120 days...

by Stratton, M.

  “Just a few more minutes. Please. I need a few more minutes like this.”

  “Sure, sure.” He rocked back and forth, hoping to calm them both.

  She started playing with the buttons on his shirt. “After my parents died, I had some tests done. I wanted to be prepared for what might be heading my way. If there was any way I could shrink my chances of getting cancer, I was going to do it, no matter what it was. There is genetic testing you can do, where they can see if you have cancer markers. I did. Colon cancer, just like my dad. I couldn’t just cut my colon out and not worry about it, so we watched, and they were able to put me on what we call preventative chemo maintenance. Every six months, I go in and have scans done to make sure nothing is showing up.”

  Ethan felt like his world was crumbling around him. “But you have your hair, and you don’t get sick.”

  “Not everyone gets sick on chemo, and it all depends on the cocktail they give you if you are going to lose your hair or not. And honestly, I did get sick in the beginning, but we found the perfect dose for me. It hasn’t impacted my life, but for a couple of hours every few weeks.”

  “Does anyone at the resort know?” The thought of the staff knowing and not saying anything to him was going to seriously piss him off.

  She shook her head. “No one knows. I can’t have them treating me differently, treating me more like a guest and not the owner.”

  “Tell me the rest.” If he knew everything, he might be able to fix it.

  “A few years ago, a few spots showed up on my colon; they were cancerous. But because of the scans, we caught it in time and it was, all things considered, a minor surgery and they were removed. They adjusted my chemo, and all my tests have come back normal since then. Last Resort has helped me just as much as it’s helped others. Based on my medical history, I shouldn’t be here now. If I hadn’t taken those proactive steps years ago, things would be different now. If I didn’t have all those people depending on me, I wouldn’t be here. Because, every single guest who came to me to help them live a few extra weeks, they’ve given me extra years.”

  “But why are you seeing a specialist?”

  She got up off his lap, walked over to the window and looked out. “Between the radiation in all of the scans and the ongoing chemo, the odds of me being able to have children was slim.” She gave a humorless laugh. “I thought it was impossible. Turns out I wasn’t listening close enough.” Turning back toward him, she fidgeted with her fingers. “I’m pregnant.”

  “Wait . . . what?” Slowly, he stood up.

  “I’m pregnant with your child.”

  He pointed toward her belly. “What about all the medication? Is it possible? Healthy?” His vision tunneled until all he saw was her. There were too many emotions flowing through him to identify.

  “As it stands right now, yes. I haven’t been able to take any of my pills since I started getting sick. And this was my week to go in for the juice. At this point, there shouldn’t be any adverse side effects.”

  “At this point . . .” He felt like he couldn’t keep up, wasn’t fully understanding her words over the sound of his own frantic heartbeat.

  “Yes, that’s why I went to this specialist. If there is anyone who can make sure both our baby and I survive this pregnancy, it’s him.”

  “Wait.” All of the blood drained out of his head and he sat down quickly. “Explain. What do you mean both of you survive?” He felt like he was on the edge of a cliff and the rocks started shifting under him.

  “There is a chance one or both of us could die.”

  “No. No.” He shook his head. “I don’t accept that. How in the hell do you think I’m just going to accept something like this? You can’t die. Dammit, no. I can’t lose you.” His body started to shake. “Give me a minute.” He stood up and tried to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other as he went over to his laptop. “I can figure this out. I can fix this. I can’t lose you.” His voice shook with emotion he couldn’t hide.

  “Ethan,” Sam said quietly from next to him.

  “No, my brother wouldn’t let me do anything to help him. I’m not going to sit by and do nothing for you.” His words sped out of his mouth, tumbling into one another. “This doctor, you may think he’s the best, but we’ll see about that. I don’t care what it costs, or where we have to go. I’m not going to lose you. I’m not going to lose either of you.” Frantically, his fingers flew across the keyboard.

  “Ethan.” She placed her hand over his. “Stop. There’s nothing you can do right now. We have to take each step. Right now, I’m fine.”

  He turned haunted eyes toward her. His life had been ripped from him, again. First his parents, then Evan, and now Samantha, and their baby. My God, there was a child growing inside of her, the awe of the fact that they’d created something so wonderful together amazed him. But then maybe the cancer would be growing as their baby did. Cancer could be spreading throughout her body this very second. The thought of burying everything and everyone he’d ever loved hit him like a sledgehammer and he dropped hard to his knees in front of her. Wrapping his arms around her, he rested his head on her belly where their child grew, and cried at the thought of what was to come.

  Day 59

  Ethan–

  I’m trying not to get excited, but tomorrow is day sixty. Such a small number that means so much more to me now than it did before I found out I had cancer. Every day is a gift.

  Growing up, I always looked up to you. As my big brother, you were larger than life. I swear I thought you had super powers, everything always went your way. Even after Mom and Dad were killed and we lost the house, what you did to make sure I was taken care of and protected . . . As an adult, I can appreciate everything you did for me. Because of you, I am the man I am.

  Thank you

  Evan

  They lay wrapped in each other’s arms on the bed, Ethan absently playing with a lock of her hair. He needed her close. He felt completely empty, completely void of emotion. There was nothing left for him to grieve. Once Sam started crying, he’d stopped. He knew tears weren’t going to help anything and he didn’t want to make it harder on her than it already was. All he wanted was to go back to how things were two days earlier, forget the last three hours had happened, but that wasn’t an option. They both had their moments to wallow in sadness, but now, they needed to plan.

  “What happens next?”

  “Tests, tests, and more tests.” She sighed. “The doctor said that was pretty much going to be my life until the baby comes.”

  “Which is when?”

  “June ninth.”

  “June. Eight months.” He rolled over and looked down at her. “You are one of the strongest people I’ve ever known, but I have to ask, are you strong enough for this? Don’t brush me off. Seriously, I need you to think ahead. What if we are in May and something goes wrong, and the baby doesn’t make it. Can you survive that?”

  Sam bit her lip and nodded. “I’m not going to say it won’t wreck me, and I don’t know how long it would take me to recover, get back to my normal. I’ve made myself go there, to that dark place, to feel what it would be like. Ethan, I have to do this. No matter what the outcome, I can’t terminate this pregnancy. It’s not in my makeup. This child is already a part of me. A part of us.”

  “You’re willing to die for this child, if it comes down to that?”

  “Yes. There is no other option.”

  “You’ve thought about this. You’ve had time to process everything. I haven’t. Since you’re set in your decision, then you’re going to live with mine. You’re going to have to deal with the fact that I’m not going to settle for second best of anything. You will have the best that money can buy. I don’t care what we have to do, or where we have to go. I will do everything in my power to make sure you both survive this, do you hear me?”

  “As long as you understand this child’s life is more important than mine. We are both alone in this world. This can b
e my way to leave more than just a handprint behind.”

  He recoiled from her. “Where the hell do you get off saying one life is more important than another one? No, you’ll agree to the fact that the doctor’s will know if it comes down to one or the other, they choose the one who has the best chance of surviving. Period. No arguments.” When she didn’t say anything, he continued. “Look at it from my perspective. If I have the chance to make sure at least one of you lives, I’m going to take it. I’m going to make sure the doctor’s do. I’m not going to have them ignore you and try to save our child when they could have saved you and the child still dies. Please give me this. Think about it, so much of this is out of my hands, with nothing I can do, and there are no decisions that are mine to make. It’s your body, you decide. Let me do what I can to make sure if I can’t save the both of you, at least one of you lives.”

  Slowly, she nodded. “I can understand that, but we’ve got to think positive. We’ll both make it.”

  “That’s what I’m praying for. I think I’ve said about a thousand prayers already.”

  “Good, then we’ll bother Him so much, he’ll make sure they are answered.”

  “So . . . tests, that’s it for the next eight months? What happens if those tests show something we don’t want?”

  “Then we’ll have to see what is best. Really, there are so many things that could go wrong in a normal pregnancy, let alone with someone like me. We can’t dwell on the what ifs. We need to try to take each day as it is and do our best.”

  “You do understand you’re going to have to take it easy at the resort. I know you said you didn’t want the staff treating you like a guest, and I can completely understand that, but you can’t go on like you have. You’re going to have to take care of yourself, which means, you’re going to have to get a lot of rest and delegate.”

  She frowned at him. “I hate that word.”

  “I know you do. You’re also going to hate the next thing I’m going to say, so in your words, suck it up, buttercup. You’re going to have to have help, and you’re going to have some and like it. You are carrying my child.” He patted her belly. “And I’m a successful businessman, which means, I’m helping, and you’re going to take my money and not say one word. Samantha, if there is anyone who completely understands your vision for Last Resort, it’s me. We’ve already started working on the improvements you want to make. Let me oversee them. I know where you want to take this. I can do this for you so you don’t have to worry about it.”

  “But the money.”

  “Seriously? This is a few million I’m not going to miss it. And yes, I have that much money. I don’t need you to pay me back, and don’t start arguing about how you aren’t comfortable taking my money. It’s mine and I can do with it whatever I want. You want me to go behind your back? I can. Don’t think I haven’t thought of anonymous donations. There’s nothing you can say about that now, is there?”

  “You wouldn’t.” She narrowed her eyes at him.

  “Who’s to say I haven’t already? Yeah, you think about that. I’ve been there for how long now? Gee isn’t it funny how you’ve had some extra money coming in lately? I wonder where that came from. The checks will only get larger. Might as well sit back, and relax, focus on your health and growing that child.”

  “Now wait a minute, I will not be reduced to the stereotypical woman’s role just because I’m pregnant.”

  “If you were just pregnant, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. We are also trying to keep both you and our child alive. Don’t be so stubborn you can’t see what I’m trying to do.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I know what my priorities are, and I also know what I’m capable of doing. You on the other hand–”

  “Just stop already. We both want the same damn thing. Sometimes I wonder why I love you so much when all you like to do is argue with me.”

  “What did you say?”

  “That you’re stubborn and like to argue.”

  “No you said you love me.”

  “Of course I do. Do you think I’d be going through all this if you were just a fling?”

  “Wow, Ethan, way to charm me.”

  “You know what I mean. You can’t expect me to be all charming when you’re sitting there being hardheaded and won’t listen to me.”

  “Hello.” She waved her hand in front of his face. “Obviously I was since I’m the one who heard you say you love me. Want to try that again, and this time not be an ass about it?”

  Ethan’s face softened as he looked down at her. “I should have told you long before this. If anyone should know to not take each moment for granted, it should be me. Samantha Truman, you amaze me. Your strength and compassion is unshakable. Because of you, I feel like I’ve finally become the man I always should have been. And now this, a child, something so wonderful and precious we created from love. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to say the words to someone ever again and mean them, but I do. I love you with everything I am.”

  “I love you, too.” She smiled at him. “So much it scares me sometimes. Both of us have had so much loss in our lives. It’s scary to take that leap again. But with you, it was one of the easiest things I’ve ever done.”

  His arms wrapped around her and he held onto her tightly. “God, I never want to let you go.” Closing his eyes, he said another prayer to keep both of them safe.

  “Then don’t.”

  Day 60

  Ethan–

  One of the hardest things I’ve ever done was walk into your office to tell you I had cancer and was walking away from you to die.

  Growing up, you always looked out for me, especially after Mom and Dad were killed. There was no way I could have you doing it again. I wanted you to remember me healthy, like I used to be. Not like I am now. I look in the mirror and can’t even recognize myself. I don’t look like how my brain thinks I should look. I look like I’m dying. My brain hasn’t caught up to the fact that it’s only a matter of time.

  Evan

  One good thing about having money was Ethan paid for someone to drive her car back to the resort so they could ride together in his car. He made some snide comment about her non-descript sedan, to which she came back with a comment about men and the horsepower of their cars.

  Sam had to admit that it felt good to relax and let him drive them back. Both of them were making a concerted effort to keep things light. They’d spent so much time talking and planning the day before, they needed the small break before they were back at the resort and had to tell everyone what was going on.

  He didn’t admit it, but Sam was pretty sure he’d been up all night making plans while she slept. Somehow, she didn’t think he’d sit around and wait for the next step. He was already planning for the ten ahead. In fact, she worried nothing would be the same at the resort by the time they made it back there. The only thing that kept her from being angry was she knew it came from a good place. He was going to do whatever it took to make sure they had their happy ending. There was no way she could fault him for that.

  Sam sat in a chair at the large table in the rec center waiting for the staff to show up. Part of her wanted to run and hide, the other part knew they would help her. They’d be there with all of the positive thoughts and energy she needed to succeed.

  “Thank you all for coming on such short notice. I have a few things we need to go over.” She stood up and picked up a stack of papers. “First, Ethan and I have been talking about changes I’ve wanted to make to the resort, and he’s generously donated the money needed to make them happen.” She passed the papers to her right. “Here, take one and pass it along. We’re going to build new accommodations, ones that can house more guests, specifically for those who need more assistance. These will be almost like apartments. It will be built to keep with the feeling of the rest of the resort, so it won’t stick out. The main house will be for staff and offices. My goal has always been to help as many people as possible, and u
nfortunately, we’ve had to turn too many away. By creating this new area, we will be able to help twenty more guests than we currently do. Also, we’re going to be building ten more cabins. I don’t want the resort to get so large it becomes an institution, as we are one big family, and that needs to be our main focus, just as it always has been.” She nodded toward Ethan.

  “Since I have a developer’s background, it makes the most sense for me to head this up. I have all the contacts to make sure this goes as smoothly as possible without affecting the guests who are here. We’ve passed out the rough drawing of how the new buildings are going to look and where they’ll be located. Since you work here on a day-to-day basis if there is anything you can think of that would be beneficial to our guests, or to make your job easier, please come to me as soon as possible so we can get your ideas in place.”

  Sam took a deep breath. “Next, if you haven’t noticed, Ethan and I are an item and he is going to be helping me out a lot more around here.” Ethan put his arm around her, and she leaned into him for strength. It was harder than she thought it would be. “I need you to treat him as you would me. He has final say, just like I would in any situation. I’m going to be stepping back for a bit and I need to make sure everything is taken care of so I can focus on other matters.” She rubbed her hands together and prayed for the right words. “I have some good news, and some potentially bad news. The good news is we are going to have a baby.” She held up her hand to quiet the staff down. “You all know the story of my parents. Well, after they died I had genetic testing done. I’ve been on chemo treatments for years, mostly a preventive maintenance thing so the colon cancer wouldn’t grow, or spread quickly. With being pregnant, I won’t be able to continue. Best case, which you know we always focus on, I’ll go to term and both the baby and I will be fine. The worst case is we both could die.”