For The Love of Ash

by Taylor Lavati

  I sat on my now-favorite bench against the plexiglass-windowed wall. It was warmer in this room than in the rink. I still couldn't be comfortable without a winter jacket, but I could see the skaters through the windows.

  When I saw Asher skate onto the ice, I knew that it was time to brave the cold. I grabbed my coffee and walked over to the home side, although it was just a practice so it didn't really matter where I sat.

  The bleachers were old school wooden planks with metal beams holding them up. They were uncomfortable and I noticed some of the parents had these little cushions they sat on.

  Coach Mark set up cones along the blue and red lines and started warming the kids up. They weaved in and out of lanes, jumped some cones and then carried the pucks on their sticks through the obstacle course.

  "This seat taken?" a woman asked as she pointed to the piece of wood beside me. I shook my head, while staring at Asher gliding across the glistening ice.

  "I'm Janet. My son is number twelve," she said with pride.

  "I'm Maggie," I said, holding out my hand and finally looking up at her. She shook my hand daintily, like you'd expect a classy woman to. She was beautiful with dark and unruly hair, highlighted to the extreme with shades of red. She had light blue eyes, kind of like Tahiti oceans. Her smile was genuine, and I loved that. I was sick of fake smiles. "Asher is number seven."

  "Ah, Coach Mark told us he was coming aboard."

  "Yeah, it's his first time checking, which is why I'm kind of on edge." I watched as the kids lined up and grouped up for a scrimmage. Asher looked up at me in the stands, and I waved.

  "It's always hard. My son's been on this team for two years, and trust me, the checking never gets easier to watch."

  "Great," I muttered, preparing myself for the worst.

  "I had the best time!" Asher ran from the locker room and dropped his bag on the ground in front of me. He lunged forward, knocking the wind out of me, and then ran with two other boys from the team into the small arcade room.

  I laughed and pushed his bag to the side so it wasn't in the way of all the people leaving. I followed the kids into the game room, and when Asher saw me, he skipped over.

  "Can I have a dollar?" he asked me with his hand outstretched, palm up.

  "Only one. Then we have to go. It's late," I told him. He nodded, took the dollar that I fished out of my pocket, and then ran back to the claw machine where two kids' faces were pressed against the glass.

  "Looks like he's doing good," Janet said as she stopped beside me.

  "I'm surprised." I turned towards her, watching Asher from the corner of my eye as he got along with these new kids. They were a lot larger than him. Asher wasn't small by any means, but most of the boys on this team were twelve, and he was nine. He hadn't hit a growth spurt yet, but I could tell by the way he was eating that one was on its way.

  "Well, good luck. I'll see you at the game this weekend," Janet said. She smiled at me, and it was warm and inviting. She was the epitome of a mother. She just radiated this charm and caring nature. I envied her. Nobody believed I was Asher's guardian, not even my own family.

  "Come on, buddy." I waved my hand at Asher when he looked up and went back to get his bag from the warming hut. The bag was sopping wet with sweat. I made a mental note to air his equipment out before his game this weekend.

  I picked up the bag, threw it over my shoulder, and started to walk to the sliding glass doors. It wasn't long before Asher caught up to me. He was quiet as he jumped into the car while I loaded the trunk.

  "So, tell me all about it," I said as I started the car. I was anxious to hear how he did, hopeful that he had a good time. The engine sputtered, and then I drove out of the thinning parking lot. We were in for a long ride, and I was exhausted.

  "It was the best time." I checked the rearview mirror as I pulled out and saw Asher yawn wide, his eyes shutting and nose scrunching up. So much for talking to Ash to keep myself awake.

  Asher leaned against the side door, his head pressed against the glass and his eyes started to blink shut. I turned on the radio, low enough not to disturb him, but high enough that it would keep me awake.

  It was still nice outside, so I rolled down the window and let the wind whip me awake. I couldn't even go to bed when I got home. I had work for school to do before tomorrow. Since I picked up another shift at the restaurant, I wouldn't have time to get my work done in the morning. And I wouldn't give up my weekends with Ash.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Maggie

  I hated the fact that I was leaving Asher tonight. It was bad enough that I picked up another shift at the restaurant. I was just finishing up my day shift, nine to four, and would hopefully make it home by the time he got off the bus. But I had Lisa on standby just in case.

  "Jet, I gotta run!" I called out as I ran to the back closet to get my things. Jet was the nicest guy around. He was the manager of Prime Time Burger, and he understood my situation. I needed the money but couldn't give a lot of time. So he let me work when I could.

  "Have a good weekend! I'll see you Monday, girl?" he asked as I ran from the back closet to the front one to grab my purse. The place was really nice, with dark hardwood floors and bright yellow walls. It was a place kids hung out after school.

  There was a long bar that we typically served breakfast on, but high-schoolers loved sitting at it. It made them feel older. It felt comfortable here, like home, and we never made kids get up to make room. I loved working here and wished there was a place like this when I was younger. Maybe I would have turned out differently.

  I got the job my senior year of high school, just before graduation and leaving for college. Strangely enough, I had enjoyed working. It got me out from under my parents' roof and taught me a lot. Jet was here then, and he warmed me up to the real world.

  He wasn't always from this small town. He came from New York City. He didn't live in a good area, upper Manhattan in Clinton Hill. He had the wounds both physical and mental to prove it. A gay guy in many areas doesn't bode well, but especially in Bed-Stuy.

  But he was here now, and I had always considered him something of a mentor. I ran to his side, kissed him on the cheek, and then ran to my car. I was doing a shit ton of running lately.

  I could have used a smoke, but I knew I didn't have time before I got in the car, so I skipped it. Today was my lucky day because I pulled into the parking lot right as Asher's bus let him out.

  He turned at the noise of my car and smiled, waving at me from the stoop. I parked and grabbed all of my bags from the front seat. I had my school bag, my purse, and my bills bag. I was turning into that kind of lady.

  "Hi!" I yelled as I walked towards the house.

  "You made it back."

  "Of course, I did. I told you, didn't I?" I petted the top of his head, ruffling his short mohawk, and then bent down to kiss his cheek. I had the key to the house, so I quickly unlocked it so Ash could run inside.

  "Come back down!" I yelled up the stairs as I dropped everything on the ground. The clock on the kitchen wall told me that it was only four-fifteen, so I knew that I had a good couple hours with Ash until June came over to kidnap me.

  I went into the kitchen and cut up some apples. They were on the back end of being ripe, so I knew if I didn't use them today, they'd go bad, and that'd be a waste of money. I poured some caramel dip sauce into a small cup and placed it next to the plate of apples.

  "Yes!" Asher yelled as he saw the treat. He sat down on the white rickety chair and dove into the apples, devouring them. I hoped a growth spurt was on its way; otherwise he'd be filling out horizontally instead of vertically.

  "You wanna go play outside?" he asked with a mouthful.

  "Sure."

  After he finished eating, he took my hand in his, and we walked outside together. Truthfully, I was on my last leg, but I wanted this time with Ash. It had been a long week for the both of us, and I thought we needed that bonding time.

  We shared the front
lawn with the other tenants in the building. There were four of us, and then four more on each side in separate buildings. It wasn't much, but it was enough for us.

  I knew from the start what Asher wanted to do, so I walked to the side of the house and pulled out the red net. We were lucky that we lived on a quiet residential road. I set up the net against the curb closest to the house while Asher grabbed sticks from the nearby shed.

  "Want to practice passing?" I called as I took two balls down from the top of the net. I learned all this new lingo once I took over watching Asher. I knew how to pass and run drills with him. We spent the entire summer break practicing his shot, both slap and wrist, and sharpening his stick handling.

  "Yeah!"

  I noticed a car turn down the corner of our street and saw June in the driver's seat, bopping her head to some song that pulsed from her car. I pulled out my cell and realized that it was already six-thirty. I shooed Asher out of the road, and pulled the net onto the grass so it was out of her way. She waved as she parked her evergreen Subaru behind my car.

  "What's up?" I asked her as I started to put away our things.

  "Nothing much. Hey!" She waved at Ash.

  "Go clean up for dinner," I called to him as he shut the shed and locked it. He ran inside. I nodded towards the house and walked to the door, June trailing behind me.

  "You know you have to shower, right?"

  "What?" I looked at her and realized that she looked amazing. Her hair was a new color, mixes of pink and blue like cotton candy mingling with her dark brown.

  "You're seriously sweaty. How do you expect to find a guy dressed like that?" She wrinkled her pierced nose at me.

  "I'm not looking for a guy." I glared at her as I opened the front door. "And you best remember that."

  "Right, right. Got it. But still, you gotta shower." I swung my arm open as if I was Vanna White, showing her my humble abode. She didn't even seem to notice me as she walked into the house like she'd been here before.

  She waltzed into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and started rummaging around. I wasn't sure what she was looking for, I knew I didn't have much, so I just sat at the kitchen table and watched with amusement.

  "Go shower!" she growled as I just sat there, catching my breath.

  "I only have one bathroom, plus I have to make dinner before we go."

  "I'll do dinner, you go shower." She stepped towards me and waved her hand in my face. She basically made me stand up from my seat as she swatted closer and closer to my face.

  "Ugh!" I huffed and walked away. "I'm reconsidering this friendship!" I joked as I walked up the stairs. I walked past the bathroom and saw Ash in the reflection, his face under the faucet. I decided not to say anything about his half-assed shower.

  I didn't have much to wear, although in the way back of my closet, which consisted of mostly jeans, yoga pants, flannels, and graphic tees, I found some dresses I kept from when I was away at college.

  I grabbed a pair of jeans and a plain black tank, and carried them with me as I headed to the bathroom. Ash was still under the faucet, lapping it up like a kitten, and when I banged on the door, he jumped, nearly bashing his head on the metal.

  "What are you doing?" I asked through my laugh as I placed my stack of clothes on the closed toilet.

  "I was just washing up," he said innocently, his face igniting in a red blush.

  "You could shower, you know?" He was standing at the his-and-hers sink, on a black stool I bought at Walmart. I wrapped my arms around him from behind and rested my head on his shoulder, peppering kisses right behind his ear.

  "Are you mad that I'm leaving tonight?" I asked him, staring at him through the mirror. It would kill me to know if he was, but I needed to know that he was going to be okay.

  "No. I'll miss you 'cause you're really fun. But Lisa lets me stay up late and watch Guardians. Last time, she gave me popcorn and let me put sprinkles on it."

  "Sprinkles on popcorn?" I winkled my nose and watched him through the mirror. "That doesn't sound yummy."

  "It really was, though."

  "I'm gonna shower. Go find June downstairs. She's making you dinner."

  "Who is she?"

  "She's my new friend," I answered as he hopped down from the stool. I pulled away from him and patted his butt as he ran from the bathroom. I shut the door quietly and began the shower.

  I didn't like to take long showers because I hated to waste the water, but tonight I needed it. I shaved my entire body, for the first time in what felt like months. I soaped myself up until I was a giant bubble. Then I shampooed and conditioned, making sure to leave each in the recommended minute.

  When I was done, I stepped out of the tub and grabbed the terry cloth towel from the rack. I loved getting out of the shower in the winter because the room always got really hot since there was a heating vent. But right now, it was too hot.

  I shimmied into my skinny jeans and tank after patting myself dry and then brushed my hair. I knew that if I gave it an hour or so, it would air-dry in loose waves. My hair was long, ending at about my elbows. It was expensive for a decent haircut, so I just let it grow and trimmed it myself.

  It used to be dark brown, but since spending so much time outside with Ash, it had turned auburn, with hints of red from the rays of the sun lightening it. I liked the change.

  I put on simple makeup. I lined my top lid with black liquid liner so it would stay on in the hot club. I had some old mascara that I never used in the top drawer, and I widened my eyes in the mirror, trying to flick the brush on my lashes.

  But it was a disaster. I was completely out of practice, and it was a lot embarrassing. I didn't realize how much I had lost. After I blinked a few times, I looked at myself and saw only a raccoon. The black had seeped onto my bottom lid, my lashes streaking lines on my skin. I wet a paper towel in the sink and dabbed it under my eyes, cleaning off the black stains.

  Finally when I cleaned myself up, I stared in the mirror. My green eyes did pop more when I wore dark makeup. It was the hassle and added preparation time that I didn't like. Plus, this shit was expensive.

  My face was really pale. Blush would brighten me up, but I didn't have it anymore. I looked a little washed out despite the great color of my hair. It must be lack of sleep and added stress of the new school year.

  There wasn't much more I could do, so I shut the light off to the bathroom and trekked downstairs. I saw June and Asher, both sitting at the kitchen table. Asher was eating whatever June had made, and he looked contented.

  "No," June said the second she saw me. I looked down at myself and then back up at her. "Please, friend, tell her how wrong this looks." She pointedly stared at Ash, and he looked over his shoulder at me and shook his head side to side.

  "What's wrong with this?" I asked as I walked over to the fridge and pulled out the orange juice. I poured myself a cup and drank it, needing the sugar rush.

  There was a pot on the stove with a golden substance in it. I dipped my finger in and tasted cheese. But it wasn't like Pepperidge Farm's goldfish mac and cheese that I bought regularly; it was spiraled noodles with creamy cheese.

  "Come on." June grabbed my hand and dragged me up the stairs to my bedroom. Asher giggled and ran after us, the bowl of mac and cheese in his hand.

  She forced me down on the bed and propped me up. Ash jumped up next to me, and I rolled my eyes at him. He thought the entire thing was hilarious as he laughed between bites, his soft giggle so fucking beautiful.

  June went into my closet and started throwing things around over her shoulder. I hated messes, and this girl was destroying my organized room. She pulled out three dresses, held them up in front of her, and then nodded.

  She grabbed my arm and lifted me up off the bed. She dragged me into the hallway and then shoved me into the bathroom and said, "Fashion show."

  I grumbled as I shut the door. June was getting way too bossy. I stepped out of my jeans and tank and threw on the first dress. It was way too
short, ending at my upper thigh. I knew that if I bent over, it would expose my entire ass.

  But it was flattering at least. It hugged my hips and made my legs look long. But it was fire engine red, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to attract that much attention. Even in my prime college years, I wasn't an attention whore. It was just too flashy for me.

  Sighing, I stepped into the hall and yelled that I was ready with outfit one. June immediately frowned when she saw me. Asher just stood behind the door, wrinkling his nose.

  "You look good, but it's not really you." I nodded and turned around, walking back into the bathroom. I tugged it over my head and pulled up the next two. They were both black, which I liked.

  One had a low front, and the other had a low back. I didn't have large boobs, so I figured the low back one would look better on me. I tried on that one first, in hopes that I wouldn't have to do the next. I was tired enough as it was. This constant changing was just bringing me down a notch.

  When I stepped into the hallway, June was already there. She nodded as I spun around, my arms out to my sides. I felt confident in the dress, slim but curvy, sexy but downplayed. It was me.

  "That's the one," she muttered, nodding. "Now for the shoes."

  She went back into the bedroom, and I gathered all the clothes I wasn't going to wear from the bathroom in a heap in my arms. I went back into the bedroom and threw them on the ground with the others. I would clean everything another day.

  "What do you think?" I asked Ash as I sat on the bed. Asher had finished his food. He was now lying in my bed with my 36 inch TV turned to Nickelodeon.

  "Good," he answered without even looking. I smiled and turned to see June with her butt in the air as she rummaged through my closet on all fours. I wanted to take a picture to use as blackmail down the road, but I didn't want to upset her.

  June shoved my foot into what felt like over twenty pairs of shoes until finally she gave me the ones off her own feet. They were gray booties that ended right at my ankle. There was a three inch heel that brought me to about 5'7''.