Knight Tenebrae

by Julianne Lee

  Then Lindsay was dead, as white as the linen beneath her head. Her cheeks sank into her face, and in moments she’d withered to a tight, dry husk that darkened and crumbled onto the pillow.

  The baby began to cry, a high, piercing scream of terrible pain that cut Alex to his soul. He turned to see what was wrong, and found his child covered in sores. The servant holding him had a face covered with black scabs, and now the baby was screaming from the pain of huge, white pustules that grew until they burst, then turned red and continued to cover him. Alex took him into his arms and the screaming continued. The infant writhed in agony as the sores ate into him, leaving only blood-covered bone, tiny, grasping fingers with no flesh on them. Then a final shudder as he, too, died.

  Alex threw back his head, sank to his knees, and cried out his heartbreak.

  “Alex, I—”

  He jerked awake to find Lindsay leaning over him and himself covered in sweat. Tears surged in the overwhelming relief it hadn’t been real, and he sucked deep breaths to keep them down. He reached up to pull Lindsay down to him, and held her close.

  “Another nightmare?”

  He nodded, and continued to hold her. Slowly his heart calmed, and he felt of her to make certain she was truly there and alive.

  “You were screaming. It must have been a terrible dream.”

  “I’m okay now.”

  “Are you certain?”

  He nodded. But when she tried to free herself from his grasp, he held onto her. So instead she settled in next to him with her head on his chest. All he wanted was to listen to her breathe, to feel her chest rise and fall against his side and her breath in small puffs against the hairs on his chest. Sleep would be impossible for a long time.

  A voice whispered in his ear. “They will both die.”

  Stupidly Alex looked beyond the bed curtains for the voice, and found the red eyes of Nemed floating in the darkness. He squeezed his own eyes shut, and his heart raced.

  “Disease holds sway here, MacNeil. Death is voracious and the woman is naught but fodder. Particularly now. You’ve murdered your love by what you’ve done. Silly man.”

  Alex struggled to not listen, but in the silence of the night the voice was too loud to ignore. It went on.

  “The only question now is whether to take them both before childbirth, or to wait and take them one by one after she’s endured the pain. Then for her to see the child go before her.” A short pause, then, “What do you think, MacNeil? Fast or slow?”

  Alex pretended to be asleep, but knew Nemed couldn’t be fooled.

  The elf continued, forcing Alex to listen and not respond in front of Lindsay. “Scrofula, perhaps? Or leprosy? Or, perhaps, she’ll simply never be the same afterward. Sickly and weak. Too weak to risk another pregnancy, and won’t that leave you out in the cold? But, no, your comfort is too important to you. You’re far too interested in what goes on inside your own skin to worry enough about whether she lives or dies.”

  That did it. Alex slipped from Lindsay’s arms and from the bed, murmured to her he would return shortly, and threw on his shirt and plaid before leaving the room. He retreated to the Great Hall, where only a small pilot fire was falling to embers in the enormous hearth. Alex brought a stool to sit by it, and stared into the red heart that throbbed with heat.

  Nemed’s voice came from across the hearth, and Alex looked up to find the elf standing with his cape hung from his shoulders and his face bright with sweat and anger. “You can’t hide from me.”

  “What do you want?”

  “Nothing. You have nothing I want.”

  “I know. I can’t give you back your people. I wish I could.”

  Surprise made the elfin face go slack for a moment, but then he recovered and sat in a chair opposite. Slowly, with infinite dignity, he arranged himself and his clothing so he lounged comfortably. Then he addressed Alex without looking at him. “Who have you spoken to?”

  “Nobody.”

  “You lie.”

  “All right, none of your business. Why do you care who I talk to?” His teeth clenched. “What do you want from me?”

  “To suffer as I do.”

  “Unlikely. I’ll never have what you lost.”

  Once again the elf appeared taken aback and glanced over at Alex, but then the persistent rage returned. “Oh, but you do, MacNeil. Look around you.” His lips pressed together in a white line and his eyes glowed as red and hot as the embers at Alex’s feet. “You are as much lord of your people as I was of mine. And when they die, they will curse your name as mine did me.” A painful memory crossed his eyes, then he nodded in the direction of the stairs to the living quarters. “I know she wants me to send her home.”

  “Us. She wants you to send both of us.”

  “Both of you? Are you certain? I’ll wager she’d be equally happy if I sent only her. You know the only reason she acquiesced to your urging for conception was that she hoped you would see the danger to your progeny and come to me for a way back to your own century. She thought you would have more feeling for the child than you have for her.”

  “I love her.” As he said it, he knew it was a mistake to admit anything personal to this monster, but he continued anyway because he couldn’t bear the accusation. “I’d do anything for her.”

  “Anything except ask me to send her home.”

  “You wouldn’t do it if I did.”

  The elf’s eyebrows went up, and he nodded. “Well, there is that. But you wouldn’t ask in any case. You like it here and don’t want to go home. Because you know you’ll lose her. You know the instant she returns home she’ll go running to her Derek. More than likely she’ll do away with the child as well. After all, you’re the one who wants it, not her. Once she’s home, you’ll never see her again and you’ll have given up everything to be returned to your lowly position, taking abuse from your superiors and from your father.” Alex threw him a sharp look of alarm that Nemed could know so much about him. The elf continued, oblivious. “Nobody there will know what you’ve done here, nobody will ever hear of your accomplishments, your victories. Nobody, Alexander MacNeil, will know who you truly are.”

  A shiver skittered up Alex’s spine at that last, for he knew he was hearing the truth. For better or worse, he was no longer the same man who had taken off from his ship with a civilian passenger that day so many centuries away. Were he to go home, he never would he be able to talk—or even hint—about what he’d done these past two years. A chunk of his life would be gone, and he knew they would become the most important years for him. He’d never again come close to achieving what he’d done here, and would never have the prospects he now saw for himself. His life as it had become would be over, and the man he now was would fade and wither.

  He was glad Nemed would never consent to sending Lindsay and himself home.

  “I’m going back to bed. Leave me alone, and leave my wife alone.” Alex rose and tugged his plaid around himself as he headed back to the stairs down to the family quarters.

  “Or what, Alexander? What will you do? Don’t forget, I’ve nothing left to lose. I have naught, and I want naught but to see you suffer. Long and well.”

  Alex paused at the top of the stairs and gazed blandly at Nemed, then continued on his way.

  “I will, Alexander. Mark me, I will.”

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Out the next morning to survey his holding, counting cattle, observing the progress of the oat crop, and generally making his presence known to his vassals, Alex found himself on the track that took him straight to the ring of Danu. He’d avoided the place since that day he’d spoken to her, and wondered how he’d ended up here now. With a grunt he reined his horse back the way he’d come.

  But soon up ahead, he saw the ring again. He turned in his saddle, confused now as to which way he was going. Once again he turned his horse, but farther on yet again found himself approaching the ring of toadstools. He sighed at sight of the lithe woman in the blue dress ahead, wa
iting for him. It was clear he was being summoned and wouldn’t be allowed to avoid it. He succumbed and proceeded onward, reining in his horse just beyond the edge of the ring.

  “You want to talk to me, ma’am?”

  “Why do you dawdle?” Her chin raised and arms crossed, her eyes flashed with anger.

  He frowned. “Excuse me?”

  “For what do you stay here? She’s with child, and now you should return to your home.” Her words were short and crisp with her impatience at his negligence.

  “Right, like there’s a choice.”

  “There’s always a choice. The only reason you think there is none is that you don’t value the lives of your wife and son.”

  It irritated him she knew about the baby, though by now he should be accustomed to the intrusions of the wee folk. His breath hitched as he made another realization. “You know what it is?” A boy...

  “Of course, I do.”

  “How do I know you’re not just telling me what I want to hear?”

  “Why should I have a care what you wish to hear? And how would I even know? Would you not be as happy with a daughter as with a son?”

  The question caught him off guard, for he’d never pondered the issue. With two younger brothers in his family the babies had always been boys. He replied, “I suppose.”

  “Then quit your nonsense about what you wish to hear or dinnae wish to hear. ‘Tis true what I’m telling you; you’re to have a son. And soon. So do not change the subject, please. Why have you not asked Himself to return you to your home?”

  “You mean, Nemed.”

  “Who else would be sending you anywhere? Certainly not me, or you’d be there already and never mind the asking. It’s a terrible, cowardly thing you’re doing.”

  Now his jaw dropped with the surprise. “Cowardly? Excuse me?” Nobody had ever dared call him that. “Cowardly?”

  “Aye. As yellow as yon wildflowers. You’re so intent on your own welfare, and on what pleases you, that you cannot even see that you jeopardize the lives of those you claim to care about most.”

  “I’m not the one putting them in jeopardy. I can’t control—”

  “You have not even tried. You have decided to take the easy way, the way that will lead you to wealth and power.”

  “And they will both benefit from that.”

  “You will benefit. They might be dead.”

  A cold lump landed in Alex’s gut. “But they might not.”

  Danu nodded, and allowed as that could be true. But then she said, “Think on it, Alexander. Honestly, and without your prejudices in the way. Ask yourself whether at any time in your life you’ve done aught for the sake of someone else only. Have you ever made a true sacrifice?”

  He opened his mouth to reply, but she cut him off. “That is, only for the sake of another. Have you ever accomplished a deed that did not at least bring you improved status in the eyes of someone, Alexander? A true sacrifice? Have you ever given up something important to you for the sake of someone else, and then not expected the reward of glory?”

  That silenced him as he thought back over his life. Surely there was a time he’d done just that. But he couldn’t think of one. There were several times he could point out when he’d made sacrifices, but in honesty couldn’t say he’d not expected credit for them. He’d always thought that was the whole idea: to put one’s self on the line so the world would think highly of one. To be known for bravery. To be a protector of people who couldn’t protect themselves from the evils of the world.

  “I fought for my country before I came here.”

  “And were you not paid?”

  She had him there. He wouldn’t have stayed very long with the Navy if they hadn’t paid him.

  Digging further into his past, he tried for something smaller but less lucrative. “One time in school I gave my little brother the cupcake out of my lunch.”

  Danu’s reply was immediate. “And did you not expect him to look up to his big brother for it? To admire you as his benefactor?”

  Alex was forced to admit he had. His horse took a step backward, and he realized tension was making him draw the reins. He flexed his fingers, but it didn’t help.

  “So you see, you wish to believe there is no recourse. The reason you think you have no way of doing right by your wife and son is that you are certain you’ll lose them both by taking them home to the future.”

  Alex frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “You think she’ll leave you for that other once she’s away from here.”

  “Is there anything you don’t know?”

  “Few things are as plain to read as the light in your eyes, Alexander Joseph MacNeil. You’re afraid she doesnae love you.”

  The edges of his soul began to curl and pain crept in on him. “So, if you know so much, can you tell me whether she loves me or not?”

  Danu shook her head. “I cannae say, for I do not know, but if I did know I think I should not tell you. I think you should think on it yourself. Think of what it truly means when you say you are faithful. Consider the things you promised when you married her. And especially consider what could happen to her if she stays.”

  He tried to backpedal away from the question, to flee the pain, and said, “But it doesn’t matter what I ask of Nemed. He won’t do it.”

  “And were you to ask, what might happen then? Could you not find a way to convince him to do as you ask?”

  “I’ve tried to fight him. He disappears on me.”

  A puzzled frown furrowed her brow. “He’s either there or not there. If he’s not, then he cannae hurt you, nor even touch you. If he is, then he cannae simply not be. Not so quickly as that, in any case. You could fight him. What ye cannae fight is the illusion.”

  Alex thought hard on that. He would love to kill that elf.

  “Ye cannae kill him, Alexander, for you need his help.”

  He shot her a glance. Get out of my mind.

  “Your intent is written on your face, ma caraid.”

  He shut his eyes against her.

  The mere thought of asking Nemed for anything gave him the creeps. The filthy elf would surely use it against him. Perhaps he would grant the request just for the sake of breaking his heart if Lindsay should leave him for Derek, and Alex realized that would be the best-case scenario.

  He bit his lip and looked at her. “I don’t trust him, even to ask. If he can send us back to the twenty-first century, then what’s to keep him from sending us anywhere else into the past or future?”

  “Och, if he sends you anywhere in time he’ll send you to the moment from which you left, the moment of the spell where the breach was created, for he can do naught else without hurting himself. I cannot send you there, for ‘tis not in my power. ‘Twas not my spell. ‘Twas his, and only he can send you there. The spell he cast on that day happened on that day and that power remains there. It is to the power he must send you, if he sends you at all. Since you cannot exist twice on this side of the breach, you must therefore find yourselves on the other side of it. ‘Tis the way of things, and even Nemed cannae change it.”

  “His people were all killed there.”

  “Aye, and they cannot be saved. And you cannot be sent to that very time and place. ‘Twas but an instant it took for them to die, but the portal was open for some moments longer; you would arrive before, as I said, for he cannot send you to the same time and place as they.”

  “Crowded sky.”

  Danu nodded.

  “And if he lets us drop to the ground?”

  “The spell has been cast. He cannae change it from what he’d intended for his people, whom he was trying to save. So you see, you must ask Nemed to send you back. For the sake of your family. So they will be well and happy.”

  Alex’s skin went cold. His mind cast about for a reason it couldn’t be done, but there was nothing. He knew Nemed would do this to make him suffer. Lindsay would want to return to her fiancé, and she could excise
himself from her life once she was there. Danu knew it, and Nemed knew it. There was nothing in this for him, anywhere.

  Except the lives of the people he loved most in the world.

  After that, he found he couldn’t sleep. He ate little, and dropped some pounds he could ill afford to lose. At night, lying next to him in bed, Lindsay laid her head on his shoulder and felt of his ribs.

  “Are you not feeling well?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re too thin. You haven’t recovered from the campaign yet. This is the first I’ve ever seen you not eat like a horse when you could.”

  His response was a grunt, then he said, “I’ve only been home three weeks.”

  “You’ve lost weight just since you came back. You seem ill.” She ran her hand over his hip as if to show where his bones stuck out too much to suit her.

  “I’m fine. Now hush, and go to sleep.”

  “You worry me.”

  “You worry too much.”

  “I love you too much to not.”

  The comment washed over him like a wave, disorienting, making him at once giddy and confused. He wanted her so much, and wanted to do whatever it took to keep her, but he didn’t know what that might be. Moments like this made him think she loved him and would stick by him, but his better sense told him he just wasn’t that lucky. His real-world sense told him she only cared for him because of circumstance. As much as he wanted to believe she loved him more than Derek, that much faith eluded him.

  He pressed his lips to her forehead and held her close as his heart swelled until it ached. He figured he would do anything for her. Anything. Then he said. “Go to sleep. Everything will be all right. I promise.” In that moment he understood what he had to do to keep that promise, and his heart broke.

  “All right, Nemed.” Alex was alone in his bedchamber. It was mid-morning and the knights were all at their training, Lindsay was supervising in the kitchen, the staff had cleaned up breakfast, and Alex had requested solitude from the chambermaids. He stood in the middle of the room and looked around. “Nemed, I want to talk.” He hoped the elf would want to take the opportunity to give him some more grief, and then Alex would make his request. “Come on, you elfin bastard. Show yourself.”