by Hannah Pearl
My parents were waiting outside the church, and Mum kissed my cheek as she greeted me.
‘I never thought I’d see the day a woman tried to tame that boy,’ she said, shaking her head. I wondered what she’d think if she knew I’d once dreamt that I could be that woman. Instead I introduced her to Jake. I didn’t know how to describe him. He was certainly more than a friend, but we hadn’t formally dated, and it felt too presumptuous to call him my boyfriend. I simply gave them each other’s names and started to walk inside the building. Jake reached for me and intertwined his fingers in mine. I saw my mum notice, but before I could say anything, she simply gave me a small nod and smile, and followed us in.
The church was several hundred years old, and the history of the building, alongside the stained glass windows and beautiful wooden pews leant an additional majesty to the ceremony. The service was heartfelt, and when Zoe said her vows, promising to love George forever because he was her best friend, I found my eyes filling up not with jealousy, but with happiness for them both.
I hoped Jake wouldn’t notice, but of course he did. Once the official bits were done, and George and Zoe had kissed to the delight of the crowd, we filed back outside. The photographer called various groups of people together to take photos, and I found myself walking further away, around the other side of the church and out into the small graveyard behind it.
I read the headstones, noticing how young so many of the people buried here had been, and how many of the stones set out the relationships and emotions of those left behind. ‘Deeply missed’, ‘beloved wife of’, and ‘forever in our hearts’. I wondered if I would ever mean that much to one person, to be their happily ever after.
‘Are you okay?’ said a voice behind me. I turned to see Jake watching me. I nodded and he walked over, holding his arms out so that I could bury myself against him for a hug. ‘I wasn’t sure if you needed time by yourself, in case you were grieving today.’ He nodded back towards the church building. ‘Charmaine sent me to check on you. I wasn’t sure if you’d want me to, but she said you would. And I really do want to help you if I can.’
That snapped me out of my funk and made me smile again. ‘I wasn’t sad for myself, honestly,’ I told him, pressing myself tighter against him. ‘George and I were over a long time ago, and in truth we were never going to be a proper couple. He never thought of me that way, and I think I knew too much about his past behaviours, I should never have expected more. I’m not sure I could have ever fully trusted him, though I hope for his wife’s sake that he really has changed.’
‘So you’re not feeling like you missed out?’ he said, bending his head to look me straight in the eye.
I assured him that I didn’t. It said a lot about his character that he could wonder whether I was still mourning the loss of an ex-partner and still come to check up on me. ‘I was just wondering whether I could ever mean as much to someone else as these people obviously once did.’ I pointed out the inscriptions I’d been reading.
‘You mean a lot to me,’ he said, kissing my lips.
‘You mean a lot to me too,’ I said into his chest. ‘More than George ever did. The invite might have kick-started my mission, but he wasn’t the one who left me questioning myself. If anything he tried to give me the confidence to feel like a woman, it’s just that back then I didn’t realise that he didn’t mean as his woman.’
He stepped back to watch me as I talked, but just at that moment Charmaine entered the graveyard and called out to us. ‘They want the whole wedding party for the next few photos,’ she said. We followed her back around, stepping carefully to walk around the graves and not step on them. When I wobbled in my heels Jake’s steady arm shot out and held me up. The strength in his biceps took my mind off my sombre thoughts, and I held on to him tighter than I needed to.
Chapter Twenty-Three
We were seated at round tables in the hotel’s main ballroom. Oversized wine glasses contained mini rose plants, the petals the same colour as Zoe’s bouquet and the bridesmaids’ dresses. A few little kids were running around blowing bubbles, and I tried my best to eat the meal despite the tension in the pit of my stomach.
‘This should be interesting,’ said my dad, sitting back with his glass of sparkling wine and waiting for Matt to begin his best man’s speech. Zoe looked radiant in her white strapless gown. The tiara sat proudly against her blonde hair, and she couldn’t keep the smile from her face. Neither could her mum. The tiny woman was sat next to her on the top table, and they held hands as Zoe’s dad gave the father of the bride speech. Eventually he finished telling us the multitude of growing up stories, and raised his glass for the toast. Neither of them looked nervous waiting for the best man’s speech. Had they really got no idea of the stories my brother could tell about George?
I had to remind myself to save some wine for after Matt had spoken, and not to down it all now as I wanted to. Matt stood, and I felt my face blush as red as my lipstick. Charmaine kicked me under the table, and I caught her eye. She mimed taking a deep, calming breath, and I tried to copy her lead. Jake held my hand, and I had to pull mine back for a moment first so I could wipe it on my napkin to try and hide from him how sweaty my palms were.
‘I know it is customary to regale you all with tales of George’s sordid past,’ Matt began, and I held my breath. Surely my own brother wouldn’t out me in front of the entire crowd. ‘But we’d be here all night, and now that George has managed to persuade Zoe to marry him, I don’t want to scare her off, so I’ll save those tales for another time.’
I breathed a sigh of relief, and when everyone at my table, my parents included, turned to look at me, I knew I should have been a bit quieter. The rest of the crowd laughed, and I tried to let my tension flow away. Matt proceeded to talk about how drunk George had got on his stag night and how they had tied him naked to a picnic table on the beach. I was glad that Matt had no shortage of embarrassing stories that didn’t include other women.
Eventually the speeches were over, the tables were cleared and we waited outside in the bar whilst the big room was reset for the evening reception. ‘I’m going to freshen up,’ Charmaine said, dipping into her bag to find the key to her room.
‘I think I’ll do the same,’ I said. Jake downed the rest of his pint and came with us. We fetched our overnight bags from where we’d left them in the lobby and walked up the carpeted hall. As we stood next to the two rooms, we faced another dilemma. Charmaine had booked a double room, expecting to be here with a guy. I’d booked a single, and now there were three of us wondering who would be sleeping in each room.
‘I can take the single, if you guys want to share?’ Jake offered.
‘No offence, but have you heard her snore?’ Charmaine said, pointing at me. She grabbed the key to the single room from my fingers and handed me the one she had held. Then she let herself in and closed the door before I could respond.
‘Looks like we’re in here then,’ Jake said, taking the key from my hand and opening the door. He came back for our bags and dropped them on the floor by the bed. The one big inviting bed which dominated the room. I still hadn’t said a word, so Jake rested his hands on my shoulders. ‘I can sleep on the floor, if you need me to,’ he offered.
I shook my head, and found the courage that I’d been slowly rebuilding over the last few months. Reaching behind me, I undid the zip of my dress and dropped it to the ground. Stepping out of it, wearing just my red knickers and heels, I stepped back towards the bathroom. ‘I think I’ll take a quick shower,’ I told him. I could see his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.
As I switched the shower on and waited for it to warm up, I tried not to look behind me as I waited to see how he would react. As I stepped into the tub Jake finally stepped into the room too.
‘Damn that shower looks good,’ he said.
‘Come in and join me?’ I suggested.
He held up his arm and I remembered the cast on his wrist. ‘I can’t, not for another th
ree weeks. But it’s just gone to the top of the list of things I want to do when this comes off,’ he said, his voice thick with arousal. He stood, leaning against the doorframe as I stayed under the spray. I took my time under the water, then washed carefully and thoroughly with the foamy shower gel. When I soaped my chest for the second time, his hand shot into the cubicle and turned the water off.
‘You’re torturing me on purpose,’ he said, lifting me out and wrapping a big fluffy towel around me. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed my way down his jawline. Walking backwards towards the bed, I drew him with me. Once the back of my knees hit the mattress, I laid myself down gently on it, and Jake covered me with his body.
We ignored Charmaine when she banged on the door to say she was going back to the reception. We missed the first dance, and when we finally got dressed and went back, I noticed my mum giving me a sharp look. I didn’t care. Jake held me in his arms, and we danced together underneath the glitter ball, which hung from the ceiling. Eventually my feet began to ache from my stupid shoes, and I begged for a break.
Jake led me to a round table at the back of the room, kissed me in the candlelight and went to the bar to fetch me a drink. Matt threw himself into the seat next to me. ‘Thanks, Matt,’ I said.
‘What for?’ he asked, though I was sure he knew.
‘Not embarrassing me in your speech earlier,’ I reminded him.
‘No offence, Evie, but it wasn’t the most sensible thing you ever did. I didn’t really want to let everyone here know you had been so stupid as to go near him.’
‘You were every bit as bad as he was,’ I pointed out.
‘But I wanted better for you, little sis,’ he said, not looking at me. ‘It’s good to see you getting over the bastard.’ Gesturing with his beer bottle at where Jake was stood at the bar, he said, ‘He treats you the way you deserve to be treated.’
‘He does,’ I agreed, thinking of how Jake had been so gentle, tender and oh, so thorough in our room earlier. ‘But George was never that much of a bastard to me. Not really. He never lied to me. I did that to myself.’
‘I wasn’t talking about George,’ he said, emptying his bottle and standing up. ‘So, which bridesmaid do you think I have the best shot with?’ he asked, weaving his way back on to the dance floor.
Jake came back with a couple of bottles of lager. We sat drinking them quietly, side by side, holding hands and watching Matt work his magic on the maid of honour. He span her round slowly, then dipped her in his arms. A few quiet whispers in her ear later and the two of them slipped from the room.
‘He is incorrigible,’ I muttered in disbelief.
‘I don’t know,’ Jake said, nuzzling my neck. ‘There is something pretty romantic about weddings, don’t you think?’
I watched my parents hold hands and walk together onto the dance floor.
‘Do you believe in happy ever afters?’ I asked Jake as we watched the happy couple slow dance around the floor. I’d been worried beforehand that it might be awkward if George and I made eye contact, but as I saw him unable to look away from his new wife, I realised that I needn’t have worried.
‘I didn’t use to,’ he admitted. ‘My parents split up when I was five, and Dad did a good job bringing us up, but I was left feeling a bit sceptical about marriage. I pushed some of that aside when Bea got married. She was so happy. Until she wasn’t. Truthfully, I wasn’t even looking for a partner, then I met you and now I can’t stop hoping that forever is even possible.’
I took his hand and led him back to our room. ‘Let’s start ours right now,’ I told him.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Making it through the wedding in one piece had left my nerves ragged. I hadn’t expected to sleep well afterwards but Jake’s arms helped soothe me. It was a new kind of heaven. He held me pressed against his bare chest with his uninjured arm. I woke up to find our legs entwined and his face buried in my hair. I pulled the sheet up to cover myself, but he swept it back aside. He whispered in my ear that I was beautiful, and then kissed away the tears as they fell from my eyes. We made love again, and he didn’t stop talking to me, the whole way through, caressing my heart with his words.
Jake fell asleep again afterwards, and I lay against him, feeling the gentle sway of his breathing. I couldn’t drop off again myself, and eventually I began to feel restless. When he hadn’t stirred after my shower, I got dressed, left him a note and wandered downstairs in search of coffee.
The breakfast was set out in the same large ballroom the reception had been held in the night before. The staff had obviously been busy, the disco ball was gone, as were the balloons and flowers. Instead, dozens of small tables were set out, each covered in a pristine white cloth and polished cutlery.
I could smell the bacon and despite being a long-term vegetarian, I found my stomach was rumbling. A waiter greeted me at the door and let me choose where I wanted to sit. Most of the wedding guests had not emerged yet, so I had pretty much the pick of the room. There were a couple of families with small children. The kids looked excited at being able to choose from so many options for breakfast. Their parents all looked exhausted, and I thought of Bea and Alice. I smiled at the parents but chose a seat far away. Maybe once I’d had my caffeine I could be more sociable.
A young waitress brought me a small white china cup of coffee. She motioned to show me that the milk and sugar were already on the table, but I told her I’d drink it black and asked if I could have more please. Two refills later and my stomach rumbled again, gently reminding me that it had woken up a while ago and wanted feeding now.
I loaded a plate with pastries. I thought about grabbing a yogurt and pretending to be healthy, but then I spotted the waffles and knew that if I had any room left I’d be going back for those instead. Jake and I had probably worked off a few hundred calories overnight so I figured I’d earned them. Besides, I deserved some treats for getting through this weekend.
I smiled to myself as I sat down, daydreaming about how I’d dreaded facing George at his wedding, and that instead I’d spent the night with a wonderful man. All those weeks earlier when the invite had dropped onto my mat and left me shaken, I could never have foreseen how life would play out. In fact, had it not been for the invite I might never have met Jake. A hand landed on my shoulder, and I turned round ready to greet my new man. Instead I jumped when I saw George standing there.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,’ he said.
‘You didn’t,’ I mumbled, hiding my face behind my coffee cup. ‘I wasn’t expecting to see you.’
‘It is my wedding,’ he pointed out, laughing gently at my obvious discomfort.
I kicked the chair out so that he could sit opposite me if he wanted to. He did, and the waitress came back to take his order of tea. ‘Did you and your wife not have plans for the morning then?’ I asked.
‘Already taken care of,’ he said, winking at me. I thought I’d be more embarrassed talking about sex with him, but it turns out that knowing that I had left a naked man in my room upstairs made me feel much more at peace and I surprised myself by smiling back. ‘Zoe wanted a lie in so she sent me out. She thought it was polite for one of us to be here to greet our guests. Only they’re a sensible bunch and they’ve decided to sleep in too. Apart from you.’
It was the longest conversation we had had in years, and he wasn’t done yet. His tea arrived and he thanked the waitress. I noticed her checking him out as she approached. The old George would have clocked this instantly and switched on the charm. Zoe must have been something special though as he ignored her, if he was aware of her attention at all.
George took a sip of his tea, and his eyes followed his hand, staring at his wedding ring. ‘I wonder how long it is going to take me to get used to that,’ he said.
‘You look as though you’re surprised to be married,’ I said.
‘You’d think the year of planning would have left me prepared, wouldn’t you?’
‘Don’
t tell me you’re not,’ I remarked, sitting back and looking at him.
He shook his head. ‘No, I’m fine,’ he assured me. ‘I never thought of myself as the settling down type, but then I met Zoe and it turns out I am.’
‘You looked very happy together,’ I said, taking a bite of my Danish pastry. The crumbs fell all over my jeans, and for a moment I wished I’d also packed a kick arse outfit for today too. For all of my planning, I’d never expected to be sitting here facing George the morning after he got married.
‘She’s beautiful. I never thought I’d get so lucky, having such a sweet girl care about me so much.’ I didn’t know how to reply to that so I sat silently and carried on eating. ‘Ah damn, Evie,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’
‘I know,’ I assured him. ‘And I’m fine. It was a long time ago. And like you said, back then we never made any promises to each other.’ He shuffled his feet and I wondered whether he knew how much I’d cared about him. Whilst he must have been fond of me to spend so much time together, and to have listened to me and supported me, it was only now that I had Jake that I realised what love truly was, and how far from that my feelings for him had really been.
‘You seem well sorted yourself. I saw the guy you were with yesterday. He looked pretty sweet on you.’
I felt my cheeks flush. I’d never been able to hide my emotions, and George knew me too well to even try. ‘It’s pretty new,’ I told him, ‘but I like him. I really like him.’
All the years and all the distance seemed to fade away, and it felt good to be talking to my old friend again.
‘So are you doing what I always told you? Showing the world it ought to sit up and watch you?’
I grinned, remembering how I’d so often come away from my time with him feeling on top of the world. ‘I lost that for a while,’ I admitted. ‘I’m doing my best to get it back though.’
George finished his tea and got up. ‘I promised Zoe I’d wait for her to have breakfast,’ he said, pushing his chair back under the table. He leant over and kissed my cheek. Once, a long time ago, that would have sent butterflies to my stomach. Today, it felt like a goodbye. He turned to walk away and I called his name again.
