“I know!” I squealed. “I didn’t even think about wearing a bra. All I wanted was boobs to get Jeff’s attention.”
“Speaking of Jeff, have you told him yet?” Diane asked.
I shook my head again and said, “No. Not yet. I was going to surprise him, probably Sunday since I have to work Saturday night.”
“He should enjoy those,” said Diane. “I’ll give you fair warning though… guys can’t keep their hands off your boobs.”
* * *
“Hi Jeff,” I said into the phone. “How are you?”
“Hey, Babe,” said Jeff through the phone. “I’m doing great. And you?”
“Doin’ good, all things considered,” I said.
“I was just calling to see what your schedule was this weekend.”
I sighed loudly and said, “I’m off from work until Friday. Then I open on Friday and I close on Saturday.” I wanted to tell him so bad about my new boobs. I couldn’t wait to see his face when I showed them to him.
“Oh, okay. Maybe I can get with you Sunday?”
I shrugged uselessly and said, “Sure. Sunday would be cool. What about tonight or tomorrow? Maybe a movie or something?”
“Sorry, Babe,” Jeff said. “I can’t. I have to help my dad all week with his car.”
“That’s okay,” I said, not doing a very good job of hiding my disappointment. “We’ll see you then. You can still call, you know.”
“I will. Take it easy, babe. I’ll see you Sunday.”
I hung up the phone, feeling sad that I wasn’t going to get to see Jeff for the rest of the week. It was probably for the best though. That way I could get more healing before showing off the new me to him.
* * *
I was so tired when I got home from working at the theater Friday afternoon. I had stopped by Jeff’s shoe store, but he wasn’t there.
I took off my bra and slouched on the couch to watch some TV and my breasts annoyingly shifted to one side. One part of me was ecstatic about looking and feeling more like a girl. Another side of me was really regretting my decision. No matter what I did, I just couldn’t get away from those breasts.
At work, Gwen of course, gave me a lecture about how it was a mistake for me to have actually gone ahead and gotten boobs. And she went on at length about how it was all her fault. She told me how just having breasts doesn’t make you a girl. I’m sure she’d say something about having a vagina doesn’t make you a girl either…
As I tried to watch TV, my mind wandered all over the place. One thought I just couldn’t shake was the fact that prom was rapidly approaching and I still didn’t have a dress. I could probably wear Diane’s, since no one there would remember it. But I wanted my own dress to have memories of.
The phone rang, jarring me out of my reverie. I answered and it was Gwen.
“Hey, Monster.” Gwen said. “I need you to do me a huge favor.”
“Depends.”
“Sorry to spring this at almost the last minute, but I need you to open tomorrow instead of closing,” said Gwen. “Do you think you can handle that?”
“Sure, that won’t be a problem,” I said honestly.
“Thanks. I always know I can depend on you. See ya tomorrow.” And with that, she hung up.
The door to the garage opened and Dad stepped into the living room. “Who was on the phone? Anything important?”
“No, Dad,” I said. “It was just Gwen. She wants me to open tomorrow.”
“Oh, okay.” Dad started to go back into the garage.
“Dad?”
“What Chris?” Dad asked with a little impatience in his voice.
I turned around in the couch so I could see him and said, “Dad, do you hate me?”
Dad seemed genuinely taken aback. He said, “No, Honey. I don’t hate you. Things just aren’t going quite the way I expected them to.”
He came over and sat down on the couch with me. As he sat down he asked, “Why are you asking that?”
I sat up a little straighter and was annoyed by the weight of my boobs shifting. Diane has assured me that this will begin to feel normal soon. I said to Dad, “You haven’t really talked to me since my decision to stay a girl.”
Frowning, Dad said, “I’ll be completely honest here. Seeing you like this and hearing you say you want to stay a girl permanently, causes me a great deal of pain.” I started to say something, but Dad held up his hand. “No, wait… You promised you’d go back to being normal after graduation.”
“I know Dad. And I’m sorry.” I said. “But this is who I honestly feel that I am. I can’t explain it.”
Dad’s eye twitched slightly. As he started to stand, he said, “Well, anyway son. No, I don’t hate you and I’ll always love you.” He started to walk away, and then turned to face me, his eyes boring into my forehead. “I was so happy that you were a little boy when you were born. I was so freakin’ happy that I was finally given a son.” His voice trailed away and he stood there in silence for a moment. He then turned and without another word, walked back out to the garage.
* * *
Gwen was just unlocking the theater doors when I arrived. Apparently I was the first employee to arrive.
Gwen smiled when she saw me and said, “Hey, Monster. Thanks so much for filling in this morning. With Marvin out sick, I was going to be really shorthanded this morning.”
Frowning, I said, “Gwen, stop calling me that! I’m not your monster! And you’re welcome.”
Gwen laughed and said, “Okay, okay! I’ll stop… Miss Frankenstein.”
Feigning being upset, I said, “Now cut it out!”
Forcing herself to be serious, Gwen pointed at the snack bar and said, “Chrissy, if you would, please, start making some popcorn and wipe down the counters. The rest of the crew should be here any minute.”
Ten minutes later, everyone who was supposed to be working had arrived. Customers started trickling in for the first matinee.
I was squatted down below the counter top, straightening some items on the shelves when Holly said, “Hey, Chrissy. Isn’t that your boyfriend?”
“What?” I asked as I looked up at Holly.
She pointed and said, “Is that your boyfriend?”
I stood up and looked in the direction Holly had indicated. I felt the blood suddenly drain from my body. There was Jeff walking in through theater doors with some girl from school draped on his arm. I’d seen her around, but didn’t know her name. They were laughing and Jeff bent down and gave her a quick kiss.
“Jeff?” I said, my voice very unsteady. My anger welling up as if it was in thermal runaway.
He stopped cold in his tracks and looked at me with a definite “busted!” expression on his face. “Chrissy! Ah… hey. I thought you weren’t working until tonight.”
“I was asked to come in early.” I said, my voice turning to ice. “Wha… What’s going on?”
Looking sheepish and with a nervous laugh, Jeff said, “I was going to tell you later, that ah… um… well, you see… that… um… that we probably shouldn’t, ahhh… well, see each other anymore.” The girl was still clinging to Jeff’s arm and was giving me a go-to-hell look.
I stood there behind the counter, my legs shaking so hard I could barely stand. I shouted, “What the hell, Jeff?! When were you going to tell me this, asshole? How long have you been seeing her?” Tears started streaming down my face. With a cry in my voice, I yelled, “Why Jeff?! Why? I love you! I thought you loved me…” My voice dissolved into heaving sobs.
The theater had gone silent as everyone there stopped what they were doing and watched the spectacle. Gwen stepped out of her office, not sure what to do.
Jeff moved closer, apparently trying to make our discussion a little less public. “Babe, I… I was going to tell you Sunday,” the dirty filthy slime-ball said. “Tamara and I started seeing each other off and on for the past three weeks or so. Our date last week finally convinced me that you can’t give me what I want and she can.” Tama
ra gave me a smug look of superiority. She had no clue what Jeff was referring to. Jeff could have sex with her, not me. And thanks for telling the whole world!
“You goddamn… son-of-a… Bitch!” I screamed. I grabbed a large soft drink from the counter that a customer had just paid for and threw it at Jeff. He turned so the bulk of the drink hit Tamara instead, but a good portion splashed on Jeff’s shirt and pants. Tamara yelped as she was suddenly wet.
“What the hell…?” snarled Jeff as he felt his wet shirt. “Chrissy, our arrangement was temporary anyway! You didn’t seriously think we were in love, did you?”
My anger hit a level I never would have believed possible. I screamed, “I hate you!” I started to climb over the counter top. Holly and another girl held me back. I clawed and kicked to get free so I could punch or kick Jeff in any convenient location. I was crying uncontrollably and screaming, “Why?!”
Gwen stepped up to Jeff and his little floozy and said, “I’m sorry sir, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave. The ticket booth will be happy to refund your money.”
“What are you talking about, bitch! You can’t make me leave!” roared Jeff. To his little tramp he said, “Come on, let’s go see our movie.”
Careful not to actually touch him, Gwen stood in his path and said, “Don’t make me call Mall Security.”
I couldn’t see any more of what was going on or make out what was being shouted, as I had collapsed into a heap on the floor and was crying my guts out. How could Jeff do this to me? I loved him more than anything in the world. My God! I got boobs just for him! My head was spinning and I was crying so hard I thought I was going to throw up. This was the absolute worst day of my life.
Suddenly Gwen was kneeling beside me saying, “Come on, Honey. Let’s go into my office where you can have some privacy.”
Through clenched teeth I seethed, “I can’t stand to see that goddamned-son-of-a-bitch piece-of-shit again.”
Soothingly, Gwen said, “He’s gone. I told him to leave. Come on, let’s go to my office.”
Gwen helped me regain my feet. I was still shaking and standing was difficult. I could feel everyone staring at me as Gwen helped me over to her office. Off to one side, I heard some girl laugh.
Gwen helped me into her chair and she shut the door. She put her arm around my shoulders and said gently, “I’m so sorry, Chrissy. I’m so sorry.”
I looked up at her and still crying, “I don’t understand, Gwen. I loved him. I… I… I loved him with all my soul. I… I… I would have h… had sex with him. What did I do wrong? She doesn’t love him like I do. I… I got breasts for him. I got breasts!” I’m not sure just how long I cried and babbled.
Gwen just stroked my hair and said, “Welcome to womanhood, Chrissy.”
* * *
Chapter 9
I felt like I was in a movie.
As I walked slowly down the main hall of John Wilkes Booth High School, people would stop talking and turn to stare at me. It was terribly embarrassing. I wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and die. All I could see were faces watching me pass. The expressions on those faces ran from sympathy to ‘you got what you deserved’ to ‘maybe I have a chance with her now…’
I clutched my book-bag tightly in front of me, staring at the floor as I walked. I really didn’t want to come to school. I argued with Mom over it. She won. If I could just survive the day, I’ll be okay. I mean, people break up all the time, right? How much entertainment value can that be?
The phone rang all day Sunday. All my fellow cheerleaders came over to try to cheer me up. Several other girls from school dropped by as well. Apparently word had gotten around pretty quick. Most of the day was spent with me crying and discussing just what Jeff and the horse he rode in on could go do.
And of course before that, there was Saturday afternoon. Gwen had brought me home since she didn’t think I should drive in the emotional state I was in. Mom and Diane were both in the living room and were taken by surprise by my outburst that I hated Jeff and never wanted to see him again as I rushed through the room. I ran to my bedroom, slammed the door and locked it. I threw myself on the bed and started crying again.
Mom had tried to get me to open the door and explain myself. After being told repeatedly by me to go away, she finally did.
Later that evening, Diane knocked softly on the door, “Hey sis. Please, open the door. We need to talk, okay?”
I slowly opened the door, “Sure, come in.” I sat down in the middle of my bed. Diane entered the room and shut the door behind her. She took a seat next to me on the bed.
“Chrissy, I’m very sorry,” Diane said, taking my hand. “Gwen told me all about what happened. It’s just awful what Jeff did to you.”
I just nodded meekly. I was totally drained of all emotion. Finally, I said, “I know. Losing him was bad enough. But the way he let me know he wanted to break up just really sucked. A phone call would have been nice. Hell, I would have settled for a text message.”
Diane nodded, “Yeah, Jeff seems to lack a certain amount of sophistication. You know -- and I know what this sounds like — there are other fish in the sea. Jeff isn’t the only boy. The world is full of them, trust me.”
“That doesn’t really help, Diane,” I said quietly. “For starters, I don’t want any other guy. I loved Jeff. I still love Jeff and I probably always will, even if he is an asshole. And another thing, Jeff is the only boy I can be with because… because… dammit! Because I’m not a real girl.”
Diane moved a little closer and started to stroke my long hair. She said, “I no longer have any doubts what-so-ever about whether you’re a girl or not. You’re a girl, okay? We just need to figure out some way to get you into a program or something so you can finally get your body to match who you are. For now though, don’t let the wrong plumbing keep you from enjoying the company of another cute boy.”
A few stray strands of hair fell across my face as I looked at Diane. With only one eye unobstructed by hair, “That’s not fair to the boy. Shouldn’t he know?”
Diane poked me in the chest and said, “You need to get an attitude towards boys, like I do. Quit thinking that every cute guy you smile at is a potential future husband. I mean, have some fun. Having a long term boyfriend is great and all, but jeez girl! You’re still in high school. Don’t get so tied down to one guy yet. There’s plenty of time for that later. And if you feel that you are getting serious with a boy, either break it off if you don’t think he can handle who you really are, or tell him. Or wait until you actually become female and then don’t tell anybody.”
I shook my head as I hugged my pillow and tried to make myself as small as possible. I stared straight ahead, eyes not focused on anything, “I don’t think that would work, Diane. I’m not as devious as you. You excel at lying. I don’t.”
Diane wrinkled up her nose and said, “Thanks, I think. Look, I know you love Jeff, and I know it’s hard to let go. But Jeff is gone. He has made his incredibly fucking stupid decision and if I ever see him again, I’m going to kick his sorry ass for hurting my sister. But Jeff is history. Old news. There are boys out there better than Jeff. You just have to go out and find them.”
* * *
No sooner had I opened my locker, than Mandy appeared.“Hey girl! How’re doing?” Her worried expression belied the upbeat tone she used.
I turned to face her, “Not too good. Everyone is staring at me, Mandy. I mean, what’s up with that? People stop and stare and whisper. I haven’t seen that when other people break up.”
Mandy looked at me odd before saying, “Hello? You and Jeff were pretty much Mr. and Miss JWB High. When the cutest and most popular guy in school breaks up with a girl who is popular and a cheerleader, people are going to talk about it.”
“Why?” I asked. “What’s it to them? And you didn’t say ‘cute’ when you mentioned this popular cheerleader.”
Before Mandy could say anything, a voice grated from behind me. I turned around t
o see Sandy saying, “Well, well. If it isn’t little Miss Perfect. Or should I say ‘Mr.’ Perfect? I guess Jeffie finally wised up, huh. Looks like it’s a good thing you didn’t win that prom dress after all…”
I took a step towards Sandy and Mandy grabbed my arm and held me back.
Sandy raised her arms in a ridiculous imitation of a boxer’s stance. “Bring it on, ‘boy’, bring it on.”
I turned my back on Sandy and to Mandy I said, “What a stupid, worthless bitch! I… Owww!” My head was suddenly jerked back.
Sandy was yanking on a strand of my hair while she screamed, “Take off that wig, boy!”
“That’s my hair, you bitch!” I yelled as I tried to free myself.
I had my back to Sandy when I heard her yell out and she let go of my hair. I heard a familiar voice say, “Leave her alone, douche bag.”
I spun around and there was Jeff pulling Sandy’s arm away from me. To Sandy, he said sternly, “Beat it!” Sandy looked at Jeff, then to me and then back to Jeff. She tried to regain her composure, then walked slowly and quietly away, amid some shocked looks and a few giggles of the other kids in the immediate vicinity.
Jeff looked at me, and it looked as if he was about to say something. His neck and facial muscles tightened up as he bit his lip, and then spun around walked away.
Mandy turned towards me and asked, “What the crud was all that about?”
I lifted one hand to my forehead and brushed some hair out of my face. “I don’t know. I’m not sure if I can make it through the day or not. Would you walk with me to my class?”
Mandy smiled, “Sure. No problem.”
* * *
“Hey coach.” I stood in the doorway to Coach Renwick’s office.
Coach Renwick turned around and then got up out of her chair and approached me. She said, “Chrissy. Are you okay? I heard about you and Jeff. I’m really sorry.”
“Thanks. Me too.” I set my book bag on her desk and started to open it. “I have something to return to you.” I pulled out the breast forms and set them on the desk. “I don’t need these anymore.”
The Reluctant Prom Date (The Reluctant Series Book 4) Page 11
