CHASE (The Heartbreak Club Book 1)

by Elle Harte

  As if on cue, my phone started to ring and I saw that it was on the nightstand, almost out of juice. “Speak of the devil,” I said, when I answered.

  “Where the fuck are you?” Chloe yelled right into my eardrum.

  “Where am I, Chloe? Where were you?”

  She quieted down when she remembered. “Oh shit,” she said. “I forgot you again last night, didn’t I?”

  “You think?”

  “Oh Blayne I’m so sorry,” she said. “I hooked up with this really awesome guy…” she said and then paused, “wait. I’m in our apartment and you’re not here. Where did you spend the night?”

  I had to make something up spur of the moment. This is one thing I don’t think I should be telling her. I didn’t want her to worry especially when there was nothing to worry about. It wasn’t as though Chase and I had actually slept together. Now that would have been an actual problem. “You think you’re the only one who can have one night stands?” I said with a confidence that I didn’t feel inside.

  Even Chase looked surprised.

  “Holy shit,” Chloe sniggered. “You skank! Who’d you finally give your post-Chase virginity to?”

  “No one you need to remember,” I said.

  “That bad?”

  “You have no idea!”

  Great. So not only did I have to make up a guy, I also had to make up shitty sex details about him. And then I made some silly excuse to make her go away so I could deal with the hangover and Chase.

  “I was fine with the one-night-stand bit,” Chase said, when I placed the phone down. “But no one you need to remember? Ouch.”

  “Look I’m sorry,” I said. “I just didn’t want to give her ideas. We work together and I live with her. I don’t want things to get awkward when they don’t have to be.”

  “It’s fine, Blayne. I get it.”

  He picked up his own coffee cup and drank from it. “So,” he said. “What has Nick done to bother you this badly?”

  “He’s been sending me those weird texts,” I told him. “Telling me that this isn’t over. That he’s going to make me reconsider. Last night he texted me that I shouldn’t trust anyone. What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “Shouldn’t you be asking him that?”

  “Yeah but for that I would have to confront him, which is not something I want to do just yet.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Do you think you might have made a mistake by leaving Nick?”

  Why does he want to know?

  “That’s an odd question to ask.”

  “Is it?” he became apologetic. “You don’t have to answer.”

  “It’s alright I don’t mind,” I said. “Look, Chase I was with him for years. I know what he is and I know exactly what he’s capable of. He was never the right person for me and that’s not something that I just found out. I always knew that.”

  “Five years is a long time to be with someone that you know isn’t the right person for you.”

  “I thought he was the right person,” I told him. “I thought that deep down he loved me. I took his words for granted. It was much later that I found out he had been cheating on me for quite some time. You have to understand we were pretty young when we got together. Back then, it just felt like we were meant to be, because everyone said so!”

  “I know the feeling,” he said.

  “Do I detect a note of personal experience?”

  “We’ll need an entire year to go over mine. Let’s just stick to you for today. So when was the first time you found out about him?”

  “Well, he told me he had to leave town for a while you know? The typical excuse. I was fine with it. So he goes and he barely calls me the entire week. Then, he comes back, looking all depressed and as though something went wrong. It concerned me but he shrugged it off, saying it was some work thing he didn’t want to bother me with. A day later, there’s a woman at our door. A really hot looking thing, asking to talk to Nick. So I call Nick and he goes all pale, and then he tries to salvage it by going over to the girl and reasoning with her but she isn’t about to listen. Turns out she was pissed that he didn’t call her back or try to see her again. It was obvious she knew he was in a long term relationship, but that didn’t seem to bother her. She was threatening a lawsuit…sexual harassment, she kept saying.”

  “Someone he knew from work?”

  “Yes! Some new hire he thought he had handled, but obviously he had been wrong about her. She wasn’t about to let him do this to her. Anyway, I stood there listening to them arguing, until Nick asked me to wait and went outside to talk to her and closed the door. I was so…stunned. I didn’t know what to do. I kept wondering if leaving would be the right thing but I was so stuck. I kept hoping for him to apologize and make this better somehow. And then before I knew it, Nick was in front of me, apologizing, and making it sound like he would die without me.”

  “You caved?”

  “I was infuriated. I yelled and screamed and everything. But then he promised he would never do it again. He told me he would never ever hurt me this way. That it was just a moment of passion and he slipped up. In any case, he convinced me not to leave him. He convinced me to stay.

  “You see, I cared for him. Ever since Jason broke up with me, I’ve never even had the chance to look at anyone else, because I’ve always been truthful and loyal to him. There was never any need for me to do all that, you know? It’s not like I was doing him a favor or anything,” I said, and hesitated before adding the next bit. “The only reason Nick and I were even together, was because our families wanted it. I know it sounds absurd but I think we both gave in to our parents happiness because we both felt like we couldn’t do much better on our own. Our families have business ties, it’s complicated when there’s so much money involved.”

  “Blayne,” he said. “Being faithful to someone, when temptation is all around you, is the most remarkable favor anyone can do for you. But it sounds like you were in an arranged relationship.”

  “I get that now, but you know, back then I was so lost and alone. I barely had any friends because I alienated myself from everyone. The whole living together thing had changed me. It changed him too. He wasn’t the same guy anymore but I kept thinking maybe once things get better, he might be. But things never got better. They just got worse.”

  I couldn’t help that I started crying. Chase’s face was a mixture of concerned and confused. And then he came over to my side and put an arm around me. “I’m sorry you had to go through this,” he said. “I know how hard it can be.”

  And again, there was that note, of experience, something in his words that made me feel like there was a story beneath the surface, but he didn’t say anything.

  “I’m so embarrassed,” I said, unable to pull away from him. “I didn’t mean to cry like some crazy hormonal woman.”

  “Hey,” he said gently. “You passed out drunk in the middle of the street. We’re way past embarrassing.”

  That made me laugh. Just the image of that happening outside the club. Did you carry me to the car? To the bed? In your arms? And with my head buried in his chest I felt like I really was a crazy hormonal woman, because even though his embrace was little more than casual friendship, it was beginning to feel like a lot more. When he finally pulled away I was left a bit breathless.

  “Blayne?” he said, getting up and facing me.

  “Yeah?”

  “I think I might be addicted to you.”

  Blayne

  Love is a roller coaster, it has its ups and downs.

  Everything changed after that evening and that entire day with Cooper. Well, at least everything inside me, changed. The rest of the world and the people in it, Chloe and even my coworkers were entirely unaware of it.

  But then there was Chase.

  Despite the constant warnings, and frequent arguments from the sane side of my brain, I constantly felt as though Chase was taking this whol
e thing just as seriously as I was. At first, I thought I probably sounded like one of those people who make up entire love affairs inside their heads and act like it’s happening, but all my doubts were confirmed the day he offered me a ride back home in the limo. Stanton was driving and I was tired, everyone had already left and I was used to working late most days so it was just us. Accepting a ride didn’t seem that much of big deal.

  That was until I stepped inside.

  At first, we smiled a lot and we were polite, but I could sense the tension inside that cramped place like it was some actual thing that surrounded us. I felt feverish, and the feelings of immense desire that I had felt after drinking too much at the club came rushing back, even though this time I was completely sober. I tried to concentrate on other things, not on the way his hair sat a bit wavy on his head; not on the way he knotted that tie; and certainly not on the way his shirt flattered the contours of his chest.

  Certainly not that.

  And since I was making a show of concentrating on something else, I clumsily dropped some paperwork and then I managed to spill the drink he offered me while trying to recover the fallen file. “It’s okay,” Chase said, and started picking up the files. “Let me.” His voice hit my ears like the last nail in the proverbial coffin. That cologne was going to be the death of me. It always mesmerized me but now he was so close within reach it was unbearable.

  “Thanks,” was the only word I could muster when the papers had been picked up and set aside. Afterward, he just stared at me. And this time, it wasn’t some friendly, casual glance. It was the same deep gaze he had watched me with several times before. The kind of look that made me forget about everything else and think only about him.

  “Is something wrong?” I asked, as if I didn’t know the answer.

  His eyes were piercing through my skin by now. Suddenly, it was not inside my head anymore, it wasn’t just some fantasy I could enjoy, but it was real and it was happening and it was happening right now…the fear and the excitement were both trying to get me to do things, and I couldn’t decide which side to pick. Without warning, I felt him coming closer, his hands grazing my arm, and just when I knew he was about to kiss me, I backed off.

  “I can’t,” I said lamely and my legs were shaking, the tremors felt like they might be reaching my entire body if I didn’t get out of the limo.

  “Correct me if I’m wrong,” Chase said. “But I was under the impression you liked me.”

  How could I tell him he didn’t even know what he was talking about! How could I explain how much I really wanted him! How I have been thinking about him!

  “I do like you,” I said. “I just…I don’t think…”

  “If you need more time, I understand. Or if you’re not completely over Nick—”

  “That’s not it Chase,” I said, a little annoyed that he thinks that. “I’m over him.”

  At this he went quiet. He didn’t say anything but there was anger in his gaze. We said nothing throughout the ride. I couldn’t wait to get out. When finally, the apartment building arrived, we went our separate ways. I started crying my heart out the minute he was gone.

  What was wrong with me?

  This was supposed to be a good thing.

  He was a nice guy!

  Every guy is nice when you’re starting out. Nick was nice too, my brain argued.

  I didn’t like my brain very much that moment but it was making a whole lot of sense, I had to agree.

  I was scared.

  I worked with this guy. Hell, I work for this guy. This wasn’t something I was supposed to do. I didn’t like the pressure. I just wanted something that was easier, and that didn’t require me thinking about the pros and cons all the time.

  Yes, that was probably why I couldn’t go through with it. But another part of me couldn’t forget the heat that I felt inside that closed limo. Or the way it felt being close to Chase inside his hotel suite and outside just hanging out that day. The way it felt just to be with him. The things we talked about, usual, trivial stuff normal people talk about but it all felt important somehow. Like every word, every gesture was a world on its own.

  Chase

  It was the closest I had come to liking someone, the closest I had come to opening myself up to someone in years. I thought that part of me was over, that every relationship I would be in after that debacle that is my love life, I would be more careful about throwing my heart out there.

  But I couldn’t help that she made me feel this way, or that I kept picturing us having a future together. Things weren’t going to just happen because I pictured them to be a certain way, that’s not how life worked. I should have known she wasn’t ready to do this with me. Now I’d led myself into an awkward situation with someone I worked with and I didn’t even know how I was going to remedy that. I should stop thinking about her, stop getting excited every time she took my name or came close to me. I needed to resist the urge to kiss her and make her want me even more.

  I needed to stop.

  Blayne

  You learn about another person in the process of teaching them something.

  After that episode, we didn’t run into each other for a while.

  I knew that wasn’t a coincidence.

  I tried to ignore Chase and he had successfully been doing the same. But you can’t really ignore someone you are working with. I didn’t know what to do anymore. The one or two times I saw him now it was always awkward, always tense, always just incredibly odd and I was getting sick and tired of trying to keep up the act. I didn’t think I could do it any longer. But I still had time left in my employment and I didn’t want to mess it up because of a mistake. I’d already invested a lot of time into this and I didn’t want to be the person who kept giving up on things because she hit some glitch.

  One day, I got the chance to make the awkwardness go away. Chase was in his office and everyone else had already left. The only reason I stuck around was because I wanted to talk to him. I even had to make up some excuse in front of Alex and Tristan, because they were the nosy ones of the whole group. Once I was certain everyone had left and I could see that Chase had no intentions of going home either, I gathered my courage. I tried not to think about my already quaking knees so much, and I entered his office.

  “Blayne,” he said, looking up from his work. “Is everything okay?”

  The concern on his face was real, not just something you do for someone you’ve had an embarrassing encounter with.

  “Yes, everything’s fine,” I said, closing the door behind me. “I just needed to talk to you.”

  Chase got up and for a minute I thought he was coming toward me, but then he walked to the credenza where he kept his liquor and poured bourbon in two glasses. He brought me one, and instead of handing me the glass and leaving, he stood there, looking at me, drinking.

  “What’s on your mind?” The question was a challenge. As though he was aware of the effect he had on me and wanted to rub it in my face.

  With him this close, I could barely speak. My throat was unable to produce words without a tremor but I managed. “Is there something we can do to get rid of the awkwardness between us?” I asked. “I mean, we’re grownups. There’s no need to get petty over something like that.”

  His eyes were searing, burning through me. I could smell his skin from this distance and it was driving me insane. He walked a few steps toward me, covering what little distance there was between us. “I’m sure we can think of something,” he said, and of course that line meant more than it gave away.

  “Look,” I said, more forcefully this time. “I can’t have a fling with you.”

  He looked at me strangely. “Who said anything about a fling?” he said. “You think I’m looking for another one-night-stand? You don’t think I can get all the sex I want without having to make all this effort?”

  “Then what? What do you want?”

  He set the drink glass he was holding down on the table, and then he took hold of t
he glass in my hand and did the same. The way he did it, I didn’t have time to complain. He had an odd way of taking control sometimes. “I want you to get to know me,” he said. “I want us to be together. I want so much more. I don’t know how to explain it. The first time I saw you, I just didn’t want to see you go. And it’s the same every time I see you. I get this…feeling…inside…and I can’t help it.”

  This wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to go! Why was he making this so hard?

  “I can’t,” I said, and I wasn’t even sure what I was saying.

  “Now you’re just trying to make me mad,” he said and then I saw a different kind of flicker in his eyes.

  “Chase,” I said, trying not to make him any more furious. “I don’t know how to explain it to you. But I can’t do this! I barely managed to walk out of a bad relationship. I don’t want to go tumbling into another one.”

  He paused and took off his suit jacket. Why was he doing that? He never does that! Maybe it was hot? The shirt went over the shape of his contoured body and my eyes traveled uninvited to the minimum amount of skin showing from where he had just loosened his tie.

  “Are you sure?” he asked.

  I was barely even aware of the question he just asked me. All I could see was the way the belt was going around his waist, how it was keeping that shirt inside his pants, how the fabric of his slacks sat over his hips. I was having trouble keeping my eyes above his waist. But when I looked up, I was left staring into those eyes and that was even worse. It was almost as though he had come closer to me without my having noticed.

  “What?” I spluttered.

  He smiled that big, gorgeous smile. That cockiness was what made him look so incredibly attractive, but it was also what made me mad at times. I was torn between those two women who lived inside me; one that wanted to tear his shirt off, because she wanted to see what his skin felt like, and the other who wanted me to get a hold of myself and walk out while she still had a chance.