Where Hope Grows
Page 3
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly and then she ran off, before I had a chance to explain.
I thought about going after her, but if she had wanted to talk, then she would have stayed.
I walked back to my room. I had the images of her leaning in to kiss me playing in my mind. I had wanted to kiss her. I had wanted to feel her lips against mine, but not like that. I didn’t want it to be because she’d just suffered so much sadness. I wanted it to be because she wanted to kiss me. I wanted it to be because I’d made her smile so her cheeks ached and her stomach hurt with laughter. I wanted her to kiss me because there was nothing else left to do other than kiss me. I wanted it to be right.
I pushed open my dorm door and found that the room was empty. I hadn’t thought about Dillan since I’d left, but I realized when I was opening my door that I had no desire to see him any time soon either.
I walked into my room and threw my body down on the mattress. My eyes fell on my bedside table. The letter that was in the drawer floated to the front of my mind and I realized it was time to read it. I needed to know what it said. I needed to see Sophie’s final goodbye.
Jason,
I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I told you that I was okay, because I’m not. I can’t do this. I can’t grow into the monster that my father is. There are things about me. Things that you don’t know, things that you will never know, that would change the way you think about me forever. I hope that you remember me well. I hope that you remember that I have been fighting my demons all my life and that I have always done my best.
You were my friend when I needed one most. I told you that you weren’t, but you were. You did the right thing. You did all that you could and although I’m sure that you’re blaming yourself, you shouldn’t. You are not to blame for this. There is no one to blame. Sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes people are born with demons they cannot defeat and sometimes, just sometimes, good people are born to light up their otherwise perpetual darkness. You were my light.
You asked me why I kissed you. I kissed you because for one moment you made everything okay. I kissed you because for one night you made me feel like I should be alive. I’d never been so close to the edge before. I’d never been so close to listening to the voices in my head. You were louder than them. You were the light in the darkness. You were the stars in my sky.
I have to go now. I’m sorry, but it has to be that way. Maybe I’ll find happiness after this. Maybe I’ll find some peace away from the voices that don’t leave me alone.
I hope you live a happy life. I hope you find somebody just like you. I hope you find somebody who would have a door slammed in their face a thousand times, only for them to knock again for you. You deserve that. You deserve someone who is good like you. I hope you that you find her. I know that I’m probably owed nothing from the universe, but my final request will be that you find her.
Sophie
CHAPTER 8
The letter was back in my drawer. I’d read it maybe ten times. I’d read it until I didn’t need to read it. I read it, until I could play it back in my mind from memory.
Then I set off. Sophie had told me what she had to say. She’s answered the questions that I’d been sure would never be answered and she’d shown me what I couldn’t see.
I’d been afraid. I’d been afraid that Lisa would kiss me and then she would be taken away too. I’d been afraid that I wouldn’t be able to protect her. I’d been afraid that what had happened to Sophie had somehow been my fault. None of that was true, though.
Lisa was the girl that Sophie had told me about. Lisa was the girl who would knock a thousand times. Lisa was the girl who’d help a perfect stranger just because it was the right thing to do.
I stopped outside Lisa’s door. My heart was hammering in my chest. The air in my lungs burned. I brought my hand down against her door and waited her to answer.
She took her time. I wasn’t sure at first whether she was even in. “Jason?” she said sleepily, when she pulled open the door and found me standing outside.
“Can we talk?” I asked, as I realized that I’d just woken her up. “I’m sorry, you were sleeping weren’t you?”
She shook her head like puppy that’s just been swimming. “I was, but it doesn’t matter. I’m up now, you might as well come in.” She stepped aside, so that I could get into the room.
I’d never been in her room before. It smelled like strawberries and chocolate Poptarts. I looked around at the band posters and old checked blanket she had over her bed. It was cosy. There was nothing pink, which kind of surprised me. It was low key and kind of cottage chic.
“So what’s up?” she asked me, as she sat back onto her bed and looked up at me through her long lashes.
“I shouldn’t have stopped you,” I blurted out, before I could think of a better way of putting it.
“You shouldn’t have stopped me?”
“I shouldn’t have stopped you when you tried to kiss me. I wanted to kiss you, too. I don’t know what happened. I got scared I think. The last person I kissed, died,” I said a little bluntly.
I winced over my own words, before I could continue. “I wanted to kiss you,” I repeated, because that was what was important.
“You wanted to kiss me?” she asked and she looked confused over the tangent I’d just been on.
I could feel the moment starting to tear away at me. Words weren’t enough. Sometimes words were enough. Words had been enough to give me closure on Sophie, but they weren’t enough for that moment. They weren’t enough to show Lisa just how much I wished I’d kissed her back.
I walked over to her and took her face in my hands. She looked surprised, but she didn’t pull away from me.
“I shouldn’t have pulled away,” I said quietly, as leaned into her and brought my lips crashing into hers. I kissed her. The taste of peppermint and cherries filled my mouth and set a fire burning in my stomach as I stroked her cheeks.
After a time without time, I stepped away from her. She blinked at me slowly. She looked kind of embarrassed, as though she wasn’t quite sure what happened next. I could feel my hands itching to sink back into my pockets, but I kept them on her cheeks, the feeling of her soft skin comforting the awkwardness that was trying to take me away from the happiness I was feeling.
“So, what happens now?” she asked with her voice trembling slightly against her lips.
“We see what tomorrow brings,” I told her with a smile. “I can tell you one thing for certain, though.”
“What’s that?” she asked me curiously.
“When the sun rises and I’m standing by the window watching it break the darkness of the night,” I lowered my hands to her hands, pulled her to her feet, and wrapped her in an embrace, “I want you to be the person standing by my side. I want you to be the person that I share the day with. I want you to be the person who reminds me that daylight will always defeat the night, as long as I wait long enough.”
“Do you mean that?” she asked with her eyes wide.
“I can’t make you believe me. All I can do is keep my word and remind you every day about the promise I’ve made today.”
“I trust you,” she whispered into my chest.
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Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental.
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ISBN: 9781683681137