Taken aback by her sudden outburst, “I’m sorry Mom. But I can’t help who I am.
And I can’t help who I fall in love with.”
Mom tugged on a loose thread on her pants for a moment. She looked up at me, “Honey, I have to admit that, in Diane’s absence, I loved having another daughter. I missed doing all the girl-stuff your sister and I used to do together. And I think this experience has done you a lot of good. You’ve come out of your shell a lot. I can’t imagine Christopher jumping around and leading cheers in front of huge crowds of people.
“And you finally found someone to care about. You were always such a loner, and it worried me. And while Jeff isn’t exactly who I imagined you dating when you got older, I’m happy for you that you’ve met someone who makes you happy. It took us a while, but even your father likes Jeff. I don’t think he ever liked any of Diane’s boyfriends.
“And here’s where you need to really seriously consider who you are. I think Dr. Irrenarzt is right. Except for a few isolated times, you never showed any interest in being a girl. But you have been dating boys longer than you ever dated a girl. You say you’re a girl inside and that you want breasts, and I assume you eventually want a vagina as well. But you haven’t had these feelings very long. So how can you be so sure?
“You have to ask yourself, deep down in your soul, do you really want to be a girl and Jeff is just the icing on the cake, or are you just so in love with Jeff that you think the only way you can have him is to be a girl?”
I wish people would stop doing this to me! I want things simple — cut and dried. I’m so tired of thinking about it. I just want to be… me.
Fighting a lump in my throat, “Mom. All I know for sure is that for the first time in my life I am happy. I’m happy with who I am. I’m happy with the many friends I now have. Being a girl cheerleader is probably the second best thing that ever happened to me. And Jeff is the best thing. I love him so much.
“But Mom, I love him as a girl would love her guy. I can’t put it into words exactly, but I truly feel that it’s different from being a boy in love with a boy. I love being someone’s girlfriend. Every time I think that I’m Jeff’s girlfriend, I feel a warm glow inside. I wish I could explain it better.
“Yes, I know that there’s no way Jeff would have ever looked twice at me if at first he hadn’t thought I was really a girl, and he wouldn’t stay with me if I didn’t look and act like a girl. But I also feel deep down that I would still feel like who I really am, as a girl, even if I hadn’t met Jeff or any guy for that matter.
“Does that make sense? I don’t think I’ve just decided I should be a girl. I think I finally discovered I should be a girl.”
* * *
“You’re actually getting a boob job?” asked Gwen shaking her head. We were sitting in her office at the theater.
“Yes,” I said. “During Spring Break next week.”
“Oh my God!” sighed Gwen. “Next week? I wish that stupid brother of mine had never talked me into turning you into a girl!”
I glanced at my fellow co-workers through the window that ran along the door from top to bottom of Gwen’s office. “Not so loud, Gwen!” I said in a loud whisper. Pointing with my head towards the folks working the snack bar, I said, “They don’t need to know about this! And will you please stop acting like you created a monster?”
Frowning at me, “Well, I did create a monster! If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be sitting there telling me about the boob job you’re going to get next week! It’s my fault and I wish I had never done it.”
“Well, I’m glad you did,” I said honestly. “If you hadn’t, I might be living a dull, eventless life, and I never would have met Jeff.”
“Don’t get me started on that!” laughed Gwen. “I have never approved of you going on dates with guys.” She put up her hands in resignation and said, “Look, I can’t tell you what to do.”
There was a pause and before I could make a comment, Gwen said, “I’m making out the schedules for next week. What day is your surgery and when do you think you can go back to work?”
“I’m scheduled to have the surgery done Monday morning. The surgeon said I should get lots of rest for about three to five days. I can probably come back to work on Friday.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Nervous about coming back to work? You bet!”
Gwen rolled her eyes, “Not that, smart ass. I mean having surgery.”
Nodding, “Oh, yeah. Most definitely. But I’m also really looking forward to having breasts.”
“Is Jeff excited? He’ll finally have boobs to play with.”
I shook my head, “He doesn’t know yet. I was going to surprise him.”
Gwen smirked, “You’ll surprise him alright.”
Looking back down at the papers on her desk, Gwen said, “While I have you here, let’s work out your schedule. Since next week is Spring Break and you should be recovered enough from your surgery by then, I need you to open on Friday and let’s see… um… and I need you to close on Saturday.”
I nodded, “That shouldn’t be a problem. It means I won’t get to out with Jeff next Saturday, though. I was going to show him my new breasts.”
Gwen rolled her eyes again, “There’ll be plenty of time for that, Monster. Plenty of time.”
* * *
Jeff was waiting for me at the theater entrance when I got off work. It was a little after ten in the evening and he had volunteered to give me a ride home since Diane had to borrow Mom’s rusting Escort. I was so glad I didn’t have to stick around until close.
“Hey Jeff!” I called as I put my arms around his neck. Before he could answer I gave him a big kiss.
“Hey babe! How’s it going?” Jeff asked after a lingering kiss.
“Much better now!” I laughed as he put his arm around me and led me out of the mall and towards his car. Even though it was March, the evenings were still fairly cold and it felt so nice and warm being held close to Jeff.
When we got into Jeff’s car, he said, “You seem a little excited or anxious about something. Is something up?”
I couldn’t tell him about Monday so I said, “I must be getting anxious about the big cheerleading contest coming up at the end of the month.” At least that was partly honest.
Jeff laughed, “Well, don’t go getting yourself so wound up this early, or you’ll be a nervous wreck by the end of the month.”
I smiled at him, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” As Jeff started the engine of his car I continued saying, “I don’t feel like going straight home. Want to go to Harvey’s or maybe Freddy’s for some pool?”
Jeff shook his head and said, “Not really. At least not tonight. I drove past Harvey’s on the way over here and it looked pretty crowded.”
“That’s okay,” I said. “We can just drive around a little and talk if you want.”
“Sounds okay to me,” Jeff agreed.
We drove aimlessly around for about twenty minutes, talking a little and kissing when we stopped at red lights. I was laying my head on Jeff’s shoulder and I couldn’t see out the windshield. Jeff stopped the car and turned the engine off. I raised my head and saw that we were parked at Springer Lake.
“I always liked this view,” Jeff announced. I looked forward and it was beautiful. The moonlight dancing on the water and the stars were incredibly bright. Jeff continued talking. “It’s too cold to go for a walk, but let’s sit in the back seat and … uh talk.”
I gave Jeff a little smile and said, “Okay.” I exited the car into the brisk night air. I looked up at the sky. It’s never this clear during the summer. I stared at the sky for a long moment before climbing into the back of Jeff’s car.
I immediately curled up besides Jeff. I felt so warm and protected being next to him. I looked up into his eyes. He smiled.
“You are so beautiful,” said Jeff in a whisper as he bent his head toward me. Our lips softly touched. He backed up, and then kissed me again
with a little more passion. I closed my eyes. He then kissed my cheek before nibbling on my ear. Chills went down my spine as he started licking and sucking on my neck. I let out a small moan which seemed to spur Jeff to greater passion.
Suddenly his tongue was in my mouth and he was kissing me deeply, passionately. He paused for breath and I found myself quickly pulling his shirt over his head, revealing his well muscled, athletic physique. I ran my fingers down his chest, as he continued to kiss me passionately. My hand slipped to Jeff’s crotch, and I felt a large bulge tugging against his pants. I started to massage and squeeze the bulge. Jeff moaned as he sucked on my probing tongue.
Jeff’s hand was up my blouse and I could tell he was squeezing the breast form through my bra. Oh God! I wish I had my breasts! I wanted to feel his hands on my breasts so bad. My blouse fell open and I quickly discarded it, but I knew better than to remove the bra. Jeff kissed my chest just above my bra.
Suddenly I was on my back with Jeff on top of me, his pants gone, but his underwear still in place. He pressed into me as I held him close and he kissed and nibbled at my neck. I reached for and finally caught the band of his underwear and quickly pulled them down, exposing Jeff’s manhood.
I pulled my pants down, careful to leave my panties in place. Jeff pressed hard into my panties as I ran my fingernails down his back. I tugged on his manhood. I wanted him so bad. I wanted him to take me, body and soul.
And then Jeff’s hand slipped down to my panties and he felt my own little bulge. It was like throwing a switch. Jeff immediately went limp and he backed away from me. He closed his eyes and his face twisted in some semblance of anger as he cried, “Dammit! You’re so fucking beautiful! You seem so much like a fucking girl!” He sat there and breathed hard for a few moments.
I started to cry and said, “Jeff Honey, I’m so sorry. I want to be a girl. I want to be your girl. I love you Jeff! I love you so much!” I tried to take his hand, but he pulled it away.
Jeff looked at me with a great sadness in his eyes as he whispered, “I’m sorry…”
* * *
“You didn’t have to. But thank you so much for coming with me and bringing me up here, Joey.” I said, clinging to Joey’s arm as we walked toward his father’s clinic. I was an emotional train wreck after the disastrous date with Jeff and then walking into the clinic to have breast surgery.
“No problem, Chrissy. I’m glad I can offer some moral support.” He held the door open for me. “Are you nervous?”
I let out a short laugh, “Nervous? Why in the world would I be nervous?”
We walked up to the receptionist’s desk and before I could speak, Joey informed them who I was. I was handed some papers to fill out. It was the usual stuff — consent forms, release forms, next of kin, etc.
We sat out in the lobby for about half an hour. Finally a cheerful looking nurse called out, “Ms. Davis? Step this way, please.” Joey and I were led to a room and then the nurse left.
I could feel the sweat trickling down between my shoulder blades as I stood up and crossed to the doorway where the nurse stood. This was really going to happen. I self-consciously touched my chest, thinking about how shortly, it would be flat no longer. I was wearing a sports bra under my top, but I had left the breast forms at home.
“Good morning, Ms Davis“, greeted Dr. Saotome. “Are you ready to change your life?”
I looked at him quizzically and asked, “You’re just doing a boob job, right? You’re not doing anything else, are you?”
Joey’s dad looked confused for a moment, and then laughed, “Oh, no. We’re just doing the breasts. What I meant was, most women who finally get the breast size they desire, usually feel a change in their lives. They’re more confident and they feel better about themselves.”
“I don’t think I could be any more ready, sir.” I said as my stomach started to knot.
“Very good. We’ll be giving you a general anesthetic and when you wake up, you’ll be your new you. Let me get the nurse.” Dr. Saotome then left the room.
It was cold in the room, but that’s not the only reason I had goose-bumps. I turned towards Joey and said with my voice starting to shake, “Joey, am I nuts?”
Joey smiled weakly, “If you’re scared or uncomfortable with this Chrissy, you don’t have to do it. If I didn’t think you had wanted this, I would never have given you the gift card.”
I smiled back at him, “I’m definitely scared, but I feel that I really want this. It’s just… it’s such a … well, huge step towards being a girl. I know it’s not a sex change, but still...” I paused to take a deep breath. “I’ll be able to wear so many clothes I currently can’t wear! I’ll be moving towards… towards becoming a woman someday.”
Joey said, “Are you sure that’s what you really want? To become a woman?”
My eyes defocused as my thoughts drifted. I said, “Oh yes. I want to be a total woman for Jeff. Someday I want to walk down the aisle in a beautiful gown and tell Jeff ‘I do’. I think about that a lot.”
Joey had an odd expression on his face, but he said, “I hope all your dreams come true.”
* * *
I waved at Joey’s car as he sped away. I stood on my front porch, afraid to go inside. It didn’t take long, but I was already in the throes of ‘buyer’s remorse.’ I was in pain. Every step hurt. I didn’t like the weight and of course, there was no way to remove it. It bothered me every time I made a movement, my new breasts would shift. I was hoping my feelings would soon change, but at that moment, I was thinking this had to be stupidest thing I’ve ever done.
I slowly opened the door and stepped inside. As the door shut behind me, I scanned the visible part of the house. No one was around. I wondered where Mom and Diane were as I headed for my bedroom. A voice suddenly called out from down the hallway.
“Hey! Sis, is that you?” called Diane from her room.
“It’s me,” I said without much enthusiasm.
Diane darted out of her room and hurried down the hall. She started to give me a hug. “Ow! Ohh! Jeez!” I moaned as I tried to push her away. “They’re very sensitive, Diane. Sorry, but that hurt.”
Diane lifted her hands in the air slightly as she backed away and said, “Oh, sorry! I wasn’t thinking.” She paused a moment as she eyed me with a goofy smile. Pointing at my chest, she said, “Well? Well? Is that you?”
“It’s me,” I said without much enthusiasm.
“What’s wrong?” asked Diane. “Don’t you like your new breasts?”
“I don’t know yet,” I said. “Right now I hurt too much.”
“You’ll get used to them,” said Diane confidently. “I had time to get used to mine as I grew up. Plus, you got to give the surgery time to heal. Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. You look great.”
“Thanks,” I said, not yet convinced I’ll get used to the weight and motion of the breasts.
“Take your top and bra off,” said Diane with a grin. “I want to take a look.”
I carefully removed my shirt and bra. A bra was now a required item and not just an uncomfortable part of the disguise. Obviously, I didn’t think this through clearly enough.
“Your belly button is bandaged,” commented Diane. “I thought he came in through the underarm? Wow… they’re kinda large and red and your skin is so shiny.”
“They’re swollen and sore from the surgery,” I said, as I looked down at my new breasts. “He had to stretch the skin a lot. I went from nothing to a ‘B’ cup.”
Diane said, “You look good though, girl. He gave you a nice shape and you’re going to look super in a bikini!”
I shook my head and said, “I don’t think so! I just got breasts… nothing was removed.”
Suddenly, Diane pulled her top off and tossed it on the couch. With a grin, she unsnapped her bra and also tossed it on the couch. She stepped in close to me.
“I just wanted to get a comparison,” Diane said as she looked down at her breasts and then looked over at mi
ne. “I’m a ‘C’ cup… you should have gone for another cup size.”
“I think this was good for a start,” I said as I looked at Diane’s impressive bosom. This was so surreal. I had a pretty good suspicion that if I didn’t have a rack of my own, I never would have gotten to see Diane’s. I pointed at one of Diane’s nipples and said, “I wish my areolas were big like that.”
Diane smirked as she said, “Yep, you still have boy nipples. Can they do anything about that?”
I nodded, “The doc said he could, but I should heal first and that it’d cost extra.”
We both turned towards the door at the sound of keys rattling and before we could react, in stepped Dad, returning from work. He took one look at us and stopped dead in his tracks. One of his eyes twitched.
Both Diane and I were very embarrassed. Still, I turned towards Dad and said, “Hey Dad. Do you like my new boobies?” I lifted them up a little, trying not to wince from the pain.
For a moment, Dad just stood there with his mouth gaping open. Gaining some composure back, “Yes Chris. It’s every father’s dream to see his son standing naked in the living room, showing off his new tits.”
Trying to act nonchalant, Dad sat down and turned on the television. “And, I think the last time I saw my daughter without a shirt on, she was four years old and playing with the sprinkler in the front yard.” Without looking back, he continued, “Please. The two of you. Put some clothes on.”
Nodding in the general direction of my bedroom, Diane said, “Come on. Let’s go to your room.” We grabbed our clothes that we had tossed onto the couch and hurried to my room.
After the door was closed, we both looked at each other and started giggling like a couple of school girls.
Laughing, Diane said, “Did you see the look on Dad’s face? That was classic!”
I giggled, “Poor Dad! I’m afraid I’m going to cause him to go to a mental ward or something.”
We giggled for a few moments. Then with a smirk, Diane picked up her bra and dangled it in front of me, saying, “You’re going to have to wear one of these all the time now, sis. You can’t just toss your boobs into a drawer like those old breast forms!”
The Reluctant Prom Date (The Reluctant Series Book 4) Page 10
