Forgetting Tabitha: An Orphan Train Rider

by Julie Dewey

  “It’s too late. She’s gone, Scotty.”

  “She can’t be I have to try!” I kept compressing her chest and even blew into her mouth, after several minutes of this she hadn’t budged. But I was a fighter, I willed her to live.

  I continued the compressions and breathing, finally giving it up to God, when low and behold, she mooed.

  The little calf was alive!

  Mr. and Mrs. Wright joined me in my frenzy to get her up and moving about so we could have a proper look at her. We moved her from her position to the second barn and fresh mound of hay that had been left unbothered by the perp.

  No one could imagine what happened in the few short hours we were gone, but it was nothing short of evil.

  “Who would do this?” I yelled, frantic.

  I had to go to Mary; several days had passed since the animals were murdered and it had been over a week since we had been together. I can’t imagine who would be so cruel and heartless; these were going to be my cows, my farm. I didn’t even get a chance to tell her this yet. Pap probably told her I was worthless, she was surely being punished and brainwashed.

  It was mid-summer and the windows were open to allow for a breeze. Mary’s lace curtains flapped silently announcing the wind on its heels and cooling her off. Pebbles wouldn’t work, nor could I risk leaving a note that anyone, namely Edmund could find. I had a sense he was following us and spying on our interactions and it was unnerving. I had to go in the house. I knew where the spare key was kept and found it easily enough. I unlocked the latch and panicked when I dropped the key and it went clattering on the ground.

  No one stirred so I continued towards the stairs, holding my breath and praying not to be caught for it would mean jail. I was trespassing and could be questioned in the killing of the animals too.

  I stepped lightly into Mary’s room and closed the door behind me. I watched her sleep for a moment; it was a peaceful picture, one I wanted to instill in my mind. I covered her mouth and tapped her arm gently.

  “Mary, Mary wake up.” I spoke in a whisper shaking her shoulder ever so gently.

  She jerked up frightened because her mouth was covered and she couldn’t see me in the dark.

  “It’s me, Scotty.” I pleaded with her not to scream. I was fearful she didn’t want to see me and would cast me out.

  She threw her arms around me in a tight embrace and I noted the pungent smell on her body and the grease layering her hair. She looked awful.

  “You’ve lost weight, what’s wrong?” Her eyes held so much pain, it had only been ten days since our last tryst but her cheeks were hollowed now.

  “Scotty, I was forbidden from seeing you ever again, Pap refuses to let us court, they can’t take you from me, they just can’t!” Mary began crying in torment. She loved me and she loved Edna and Pap for taking her in and caring for her as they had.

  “Listen, we don’t have long. I have a lot to share with you.” I need her to settle down while I shared the recent events and formulated a plan.

  I told her my version of my visit to Pap and how he rebuked my desire to court her and become betrothed. We discussed the dinner with the Wrights and the proposal to buy the farm, and then I told her about the animal murders. I needed to leave town until the dust settled. We talked about who could be setting me up and why, but nothing made sense.

  I could sense her depression and it unnerved me. She had unraveled during our time apart. It was as if she abandoned herself when she felt despair, she went inward, to her safe place just like I did.

  I wiped Mary’s brow, pushing her hair back off her face and kissing the tears as they fell one by one down her lovely cheeks.

  “I love you, Tabitha.” It was the first time I spoke her name since the stoop in New York City. I wanted her to know I loved all of her, the frightened little girl who was my friend so long ago and the young woman with the scraggly unwashed hair who was my lover now.

  She lifted the covers and invited me under. We talked more about the murders and my leaving. I promised to send word through the Wrights. They were the only people in town who believed in my innocence. They saw me fight to bring the calf into this world twice. They suggested I leave and make room for the real culprit to be found. I had my suspicions but didn’t want to point fingers yet.

  They agreed to postpone the paperwork for the sale of the farm for a while and agreed to send word to Mary whenever they heard from me.

  “We can run away, leave tonight, I only need a few things.” She begged to come with me.

  I told her that would only make the both of us look suspicious, I needed her to stay here, keep her eyes open for anything unusual. I told her of my suspicions that Edmund was following me and to be careful around him. I also needed to know she was being taken care of so I could do what I had to without worry, so she needed to stay put.

  “Where will you go?” Tabitha searched my eyes.

  “I think I will look for Pauli and Candy. I have a brother or sister out there somewhere. I will start in New York City and ask around.” My sibling would be almost ten years old now, and all though we weren’t related by blood I would love that little rascal no matter what.

  “Do you really think they could still be there? It’s been so long.” She worried for him.

  “I don’t have any idea, but maybe somebody will know something. I will get a job and find a place to live. But, Mary, you have to decide what you want in the future. You have worked so hard for your degree and to be a teacher. It might be a year or so before I can come back here and buy the farm. Even then, we have to decide if we want to come back to a place that has scrutinized us and accused me of everything from petty theft to murder.”

  “But you’re not a suspect!” Mary pleaded with me to stay, she felt certain the real animal slayer would be found.

  “Yet,” I added.

  “The only thing I would stay in Binghamton for is Edna; she has been so kind and generous to me. I really haven’t been grateful lately. I am just so angry she thinks she can take you away from me.”

  “Yes, but she is being protective and acting just as your mother would, looking out for you, and what’s best for you.” Granted Edna was submissive, and agreed with Pap that someone of Mary’s stature needed an educated, well to do suitor.

  “But how can they know what’s best for me? Why would they think I would be better off with a banker or lawyer than you? Those men who call for me don’t care about my feelings, or my thoughts, they just want a woman who runs a household, stays quiet, gives them children, and doesn’t complain or ask about money.”

  “You’ve had callers?” Scotty was unaware.

  “Don’t worry; they are all so stuck up it’s ridiculous. I only appease Edna by speaking with them cordially, dreaming of you all the while.” She nestled in to me then, her breasts brushing up against my shirt.

  “I want to marry you, Mary, Tabitha, I love you. You know that right?”

  “I know, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter where it is. If we are together we’ll be okay. My mama used to say that all the time. I feel stronger with you, and lost without you.” There was desperation in her voice.

  “Even if it means being the wife of a farmer?” I asked.

  “Especially if it means being the wife of a farmer!” She whispered.

  “How will you cope if I am gone for a year, what if they force you to become engaged, or marry someone in the meantime?” I was panicking at the thought. Would she let herself go, or would she rise to the occasion and take care of herself physically.

  “Let’s make a promise right now. I promise to love you and only you, to wait for you as long as it takes.” Mary held me close and stared into my eyes as she spoke.

  “And I promise to love you and only you, and to wait for you as long as it takes, before making you my wife. But I need you to be brave, okay?” We held each other for a few moments, thinking of our future.

  “But what about Edna and Pap, they don
’t approve of me and that means you will have to go against their wishes,” I stammered.

  “We’ll worry about that later, a lot can happen in a year.” Mary ran her fingers through my curls.

  “One more thing, Mary, happy birthday.” Mary was turning nineteen years old tomorrow and I would not be here to celebrate with her.

  Our kiss goodbye and movements under the covers said all we had in our hearts. The intimacy we shared was ours alone, no one could take that from us. It was more than passion, it was grief and mourning, and anger and confusion, culminating with worry and love and missing one another before we had parted. We became one before dawn, said tearful goodbyes and I left the way I came.

  Chapter 11 The Client List

  I soaked a sponge with vinegar before my next client appeared. But when it was Edmund who came knocking without an appointment I went back into the bathroom and retrieved it. Edmund was a well-dressed young man with a trim physique and broad shoulders. He was five foot nine, a good height for his age. He had both money and opportunity, and could have any woman he chose, yet he spent his free time with me. He wanted to learn, he said. So I taught him and in return he taught me. I had never allowed myself to release with a client, but Edmund took such bliss from my pleasure and such care in bringing it to me that I allowed him to kiss my mouth and use my name. He never penetrated me, except for the first time when he was drunk, he was saving that for someone special he said, so we employed every other method and enjoyed this shared experience.

  Edmund was gentle and nurturing, always bringing me flowers or scents, or some other knick knack he thought I would enjoy. He didn’t like my room, it was ‘too sparse’ he said, and needed dressing up. But I didn’t want to personalize my space and allow clients to see the real woman I was becoming.

  I adored floral scents, moisturizers and facial creams. I kept a small sample in a box behind my bed and used them for special clients only. That was as personal as I got.

  He begged to take me to dinner and shows, or for strolls in the park along the water’s edge.

  I told him I wouldn’t want to see any of my clients out and about, and put his reputation at stake.

  He didn’t want me to worry about his reputation but with my particular client list I assured him he would want secrecy.

  I was a prostitute who lied about her age. I was not someone’s lover, I had to reign myself in and object to Edmund’s fussing over me. But the man-child insisted he treat me to a walk and a beverage.

  “It is such a lovely day out, you are always holed up in this room, let’s take some air.” Edmund was pleading with me and I really would enjoy a good stretch and walk.

  Finally I acquiesced. After much primping I allowed him to take my arm as we strolled from the tavern, across town, and past the grocers where I saw Josiah stacking potted plants for sale.

  “Do you know him?” Edmund directed my elbow down a curb.

  “Do you really want the answer?” I wondered aloud.

  “Yes, yes I do.” He was a bit flabbergasted.

  “He is a client as well as a friend. He is one of the nicest men in town.”

  “Well, what do you do with him?” The question was inappropriate.

  I stopped abruptly and told him in no uncertain terms that it was none of his business what Josiah and I did during our time together.

  Edmund was so distraught it was quite amusing.

  We walked past the grocery store along the edge of town, venturing towards the ice cream parlor, passing the police station and town court along the way.

  Mr. Carey had stepped outside for a smoke and nodded at us as we past.

  “I suppose you ‘know’ him too, huh?”

  “Edmund, if you are going to behave like this then we should just turn around now. Yes, I know the town judge; he comes the first Friday of the month. He is a kinky bastard, but treats me well and I like him. “

  “He is kinky? What’s that even mean?”

  “God you are such a prude, you know that?”

  “Well, explain what makes someone kinky then. Let me in on the secret.”

  “Well, let’s just say the justice likes to play dress up now and then. He also likes to implement toys during our time together. He often brings a sack of dress ups and we take on roles. It can be quite fun actually.” Edmund’s jaw had dropped so I told him to shut his mouth.

  “This is all new to me, I suppose I need to find a robe and gavel then so we can a play at these games, hmm it does sound intriguing.” He teased.

  “Yes, sometimes he has me dressed as school boy and sometimes as a nun, other times he wants me made up like the prostitute I am.”

  “He calls me his dirty little wench and slaps my ass, but it’s really hilarious because he is finished quicker than you! The man salivates from the moment he enters my room withdrawing the day’s toys for our games.”

  “Wow, I don’t even know what to say, Judge Carey, municipal by day, pervert by night.”

  The day had taken a delightful turn, Edmund was more than interested in my clients and I thought of it as more teaching for him. We bought ice creams and fed the ducks our cones while sitting for a bit watching the children sailing tiny handmade boats.

  “Now that man can’t be one of your clients.” Across from us were a man and wife, sharing a picnic amongst eight children.

  “Actually, he comes every Wednesday at noon.” I laughed, but it was true.

  “What!” Edmund protested, it can’t be, why he looks happily married, look at all those lovely children!”

  “That’s precisely why he comes to me. The Mrs. doesn’t want any more children and has turned him out from her bedroom. He is hornier than you ever were, by the time he gets to me he is already hard. One time he couldn’t even make it to my bed; he jumped me with his pants on!” I laughed at the memory.

  “I suppose it’s quicker that way.” Edmund didn’t really know what to say.

  “It is, and he always pays me for the full hour although he doesn’t stay longer than twenty minutes. Sometimes he likes it twice.” I winked.

  “Well, this is all very eye opening. Please, please tell me you have never had my dad, I just couldn’t live if he had been with you.”

  “No, I haven’t, actually most men in town are upstanding, I have propositioned many with invitations but I have twenty or so regulars and that keeps me in room and board.”

  “Does Mr. Smith know? He owns the tavern right?”

  “Of course he knows, he is one of my better customers. I actually don’t mind him, he takes care of himself and smells nice, he doesn’t have a woman he leaves to come see me, and it pains him that I do this for a living, but he understands.”

  “So far we have, black, horny, and kinky….how would you classify me?” Edmund asked.

  “You are by far my best student!” I pecked Edmund on the cheek, took note of the time and said I had to be back by two thirty. When Edmund asked why, I scolded him and told him if he was to be my friend he would have to let it rest. I wasn’t going to tell him anything more.

  “Ok fine, but I do have one more question. How do you keep from getting pregnant? Doesn’t it worry you?”

  “I soak a sponge with vinegar and take a tonic every day. It worked for my mother, I was the only time she got pregnant and she had far more clients than I do.” My monthlies came regularly now, but I was unconcerned with getting pregnant, the men often pulled out in fear of just that. Besides, the tonic I took was said to be very potent and I drank it faithfully.

  That explained the vinegar smell in her apartment.

  Edmund grabbed my hand and pulled me towards a bench to sit once more.

  “Gert, please don’t do this anymore. Allow me to help you somehow. You are so young and beautiful; you claim to be sixteen but I am certain that is a lie. I know if you let me we could find something else for you.”

  “If I say I am sixteen, then I am sixteen. Who says I want anything else, who do you think you are anyway, m
y savior?” Edmund was looking at me differently now. I would turn fourteen next month, I was on my own and doing my best to survive. I wish he would just leave it alone.

  “No, I certainly don’t think I am anyone’s savior but I wish I could help you.”

  “I don’t need help and I don’t want your judgment. The only time I feel any shame at all for what I do is when I am judged, and that’s what you are doing right now.” I stood to leave.

  “It’s just I want you for myself. Can you understand that?”

  “I understand you are a jealous fool, who I thought was my friend, I was wrong. If you want to spend time with me take me as I am and don’t try to change me. Nothing makes me feel more like a prostitute than someone who wants to save and change me.” I stood and took my leave.

  Edmund ran after me, “I am jealous, okay? I am jealous of any man who lays his hands on you. I know it’s what you do to survive, but Jesus, Gert, is that all you want from life?”

  I smacked him hard across the face and hoped it left a mark that he would have to explain to his dear Sarah. What a bastard, trying to change me.

  “Fuck you. The last thing I need is a martyr in my bed.” I said and stormed away.

  ***

  I was ready for my three o’clock client when the door opened at two o’clock, a deputy to the sheriff stood before me with a baton in his hand.

  What the fuck was this? I was scared I was going to be arrested, who had ratted me out, and all my clients were on the up and up.

  “Settle down, little lady.” The wormy man edged his way into my room closing the door and locking it behind him.

  “See I have been watching you for a while now, I find it quite interesting all the comings and goings from here.” He patted the baton on his leg.

  “Well, we do take-out orders for the restaurant; so many people love our food.” It was a lousy excuse but the first thing I could think of.

  “It seems to me you’re serving more than food, so I came to see what the fuss was.” He moved closer towards me and began taking off his shirt. He admired me from afar, holding me in his smarmy gaze while blocking the door.