax. It felt so strange to be me again, away from normal regular life. We sat on some fold up chairs and laughed about times gone by, and Ruby listened to every word, asked about her dad, asked about how we met, how we knew we loved each other.

  I told her the truth.

  That I’d known I’d loved her dad long before I reached out and took his hand on the way to get fish and chips. I’d known I’d loved him when he’d looked at me with eyes that said I meant something, with the same stare he’d been looking at me with ever since. I’d known I’d loved her father since he’d walked along the river with me and told me that nobody had ever made him laugh the way I made him laugh, and his face had lit up and I knew he meant it.