Redneck Romeo (The Culture Blind Book 1)

by Xavier Neal

  “You got it.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “Come on, Lynette. Have I ever let you down?”

  My sassy, blonde sister-in-law sarcastically tilts her head to the side. “Need I remind you of the bachelor party incident?”

  “Hey! That wasn’t me! That was Sam!”

  “Who is there this time, too. Could you just…keep an extra eye on him? Make sure he gets back to the room?”

  “I’m more than capable of gettin’ back to the room, sweetheart.”

  She hums her skepticism.

  “My word,” I promise promptly.

  Cody angles the phone back his direction. “Love you to the moon and back, ‘Nette.”

  “Love you more, Cody.”

  “Love you girls to the stars and beyond,” he says warmly to his daughters.

  “We love you more, Daddy!” They giggle in unison.

  “Be good for your mom. I’ll call you all again tonight.” He ends the call and hits me with a suspicious look. “Are you finally sober?”

  I chuckle. “Wasn’t that drunk last night.”

  “No?” He swings his legs over the edge of his bed. “So all the idiotic smilin’ and ramblin’ you were doin’ about that random chick-”

  “Carly,” I correct, instantly, in a firm tone. “Her name is Carly.”

  A teasing smirk appears. “How the hell could I forget? You were goin’ on and on like a damn Tim McGraw song. Guess you’re tellin’ me you weren’t jus’ wearin’ beer goggles all night.”

  My head shakes slowly of its own accord.

  Cody tosses his phone to the side and folds his hands together. “Dusty, you can’t go around actin’ like you’re in love with the first woman you hook up with on vacation. It’s bad manners.”

  “It is not!”

  “Fine, it’s jus’ bad home trainin’, but still.” His expression becomes scolding. “The point of this trip is to let go and have fun. And, of course, by have fun I mean be balls deep in as much pussy as possible.”

  That was the plan months ago when he booked our room. It’s the reason he invited “Wham, Bam, Thank You Sam” to join us to begin with. My brother knew he would be a shit wing man considering the fact he’s married, but figured he could enjoy some much needed time off while babysittin’ me, since he’s convinced I’m seventeen rather than thirty one and can’t hold my beer. Spendin’ five days in a constant state of inebriation, enjoyin’ some of my favorite songs, and bikini clad women was most definitely the plan, ‘til I laid eyes on a beautiful woman with eyes the shade of my favorite whiskey.

  Cody lets out an annoyed huff, “Why the hell do I feel like you’re not listenin’?”

  “’Cause I’m not.”

  “Damn it, Dusty, I-”

  A heavy pounding on the resort room door, thankfully, ends his lecture.

  It’s not like I planned to fall face first for Carly, but I did. And just because romance ain’t my first language or hell, a close second, doesn’t mean I don’t know what the hell is happenin’ to me. I can feel this shit in my bones. That woman belongs with me. Next to me. Underneath and on top of me. More importantly, she belongs in my world for much longer than an extended weekend. She belongs in it for a lifetime.

  As soon as Cody opens the door Sam barges in with a bucket of beer. “You two assholes ready for breakfast?” He lifts up the container. “Better than orange juice.”

  “What’d you do?” Cody snatches out an aluminum bottle and tosses it to me. “Rob the refreshment cart?”

  “Yeah. That shit’s actually right outside our doors. They’re ready to clean shit up, which is good since it’s time to get our asses down to the pool party.”

  I twist the top off. “How long you been up?”

  “Bout twenty minutes. Ya know, jus’ enough time to rinse my nuts and get a cold beer.” Sam has a swig of his beverage. “Now hurry up. Pool pussy waits for no one.”

  My brother laughs, but doesn’t object.

  After the two of us take quick showers, brush our teeth, and lock away our valuables, we head towards The Kingdom, which is the largest pool the resort has. It contains a small covered stage area for performances, multiple lounge nooks, and is connected to two slightly smaller, yet still luxurious, pools. They’re appropriately titled The King and The Queen.

  We arrive at the patio of The Kingdom only to discover it is still fairly vacant.

  Sam’s first to comment, “What the hell? Thought there was a concert supposed to be happenin’.”

  “According to the update on the app the first chick had to cancel,” a feminine voice responds.

  Our eyes fall to an attractive blond stretched out in the lounge chair directly beside us.

  “The next isn’t for another forty five minutes or so.” She offers the three of us a seductive smirk. “You guys can pass the time with me and my friends if you want.”

  “We do want,” Sam insists, his smile sleazy.

  There’s no we in this. I wanna start scourin’ the area for the gorgeous face I haven’t been able to get off my mind. The one surrounded by dark brown, wavy hair, cropped right at her chin. The one with the tiny diamond piercing right above her full lips. Why any woman would do that to her complexion is beyond me. Hell, on any other woman I’d probably sneer and make an asshole joke about it, but on her? On her it fits. Commands a person’s attention to her mouth, a mouth I want on mine…on my neck…on my dick….Shit. I gotta find Carly.

  Cody catches wind of my pending decline and promptly states, “We sure the hell do. I’m Cody. That’s Sam. And this is my very single, very ready to have a good time with you younger brother, Dustin.”

  My eyes briefly narrow at him before offering her a polite smile. “Nice to meet you.”

  She pushes her sunglasses into her hair and coos. “Love the accent.”

  Most city women do.

  “I’m Taylor.” Her eyes assess my bare chest, lingering a bit too long right above my crotch. “These are my besties, Kathy,” her hand motions to the blond beside her who immediately leans forward to examine us, “and Di.” The black haired woman on the other side of Kathy angles her body our direction as well.

  Collectively the three of them put mental claims on the three of us unaware only one out of our group is actually available.

  My brother is happily married and I’m…I’m already complainin’ about how long I’ll have to wait to see Carly in a white dress.

  Sam shamelessly sets his eyes on the one in the middle. Platinum dyed hair. Set of fake tits poppin’ out of a hot pink bikini. Spray tanned skin shimmerin’. She looks like somethin’ out of Lacey and Lyndsey’s toy box.

  “How about a round of shots to get this afternoon goin’?” Sam suggests with another predatory smirk.

  The three giggle and rapidly nod their heads.

  I roll my eyes and shoot Cody an annoyed glance.

  He drops his arm around my shoulder. “It’ll be fun, Dusty! The right kinda fun.”

  Why does Carly have to be labeled as the wrong kinda fun? Why does wantin’ to be balls deep in one woman night after night after night have to be a bad thing? Isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t that what he does? Why is it alrigh’ for him to be settled down, but not me?

  Shit. White dress? Settled down? What is it about this woman that switched my gears from maybe someday to right now this day?

  I start to argue when a figure I would recognize in the middle of New York City on the busiest day of the year crosses my line of vision.

  Without another word, I shrug out of his grip, ignore his pleas to come back, and maneuver quickly around the occupied lounge chairs. My body moves as quickly as it possibly can, eyes attached to the bright red swimsuit covered creature enslaving my thoughts with every sway of her hips.

  Carly finally stops at the pool side bar and the moment she’s within reach, I tug her body to mine, making her back flush with my front. My arms settle right above her hips, and she gives them a sweet stoke, we
lcoming them like they’re home.

  Hell, they are.

  There’s no hesitation to lean back into my hold. “You found me.”

  The words are coated in relief rather than irritation. Hearing her have the same hope I’ve been carrying around since we left causes me to tighten my grasp.

  I let my lips brush against her ear. “I’ll never lose you, baby.”

  A small shiver rips through her, and she bites her bottom lip to contain a whimper.

  Damn, I’ve never wanted to hear that sound more.

  Carly peers up at me with a beam bright enough to outshine the sun. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, cowboy.”

  “I’m not.”

  Neither of us makes the effort to glance away.

  I wonder if she feels this too. I wonder if her whole world has crumbled apart unexpectedly and she’s jus’ been waitin’ for me to help pick up the pieces. Waitin’ for me to appear again, so we can build somethin’ big and bright and beautiful, that belongs to just us.

  An eruption of squeals steals her gaze away from me. My eyes follow suit, landing on two couples with matching pool floats laughing hysterically together.

  The brunette woman calls out to us, “You two wanna give it a shot?”

  Carly moves out of my arms to get closer to the water. “What exactly are you doing?”

  I slide my fingers with hers in a silent refusal to be apart unless absolutely necessary.

  “Float races,” the woman answers, erupting into giggles again. “You get on the float and your partner has to race you as fast they can to the stage area while you chug a beer and hold onto theirs. When you get to the stage area, you switch places and have to race them back over here. First person back to the edge wins.”

  Carly hits me a challenging smile. “Let’s see if those muscles are made for sport or for show.”

  A short chuckle escapes. “Alrigh’. I’ll order us the beer.”

  “Wooohooo!” the brunette shouts. “Maybe this time we’ll actually win, babe!”

  “Not likely Mary,” the woman sliding off the other float retorts.

  Once I’ve successfully ordered four beers from the bartender, I latch my eyes back onto Carly, slightly terrified she’s going to disappear again.

  It’s completely crazy to be obsessed with someone I barely know, but I am. I own that. I own that proudly. The same way I’ll proudly shout to the world I’m the luckiest man alive to have her. To hold her. To love her.

  Damn it….There’s really no walkin’ away from those particular thoughts.

  Carly saunters into the sparkling water, the red one piece swimsuit she’s showcasing her curves in pissing me off more and more with each passing second. The fire engine color is enough to warrant a closer look, but the way it laces up the front, the sides and the back beckons every set of eyes in radius to pay attention. To picture the delicate skin barely being hidden in a much more intimate setting. She looks like sin and every time she dips lower into the water I disregard any need for salivation. But she belongs to me. I don’t want every asshole in this place comin’ after my heart who just so happens to be squeezed into somethin’ much too sexy for public.

  The bartender clears his throat, and I turn to face him.

  He offers me a puzzled look that makes me wonder how long I’ve been in my own head.

  I toss a tip into the jar, grab the drinks, and promptly meet the crowd in the water.

  “This is Jimmy and Mary,” Carly introduces with a casual point to the brunette woman who summoned us and her brunette significant other lounging on the edge of her float. “They’re from Colorado. And they met this couple,” she points to the pair leaned against the pool wall, “Sherry and Tim at the check in counter yesterday. They’re from Minnesota.”

  Carly passes the two we will be racing beers at the same time I joke, “Everyone’s tryin’ to escape the cold, huh?”

  “Exactly,” Jimmy answers on a laugh.

  Mary quickly questions, “Are you two married?”

  “Not yet,” I reply with sweet smirk.

  Carly glances up at me, and I deliver a definitive look in return.

  White dress. Weddin’ in the old barn out by Smitty’s place. Lots of beer. Lots of sex….

  Rather than confess the truth about our relationship not even being a day old, I ask, “You ready to hop on, baby? Show the world what we’re made of?”

  She snickers. “Don’t get cocky. You’ll be in a shit storm of trouble if we don’t win. I hate losing.”

  “Competitive?”

  “Extremely.”

  Definitely, my kind of lady.

  Once she’s on the hot pink flamingo float with both beers secured in her hands, I turn her the proper direction and pull the object back to the starting position.

  Sherry announces from behind us, “On your mark….Get set….Go!”

  Like a guppy with a shark on its ass, I propel us forward. Water splashes periodically obscuring my vision, but I refuse to let it slow me down. I keep my arms stretched out in front of me, kicking like my life depends on it. I guess in a way it does. Carly’s happiness is the whole reason we’re doin’ this. The desire to have her smilin’…laughin’…just enjoyin’ herself is somethin’ I would sell my soul to make possible. Havin’ a drunken pool race is easy street.

  Giggles and trash talk fill the air, the four of us dedicated to having fun as much as we are to winning. However, at the switching point, Carly and I run into some startling difficulty.

  My body falls back into the water for the third time. “Sonofabitch!”

  Carly’s laughter increases in volume. “Are you kidding me? You can’t even get on the float!”

  “Why’s it so slippery!?” I shout back just as Jimmy successfully mounts his.

  She fights for composure while I struggle to get on the stupid flamingo. “If we lose there’s no way in hell I’ll marry you.”

  I toss her a playful look. “Does that mean if we win you will?”

  “It’s at least an option,” her laughter deepens, burying itself into each and every bone in my body. “Now, get on the damn thing and ride it!”

  “You know this would be a completely different conversation if this was a horse.”

  Carly’s head falls back on another laugh.

  It’s agony to look away.

  Finally up on the bird, I snatch my beer from her, and state, “You better swim like we’re in the damn Olympics.”

  “Says the man who wouldn’t even qualify for hurdles!”

  Suddenly, there’s a giant splash beside us and we shoot our eyes over to see it. Jimmy’s managed to fall off his float, and Mary’s too busy laughing to help him back on.

  “Now’s our chance, baby. Go! Go!”

  Carly pushes her body to a swimming position and starts to kick. Sadly, her efforts aren’t enough. I’m barely moving and the small distance I am making is most likely from passing pedestrians currents.

  I glance over my shoulder and throw my beer free hand in the air.

  “You’re like trying to move a fucking freight train!”

  It’s my turn to laugh loudly.

  “You gotta lay off the milk or Wheaties or eighty pounds of corn….” Her toned legs kick harder. “This is like trying to push a submarine!”

  Another chortle pops out of me. “My muscles ain’t jus’ for show.”

  “Obviously,” she weakly grouses.

  Our mirth-filled eyes meet and my mouth moves without my consent. “Win or lose, baby, I’m still askin’ you to marry me one day.”

  To my surprise the words kick the corner of her lip upward. Carly grows an unmistakable look of determination and boosts her efforts. The float picks up a little speed, which is when she demands, “You better chug that beer like a freshman at his first frat party.”

  I chuckle, but don’t protest. Instead, I place it to my lips and start to down it.

  “Oh no, they’re catching up,” whines Mary loudly.

&nbs
p; The moment I’m finished with my drink I grab a glimpse of our competition.

  Despite our rough start, Carly’s not only managed to find her strength, she’s unleashed her vying nature to the fullest. Water is flying through the air with heavy breaths keeping it company. The overworked sounds flowing out of her are the same ones I plan on having her make for me under very different circumstances.

  Very naked circumstances.

  Very long and naked circumstances.

  Glancing over my shoulder again, I encourage, “Come on, baby! We’re almost there! You can win this!”

  Our bobbing flamingos are neck and neck for the last couple of feet. Through what I can only describe as a miracle my float hits the edge of the pool first and Sherry declares, “Winner!”

  Jimmy and Mary groan at the announcement, but it can barely be heard over the squeals coming from the woman I can’t wait to officially call mine. My stare darts to where she’s approaching the side of the float. She shoots me a wide grin, tosses her arms around my neck, and plants a victory kiss on my lips. Our mouths don’t hesitate to part nor do our tongues waste a single second in reuniting. Her tongue presses fiercely against mine; praising it for not letting her down, providing it with an award I would compete in a million Olympic events for. Carly attempts to cut the kiss short, but one of my arms possessively winds around her, anxious to never stop. To never let go.

  “Excuse me?” A faintly familiar voice pulls us apart.

  We glance up at the pair of women standing judgingly near the edge of the pool.

  “That’s our friend’s mouth you’re holding hostage,” Cordie snickers while Audrey simply smiles.

  The best friends. The two people whose approval I most likely need if I’m gonna keep stealing away the third member of their trio. From the small amount of time I spent with ‘em yesterday I gathered enough information to make some safe assumptions. Given the way Cordie’s currently dressed, I’d say the ones about her are accurate. Everything from her overly made-up face, to the swimsuit nightmare she’s wearin’, screams fashion female. Personally? The red halter top with ruffles and white and blue stripe high-waist bottoms are a huge no go for me, but I’m sure somewhere out there in one of those chick mags, what she’s wearin’ is the hottest thing under the sun. The odd combination of colors aside, she’s too thin. I don’t mind a woman who chooses a healthy way of livin’, but I need to know they aren’t gonna turn down my dad’s perfect ribeye or Momma’s twice-baked cheesy potatoes. Plus, her self-absorbed nature is obnoxious. Kinda thought her and Sam would’ve been a match made in heaven on that front. Guess havin’ to compete for the opportunity to talk about yourself is exhaustin’.