by Eden Finley
“I’m going to go check on Pip.” I stood, but Odie didn’t let me go.
“How are you dealing with the fact she’s pregnant with your best friend’s baby?”
“Déjà vu all over again.”
“I was worried about that. You do know it’s not the same thing, right?”
“Is that supposed to make it any easier? Look, I get it. In nine months, it won’t even matter. But being back here, watching her go through morning sickness, the thought of watching her belly grow …”
“We told you not to wait—”
“I know,” I growled. “I don’t have anyone to blame but myself.”
“What I mean is it’s not too late. It’s not her baby. She’s not with Garrett or Blair. It’s completely different this time ’round, but if you let it get to you and you make a big deal out of it, you could lose her for real. Then she really will start her life with someone else.”
“Maybe she deserves that.”
“Don’t make me clip you ’round the ears, boy.”
I managed a laugh. “You sound just like him.” I pointed to Dad. “And, okay, I get it. I’ll try to tone the attitude down.”
“Go make sure she’s okay.”
***
Checking on Pip turned into lying next to her and crashing. When I woke, I was alone and the room was dark. My phone read midnight.
Jetlag can kiss my ass.
Dad and Odie would be asleep, but I had no idea where Pip was. I went to check the bathroom to see if she was in there, but when I turned on the light, it was empty.
My eyes caught on the bench where three pregnancy tests were lined up.
When I took two steps closer and saw the bright lines confirming she was, in fact, still pregnant, instead of the disappointment I expected, I was still indifferent.
I told myself I had to support this surrogacy or I’d lose her. It’d be hard, but I needed to show I was okay with it, even if I wasn’t one hundred percent on board.
Voices carried from the den and down the hall when I stepped out of the bathroom.
“He loves you,” Dad croaked.
“I know,” Pip said. “Maybe in the way love is supposed to be, but maybe not. He needs to sort through his issues before he could say for sure. I know he loves me in the way family love each other, and I promise you I’ll always be there for him.”
She didn’t get it. I had no issues when it came to her. No doubts.
She was my best friend.
My soul.
My everything.
I was the one who fucked up, but I couldn’t lose her again.
11
- PIP -
It only took three days for the pneumonia to take Sean. We were all prepared for it. We all knew it was going to happen. But that didn’t stop the cascade of tears we all shed as we said goodbye.
Sean couldn’t talk in the end, but the stare he gave me couldn’t have been misinterpreted. Take care of my boy.
His hand was cold when I held it in my own, and when Joel sobbed behind me, Sean still had enough energy to roll his eyes and offer a weak smile.
It wasn’t a theatrical affair like in the movies or on TV. There was no machine dramatically beeping in the background, no one trying to resuscitate him, and nothing but silence as he slipped away.
Gage allowed himself that one day to cry in front of Joel. Since then, he’d stayed strong and said all the right things, and I could tell Joel was surprised at how well Gage was taking his father’s death. But Joel didn’t see that, each night since it happened, Gage had been with me, silently crying as he buried his head in my neck. The only evidence was the tearstains on the shoulder of my sleep shirts.
The morning of the funeral, I woke up alone, and when I ventured into the den, where the empty hospital bed remained waiting for collection, I found both Joel and Gage on the couch.
Drinking.
At eight a.m.
Today was going to be a long day.
My pregnancy symptoms were back to normal—the back pain gone, the morning sickness sporadic. I didn’t know whether I had a bug or if it was exhaustion from the travelling that made me sick last week, and I wasn’t sure if it was going to return. I half-wondered if I was running on pure need at the moment. I needed to be relatively normal to deal with both Gage and Joel.
“Your suits are both hanging in the study,” I said. Better than the floor where they dumped them yesterday.
“Thank you,” they both muttered and threw back some more amber liquid.
I stared up at the ceiling. “God, help me get through today.”
“We’re not getting drunk, sweetheart,” Joel said.
“It was a toast to Dad,” Gage added.
“I’ll be getting ready if either of you need anything.” I turned to leave when Joel’s quiet voice made me smile.
“Marry her, you idiot.”
I waited with bated breath, and my heart sped up as he said, “I’d do it in a fucking heartbeat if she let me.”
***
We were almost ready to leave for the cemetery when there was a knock on the door.
“Who’s that?” Joel asked. “Everyone we know is meeting us there.”
I was closest, and when I answered it, my eyes welled. Garrett, Blair, and Tony all stood there in crisp suits, wearing the same sad expression.
Garrett got to me first, taking me in a crippling hug.
“I think you’re squashing your baby,” I choked out.
“That was for you, not the baby.”
Blair hugged me next, while Tony went over to Gage and hugged him. The tears Gage had spent days hiding from Joel were no longer possible to hold in.
“W-what a-are you guys doing here?” He sniffed but tried to hide it.
“One of the worst days of your life and you think we wouldn’t be here for you?” Garrett asked. “I’m starting to think this whole friendship thing is one-sided. I hate to break it to you, but we love you. I know you didn’t want us to. I know you like to be alone. Well, fuck you, we don’t care what you want. You’re stuck with us.”
Blair grinned. “Always with the sensitivity, Garrett.”
“What about the office?” Gage asked.
“We sent a few jobs to the Sydney office to work on,” Tony said.
“I gave all my work to Derek.” Garrett’s eyes glimmered. Apparently, when Garrett was in the closet, he had a full-on relationship with this Derek guy in Sydney. Blair shook his head with a small laugh.
“Harsh,” Gage said, “but from what I hear of him, he’s a dick, so well done, I guess.” It was the first time he’d smiled since we pulled into his driveway a week ago.
“Okay, let’s do this,” Joel said but didn’t look at anyone as he said it.
Tony went over to him and took the man in a hug. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he whispered.
Joel took a deep breath. “We should get there to greet all the guests.”
Tony and Blair took one car, and Garrett jumped in the back of Joel’s truck with me while Gage rode shotgun.
“How’s he doing?” Garrett muttered to me.
“He has a voice and good ears,” Gage replied. “I’m okay. We were expecting it, you know? So I think we’re good. Yeah. We’re fine.”
“Is he trying to convince me or himself?” Garrett asked.
“Can still hear you, asshole.”
“How’s …” Garrett glanced down at my stomach.
“Good. I think. Morning sickness finally hit and had a bit of cramping, but uh … I think we’re all good.”
Garrett’s eyes narrowed.
“She’s fine,” I said.
“She? You psychic now?” Gage asked.
“No. I just don’t want to call it an it. He-she seems offensive, and we’re surrounded by boys. Cole has Cody, Spence has Elliot, Hunter has East and Toby—”
“Toby’s name is Garrett,” Garrett said.
I laughed. “But they call him Toby.”
“
Which is stupid,” Garrett grumbled.
“My point is, we need a girl in our group. She’ll grow up surrounded by boys like Reece and I did.”
“I’d be totally cool with that,” Garrett said. “The twins can be her personal bodyguards and shoo all the boys away.”
Gage and Joel shared a look in the front seat, as if having a telepathic conversation. Gage wasn’t taking the pregnancy well, and I didn’t want to talk about it in front of him, so I changed the subject.
“I’m glad you and Blair came,” I said, grabbing Garrett’s hand.
“Blair has a meeting in L.A. next week anyway for his manuscript that was bought. We were going to surprise you guys then, but …” His sentence didn’t need to be finished.
The cemetery parking lot was filled with cars, and a small group of people stood amongst the burial plots.
“Decent turn out,” Gage said.
“Like I’ve told you before, your view of our town is skewed. Not everyone is an asshole,” Joel said. “They’re all here for your father.”
The low murmurs began as soon as Gage was out of the truck. In the week I’d been in Virginia, they didn’t have any visitors to the house.
Condolences were given, and it was all polite, but I didn’t miss the way people stared at Gage.
Gage stuck to Joel’s side like glue and me to him.
I buried my father when I was a teenager. It was a freak accident at work that killed him, and at the time, I didn’t really know what death was. It wrecked Mum, but she knew she had to stay strong for me. Teenage girls were hard enough to handle. One going through grief? It was amazing I didn’t completely go off the rails. Mum was there for me, and when she died, Gage didn’t leave my side for weeks. Now I needed to be that person for him.
But sitting in the freezing cold outdoors, staring at Sean’s casket, I wasn’t sure I could pull it off.
My chest shuddered with unreleased emotion. I hadn’t let myself cry in front of Gage or Joel since Sean passed.
The whole service was spent trying not to run away. I owed it to Gage. He deserved my loyalty, and even though it was hard to swallow my own grief, I somehow made it through the short ceremony.
But that all turned to crap when Joel got up to talk. Gage trembled beside me, and I reached for his hand, using it as a lifeline as much as he was.
“You all know how far Sean’s and my relationship goes back,” Joel said with choked emotion. “I’m not talking high school when we became the first-ever out couple in this town. I’m talking way before that. Long before sexuality and the confusing feeling of being attracted to my best friend. Sean and I grew up here. We were friends before we could even talk. We went through everything together; learning to ride bikes, drive cars, chase … girls.”
Everyone laughed.
“Yeah, that was more for show than anything. It wasn’t always easy to love him, and I’m sure he’d say the same about me. No matter what, through it all, we always came back to each other.”
Off to the side with the non-sitting crowd, Garrett buried his head in Blair’s chest. His broad shoulders shook, and I had to look away, because if they were bawling, I had no hope of keeping it together. Although, I thought Joel’s words were affecting Garrett for different reasons.
“Our souls have always been intertwined, and I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do without him.” Joel’s eyes flicked to mine. “We tried to live apart once, and it damn near killed us. If you can imagine a world with your best friend not in it and you’re left standing … if it’s a world you don’t want to live in, do something before it’s too late.”
Not hard to tell that was directed at me and not about himself and Sean.
“I was lucky to have Sean for the majority of my life. He gave me everything I ever wanted, including an amazing son who … okay, doesn’t have the best track record with this town, but that’s in no way his fault. The last thing Sean asked me to do was to …” He took a deep breath. “I wasn’t going to do it, but it was his dying wish that I read this to Gage at the funeral. Oh boy, here we go.” He grabbed out a piece of paper, broke into a smile, and then said in front of everyone, “Hurry up and realise you’re in love with your best friend, you dumbass.” Everyone chuckled, but Gage hung his head. I sat there wondering if this was truly happening. “Don’t let Pip get away, or I swear to God, I’ll haunt you until the day you die.”
More laughter and sniffles broke through the crowd.
Joel sighed as he looked between me and Gage. “Part of me hopes you two don’t realise what you have, because I’d give anything to see him again one more time. Even if it was in ghost form.” Joel left the podium and approached us, speaking low. “I’m sorry I had to do that. He made me promise.”
Gage let out an unexpected laugh. “It’s all right, Odie. I wouldn’t expect anything less from him.”
When the service came to a close, Gage stood and gave Joel a hug, and then he turned and pulled me out of my seat to join them in a group hug.
Tony, Garrett, and Blair stood beside us when we pulled apart, but Gage’s arms were still around me. His grip on me tightened to the point of pain, and when I looked up at him to ask what the hell, his face was pale.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“What is he doing here?” he asked Joel through gritted teeth.
“Who?” I glanced around the small group, wondering what he could be talking about.
“He’s asked to come by the house,” Joel said. “I keep telling him no.”
“Who?” Garrett asked. When he turned, a gap opened up between bodies, and there stood a guy with goldish-blond hair. His hands were in his suit pockets, and he had sunglasses over his eyes, so I couldn’t work out who it was or who he could be.
I tugged on Gage’s hand. “Who is that?”
“That … was my best friend. Jason.”
12
- GAGE -
Pip’s arms wrapped around my middle and held tight as if to hold me up … or stop me from putting a fist in Jason’s face. “As in Lucy’s—”
“Ex-husband,” Odie said.
“Ex-husband? Since when?” I asked.
“Two years ago.”
“And you never told me?” I snapped.
“Would you have wanted to know?”
No, I wouldn’t have. I didn’t want to know now.
“Thought so,” Odie said when I didn’t respond.
“Why’s he here?” I asked.
“Why don’t you go ask him?”
“Who’s Lucy?” Blair asked.
“Wait, is she the ex?” Garrett said. “Like the ex? The one’s whose parents had you arrested?”
“Yup.”
“Why the fuck is her husband here?” Garrett’s voice was a little too loud, and Jason flinched.
If I didn’t already know how loyal Garrett was, all doubt about him would’ve disappeared at the sight of him marching over to Jason. The fact Garrett didn’t know the whole story and was defending me made me feel like a dick for pushing him away all these years. I only told him what I wanted to tell him, and there was so much he didn’t know.
“Should I go help him?” Blair asked.
“No, looks like Garrett is doing fine on his own,” I said.
“I meant the other dude,” Blair muttered.
“I’ll handle this.” I made my way towards them, my feet feeling like lead the whole way, and caught the end of Garrett telling Jason I’d call him if I wanted to talk and my dad’s funeral wasn’t the place to ambush me. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.”
“Gage,” Jason said, “I’m sorry for your l—”
“Now’s not the time to pretend to be my friend,” I said.
“I know. I messed up, but I’ve been living with the consequences of that for eight years.”
“Don’t care. You need to leave.”
Jason stepped forward. “Don’t you get it? The only reason Lucy and I got married was because we owed it to Gem
ma to try.”
“Are you really doing this here?” I asked. “Did Lucy tell you Gemma was going to be the name of our daughter?” We’d had plans for the future, right down to the names of the pigeon-paired kids we were going to have. God, I was a sucker.
Garrett froze beside me.
“Yeah, and what does that tell you about our relationship?” Jason asked. “She never got over you. She didn’t give me a proper chance.”
Garrett stepped in front of me in a protective stance. “Boohoo, here’s the world’s smallest violin.” He rubbed his fingers together.
I tried not to laugh. “Leave, Jason. We’ve got nothing left to say. And turning up at my father’s funeral? I’ve been home for six months.”
“Yeah, and Joel kept telling me to stay away. I’d hoped to run into you in town, but you never showed.”
“Gee, can’t think of a reason why I wouldn’t want to show my face around here.”
“Gage.” Jason sighed. “I’m sorry, okay? For everything.”
“About eight years too late for that.”
“I’m here to say you should go see her. If there’s a chance for you two—”
I scoffed. “Unlike you, I’m not into sloppy seconds. Also, if you think I’d want anything to do with Lucy, her parents, your daughter, or the rest of this town, you must be more deluded than I thought. You’re the one who went for a taken girl, she’s the one who cheated on me, and now you both have to live with that. My conscience is clean.” And for the first time in years, I finally believed it. I spent so long asking myself what I’d done wrong to make her turn her back on me and the future we so desperately wanted. I blamed everyone from myself to the town to even my dads for a while. Yet, I kept trying to make excuses for the two people who truly deserved it.
Jason ran a hand through his hair. “I haven’t been able to get rid of your ghost—”
“Okay, fucker,” Garrett said, “you did not say that at a funeral. Time for you to go.” Garrett grabbed Jason by the arm, and Jason didn’t even try to fight it as Garrett escorted him away.
Small hands wrapped around me from behind. “You okay?” Pip’s gentle voice had me closing my eyes and bathing in her reassurance. She made everything better without even trying.
