Forgetting Tabitha: An Orphan Train Rider

by Julie Dewey

  “Stop, please.” I cried like a baby

  “We don’t stop until you tell the truth.” Trainer number two stepped up with a right hook to my jaw that sent several of my teeth flying and blood gushing from my mouth.

  They tied my hands behind my back and kept on going, taking their turn landing punches over my already broken body.

  “Tell us!” someone screamed.

  I refused to give in. They could kill me if they wanted but I knew if I told them about Pauli I was as good as dead anyway.

  My eyes were so swollen I could no longer see, I fell to the ground, so they took turns holding me up while others continued to beat me. I passed out and woke up while a new group of kids, some scrawny, some well into their training began to assault me all over again, a lesson, I suppose, against mercy.

  I was dragged unconscious to the bed I slept in the night before and again woke to the smell of my own piss and the group of trainers peering over me.

  “What are we gonna do with you, huh?” One asked.

  “We could beat you to death I suppose.” Another answered with a throaty laugh.

  “Just to be fair, let’s give you one more chance.” The trainer held up a knife presumably for inspiration. I thought for sure he was going to take off my ears.

  My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls, I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink in two days and the blood pooled and drained into my stomach making me nauseous.

  “Need a drink?” One of the trainers held up a glass of water and I felt gratitude until he splashed the water into my face forcing me to jerk back in pain.

  They dragged me back to the gym and repeated the beatings; I passed out numerous times because the pain was too great to handle. Everything felt broken, everything but my spirit. I went to a place in my mind, a square shaped room that was quiet and red and had a metal chair in the corner. I sat in that chair and plotted my revenge. I listened to the sound of the assailants’ voices as they pummeled me and committed them to memory; I noted their accents and what they called each other. This quiet place was mine. They could hit me over and over but it was still there and they couldn’t take it from me. I sat in my corner; I took the punches, the kicks, the broken bones, the gushing blood, the puss and gunk that pooled in the corners of my mouth and eyes. I listened. I took it and waited.

  The next time I woke, I tried desperately to sit up and gather myself. Although I hadn’t had any nourishment or drink in days I had to piss. It nearly killed me to sit up and I let out a yelp.

  “Hey, kid, sit back down.” It was Pauli.

  I sat back down and tried to open my eyes but they were still swollen shut. I tried to talk but my jaw wasn’t working and I felt metal in my mouth.

  “Let me do the talking for now kid. You’re damn lucky to be alive, you know that?” Pauli sat next to the bed his voice sounding tired and worried.

  “Remember Squid, the guy who found you lurking in the brewery? Well he found you near dead in a ditch across town. He was out recruiting and I’ll be damned if I know how but he recognized you. He ran all the way back here and swore you were breathing so we sent out our guys and they brought you back. That was three days ago.”

  I tried to mumble a reply but it was no good.

  “All you’re going to do right now is heal. My wife is looking after you.” I could hardly believe Pauli had a wife.

  “She is good at this so let her okay?” with that he patted my leg and left, was it remorse I heard in his voice?

  I slept for the better part of the day but woke to the gentle stroke of a warm cloth across my forehead.

  “You were screaming in your sleep and we don’t want the wires to come out.” She continued with the warm cloth and held it to my eyes for several moments.

  “Your jaw was broken in several places. We had it wired shut so it will heal faster. I am going to try giving you liquids later, doctor’s orders.” She left my side and came back with a fresh cloth.

  “My name is Candy by the way. Well, it’s Candice but everyone calls me Candy.” I winced at the slightest movement of the bed.

  She kept heading south with the cloth and I was mortified that she might be giving me a sponge bath on my privates. I instinctively moved my legs closer together and she gave a little chuckle at that.

  “Oh honey, I’ve seen it all!” Candy laughed, placing an ice pack on my scrotum to reduce the swelling.

  “In a few days you will be able to open your eyes and eat liquids without my help, soon, the swelling will go down on your fists and arms and legs. You were really battered. You have several broken ribs which is why you have tape around your chest.”

  She sniffled a bit but quickly regained her composure.

  “Now is a good time to rest,” she rubbed my hair and left the room.

  I went back to the quiet place in my mind, the walls were still red and the same chair sat in the corner with me in it. I plotted and thought of all the ways I would have my revenge, starting with becoming a Roach Guard.

  As the days went by the swelling did go down and I could see my surroundings finally. I was in a room off the gym and apparently all the guys had sworn revenge on my honor. The first day I was up and around with Candy’s help, she walked me to the gym and the guys cheered upon seeing me up.

  I was anxious to get the metal out of my mouth and could feel the gap in my teeth where I lost several. I took to writing Candy notes; I asked when the metal was coming out, what day it was, how she met Pauli? If only I could meet someone like Candy one day. She was patient and kind and had a gentle touch.

  The following week I went back to the surgeon’s, he doused me with something on a cloth and when I woke the wire was out of my jaw. I was afraid to speak at first, afraid of the pain and the jaw movement. But because I was so young the healing took place quickly and I was talking and eating within weeks.

  Pauli sat me down and apologized to me profusely. Then he asked me to recall what I could from the incident.

  I told him exactly what happened and described to him the beatings in detail. He winced and even cried at one point when I told him about the quiet place in my mind.

  “Thank you, Pauli. You saved my life.” I was grateful.

  “No, I endangered your life by sending you over there and Candy will never forgive me for that. She is right, you were too young and I put you in harm’s way.”

  “But you found me. You didn’t know if I was spying on you first but you decided to have faith in me. You saved me.”

  I didn’t quite know how to ask to become a member of one of the most notorious gangs in New York but it’s all I could think about now.

  Pauli caught me looking at his tattoo and said, “Don’t even think about it kid. Candy would kill me.”

  “I need my revenge.” I punched his desk and stood up pacing.

  “I want to kill those mother fuckers for what they did to me. Do you know that after they beat me, they took turns pissing on me?” I looked Pauli directly in the eye ashamed to admit this.

  “They spat on me, they threw booze into my fresh wounds, and laughed when I winced. I need to find a way to settle this; I will never forgive myself if I don’t. I want to settle it in the ring.” I had thought about it. I could train and learn to fight; I was light on my feet and was strong for my age and size.

  “So you want to be a fighter, huh? “ Pauli was a little surprised by my determination.

  “Yes. I want to fight.” I was adamant.

  Now it was Pauli’s turn to pace.

  “You’ll start tomorrow. Now get a good night’s sleep.” He held the door for me and I left the office with nothing but revenge and blood-lust on my mind.

  Later I heard Pauli and Candy arguing about me, Candy said I was too young, but Pauli apparently knew what it meant to be full of vengeance and the visceral need to get even.

  Training was physically challenging but my body was healing and growing stronger. I was expected to run daily, I ate a diet of lean meats
and vegetables. I lifted weights and could practically feel my muscles ripping and mending with each curl. I studied the trainers’ movements, the foot placement, and the way I should pivot in order to get the most power.

  “Stick and move, Scotty!” The trainers for the Roaches drilled this in my head.

  I worked relentlessly on the speed bag, finding my own rhythm, developing confidence. Within weeks I was ready to spar, propelled forward in my training from my ordeal, I did well in the ring. I learned how to duck a punch and come back with a one two combination of my own. I learned defense but it was the offensive moves that got me the most excited. I loved fighting. It was a release for me and Pauli said I was a natural. I fought with everything I had. I released the anger I had pent up for being left to fend for myself by my parents. I fought against the grueling, poverty stricken city I lived in, I fought for all the kids that were bullied, but more than anything I fought to prepare for my revenge. I was suddenly full of hatred and the anger in me fed me and kept me alive. Without my vengeance I was just a kid sweeping storefronts and scraping for food on the street corner.

  The fights were scheduled and the gym was buzzing with excitement and testosterone. Our fighters encouraged each other with slaps to the back when someone exhibited skill.

  I didn’t understand how these gangs that hated each other so much could bear to be in the same room without killing each other. Pauli explained to me that the rules were set in stone. No weapons were allowed in the arena. Judges were not necessary because the fights went until knock out or forfeit. They were scheduled on neutral territory and were not announced until the day of the fight to keep the police away. A boy from one team would go into the ring and anyone could go out and challenge him to the fight. They were not previously matched up. The fights were bare knuckles, no gloves, no tape, just the raw power from the fists.

  “Yo, kid,” one of the trainers called to me later that afternoon, “Pauli wants to see you in his office.”

  “How are you doing, Scotty?” Pauli seemed sincere in his concern for me.

  “I’m ready.” Perhaps I was over confidant but I didn’t need moves when I had so much venom pulsing through my veins.

  “You know, kid; the boys that tormented you might not even be at the fight. You saw them months ago; who knows what may have happened to them during that time. You might be fighting complete strangers, you sure you want to do this?” I noticed Pauli’s scuffed dress shoes and thought about the tough guy image he presented to everyone besides me and Candy.

  “I am doing this for me, putting them to shame no matter who it is. Match me up with their best fighter, I don’t care I’ll rip him to shreds.” My anger was palpable.

  “Yeah and what if he rips you to shreds? I can’t stop the fight. You know that right?”

  “You won’t need to, Pauli, I got this. After I win, I want in.” I stared right into his eyes when I said this.

  “In what, kid?” Pauli raised his eyebrows in question.

  “I want in the Roaches. You saved me from the streets and saved my life when you could have left me in that ditch to die. I don’t have any family, I don’t have any place to go, and this is my life now.”

  Pauli was going to launch into a lecture about the Roaches’ history as well as all the other notorious gangs in the Five Points, but decided instead to trust me.

  “You got sand, kid, you know that? But I have been thinking, can you keep a secret?” He fingered his tattoo as he spoke.

  “Sure Pauli, what is it?” I was intrigued.

  “Well Candy and I are expecting a baby!” Pauli’s smile was huge, showing off his pearly white teeth.

  “Wow, Pauli, that’s great, congrats, man! You’re going to be a father.” I could hardly believe what I was hearing, good news was scarce nowadays.

  “Yes I am, and Candy and I, well, we don’t want our kid growing up here, like this.” He motioned to his surroundings. The Brewery they lived and trained in was notorious for gambling and prostitution, it held saloons and brothels as well. In fact I had my suspicions that Candy was once a prostitute herself.

  “It’s no place for a kid. We are going to hit the road after the fights; we’ll take our winnings and head west. We have discussed it, kid, and we’d like you to come with us.” Pauli kept his plan simple, they would steal away in the middle of the night and no one would ever know what happened to them. It was Candy’s idea and he opposed it initially because of his loyalty to his brotherhood. After thought and contemplation, along with some careful planning they decided to make a go of it. They were putting money aside ever since and knew the night of the fight was the best to leave. Numerous members would be hurt if not dead from fighting and that would take the attention away from them.

  “Really? You guys want me to come with you?” I couldn’t believe my luck.

  “We do, but it’s our secret. The Roaches wouldn’t let me out that easy. Once you swear your oath to them kid, it’s for life. That’s why they can’t know.” He looked a little worried.

  “Well I swear to you that I won’t tell a soul, just like I never told those jack ass Rabbits about you!” I could hardly believe my luck.

  “I know you wouldn’t, that’s why I trust you to do well in the ring. If you get hurt it could jeopardize our plans.”

  “Kid, one more thing, I am hoping after this fight you can just go back to being a kid, this baby is going to need a big brother. Too much anger is not a good thing, got it?”

  I knew anger had taken over my life but I didn’t know that Pauli could see into me like that.

  With the day of the fight approaching I anticipated my new life with Pauli and Candy, would the baby be a boy or girl? Would I really be considered his or her big brother? It was all so exciting but I had to put it out of my mind for now. Now I had to focus on training and training hard.

  The day of the highly anticipated fights arrived. I learned that the Dead Rabbits actually split off from the Roach Guards last year as a result of too many differences. The Roaches supported the primary liquor sellers and the Rabbits opposed this, fighting ensued within the gang until it was unanimous they separate. The Rabbits went on to become political sluggers, thieves and thugs earning a reputation for being deadly criminals. The only thing the two gangs still had in common was their mutual hatred for the Bowery Boys who ran the lower east side of the city. The Bowery Boys were made up of Native Americans who became butchers and mechanics, or who were bouncers at either saloons or dance salons. They abhorred the Irish immigrants and any other foreigners and fought fiercely in gang fights on account of their burly strength.

  Pauli warmed me up and then kept me calm before my fight by rubbing my shoulders. He wiped petroleum jelly across my cheeks and nose in hopes my opponent’s fist would slip off my face if it ever made contact. Then he rubbed me down with oil so I was more difficult to grip. I wore nothing but a pair of pants cut at the knee for mobility. I was ready.

  The first fight ended with a deadly blow to the Rabbits’ fighter. One of our trainers had him in the ring for six rounds and was tired of playing with him, in the seventh round he knocked him out cold and he was still unconscious.

  The second and third fights were even bouts; one win went to us and the other to the Rabbits. I searched the crowd for the red headed kid who nearly killed me but hadn’t seen him so far.

  The reason I hadn’t seen him was because he wasn’t in the crowd that gathered and was placing wages. He had stepped into the ring. I pulled on Pauli’s shirt, and said, “This fight is mine.”

  I didn’t wait for his reply before walking, running rather, into the ring. Red haired boy had grown a bit; he was taller and lengthier than just three or four months ago and had filled out more, too. He looked more intimidating now than he had when he beat me and yet I had all the confidence in the world, that though he was looming over me, I would win. The crowd booed before the fight even began, knowing it was a sure win for the Rabbits. I had a strategy in mind. I was going to
make him dance, tire him out for a few rounds and then I’d let him have it. I was a patient fighter and would use it to my advantage. This kid had arms that were longer than my legs so I had no choice but to go inside to cause him damage. I was seething with hatred, my blood boiled and I waited for my moment.

  “Remember me?” I taunted.

  “Sure don’t,” he replied messing with my head. Fighting was as much psychological as physical and I had to erase his remark immediately.

  Round one he got a little too close a few times, I used my slip and punch to avoid his long arms and strong left hook, I used the bump to get back at him when I could. It was the third round when I released myself. I let my hatred take over and I went inside doing damage to this kid’s torso, he could barely breathe on account of all the body shots. When he got his hands down to protect his kidneys, I threw uppercuts to his jaw, spit mixed with blood went flying over my shoulder but I kept going, pummeling him, losing my form and control. He came back at me with a hard right. It knocked me off balance but brought me back to the moment. This kid was tired and hurting. A few more body shots and I had him. He was protecting himself, hands positioned right in front of his body for easy deflection of my shots. I had to split the guard. I was on the offensive, light on my feet, throwing jab fakes and making him work the floor. My moment came and I lunged in, he was expecting a strong right so I hit him with a left and he went down. I threw my arms up in astonishment and stood over him before spitting in his face.

  “Remember me now, dick-head?” I wiped the beads of sweat from my brow and left the ring to cheers of the onlookers and bookies who won big for betting on me.

  Before I made it to Pauli’s side we all turned toward the sound of police horns and whistles. They found out about the fights and meant to take every one of us in for lock up. There had to be one hundred uniforms, Pauli mouthed for me to “run!!” before I was defiled by tear gas, so I turned and booked out of the facility. I ran and ran for miles, until I was sure no one was following me. I sheltered in a tenement complex hallway, having no idea where I really was. All I knew was I won. I had exacted some revenge. I didn’t get my chance with the small scrappy kid who kicked the shit out of me, or the dark skinned kid who didn’t hold back, but I won against the red head and he was the one who found me and ratted me out.