Evie’s Little Black Book

by Hannah Pearl

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  I kicked my sandals off, grabbed a bottle of lager from the fridge and switched my TV on. I thought I’d try Bea’s trick of distracting myself with a movie, but for once even James Bond couldn’t put a smile on my face. I figured that Jake had probably had such a bad connection because he had been on a train. Allowing a couple of hours for the journey, then another hour to make his way across London, even longer if he went to his house first to look for me, it might be late before he made it back.

  I’d resigned myself to a restless evening waiting for him, and so jumped out of my skin when the doorbell rang ten minutes later. Wondering whether it might be Jake after all, I buzzed the downstairs door open without checking. It took my breath away when I opened my flat door and saw two police officers in uniform looking at me.

  ‘Tell me it isn’t Jake?’ I said, stumbling back into the room until I fell onto the sofa. I felt my pulse rate spiking and my breathing growing jagged. ‘Don’t let Matt have finally got himself into trouble.’

  The officers looked at each other. The male officer was in his early thirties, with brown almond eyes and a police badge fixed to his turban. He held his hands up to calm me down, and his gentle voice was soothing to my nerves. ‘Don’t worry,’ he assured me. ‘These Jake and Matt fellows are fine, as far as we know. That’s not why we’re here.’ They introduced themselves but I instantly forgot their names. My mind was too hung up worrying why they were there.

  I got my emotions back under control and offered them a cup of tea. I knew I was stalling for time before I found out what had brought them here, but I was in no rush now that I knew my boys were safe. The male officer turned down my offer of tea, but the female officer accepted. She suggested that we both have some, and so I returned shortly with two cups. Sitting down I tried to guess what they might be there for but couldn’t.

  ‘You might have heard on the local news tonight that a lady was found in a critical condition following an incident at a bar last night,’ she began.

  My hands flew to my mouth and I started trying to remember whether my cousin had told me if she was working or going out the night before. ‘It wasn’t Charmaine, was it?’ I asked, feeling selfish that I hadn’t asked about her when I’d asked about Matt and Jake.

  ‘No,’ said the man, and I immediately found myself able to breathe again. ‘It’s Tina Clark, though we haven’t released her name to the press yet.’

  I clattered my cup back on to the coffee table, not caring that half the contents spilled over the side. I fled to the bathroom and barely got the lid of the loo open before I threw up. The lady officer came into the bathroom and waited quietly until I’d stopped heaving. She offered me a glass of water, and didn’t speak any more until after I’d brushed my teeth and rinsed my face.

  ‘She woke up this afternoon and she’s been asking for you,’ the man said as I returned to the room. ‘We’ve arrested her partner, a Mr Ryan Stapleford. Tina told us that you were previously engaged to Mr Stapleford and the investigating officers wondered whether you might be able to provide some useful background information.’

  I nodded and began to gather up my handbag and a jacket. I reached for my car keys but the lady officer stopped me. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll drive you,’ she told me. ‘We’ll go to the station first. The boss is waiting for you there. Then we can go on to visit Tina afterwards.’

  That was fine by me, I was in no rush to see her again. I didn’t stop to consider why I felt so strongly, even now that she was injured. Hell, especially now that she was injured. They led me outside to their car, and I found myself for the first time in my life sat in the back of a police car. That was almost enough to distract me from the disquiet I felt inside.

  Pulling up outside the police station, the woman police officer got out and escorted me through various doors and corridors. She swiped us through several security doors, and I was relieved to think she’d have to do the same to get us out again and that I wouldn’t have to find my own way. My head was spinning and I had no idea how many left and right turns we’d just taken.

  Opening one final door, she ushered me into an interview room and left me alone while she went to fetch yet more tea. It was lighter inside than I’d expected, and I was relieved to see that there were no bars on the window in here. I wanted to tell her that I couldn’t drink another drop but she’d already gone. There was a light tap at the door, and a plain-clothes officer let himself in.

  Sitting at the opposite side of the desk, he uncapped a pen and opened a file. There were photos of Tina lying in hospital. There was a close up of a wound on the back of her head. He quickly gathered them up and hid them underneath another piece of paper. I wondered whether he’d deliberately spilled them, then considered why he might have done that. To scare me? To ensure I understood the seriousness of why we were there? I was under no doubt of that already.

  The lady who had picked me up at the flat returned, placed a cup of tea in front of me and left without another word. The investigating officer, a man in his late forties with greying hair and greying eyes, watched me, and I found myself picking it up and drinking just to have something to do with my hands. ‘I’m DI Spencer,’ he said, as he stared. His dark suit was rumpled, his tie knot pulled loose, and I wondered how many hours he’d been working already.

  ‘We responded to a 999 call from a bar in town last night and arrived to find the victim unconscious,’ he began.

  I tried to take another sip of tea but my hands were shaking so badly I couldn’t do it.

  ‘Officers on the scene arrested a man, a Mr Stapleford of Swindon Close, and have charged him. I don’t need to tell you how serious this is. From what we’ve pieced together, he struck Miss Clark, which caused the victim to fall backwards and hit her head on the corner of a glass table. The victim had surgery overnight due to the head wound. Upon regaining consciousness this morning, she was heard asking for you repeatedly. The question is, why? I’ve reviewed the CCTV from last night and having seen you now I know you weren’t present. So why was my victim asking for you instead of telling us about the bastard who hurt her?’

  Whilst I was surprised to hear an officer describe Ryan as a bastard, he was correct in the description. I took a deep breath and wondered where to begin with this story, the last in my notebook and the one I hadn’t yet even told Jake about.

  ‘Tina and I were best friends growing up,’ I began. DI Spencer nodded and I continued. ‘I met Ryan almost three years ago. We dated for a year before getting engaged. We broke up six months later and he began dating Tina. I haven’t seen or spoken to either of them since.’

  DI Spencer scribbled some notes on his notepad. His approach softened as he continued, ‘Why do you think Tina asked for you? Needless to say, these are serious charges.’

  ‘She probably knew that if she asked for me after this, I’d be there. We haven’t spoken since she started seeing Ryan, but I wasn’t waiting for something like this to happen before I made peace. Bloody hell.’ I rubbed my eyes with my hands then looked up at the detective. ‘More likely though, she wanted me to make sure that I came forward and told you that, yes, Ryan could absolutely have meant to hurt her.’

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  The interview continued for another half hour, but after I’d answered the same questions three times I was ready to go. I suspected that they were trying to find a way to get evidence of Ryan’s intent to harm Tina, or were trying to find out if his violent behaviour was part of a pattern, but I wasn’t sure how telling them about my experiences could help. They had been interested to hear about how unpleasant Ryan had been, but I couldn’t tell them anything about his violent outburst. He had been horrible to me, but he hadn’t raised a fist. Had I been lucky, or was there a more sinister reason? They didn’t, or couldn’t, tell me. Finally, I stood up and asked whether I could visit my friend now. A new officer arrived and drove me to the General. Visiting hours were over, but going in with a uniformed officer
encouraged the nurses to waive any complaints. The officer led me to the ward, pointed in the direction of Tina’s bed and disappeared.

  Tina was asleep, and I didn’t want to wake her. She looked so delicate, her left eye swollen almost shut, black hair spread out on the pillow. The rest of her face was pale from blood loss and pinched in pain, even in her sleep. I took her hand and rested my forehead on her bed. I woke up to find her gently squeezing my fingers.

  ‘Oh, Tina,’ I said, stroking her hand. It was about the only part of her that didn’t look hurt and wasn’t covered in blankets or wires.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said.

  ‘What do you have to be sorry for?’

  ‘It’s all my fault,’ she said.

  ‘None of this is your fault. You didn’t ask for this.’ I could have pointed out to her that Ryan had caused all the pain here but I couldn’t bring myself to utter his name.

  ‘How do I look?’ she asked. I smiled, a year without seeing her and she hadn’t changed.

  ‘Like shit,’ I told her. I wasn’t angry at her any more. How could I be with her lying here? Still, I didn’t find myself able to be anything other than blunt.

  ‘You never could hide your emotions, Red, could you?’ she pointed out. ‘I asked for a mirror but they won’t bring me one.’

  ‘Maybe you don’t want to see,’ I told her.

  ‘I need to,’ she told me, gripping my hand even tighter. ‘This was the last time he gets to lay a finger on me. I need to know how bad it is, so that I never go back.’

  Without another word I got my phone from my pocket. It had been turned off since I got in the police car, and I switched it back on and selected the camera app. Taking a few photos, I showed them to Tina. She winced when she saw her face.

  My phone buzzed and I took it back to find a string of text messages and voicemails. ‘I need to make a quick call,’ I told Tina. She told me to go to the bathroom to make sure that none of the nurses saw me on a mobile and asked me to leave. I did as she suggested and found myself calling Jake back from a dingy little bog that smelt strongly of pee.

  ‘Evie, where the hell are you?’ he said when he picked up. ‘I looked everywhere for you. I wanted to tell you about the job.’

  I swore under my breath, assuming this meant that he got it, but I couldn’t begin to think of that now. ‘I’m at the hospital,’ I told him.

  He went quiet for a moment. ‘Which one?’ he asked. ‘I’m on my way. I’ll call a cab and be there in ten minutes.’

  ‘The General,’ I told him. ‘But there’s no rush. I’m not injured. Hurt, but not injured.’

  He sounded confused, but promised to come anyway. I told him which ward we were in, and hung up. Returning to Tina’s bed I picked up her hand again.

  ‘What the hell happened, Tina?’ I asked her.

  ‘He thought I was chatting to another guy in the bar. He punched me in the face, though it was the table which caused most of the damage.’ She laughed but there was no humour in it. ‘I’d only been asking where he got his jacket because Ryan mentioned that he liked it and I wanted to get him one for his birthday,’ she said.

  ‘Was this the first time he hit you?’ I asked, reading the answer from her body language even as I asked it. Tina shook her head. ‘Oh, Tina,’ I said again, as I held her hand. I wanted to hug her properly but I didn’t dare for fear of hurting her. ‘I spoke to the police,’ I told her.

  ‘They were here earlier too,’ Tina replied. ‘I wasn’t in much of a state to talk though. They said they’d be back tomorrow.’ She tried to sit up but winced as she moved. I offered to call a nurse but she waved me to sit down again. ‘I’ve had as many painkillers as they’ll give me already,’ she said, through a grimace of pain. ‘Besides, every time it hurts I get more determined to see the son of a bitch behind bars for this.’

  ‘I’ll back you every step of the way,’ I promised. She squeezed my hand again, and though I was devastated to see her in this condition, I also felt like I had regained my friend. We heard a commotion at the entrance to the ward and I turned to see Jake arguing with a nurse. I leant over, kissed Tina’s cheek and told her I’d be back to see her the next day.

  I picked my handbag up from the floor and walked out to Jake. He had taken his tie off but still wore the shirt we’d picked out that morning. I could barely believe now that it was the same day, so much seemed to have happened since I’d last seen him. He held me at arm’s length and looked me up and down as if reassuring himself that I wasn’t injured. I reassured him that my hurt wasn’t a physical one, then threw myself into his arms. He held me and kissed me.

  We walked out through the same exit I’d left only weeks earlier after Jake’s accident. The sounds were similar, sirens in the distance, a low level of conversation, taxi engines as people were dropped off or picked up. The smells were familiar too; disinfectant, boiled food, and an underlying current of exhaust fumes. My emotions last time I’d left had been a jumble, I’d been so relieved that he was going to be okay, excited at our kiss and yet nervous about what it might mean. This time I was so overwhelmed my brain had shutdown and I couldn’t have put together a meaningful thought if I’d tried.

  Jake seemed to sense that I needed him. He led me to a taxi that was waiting at the cab rank, got in next to me and helped click my seat belt into place. He held my hand all the way home, speaking only to ask whether I wanted to go back to his house or mine. I needed the security of my own space, and the reminder of my independence that my flat provided, so we went back there.

  Jake paid for the taxi. I wanted to contribute but could hardly fumble in my bag to find my purse, let alone dig out the change to pay. Jake took my key from me and let me in. He placed his good arm around me and I leant on him as we walked in and up the stairs. He sat me on the sofa, fetched me a glass of wine from the kitchen and covered me with a blanket. I sat and stared at the wall as he moved.

  ‘Do you want to tell me about it?’ he asked. I shook my head. ‘You look like you need to sleep, Evie. Come on, I’ll help you into bed and leave you in peace. I’ll come back in the morning so we can talk.’

  My eyes flew open and I spoke my first sentence in an hour. ‘Don’t leave me. Please don’t go, Jake, I need you to hold me.’

  I woke up to find myself wrapped around Jake. My hair lay against his chest and he was awake, stroking it and watching me. I drew the sheet up over our naked bodies, and I remembered asking Jake to make love to me in the middle of the night. His soft movements had finally chased the demons from my mind and allowed me a few hours of sleep.

  ‘Good morning, sleeping beauty,’ he said, kissing me again.

  ‘Thank you,’ I told him, squeezing myself even tighter against his chest.

  ‘Are you ready to talk?’ he asked. ‘You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to, but, Evie, I’ve never seen you so scared.’

  I got up and pulled a T-shirt over my head. I found some old jogging bottoms and went into the kitchen to make coffee. Jake followed me. He had paused to pull on his boxer shorts, but otherwise he was naked but for the plaster cast on his wrist. I made our drinks and we took them to the sofa. I pulled Jake’s good arm around me and sat with my back pressed against his chest so that he couldn’t see my face as I spoke.

  I began by telling Jake why I had really begun revisiting my past in the first place. The wedding invitation had acted as a trigger, but even before that arrived I’d realised that being with Ryan had stripped away so much of my belief in myself. I’d lost the confidence that I’d slowly built up from my experiences with George and Jem. I told Jake that I’d been trying to go back in time to a place where I felt good about myself again.

  Meeting up with my exes, the first two experiences aside, had proved to me that despite how things had ended with Rob and Jem, I hadn’t been wrong to choose them. Getting back in touch had shown me what sweet guys they were. Even seeing George so happy with Zoe had been healing. He had never lied to me; he’d been so
gentle, letting me take the lead. He’d provided a safe place for me to experiment, and any hurt I’d felt that he didn’t reciprocate my feelings wasn’t really his fault. He’d never misled me into thinking he felt the same way. I’d done that for myself. He had only ever tried to boost my confidence so that one day I would meet someone who thought I was special. It had just taken me a long time to realise that he had never been talking about himself.

  It was reassuring to realise that some amount of dating and breaking up was normal. It had helped me to find out who I was, what I wanted in a relationship, and how I should and shouldn’t behave in order to make it work. Remembering how it felt to be desired, I could see why Charmaine enjoyed dressing well. It felt powerful.

  Meeting Jake had been the icing on the cake. He made me feel beautiful, and cared for, and had removed the last of the insecurities I’d held onto. I told him about the police turning up on my doorstep and how scared I’d been at the thought that something had happened to him. I talked about my meeting at the police station, and how it had felt to see Tina for the first time in months, injured and alone in a hospital bed.

  I cried as I spoke, and he held me and rocked me. I continued on, telling him that Ryan had been the last man in my little black book. I had decided since meeting Jake that I didn’t need to look back any more, and I’d been relieved not to think about Ryan again. Finally I admitted how nervous I had become, those last few weeks that we’d been engaged. He had never laid a finger on me, but when the police told me what he’d done to Tina, I’d believed them instantly. It shook me to think that at one time I’d planned to spend the rest of my life with the monster.