We only had a week and a half before we had our big presentation, so today, Luke and I stayed after class to go over who said what. I decided for us that staying in the classroom was safer; although I told him I was low on gas and refused a ride to get him to agree.
"I haven't finished the last couple pages, but if you want, you can start it off."
"Here's the thing," Luke said with regret in his tone. "I don't really like presenting in front of the class. So why don't you do all the talking, and then I'll make a PowerPoint or something."
"You're a teacher," I deadpanned, glaring at him as I dropped my pencil on the desk.
"And…"
"You don't like talking in front of people?"
"I didn't say that. Open your ears, Sunny. I don't like talking in classroom settings like this. Kids love me. I can talk in front of them all day."
"Clearly. Since that's your job and all."
"You're just so funny," he said, tossing a used notecard at me. He reached forward and picked up a strand of my hair. I didn't even know how to react, so I just looked down at my brown hair between his pointer and thumb like it had grown its own leg.
I nervously reached my hands down and tried to find a frayed end of my tee-shirt to tug on. It was a weird habit, but it calmed me, or at least tore my mind away from the trigger.
"You have the softest hair ever," he said as he let it fall.
"I-I, t-thank you."
"Someone nervous?" He leaned forward in the chair behind me. I could feel his breath as it brushed over my nose. My own breath hitched in my throat, and I almost choked on nothing at all.
"Shut up, Cloudy." I found my guts and threw them out at him. I quickly gathered all of my things and stormed out of the place, faking anger as I shoved down my attraction to him. "You're speaking, end of discussion."
"Whatever you say, Sunny."
"See you Thursday, Cloudy."
"Hey!" he called after me just as I was out the door. I didn't turn around, but I stopped in my tracks. My teeth ground together, trying to hold it together, as I waited for his next jab. It was playful, and I loved this side of him. I actually craved it.
"Just so you know—" I felt him beside me. The heat of him was crashing into me in waves of lust. I could smell his clean soap that smelled like evergreens and lemon, and my stomach tilted. "—I love the name Cloudy."
His voice was breathy, and I knew that he was putting on the show on purpose. It didn't alter its affect at all. I tilted my head to the side, wanting him to kiss me right where my pulse was jumping, but he didn't.
A freezing cold wave crashed over me, and when I looked over my shoulder, he was gone. I groaned and stomped the rest of the way to my car. This guy was good, but I could be better.
"I'm so sorry. I forgot that I had these tonight, and I just have to go. Are you sure that you don't mind?" I asked June as I was shoving my foot into a too-small shoe.
Ash and I had just gotten home from his practice when my phone alarm started singing to me. I looked down and saw that I had Ash's parent teacher conference tonight at eight thirty.
I had completely forgotten, but luckily, June was available and rushed over. After I was clothed, shoed, and ready to go, I ran over to June and wrapped her in a crazy tight hug.
"Thank you so much for this," I told her.
"Any time. Me and Ash are besties. We're going to play inappropriate video games and watch R-rated movies."
"Not funny!" I said as I skipped out the door. I didn't have time to spare, so I started my car and drove like my ass was on fire. Of course, I was careful not to get a ticket. Not because I was an awesome driver, but because I couldn't afford a ticket right now.
The parking lot at Woodbury was packed. I figured most working parents had to take the late appointments and that's why this eight thirty time slot was popping.
I didn't have to check in with anyone at the school's entrance. I quickly pulled up my meeting confirmation email and saw that I had to report to room 129. I had no idea where that was, so I just followed the blue walls until I saw some room numbers.
I was just turning the corner when I ran straight into someone's hard chest. I pushed up and stared into Luke's gray eyes. I glared, stepping a foot backwards so I wasn't so close, smelling him and falling under his charming spell.
"What a pleasure seeing you twice in one day. You look—"
"I don't care. Help me find this room, please," I begged him. I hated being late, but not only that, I knew that Ash's teachers saw me as an incapable moron, so I really wanted to get there on time.
"What are you going to do for me?"
"Whatever you want. Please." I widened my eyes and stuck out my bottom lip. Sure, I would eventually find the room, but I knew that with Luke's help I might actually have a chance of making it with minutes to spare.
"Promise to meet me at my office after your meeting."
"Fine." He held out his hand and I took it, shaking it firmly up and down. His hand was calloused, not smooth like most guys from this area. I liked that he had a rough side, literally.
"Turn around, let's go. You're on the opposite side of the building. It's not even that big." He laughed as he spun me around and pointed me in the right direction. We speed-walked to the other side of the school, and in just under two minutes, I made it.
I pulled out my phone and saw that it was only eight twenty three. I had seven minutes to kill before my meeting. I was actually proud that I had done it, although Luke did help a lot.
"I'll see you after." He leaned forward and kissed my cheek. I leaned into it without meaning to. It was almost like his lips just pulled me in. I could feel my face ignite in flames and turned away before he could see.
But I figured that he noticed his effect on me because as he walked down the hall, he started to whistle.
I didn't know what I was expecting from the conference. I had hoped that his teachers would be willing to have an open conversation about what Asher was and wasn't doing. But they were tight-lipped.
"Is there something I can work on with him at home?" I asked with a notebook out in front of me. I would've done anything to make sure that Asher succeeded, but it seemed as if these teachers wouldn't.
"It's more a behavioral thing," the blonde said. She was his general studies and math teacher. This woman was the one who he spent most of his day with, and she was bashing him the most.
"What do you mean?"
"He doesn't want to join open conversations. He only has two friends in the class. I'm worried that his social skills are falling behind the others."
"He's just quiet. It's hard for him to open up," I defended him.
"Well, it's hindering his performance."
"His parents died a year ago. Cut him some slack."
"Miss Larken, we have been. There's nothing wrong yet, but we wanted to give you a warning so you knew what was going on. Maybe he should be seeing a therapist."
"He is seeing a therapist."
"Great. I'm sure he'll be getting the help he needs."
To be honest, I tuned out most of the rest of my conversation with the teacher. I looked across the small desk that I was behind at the blonde and glared at her. Mrs. Kilington had proved to be a straight-up bitch. I'd have to ask Asher about her when I got home.
"Thank you so much for coming in," Killer said, outstretching her pale hand towards me. I shook it despite my desire to murder her and gathered my things while the group of three teachers left the room. I guessed I was their last meeting of the night.
I quickly speed-walked down the hallway and right out the front door. I didn't want to spend another second in that place. I hated those teachers. They were jerks and not treating Asher right.
So what if he was quiet? That was just him. They should have made him want to talk in class. He had two friends. That was more than enough. I couldn't say that I had more than that until I got to high school, so what was the big deal?
"Maggie!" A deep voice rang
out behind me. I spun around in the parking lot, expecting the English teacher since he was awfully quiet but was met with Luke's gray eyes wide and worried.
He ran towards me, his feet slamming against the pavement, his arms swinging by his sides. I took a step back and hit the yellow curb as he finally stopped right in front of me.
We were beneath a light post, the yellow glimmer lighting up Luke's face and casting him in shadows. His eyes were darkened, but the grayness broke through. He cocked his head to the side, as if waiting for me to speak, so I did.
"What's up?" I asked him, clutching my notebook to my chest.
"You were supposed to come to my office. Are you all right?" His thumb brushed along my chin, making my entire body shiver.
"OH! Oh my God. I'm sorry. I just have a lot of my mind, and I swear, I forgot. I wouldn't break a promise. I'm so sorry!" I shook my head and tried to figure out how I could forget him.
"I guess you'll have to make it up to me on a date tomorrow."
"Excuse me?" I leaned back and narrowed my eyes.
"Nothing crazy. Let me buy you a coffee, and we can work on our project."
"I don't know, Luke." I realized that it was the first time I had said his name out loud. I loved the way it made my mouth feel. It was almost like just his name was erotic. "I have Asher. I can't really focus on myself."
"We're getting coffee in the middle of the day when Ash is at school. I can skip a lunch period. The last hour of my day is my personal lesson planning anyway. I'd hardly say you're neglecting him."
"That isn't funny. I really do think that sometimes."
"Is that why you never go out?"
"Partly."
"Do you ever open up, Sunny?" He stepped towards me, but with my foot against the curb, I couldn't back up any more. He wasn't scary. But I was scared of what he was doing to me. My heart was beating way too fast, and my mind was beginning to fuzz.
I shook my head so I didn't have to speak. He smiled with his teeth showing, and my stomach somersaulted.
"I'll meet you at Starbucks at two. I'm done teaching, so I can meet you there."
"Fine." I took Janet's advice. I just hoped it wouldn't kill me. He leaned forward, kissed my forehead, and then turned around. I watched from my rooted place in the dark parking lot as Luke disappeared into the building.
I wanted to stand in that spot forever. I couldn't move after what Luke had just done with a few words. But I had to get home to relieve June.
I turned off the light to his room as I got him into his bed. It wasn't too late, but I could tell that his lids were only wedged open since he wanted to wait for me. I sat beside him and pulled the covers to his chin, tucking the sides under his body so he was wrapped inside like a mummy.
"Were my teachers nice to you?" he asked as he started to doze off.
"Of course they were."
"Love you."
"I love you, too, buddy." I bent down and kissed his forehead before standing up and walking to the door. I shut his door behind me.
I found June at the kitchen table, chowing down on something chocolatey. I grabbed a piece of it and sat across from her, eating the hazelnut bar. She looked across at me, asking a question with her eyes.
"They think he's falling behind socially," I broke the silence and said.
"It's pretty obvious he's not." June shook her head vehemently.
"But they still think it. I just can't hear them talk about Ash like that. He's a good kid, gets average grades. There's nothing wrong with him." I buried my head in my hands, blocking June from seeing my eyes. I couldn't stop the tears from spilling over, but I didn't want her to see me vulnerable.
"Hey," she said as I heard her chair scrape backwards. Her thick arms wrapped around my shoulders, and I leaned into her. I wasn't a crier, but the expectations of raising Ash were making me emotional and insecure.
"It's just so much, and then everything with Luke is making it that much worse. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be a mother and successful at this."
"You're doing a great job," she said and let me go. I didn't look up, but her chair squeaked again, and I felt her knees clash with mine. "What's going on with Luke?"
"He asked me out, and we're getting coffee tomorrow." I used my thumb to wipe the wetness under my eyes and then raised myself up. June was staring at me with no emotion on her face.
"You can't go out with him," she stated with conviction.
"What do you mean?"
"You have to focus on Asher. You can't date someone else, especially not Luke. What are you thinking? Asher clearly needs you from what his teachers said." Her words took me by surprise. I thought she would support me having a life. I was confused as to why she thought it was such a bad idea.
"Do you know something I don't?" I asked her since I knew she and Luke had known each other before.
"It doesn't even matter that it's Luke. You owe it to Asher to be there for him. He needs you right now."
"So, I have to sacrifice my own life?" I was starting to get mad.
"He's only nine. He can't be with a babysitter every day. I know what kind of life that would be. And I hated it. And I resent my parents. Don't become them."
"I'm not saying he'll be with a sitter every day! And I'm not your parents!" My voice had begun yelling. I stood up from the kitchen table and paced from my fridge to the front door and back again.
"My parents were shit. They cared about each other more than me, and I pay for that every day. They put me into rehab based on my alleged depression just so they wouldn't have to deal with me. Ash is a good kid. He doesn't deserve to be second."
"I get that your parents were difficult, but just because I date doesn't mean Ash would take the back burner. Don't I deserve to be happy?"
"You can't be happy without a man?" She looked down at her hands and shook her head. "I don't think we're going to agree on this," she said as she stood up. "I'll see you in class tomorrow."
"Okay."
After she left, I collapsed on the sofa in the living room. It was ten, but I was surprisingly not tired. I didn't want to watch TV. I didn't want to read or do homework. I just sat there, mindlessly staring at my white walls.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Maggie
Wednesdays I didn't have class, but I had work. Jet was riding me hard today, and for the middle of the week, the breakfast rush was busy. The regular crew was sitting at the bar as they ate their scrambled eggs with hash browns and bacon.
This one guy, Artie Fowler, flirted with me regularly, and I actually looked forward to his visits. He was at least ninety, bald with those brown spots on his head like polka dots.
"Maggie, girl. Looking real pretty," he would say.
"Artie you always say that," I'd say back.
"I don't lie, Miss Pretty. You look good every day."
"Thank you," I'd answer. Then he'd go back to his food and eat with the newspaper up in front of his face. He didn't have any friends who stopped by like most of the others.
It was strange how men were just as cliquey as teenage girls in high school. There was a group of five older men who'd meet every Friday and shoot the shit at the bar. Two of the guys came almost every day and sat together. Some days they wouldn't talk; some days they didn't shut up. But they always came.
By the time I took a breath, I saw that it was already twelve-thirty. I looked around the restaurant and noticed the thinning crowd. The lunch rush in the middle of the day was never busy. Jet worked the place by himself unless it was a weekend when one of us would come give him a hand.
I started to clean around the restaurant. Mary Ellen was the other waitress who was on with me. She was in her early forties, beautiful with shoulder-length brown hair. I figured she could cover the rest of the tables while I made more coffee, wiped down tables, and refilled all the condiments.
It wasn't a fun job, but I loved the people I worked with. I didn't mind making my paycheck from here because it was a loving
environment. Everyone knew my situation and didn't judge me. They all had their own problems.
I suspected Jet used to deal drugs in New York City due to the scars on his body and his attitude, but he wouldn't share much. I didn't blame him. Mary Ellen was a recovering alcoholic and divorcee who didn't have much going on. She was clinically depressed, and I found myself trying to lighten her up on a daily basis.
We had two high-schoolers who worked at night, but they were normal as far as I could tell. Catty—but normal.
"Can you handle the crazy crowd?" I asked Mary Ellen sarcastically as I started to take off my apron. There was now only one elderly couple in the entire place. I looked behind me through the rectangular window that opened into the kitchen and saw Jet sitting with his feet up, comic in front of his face, behind the stove.
"Go change, brat." She swatted me on the butt as I walked by her, and I jumped from the sting. I had brought a change of clothes today since I was meeting Luke. I didn't want to smell like fried pig and coffee beans all day, although I knew from experience how hard it was to get the tips of my fingers to stop smelling.
I didn't want to dress up since we were just meeting at Starbucks, so I changed into dark-washed jeans and a long-sleeved gray shirt that matched Luke's eyes. It wasn't too cold yet, but with Halloween around the corner, I was bracing for snow.
I laced up my tan knock off Sorel's and ran a brush through my hair. I was lucky that even after having it up all morning, there wasn't a crease. It was a pet peeve of mine, that one little wave from a too-tight ponytail.
Anyway…
I had brought my makeup bag with me, but as I looked at myself in the mirror, I thought that I shouldn't put any on. I hardly ever wore more than concealer when I had a zit and a swipe of eyeliner to accentuate my eyes.
I felt like if I put on mascara and blush it would be overkill. So I stayed in my comfort zone and only put on a little bit of brown eyeliner and called it a day. I lugged my bag, now filled with my work clothes, and walked back out into the main restaurant.
For The Love of Ash Page 17
