Keeping Her

by Holly Hart

  “May I be of service?” he intones.

  “Avery suggested the duck,” I say. “And you?”

  He tilts his head slightly to the left.

  “It would be improper of me to contradict him, sir.”

  “Right. Lobster it is, then.”

  His mustache rises in a prim little smile.

  “Excellent choice, sir.”

  We watch him stride off and disappear around a dark-paneled corner.

  “You picked up on his subtext very well,” Cassie says. “I’m impressed.”

  High praise coming from her. I’m sure she’s been in situations where reading subtext literally made the difference between life and death.

  “If you’re impressed now, be prepared,” I say. “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”

  Chapter One Hundred Nineteen

  35. CASSANDRA

  I really shouldn’t be doing this.

  I’m setting myself up for disaster.

  Nothing good can possibly come from this.

  Shut up, brain, I’m trying to concentrate on my steps.

  Carson sweeps me along the dance floor to the strains of Glenn Miller’s “Moonlight Serenade” coming from the piano in Piccolo’s bar. He convinced me – against my better judgment – to work off the most exquisite meal I’ve ever eaten in my life with a slow box step waltz. The CIA trained me for an entire year to resist torture, and yet…

  I’m practically hanging from him as he swirls around the floor, carrying me along with him like a child learning to dance by standing on her father’s feet.

  “I’m sorry I’m so clumsy,” I say weakly. “But you know from experience that I’ve got two left feet.”

  “Must be hell buying shoes,” he says, his cheek next to mine.

  “Stop trying to make me laugh,” I say. “Besides, not all of us have unlimited time and money to take dance lessons.”

  “I was born this way, baby.”

  I giggle. “You forget that you’re talking to the girl who once slow danced with you to Hoobastank’s “The Reason”. I still have the bruises on my feet to prove it.”

  And God, that dates me!

  “I seem to recall I was distracted by something during that dance,” he murmurs.

  A thrill runs through my belly as the full memory comes back: his lips were clamped firmly on my neck as we wandered around the gym, trying to avoid the gaze of the chaperones at the dance.

  Nothing good can come from this. The Chase is still on. Whatever happens tonight, I’ll be sleeping with another man within a few days.

  Suddenly tears threaten to fill my eyes. I breathe deeply and force them down. Compartmentalize. Focus on the now. You’re trained for this.

  As if any sort of CIA training could prepare me for the situation I’m in right now. It’s so bizarre, I feel like I’m in an episode of the Twilight Zone.

  “Did you know there are lyrics to this song?” Carson asks out of nowhere.

  “Really,” I say, grateful for the distraction. For any distraction. “I’ve only ever heard the melody.”

  “Most people know the song instantly, but very few have ever heard the story in the song. It’s about a man standing in the moonlight, singing to his girl’s window.”

  He tilts his head close so that his lips are at my ear.

  “The stars are aglow, and tonight how their light sets me dreaming,” he croons softly, tickling my lobe. His baritone is slightly flat, almost Sinatra-esque, and utterly charming.

  “My love, do you know, that your eyes are like stars brightly beaming?

  “I bring you, and I sing you, a moonlight serenade.”

  My God, I just want to melt into him and never let go. This night is so impossibly perfect it makes my heart ache.

  Because no matter what happens, it can’t possibly end the way I want it to.

  “Carson,” I whisper. It’s almost a sob.

  “Shhhh,” he breathes in my ear. “Just listen to the song, Picture the man singing to you from the garden.”

  I close my eyes and imagine Carson, dressed in an old-style suit, in a black-and-white movie set of a yard, singing to me under a giant cardboard moon hanging in the sky.

  My hand cups the back of his neck and I pull him closer to me, as strong and as desperate as a boxer’s clinch.

  “I stand at your gate, and I sing you a song in the moonlight,” he purrs.

  “A love song, my darling, a moonlight serenade.”

  The song is over for several seconds before I finally realize it. We stop swaying and I let go of his neck. I feel like I’ve just woken up from a dream that I wanted to go on forever.

  Carson leans in close and whispers: “That was so much better than Hoobastank.”

  And here I go again, giggling like a fool. He somehow takes me from the edge of a melancholy that threatened to drag me under, and manages with just a few words to turn my face to the sun.

  I clasp his chiseled bicep as we amble back to our table. There are two dessert plates when we arrive, each with a single biscotti, next to a pair of small glasses filled with a bright yellow liquid.

  “Dessert,” I moan. “I can’t.”

  We sit down and Carson slides my plate closer to me.

  “Trust Piccolo,” he says. “They don’t do things randomly. They probably saw us dancing and knew we were both full. So they gave us these to cap everything off.”

  I sigh. “All right, if I must.”

  The biscotti crumbles easily between my teeth. The cookie starts to melt immediately, evaporating into a buttery paste that spreads flavor across my tongue. Inside the cookie are slices of macadamia nuts that crumble and disintegrate as I chew.

  “Uhmfff,” I grunt through the food. “This is heaven. Exactly what I needed after that meal.”

  “Ain’t it?” says Carson, licking the crumbs off his fingers.

  I hold the aperitif up to eye level, catch the scent of the yellow liquor.

  “Limoncello,” I say with a theatrical pout. “I’m not really a fan.”

  Carson looks at me sternly.

  “What have I been saying all night?”

  “Trust Piccolo.” I roll me eyes. “All right.”

  We clink glasses and drain our drinks. Piccolo’s magic stays true: the infusion of lemon oil adds a delightful tartness that cuts the cloying sweetness of the liqueur.

  Hell, this place is doing something right. It has me thinking like a restaurant critic.

  “It’s like a final palate cleanser,” Carson says with a satisfied smack. “These guys earn every penny they make.”

  That piques my curiosity.

  “How much would that be, exactly?”

  “I don’t know. My accountants will get the bill.”

  Someday accountants are going to get my bills. I have to keep telling myself that. It will help with the inevitable crash that’s going to come later tonight.

  If I can just keep Carson from bolting for a few more days, maybe… just maybe this can lead somewhere. I just need to endure a single night.

  One night out of my life, and then I’ll have the freedom I’ve craved for so long.

  But at what price?

  I told you before, brain: SHUT. UP.

  Chapter One Hundred Twenty

  36. CARSON

  Cassie and I step out into the night air and the quiet bustle of this exclusive block. Limos and Range Rovers and Bentleys drone past on the street, carrying wealthy people to whatever their wealthy people activities may be on this beautiful night.

  Some of them may well be involved in the Chase. If circumstances were different, I’d be ashamed to count myself among them. But tonight, I couldn’t be happier.

  In fact, you might say I’m over the moon.

  “Care for a nightcap?” I ask, trying to sound casual. “We can check out the bar in the hotel next door that you were interested in.”

  “Sure,” Cassie says absently, as if she’s wrapped up inside herself. “I really don’t want tonig
ht to end.”

  If all goes well, it won’t have to. It can go straight through until tomorrow. And long after that, if there’s a God out there somewhere.

  She takes my arm and we stroll down the avenue toward the exterior entrance to the Regent’s bar. Much like Piccolo, there’s nothing on the outside that would indicate the opulence within.

  The doorman tips his cap to us as we approach and opens the door.

  “A great pleasure to have you with us this evening,” he says.

  I slip a wedge of hundreds into his breast pocket as we pass. The poor guy deserves something extra for standing outside on a night like this in a full-length wool overcoat, just to maintain some ridiculous tradition. God only knows what it’s like in the heat of summer.

  We walk through the door and enter the throwback charm of the Regent. As impressed as Cassie was with the restaurant, I think she’s utterly floored by the bar.

  “This looks like something out of an old movie,” she marvels as we make our way to a table for two. “I’m so glad you made me wear this gown tonight. Anything less and I would have felt like I was underdressed.”

  “You could be wearing a pair of sweatpants and a Snuggie and you’d still be the most dazzling woman in this room,” I say as I pull her chair out and push it back into place under her gorgeous butt.

  She props her head in her hand as I sit down across from her. I motion for our waitress, only to realize with considerable alarm that it’s the same girl who served me when I was here with the woman in the red dress.

  Please don’t acknowledge me. Please.

  Of course, I should have known better. Servers like those at the Regent and Piccolo know the value of discretion. She takes our order with a smile and leaves us to ourselves.

  “This feels like the first time I went to Las Vegas,” Cassie says, scanning the room. “Sensory overload. Only this is like coolness overload. I feel like we’re in a different world.”

  “This could be your world, you know.”

  She shakes her head.

  “Like you said, wealth is relative. When Tricialicious goes public, I’m hoping for maybe a $15 million payout. Sure, that’s almost five times my investment, and to most people it’s a fortune.

  “But to someone like you,” Cassie says, “it’s chump change.”

  I wince inwardly. She’s right; I paid more than that just for the opportunity to chase a woman and sleep with her.

  It seemed perfectly reasonable at the time. Now it feels obscene. Disgusting. Something to be ashamed of.

  I clear my throat.

  “It really is relative,” I say. “You shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone else when it comes to money. It’s not a competition. It’s all about being able to do what you want.”

  “Easy for you to say,” she grins. “That’s like Usain Bolt saying there’s nothing wrong with being a mathlete.”

  I chuckle. “You know what I mean.”

  “I do,” she says. “And it reminds me: before we got all caught up in tonight, we were supposed to talk about business.”

  She’s right, I totally forgot. That was the whole pretext of getting her to agree to this thing in the first place.

  Guess I got swept up in the magic of the night. I just hope I can keep it going.

  “Right,” I say, serious as Tom Brokaw. “Business. Let’s get down to brass tacks. See where the rubber hits the road. Do the deep dive. Find the core competencies. Did I miss any?”

  “Well, once we unpack, we can amplify our deliverables and see if we can move the needle. You know, drill down and find our wheelhouse.”

  I nod thoughtfully.

  She nods thoughtfully.

  We both hold the pose for a good two seconds before simultaneously cracking up. Our server chooses that moment to arrive with our drinks.

  “I should have known I was challenging the master,” I say, taking a sip. “You must be up on all the latest business buzzwords.”

  Her eyes are far away. “Yeah, I suppose I must be, mustn’t I?”

  “You know what, Cassie? Here’s the only advice I can give you: don’t sell yourself short. If you think fifteen million is the right number for you, that’s great. But don’t limit yourself.”

  Those soulful eyes lock onto mine again, and I can see the deep uncertainty there. She makes me think of an acrobat who’s flipping and flying from one trapeze to the next, high above the crowd, with no net below her.

  One slip, one momentary lapse in concentration, and she’ll plummet.

  I never realized just what this whole thing must have done to her. The stress has to feel like being pulled apart on some medieval torture machine.

  “Cassie, you’re the smartest person I know.”

  She looks down at the table.

  “I don’t feel very smart right now,” she says softly.

  “That’s nerves talking. I went through the same thing when I sold Black Sword. I really only had a prototype. No market share, no goodwill list. Hell, I barely had any clients even test it out beforehand. There wasn’t time.

  “What I did have was an unshakeable faith that what I’d built was valuable. Very valuable. And when the negotiations began, I went in with high expectations. I wouldn’t settle for anything less than what I wanted.”

  “It obviously worked,” she says. “But you’re talking about international cyber-security software. I’m talking about ice cream.”

  “There’s more to it than that, and you know it. Patty’s doesn’t sell treats; you sell happiness, however fleeting, and people will pay a premium for that. Why do you think Americans have spent billions on decaf non-fat lattes every year for the past two decades?”

  She looks puzzled.

  “Because at least we know that part of our day is guaranteed to be good?”

  “Exactly. Tricialicious is going to be a bigger success than you can imagine. So when you set your sights on the payout, set them high.”

  “How high?” she asks. Her eyes are wide, childlike.

  “As high as you want them to be. You’re smart, you’ve got capital, you’ve got a great partner in Tricia. Everything is on your side in this.”

  I reach out and take her hand in mine. In some ways, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Part of me wishes I could just give her the key right here and now. I can’t. I’ve got to let Cassie find her way back to me. And it hurts more than anything I’ve ever done.

  “Especially me.”

  Chapter One Hundred Twenty-One

  37. CASSANDRA

  The faith I see in Carson’s eyes makes me want to cry.

  He’s telling me all the wonderful things he sees in me, but he’s wrong. I’m a fraud. I’m not a businesswoman, I’m a spy.

  And I’m not even that anymore. Now, I’m just the quarry in a stupid chase.

  “I wish I could believe you,” I say, squeezing his hand. “But I feel like I’m drowning. I’ve bitten off so much more than I can chew, and I worry that it’s going to choke me.”

  He squeezes back. If only he knew what I’ve done. Would he be disgusted with me? Outraged? Or worse yet – disappointed? I don’t know if I’d be able to live through hearing that.

  “You’re not just smart,” he says. “You’re capable. A mover and a shaker. A fucking job creator. You make things happen.”

  “You barely know me,” I say. “The real me. The woman I’ve become.”

  My raw emotions are closer to the surface than they’ve ever been. All my training is telling me not to do this, to cut this off and run from here as fast as my feet can take me.

  Fuck my training.

  “I’m not that girl you remember, Carson. Things happened to me after my family moved away. I’m not the same person I was before prom night.”

  He leans closer so that our eyes are only inches apart.

  “I know more than you think,” he whispers. “I know you can think on your feet. I know you can handle yourself in ways most people couldn’t even imagine
. I know you’ve got steel inside you.”

  He always knows the right thing to say. But how? We’ve barely spent any time together since we met again a few weeks ago. He doesn’t know my past; as far as he knows, I’m a consultant in supply chain management. Jesus, why is he interested in me? Could the Company have picked a more boring profession?

  “You mentioned prom night,” he says. “I know now that something extraordinary must have happened to your family that day. And I’m so sorry I ever believed you’d disappear without contacting me if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.”

  I can’t think of anything to say, so I stay quiet. I just want to feel the warmth of his hands in mine.

  “In a way, I think that day shaped who we are now. If you hadn’t left, I’d probably still be screwing around in a lab somewhere, trying to figure out why the world didn’t recognize my genius.”

  I chuckle. “Somehow, I doubt that.”

  “Don’t,” he says. “I was smart, sure, but I wasn’t motivated to do anything other than not be my old man.”

  I can understand that. For years, everything I did was to make my father happy.

  “But look at you now,” I say.

  “Yeah,” he says. “And look at you. Actually, don’t bother. I can look at you enough for the both of us.”

  I need to stop this. If I don’t run right now, bad things are going to happen. Things I can’t take back.

  “Carson,” I say, but he stops with me with a raised finger.

  “Hear that?”

  The piano player has been playing Gershwin the entire time we’ve been here – there’s that situational awareness again, can’t turn it off – but now there’s just a single low note being played over and over.

  That’s not the piano in the bar.

  Now the beat of a drum and a guitar lick join in.

  I’m not a perfect perrr-sonnn….

  Is that…?

  Carson pulls me up with him and leads me toward the dance floor.

  “You…” I husk. “How did you…?”

  He grins. “I texted the manager while you were powdering your nose at Piccolo. Or whatever it is that girls do.” He winks at me. “See – I’m still a nerd, really.”