Hookup List

by J. S. Abilene

  Chapter 26 – Making A Plan

  “You approached Morgan without talking to me? Are you kidding me?” I exclaimed.

  “I’m sorry,” Sam hissed back at me, speaking quietly so that his baseball friends wouldn’t overhear. We were sitting in the lunchroom beside his raucous posse. “I thought I could maybe talk her down from this threesome idea of hers. She seems pretty set on it, though.”

  “Of course she is,” I said. “I was pretty set on having a threesome with her and Darcy. She’s a girl, why wouldn’t she want to have a little ménage à trois with us? That doesn’t mean that she gets what she wants, though.”

  Sam’s face screwed up in confusion. “Wait, if Morgan is you in your analogy, am I Darcy or Morgan? And who are you?”

  I rolled my eyes in exasperation. “Idiot, it doesn’t matter,” I said. “For the record, of the two of us, you would totally be Darcy, but that’s beside the point. I’ve already gotten way more familiar with you then I ever wanted to. I’m not doing… what she wants. We need some ideas for how to get out of this. What’ve you got?”

  Sam thought about that for a moment and then his eyes lit up. I looked at him hopefully. “I know,” he said. “We could ask Sadie for help.”

  I dropped my head into my palms and groaned. Sam must have been popular for his looks because it certainly couldn’t have been for his brains. “You’ve gotta be kidding me,” I said. “We can’t tell Sadie anything about this. For one thing, she’d never let us forget it. For another, all she could do would be to tell Morgan not to send the pictures out, and then Morgan would definitely do just that. Finally, Sadie would kill me, and then my brother Aaron would come back home and kill me again.”

  “Why?” Sam said. “It wasn’t your fault you got locked in the locker.”

  “I don’t think they’d see it that way, especially given the fact that I thought I was going to be hooking up with a chick,” I said. “Plus, it’ll just highlight my threesome with the girls. I still haven’t gotten one of Sadie’s ear-splitting lectures over that.”

  “I’ve learned the hard way that the best thing is always to go to Sadie for help,” Sam said stubbornly. “I’m sure she knows of a quiet way to handle this. Plus, Morgan is on Sadie’s soccer team, so she has a stake in the game. Come on, let’s go talk to her. She’ll make this go away.”

  That seemed like a recipe for disaster. For a moment I considered just going to Morgan’s house without Sam. I knew I was more than capable of satisfying Morgan myself. I finally had to dismiss the idea, however. Now that Morgan had leverage over me she wasn’t going to give it up. If Sadie could solve that problem for good, it was worth shot.

  “Fine,” I said. “But only on the condition that we don’t let Sadie take any action unless we both agree to it. I want to hear what her brilliant plan is before she implements it.”

  “Deal,” Sam said.

  When we found Sadie later that day, however, she wasn’t nearly as agreeable as Sam had been.

  “Incredible, just incredible,” she said. “Nate, how many times have I told you…”

  “I know, I know,” I said. “I’m a complete idiot who can’t stay away from girls who are trouble. There, see? I’ve got it. No need to continue with the lecture.”

  “Apparently there is, seeing as how you can’t seem to get it through your thick skull that…” Sadie started to rant.

  “He was tricked,” Sam offered. “He’s not really at fault.”

  Bad idea, Sam. I breathed a momentary sigh of relief as Sadie’s gaze switched from me to him. New target acquired. “Oh, I haven’t even begun with you,” Sadie seethed. “What were you thinking? After all the trouble that locker incident caused last year, did you actually think I would jump right back into it? Are you insane? Why would you do that to yourself?”

  Sam shrugged awkwardly. I could see the discomfort in his eyes. Sadie didn’t understand how much Sam liked her. “Sadie, look,” I said. “There’s going to be plenty of time to chew us out later. Right now we’re running out of time. Do you have any constructive advice to offer at all?”

  Sadie glared at me and then rolled her eyes. “Alright, so walk me through this again,” she said. “Morgan’s got the photos on her phone?”

  “Yeah, though she’s probably moved them to her computer by now,” I said. “We can’t take the chance that she just has them on her phone. How much control do you have over Morgan? Is there any way you could just talk her into deleting the photos?”

  Sadie thought about that for a moment and then shook her head. “Probably not,” she said. “Morgan is a friend and a teammate but she also an independent girl. I can’t promise with 100% certainty that it’d work.”

  “We’re doomed then,” Sam said.

  “Maybe not,” Sadie said slowly. I could almost see the wheels in her mind turning. “What if we gave Morgan something she wants even more?”

  I immediately dismissed that notion. “Come on Sadie, be real. What could Morgan possibly want more?”

  “Oh get over yourself already,” Sadie said. “I’ve kissed you before and you’re not that special.”

  Sam laughed until I glared at him. He pretended like he was coughing.

  “Morgan loves football players,” Sadie continued. “Did you know her dad and her brothers played football? Her last boyfriend was also a football player.”

  “Yeah, I think she mentioned something about that,” I said. “So what?”

  “So she’s crazy about football guys,” Sadie said. “She’s attracted to them, she likes the idea of being seeing going out with them, and she loves the fact that it drives her old boyfriend nuts. You should have seen what she did when she got a hold of Graham Knight last year. She was obsessed with him afterwards…” Sadie’s voice suddenly trailed off.

  “Sadie? What is it?” Sam asked.

  Sadie was staring at me. “Another thought just occurred to me,” she said. “When you really like a guy you think you can’t have you just might, in a moment of weakness, settle for his brother.”

  “Settle?” I protested. “I’m ten times as good-looking as Aaron.”

  “Shut up,” Sadie said absentmindedly. She slammed her locker. “You two, show up at Morgan’s house just like she told you,” she said. She hurried away down the hall.

  “Wait! What’s your plan?” I called after her.

  “Don’t worry about it,” she shouted back over her shoulder. “Just be there!”

  “Hey! I want to know the plan! Don’t you dare do anything without telling me!” I yelled.

  Sadie completely ignored me and soon she turned a corner in the hallway and was out of sight. I swore.

  “There, you see? Problem solved,” Sam said happily.

  “You’re as hopeless as D-Man,” I mumbled, still staring down the hall at the spot where I had last seen Sadie.

  “Who?” Sam asked. I didn’t bother responding. My mind was already thinking about Sadie’s plan. What were the chances that she could pull off a miracle? Pretty slim. I would need to work my magic with Morgan to get us out of this. It was all on me now. Well, I was used to that.

  Chapter 27 – Problem Solved

  “Well? Should we go in?” Sam asked.

  “What? Oh yeah, I guess,” I said. Sam had picked me up in his Jeep and we were now parked across the street from Morgan’s house. I realized that I had been staring at Morgan’s front door in silence ever since he turned the engine off. I could hear the crickets chirping away outside the vehicle. It was fall – shouldn’t they have been quiet? I pushed the thought out of my mind. It was strange what thoughts came to a man when he was anxious.

  We got out of the car and walked up to the house. Sam still appeared supremely confident that Sadie was going to rescue us. I knew better.

  When we reached the front door I rang the doorbell. I didn’t hear anything at first. Then, to my surprise, I heard girls squealing and laughing. Then I heard the loud thumping noise of several pairs of feet rushing down a
flight of stairs. Someone flung the door open.

  It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the light coming from inside the house. Then I recognized Morgan’s face peering back out at us. Several other girls from the soccer team were with her.

  “Oh,” Morgan said. “What do you want?”

  “What… what do we want?” I sputtered. “You told us to come here.”

  “Oh yeah, that,” Morgan said. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got other plans for tonight.”

  “The, uh, picture? Can you at least promise to delete that?” Sam asked.

  Morgan waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t worry,” she said. “Sadie’s already deleted that. Okay, we’ve got to get going, we’re getting ready for a party. See you boys later!”

  Sam and I looked at each other in bewilderment as the door started to close. Then it opened again and Morgan said, “Wait! Sam, I’ve haven’t gotten you yet.” She stepped outside, wrapped her arms around Sam’s neck, and kissed him.

  I stared at the two of them in shock. I must have looked like an idiot but I had no idea what else to do. At first Sam looked just as surprised as I was but he quickly rolled with it. After what seemed like an eternity, Morgan released him. “Not bad,” she said. Then she reached out and slapped my butt, causing me to jump. “See you around school, hot stuff.” She said. She stepped back into the house and looked back out at us. “You two make a cute couple,” she said sincerely. “I hope you’ll be very happy together.” Then she slammed the door in our faces.

  Sam and I stood there staring at the door in silence for a while. What the hell had just happened?

  “Well, that didn’t turn out so bad,” Sam said.

  “Shut up, Sam,” I retorted. I couldn’t really figure out why, but I had suddenly become very irritated.

  We started to walk back to the car when we saw a sliver of light coming from behind us. We turned around in time to see Sadie sneak out the front door and close it quietly behind her. When she looked at us, I couldn’t help but notice that she had a pleased little smile on her face.

  “You did it!” Sam said. “How did you pull that off?”

  “It wasn’t that hard, boys,” Sadie said smugly. “Do you remember when I told you that Morgan was obsessed with Graham Knight? Well, Graham has left for college, but his little brother is at Lakeville now. He’s also really hot. Do you remember seeing Zac Knight’s name on the Hottie List?”

  “So what? You pimped this freshman kid out to Morgan in exchange for the picture?” I asked.

  “Of course not,” Sadie said. “I merely… well, I guess I sort of did. I told Zac that Morgan liked him and suggested that maybe if he threw an impromptu party it might give the two of them a low-pressure excuse to hang out and get to know each other better. Then I told Morgan that Zac liked her and had asked me to introduce them at his party. That definitely got her attention. She was so excited that I had to remind her several times that you boys were coming over tonight. With a Knight in her sights, she happily agreed to let me delete your photo.”

  Sam thanked her again but something was bothering me. “How come Morgan kissed Sam before she went back into the house just now?” I asked suspiciously. “If she is so excited about this new freshman kid, why bother with that?”

  I instantly knew I was onto something. Sadie’s smug look slipped off her face and she seemed uncomfortable. Sheepish, even. “It’s nothing,” Sadie said a bit too quickly.

  My eyes narrowed. “That act is not going to work on me,” I said. “What’s going on?”

  Sadie sighed. “I may have made one tiny little mistake,” she said. “See, Morgan has sort of hooked up with both of the Hall twins and her last boyfriend was Darnell Tucker. She has… uh, done all sorts of gross things with you and now she’s on her way to hooking up with Zac Knight. The five of you all happen to be on the Hottie List. Morgan is pretty competitive and she likes challenges so I might sort of have decided that it would be a good idea to position Zac as a another challenge… you know, if she made out with Zac she would have made out with a guy from each grade on the Hottie List. That idea seemed to resonate with all the girls a little too much. They started talking about seeing who could make out with all the boys on the Hottie List first. Morgan was particularly pleased with the idea as she already had almost five down. I guess when she saw Sam she remembered that he was on the Hottie List as well and she decided to check him off.”

  “And what about the other girls? Do they want to participate in this challenge as well?” I asked.

  “Possibly,” Sadie said. “Okay, yes. The idea seems to have some legs to it. I’ve gotten text messages from other soccer girls and even non-soccer girls so far tonight. It seems like a bunch of girls want to use the Hottie List as, I don’t know, a sort of hit list, I guess.”

  “So, let me get this straight,” I said. “You got rid of Morgan and her blackmail material for us and then you created a competition where girls have to make out with us?”

  “It seems that way, yes,” Sadie said grimly.

  Sam and I looked at each other. “Score!” Sam cried. We gave each other high fives.

  “Boys,” Sadie said in exasperation. She shook her head and walked back towards the house.

  “Hey Sadie, Sam was right, you have mad problem-solving skills!” I yelled after her. “You’re amazing! I’m going to ask you for help all the time from now on!”

  It was hard to tell in the dark, but I think she may have given me a rather inappropriate hand gesture before she opened the door and slipped back into the house.

  Chapter 28 – Majestic

  Matt Reagan, my biological father, contacted me on Thursday. I had just gotten out of my car in the school parking lot and was walking up to the west entrance. All of a sudden, I heard, “Hey Nate, wait up.”

  I looked around, expecting to see a friend like Sam or Liam or David. Instead, Matt came striding up to me. He was wearing a fancy navy suit with a white dress shirt and a gold tie. I noticed that his shoes were shined to the point that they were nearly as reflective as mirrors.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked. “Were you waiting for me to get here or something?”

  “No,” Matt said with a frown. “David had to come in early so I dropped Faith off.” He gestured to the west entrance. Sure enough, Faith was there. She was watching the two of us with a worried expression on her face.

  “Oh. Okay then, sorry,” I said, a little embarrassed.

  “No, it’s fine,” Matt said. “Listen, I would really appreciate the chance to sit down and talk with you. There’s a lot I want to explain to you and I would also like the chance to learn more about you.”

  I looked at my watch. If I didn’t get moving I was going to be late for class. “Look, I appreciate that you want to get to know me and everything,” I said. I stopped short of calling him “Matt.” It felt weird to call a middle-aged man I barely knew by his first name but “Mr. Reagan” and “Dad” would also have been awkward for different reasons. “It’s good to hear. I’m 17-years old, though, and I don’t really need a father, so you don’t have to worry about it.” Now how should I say goodbye? “I’ll see you around. Bye,” I said lamely.

  I walked away from Matt quickly before he could stop me. I could feel his eyes on me as I left. It was an uncomfortable sensation and I had to fight the urge to turn around. Thankfully, Faith was gone when I reached the west entrance doors. I didn’t want to answer any questions about what Matt had said to me and why I had rejected him.

  I walked through the doors and headed towards my locker. I never got there. As I passed through the student commons, I heard a loud exclamation from a group of girls. A moment later a slim African American girl burst through the group and made a beeline for me. It took me a moment to place her face but then I remembered. She was Majestic Jenkins, another name on my Hookup List.

  Unfortunately, I didn’t have any time to spare. I would be hard pressed to get to class on time and I didn’t think the pr
incipal would appreciate me getting a tardy after she had let me off with an admittedly generous one-day suspension. I pretended that I did not see the girl coming at me. Maybe if she thought I didn’t notice her, she would lose her nerve…

  I soon learned that Majestic never lost her nerve. “Hey you, white boy!” Majestic bellowed in a voice that echoed all around the student commons. Pretty much every boy in the school turned their heads; Lakeville wasn’t exactly a diverse place. I still pretended like I didn’t notice, however. I was almost home free.

  “You! Nate Caldwell!” Majestic yelled again.

  There was no ignoring it this time. I certainly couldn’t pretend like I hadn’t heard her. By now every student in the commons was looking at me. I stopped and turned around.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I asked casually.

  Majestic stormed up to me and looked me over, making it painfully obvious that she was trying to make up her mind about whether I was hot or not. Finally, she let out a loud whistle. “Boy, you’re fine,” she said. “How come you don’t get jacked or something? You’re too skinny and pretty. You need to pump some iron.”

  “Uh, I’ll keep that in mind,” I said. “I sort of need to go.”

  “Oh no, you wait right there,” Majestic said in her booming voice. Couldn’t she control her volume? We were face to face but I could have heard her perfectly fine if she had been standing on the other side of the commons. “I heard that some soccer biotches want to make a competition out of making out with boys on this so-called Hottie List. Well, I don’t know who this Aphrodite chick is or why she picked little twigs like you, but no chick beats Majestic Jenkins in a boy contest. Oh no. You stand right there.”

  And then Majestic grabbed my head with both her hands, yanked it down to her level, and kissed me.

  I couldn’t say that the kiss was unpleasant. Majestic had a rocking body, after all. It was just...strange to be woman-handled so forcefully. When Majestic finally let go of me, I had to struggle to steady myself. The students in the commons erupted in applause. Majestic stuck her fists up in the air as if she were a boxer who had just won a championship match. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a wide-eyed Liam quietly slip out of the commons. That’s right – he was on the list as well. Coward.