For The Love of Ash

by Taylor Lavati

  "Oh my God. Are you okay?" Seeing him hurt, I reached for him and touched his chin. He flinched under my finger, but I lifted it so I could see better in the half-moon's light.

  There was a small gash, no larger than a half inch, from the top of his chin to his lip. I couldn't see in his mouth but it looked like it extended inside. It didn't look deep, but it was bleeding. I looked down at myself and knew I didn't have anything on me to press against it.

  "You have to get some ice on that or else you'll have a fat lip for a week," I told him as I rubbed my thumb over his cheekbone. There was blood there, too, but it came off easily so I knew it wasn't his.

  "I hit you, Sunny?" he asked again, his voice broken and soft. Suddenly, I felt bad for the situation. I wanted to comfort Luke because he looked so fragile inside.

  "It's okay. You didn't hurt me badly. I just wanted you to apologize," I explained.

  "Fuck!" His voice was so loud that the expletive scared me as it echoed against the empty buildings. I stepped backwards, unsure of this guy and what he was capable of. I wanted to believe that he wouldn't hit me on purpose, but his actions had proven to be violent.

  He paced up and down the sidewalk behind me. His hands were firmly on his hips, his body rigid as he walked without stopping.

  "It's okay." I rushed to his side, wanting to comfort him. I wrapped my arms around his torso and refused to let him go.

  "No, it's not. I fucking hit you." He tried to get away from me, but I wouldn't let him. I held on to him tight as he wriggled in my grasp, pushing my arms down. "I'm so fucking sorry. I can never tell you that enough. My dad—"

  "It's okay, Luke. I'm fine." I kissed the back of his shoulder and laid my head on his back, squeezing my arms around him.

  "I'll stay away from you," he said and pushed my arms off of him. Before I could do a single thing, he took off, jogging in the opposite direction.

  I stared at his silhouette retreating down the sidewalk. I was left stranded. Again.

  I walked the rest of the way, wondering how the tables got flipped on me. How was I the one left feeling sorry? I had to fight the urge to chase after Luke and tell him I was okay.

  I went to Lisa's house first. The downstairs light was still on, so I hoped that someone was awake. I checked the clock on my cellphone and saw that it was only eleven thirty-eight. I knocked lightly on the door, not wanting to wake Lisa or Asher.

  "Hi there, Maggie," Lisa's father, Marcus, said as he answered the door. He was a nice man who raised a great girl. They moved into town when I was about thirteen. Their son, Nathan, was in my grade, so unfortunately for me, they knew a lot of my past. But they had been a huge help with Asher, and I felt like I owed them for their support. "How was your night?"

  "It was okay. Long. I'm ready to be home. Is he here?" I asked, leaning against the white doorframe. Their house was about as 'American Dream' as you can get. It was white with black shutters, three stories with large columns up the wrap-around front porch. They even had a white picket fence around their two acres of land, and porch swing with a red cushion.

  "Right upstairs. Head on up. I'm off to bed."

  "Thank you for doing this. You've been a huge help," I told him as I followed him up the stairs.

  "Asher is a good kid. And so are you. You deserve a night out." He led me down their hardwood hallway to the last door on the left. He opened the door to the guest bedroom, and I heard a light breathing from the king-sized bed. I paused before going on.

  "Thank you," I told him, nodding my head in gratitude.

  "Of course, Maggie. See you soon," he said and then left.

  I walked into the bedroom and almost burst out laughing when I saw Lisa sleeping on the floor. Her arm was outstretched to the side, the other one over her head, her legs in a split. She was stomach up with her hair fanned around her head like a bright sun.

  I tiptoed to Lisa's side and shook her to get her to wake up. "Sweetie, wake up," I said as I pushed the hair off her face.

  "Hello?" She jumped and nearly punched me in the face as she awakened. I cringed at how violent my night had turned out to be. "Oh! I'm so sorry Maggie. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

  "Hey." I cut her off so she didn't ramble on. "It's okay. It's late though. Why don't you go to your room?"

  "Oh, right," Lisa said while pushing herself up off the floor and straightening out her graphic tee. In silence, she walked to the door. She was almost gone when I realized that I hadn't paid her yet.

  "Wait, I have your money," I told her, trying not to wake Asher. I searched my pockets for the money I brought but was greeted with my bare leg. I had forgotten extra money to pay Lisa, and I didn't think she took credit. I'd spent too much on drinks.

  "This one's on me. We had a really good time. I'll see you Monday, Maggie." Lisa left me alone in the room with Asher and his snores. I walked to the side of the bed and found him beneath a mountain of covers and sheets. I pulled him to the edge of the bed and lifted him behind his back and his legs.

  He was way too heavy for me, but I didn't want to wake him if I could help it. Luckily, it wasn't far to the door, and I didn't have too much trouble getting him out.

  But I knew there was no way I could get him down the street, into my house, and then up the stairs to his room. Even though he was one of the smallest kids in his class, he packed in the weight. I blamed his hockey. I placed him sitting up on the porch swing.

  "Ash, baby." I brushed my hand across his forehead. "I need you to wake up so we can go home." His eyes flicked open, glassed over and droopy. He smiled and hugged me, and then I lifted him into standing position.

  I put my arm around his shoulders and led him across the street. We were just down the road, and with one hand around him, I unlocked the door to our house and shoved it open.

  The lights were all off, the house completely black, but I knew it like the back of my hand. I pushed open his bedroom door with my butt, as he zombie-walked beside me. He fell onto his bed and curled into a little ball. I threw the covers over him, tucking him in.

  I sighed with relief as I realized that my night was finally ending. I got my brother over here without having to full wake him up. I was awesome and succeeded in at least that. The rest of the night… not so much.

  I quietly walked out of his room, shutting the door on my way, and moved to my bedroom. I flicked on the light in the corner and started to undress as I got myself ready for bed.

  I was sticky and sweaty from being out, and I knew that if I went to bed like that, I would feel miserable, so I walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. When the room began to steam, I stepped in.

  I had to use extra soap to get the clown makeup off of my face. I scrubbed my body clean from all the griminess of the evening. I didn't bother doing much else because I was so emotionally exhausted from the situation with Luke that I thought if I stayed up one more second I might burst into tears or murder someone.

  I hopped out of the shower and wrapped myself in my fluffy blue robe. I quickly brushed my teeth, and just as I was spitting in the sink, Asher walked into the bathroom, almost like he was sleepwalking.

  "Are you okay?" I asked him after I darted up. I smiled up at him through the mirror. He walked towards me and wrapped his arms around my body, shutting his eyes as he held me.

  "Tired," he answered. I placed my toothbrush next to the sink and lifted him into my arms. I didn't think I could handle putting him in his bed and laying with him, so I walked us to my room.

  I laid him on my side of the bed, and he quickly shimmied under the sheets to the other side. He faced me with his eyes shut and shoved his thumb into his mouth. Within seconds he was out.

  I crawled into bed beside Asher, thanking the gods that I had a king-sized bed. I looked across my pillow at Asher's dark head of hair and admired him. His hair was now nicely cropped, and he looked so damn innocent. It was hard to think that he was already nine.

  I couldn't help myself as I curled up behind him,
hugging his small form towards me. I told myself that after he was asleep, I would make him go to his own bed. But I knew deep down that he was spending the night here. And I didn't care.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Luke

  "I'll stay away from you." Her arms encircled me, but I couldn't handle being so close. My palms were sweating and I was sure when I touched her arms she felt my body shaking. I had to get as far away from her as possible.

  I turned without looking into her dizzying green eyes and jogged towards my car. I couldn't imagine how scared she was, but I knew that it was all my fault. I turned exactly into my father.

  This girl didn't need to be corrupted by a lowlife like me. In the end, I was leaving to teach in a different country anyway—at least that was my main goal. She deserved more, not a drama-filled relationship with me. And I couldn't be distracted.

  I didn't have it in me to just let her walk home. I jumped into my car and spun around, heading back towards the club. Luckily, the girls actually listened to me before I ran after Maggie and were waiting at the curb.

  "Hop in," I called through the passenger window.

  "Luke, you're scaring me," Lauren said from the back.

  "It's fine. I just have to follow her to make sure she gets home okay." They were silent, the air filled with questions that were left unasked. I drove fast until I saw her darkened silhouette in the distance.

  When I was sure I was at a safe distance, I slowed down the car to under five miles an hour and shut off my headlights. The roads were practically vacant, so my poor driving didn't affect anyone else.

  I couldn't tell if she was crying or just cold. It looked like she was hunched over herself, maybe crying, but the darkness blanketed her. Her shoes were off and over her shoulder. I wanted to taste her lips again and get lost in her touch. But I knew that was never going to happen because I fucked everything up.

  "Is there a reason we're stalking this girl?" Lauren asked.

  "Luke likes her," Linds said.

  "So, go pick her up. Don't be a creep."

  "I hit her by accident when I got into a fight in Cellar."

  "You got into a fight again? You promised Mom you weren't angry anymore."

  "He groped her. He was touching her even after she said no. I couldn't just let it go. I tried. But I couldn't."

  "Mom is going to freak," Lauren said as she tapped on her phone.

  "You tell Mom, I'll tell her something I know," Lindsay said, turning around in the front seat to glare back at our other sister.

  "You bitch."

  "Ah. She does swear."

  "Can you two shut it? I can't see her well anymore." I creeped up on the steering wheel, my face nearly pressing against the glass. It was getting too dark, and the street lamps were getting sparse.

  "Go left, but wait a second. You don't want her to see us." Lindsay reached across the center console and placed her hand on my knee. It was a reassuring gesture, but I hardly registered it. My brain was stuck on the fight and making sure Maggie was home safe.

  "I'm going to jump out. Stay here."

  I didn't wait for them to convince me I was a creep again or tell me to stay put. I left the truck idling as I jumped out and hid in the shadows. I caught her walking into a house that was up to par with my mother's in size.

  I didn't believe that she actually lived there so I stayed behind a large oak tree and watched. It wasn't long before she left the house. She stumbled out the front door with a large body in her arms.

  I wanted to run and help her, but I knew she wouldn't accept it. If she fell or looked like she was struggling more, I'd act. But not until then. She put the body down on a seat and woke Asher up. They walked across the street together and then down a dead end road. I crossed the road in between street lamps and found a new tree to crouch behind.

  She walked up a concrete stoop and shuffled Asher at her side to find a set of keys in her purse. She unlocked her place and stepped inside. I saw the yellow lights flicker on, and I sighed. She was safe.

  I didn't want to linger any longer than I had to, so I turned around and walked back towards my truck. When I jumped in, the girls didn't say a thing. It was better that way. I drove the short way to our house and parked in the back lot with the BMWs and Lexus.

  Lauren immediately leapt from the back seat and stormed into the house. I don't know what happened between the two while I was slinking down the streets of Norwalk, but the heavy weight in the air was palpable.

  "Ignore her," Linds said as she stepped out of the truck and gathered her shoes and purse from the floor. I followed her through the back entrance that opened into the kitchen and was greeted by Lauren and Mother both with their arms crossed over their chests and dagger eyes pointed right on me.

  "Jesus Christ, Lauren. What is wrong with you?" Lindsay immediately growled. She tossed her shoes and bag on the immaculately buffed floor and hopped onto the granite countertop, her thighs squeaking as she adjusted herself.

  "Mom deserved to know. This is what is best for Luke."

  "I'm right here." I frowned, waving my hand in the air to signal that I truly was in the fucking room. Lauren cocked her head to the side and propped her hand on her hip.

  "Don't speak to your sister that way, Luke. She informed me of your relapse this evening."

  Lindsay snorted beside me.

  "Relapse?" I was honestly astonished she would use that term after she herself was a recovering alcoholic. Although, she'd never use the word alcoholic to describe herself. She just liked to indulge. "I hit some asshole for groping my friend. I don't have problems. I never did. I'm not Father."

  "Your therapist seemed to think differently three years ago."

  "We all know she couldn't tell you shit, so quit making things up, Mother." I walked behind the kitchen island and fished through the cabinets until I found some liquor. It was sweeter whiskey, but it would do. Now that I was home I could really drink.

  "Oh, turning to alcohol, now. She said this might happen."

  "He's not you," Lindsay said, glaring as she dangled her legs, banging her heels against the counter.

  "Why are you here Lindsay? Don't you have a little apartment of your own." Lindsay didn't budge. "Go upstairs, or your loan is gone." Lindsay looked over at me with a pained expression on her face. Her eyebrows pinched together, her light blue eyes wide. She was conflicted. I nodded, letting her know I was okay.

  "Back to the problem at hand," Lauren said, leaning towards Mom. Their shoulders hit as they stood together, their expressions matching.

  "I'm twenty-three. I don't have to deal with this," I said as I took the bottle and shuffled around the counter towards the doorway. Enough shit went on tonight. The last thing I needed was my mother and her prodigy breathing down my neck about some non-existent problem I allegedly had.

  "Luke, if you're living here, you're following my rules."

  "I wasn't aware I had any. Do I have a curfew, too?"

  "I'll make an appointment for tomorrow at noon. If you miss it, you'll have to find somewhere else to get your money. And you can't stay here with your siblings. I'll make sure the locks are changed, their numbers, too."

  I didn't even bother to answer her. I just needed to put space between us right now. I took another slug at the second step on the stairs and crashed into my bedroom, filled with anger and frustration.

  I drank until I couldn't see, the blackness consuming me.

  Chapter Twenty

  Maggie

  There was no traffic on the merit, and we made it to the rink in great time. Asher was very nervous since it was his first official game on the new team, so I thought if we got there early, he would have time to cool down and relax. I was nervous too but because of the checking. I didn't want my guy to get hurt.

  I didn't know much about the new league, so I wasn't sure if they were playing a team that was good. Either way, I tried to convince myself that Asher was a big boy and this was what he wanted. I just hoped that I
was doing the right thing.

  I grabbed Asher's bag from the back of my car and put on a happy face. I was acting supportive despite my rapid heart. I didn't want to add to his anxiety. The sliding doors opened for us, and Asher ran in when he saw Eric walking by.

  "Hey coach!" Asher said as he walked by the locker room. The coach smiled at me, and I smiled back. They said first impressions were hard to break, and I was afraid my mixed impression of Asher's coach would last forever. It was the Mrs. thing that bugged me the most.

  Asher rushed back to my side and took the bag from my shoulder.

  "Good luck," I told him as I planted a kiss on his forehead. He glared at my display of affection, but I smiled down at him, winking.

  "Love you," he mouthed to me before running away with his bag and stick and meeting up with the other players. I saw him high-five Eric through the plexiglass and smiled to myself.

  I had about thirty minutes to kill before his game was scheduled to start. But I knew how this went, and it would most likely be at least forty by the time the Zamboni rolled down the ice, smoothing and cleaning it.

  I grabbed a coffee from the nice teenager at the snack bar and sat on a bench outside in the warm up area. I pulled my phone from my pocket, but I didn't really play games or anything, and my social life was nonexistent. Facebook was pointless since I could care less what my so-called friends were up to. It had only been a week at school, so I didn't even have homework to keep me busy.

  I leaned against the window and watched the game before Asher's take place. It looked like a high school team by the size of the players and intensity. Most were taller than me, and with the level of hitting, I knew it must be older kids. Or at least I hoped. My stomach knotted.

  The game ended, and the management began to clear the ice. I checked my phone for the time and saw that the rink was only about five minutes behind schedule. In my experience, that wasn't too bad.