Lucky Scars

by Kerry Heavens

  “Hmmm,” I was pulled from my thoughts.

  “We’re here.” Jonathan said softly.

  My heart began to pound in my chest. This was it. I was going to kiss him…or he was going to kiss me, whichever. My pulse was thumping, I could hear it. Jonathan opened the door and stepped out, holding it open for me to pass him. I heard him ask the driver to wait and relaxed a little that he obviously didn’t expect to come up.

  He accompanied me to the door and I turned to face him, conscious that I must look terrified.

  “I’m not going to question why I’m dropping you at your office, Bea. If you don’t want me to know where you live, that’s fine. But I need you to guarantee me you can get home safely from here.” He looked so earnest I swooned.

  I bit my lip unconsciously and he watched me hungrily. I felt guilty that he had to assume I was hiding that from him. “This is where I live Jonathan.” I told him. “I have a flat above my studio.”

  He looked up at the front of the building silently.

  “I swear. I’m not trying to keep you from knowing where I live. This is it. My parents own the building.”

  Jonathan laughed softly and seemed to relax. “Well in that case, thank you for allowing me to see you safely home.” He smiled and took a step closer.

  I sucked in a breath.

  I could do this.

  He reached out and slipped his fingers into my hair, bringing his face close to mine. I closed my eyes and my heart thundered.

  I could do this.

  His lips pressed softly to my cheek and then he was gone.

  “Goodnight beautiful Bea.” He said.

  My eyelids fluttered open and I watched him step back towards the cab. I swallowed around the lump in my throat that surely must be my heart trying to pound its way out of my body.

  “Goodnight, Jonathan.” I croaked meekly.

  He smiled before getting back into the cab and leaving me a mess of anticipation and doubt on the curb.

  I shuddered out a sigh.

  What the fuck?

  My hands shook as I let myself into the building and I avoided the mirror in the lift in embarrassment. When I entered the studio, I was surprised to see the lamp at Ziggy’s desk on. He had obviously returned to work at some point tonight and was hunched over his sketch book and didn’t look up as I approached. I took a deep breath; I was mortified about what had just happened and I didn’t want it to show on my face. When I reached his desk I realized he wasn’t hunched over his work. He was asleep.

  “Zig?” I touched his hair lightly. I didn’t want to startle him.

  He jumped awake and lifted his head, mumbling incoherent words and wiping at his face.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  Ziggy finally seemed to focus on me after rubbing his eyes. “Hmm?”

  “What are you doing back here?”

  “I arrived home early and Dad was on a bender. I was just in time for his rendition of the list of things that went to shit in his life that he can blame on me.” He rubbed his temples. “For the sake of the neighbours, I decided not to stick around. If he has no one to yell at, he tends to settle down faster.”

  “Oh God, I’m sorry.” I sighed, really feeling for him now that I could visualise what his life was like in that flat. But one thing wasn’t clear. “Why on earth are you asleep at your desk?”

  He groaned. “My head was pounding and I was exhausted. I just closed my eyes for a little while.”

  “Why didn’t you go up to the flat and lie down?” I frowned.

  “I didn’t know if you were home and I…” he winced. “I didn’t want to disturb you.”

  “Oh Ziggy,” I sighed. “You can always go up. It’s not disturbing me; I mean it.” I went over to the bookshelf behind my desk and pulled my spare keys from the top edge. “Here. It’s always open in the daytime, but now you can get in at night too. I want you to come in if you need to. Any time. Okay?” I placed them in his hand and closed his fingers around them.

  “Sparkles, you don’t have to.” He tried to push them back.

  “I know I don’t have to. I want to. Don’t ever think you have nowhere to go again, alright?”

  He blew out a long breath and I could tell he was fighting emotion. “Thank you, and I’m sorry. I don’t usually involve other people in the shit I have to deal with.”

  “I know,” I stroked a lock of his hair off his forehead, “but you don’t have to hide it from me.” Realising that I was touching him so fondly, I snapped my hand back.

  Shit.

  He looked at me for a long moment. “Did you have a nice evening?”

  I took a shaky breath. “I did. Thanks.” I offered him a smile I wasn’t feeling. It was lovely, until the final few minutes. But I felt really weird talking to him about it, so instead I pulled on his arm. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

  Ziggy stood and picked up a large backpack I hadn’t noticed until then. “I don’t mind taking the sofa. I don’t want to put you out.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be silly. We’ve shared a bed before, we can do it again.”

  I heard a soft sigh from him as I climbed the stairs. “Thanks,” he said quietly.

  We got ready for bed in silence. I brought him something for his head and he took it before stretching out beside me. He stared at the ceiling for a while while I watched him.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked tentatively.

  “Not really,” he replied turning towards me. He reached out and pulled me close to him and draped his arm around me. “I’d rather just cuddle,” he yawned.

  It took everything in me not to gasp audibly at the contact. I was a mess of hormones and unwelcome feelings and what his touch did to me was nothing compared to knowing that he needed me near him.

  He relaxed completely once we were wound in each other and quickly fell asleep, leaving me wide awake. Jonathan had left me feeling a need I hadn’t known in so long, but it was wrapped in Ziggy that I realized I was in serious trouble. He felt nothing but platonic towards me, that was perfectly clear, but I was definitely feeling so much more, and lying in his arms, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Hey sleepy head,” Ziggy nudged me under the covers.

  “Leave me alone.” I grumbled.

  He yawned wide and set me off. “Didn’t you say you had some brunch thing with your brother today?”

  “Yeah, so?”

  He chuckled. “You are just a ray of sunshine in the morning aren’t you? It’s eight-thirty. I wasn’t sure when you needed to leave to get there on time.”

  “Ugh, shit. In about thirty minutes. Thanks for waking me.” I sat up reluctantly and scratched my head. I slept like crap. Ziggy slept like a baby and I was glad about that. It seemed like he needed to reset, but I fretted all night long. There was not enough coffee in London to give me the lift I needed right now.

  “No worries.” He sat up too. So, listen, can I ask you a massive favour?” He looked up at me with his mismatched eyes, and I was as lost as he looked in that moment. “Since you’ve already seen all my dirty laundry anyway, can I crash here tonight? I know you’re going to your brother’s, and I know it’s a real liberty asking to stay at your place when you’re not even here, but Dad’s going to be unmanageable for a couple of days. It’s best if I stay out of his way. It was a really bad one; he hasn’t been like that in years.”

  Shit, it must have been awful, and there I was about to desert him in his hour of need. I wouldn’t be able to relax and have a good time with Charlie knowing Ziggy was here alone after being driven out of his own home by his shitty father. “I can do one better than that. Come with me.” The offer was out before I thought it through.

  “No,” Ziggy began to brush me off. “You go have fun. I’ll be fine here.”

  “Nope. You’re coming.” I had decided, and Ziggy was going to love it. “Let me shower, I’ll get us some fraps while you jump in there,
and then we’ll blow this joint for a weekend of forgetting our troubles. What do you say?”

  He hesitated for a moment, and then a slow smile crept across his face. “Okay,” he said. Then he hesitated. “If you’re sure.”

  “I’m sure.”

  A weekend of forgetting our troubles was just what the doctor ordered. Only, now I was taking my main trouble with me.

  This was going to be interesting.

  “There she is!” Max called out as we walked through the door of Lady Luck’s, Liv’s diner. He crossed the floor in three of his long strides and scooped me up in his arms.

  “Missed you, Trix,” he crooned before setting me down. Then he seemed to notice Ziggy, and his eyes flashed bright with questions and assumptions. I glared him down and said tightly, “Max, this is Ziggy. Ziggy, this is my brother-in-law Max.”

  They shook hands.

  “Good to meet you, man,” Ziggy said, sounding completely at ease.

  “You too,” Max agreed, then winked at me so fast it was almost imperceptible, but it gave me the sinking feeling that I was in for trouble today. “We’re going to need one more chair,” he shouted over to Charlie. “Trixie brought a friend.” And with that less than subtle announcement, everyone gathered at the big table turned to see who in the hell I, Bea, the closed off loner, had deemed special enough to bring to breakfast.

  “Hey, everyone,” I waved weakly, trying to diffuse some of the unwanted attention. We followed Max over, and Charlie was the first to greet me. His hug was tight, and even when he was asking me how I was, his eyes never completely stopped flitting to Ziggy who was standing just behind me.

  “Ziggy, this is my brother, Charlie,” we repeated the introduction. Charlie was polite, though less enthusiastic than Max, which was pretty normal, but, even so, I could feel the intense “What the hell?” in his stare.

  I maybe should have warned him instead of blindsiding him, but honestly, I couldn’t handle the reception if they’d had time to digest it and wind themselves up into a frenzy over me bringing a guy home, even one who is just a friend.

  “Bea!” Liv saved me.

  “How are you?” I squealed.

  “I’m great! How are you?” Even her tone was loaded.

  “I’m good,” I told her robotically. She had a squirmy toddler on her hip, and I turned my attention to her. “Now Miss Shelby, you need to stop growing! Look at you!” Shelby hid her face in her mum’s chest before peeping out again with a grin. She’s always a little shy at first, but once she warms up, I’m her favourite. “Where’s Willow?”

  “She’s just helping her dad with the drinks.” Liv rolled her eyes. “She’s a little control freak. No idea where she gets it from!”

  I couldn’t contain the belly laugh that erupted from me. It was good to be home. We made our way around the table, making introductions and catching up with everyone. Jen and Scott and their daughter Ruby. Connie, who I hadn’t seen in ages. Danny, Liv’s husband, and their other daughter Willow. By the time we got around to where Jake was sitting with Max, I was beat.

  “Zig, this is my nephew Jake,” I said, gesturing to the chair beside him, letting Ziggy know this was where to sit.

  “Alright, Jake.” Ziggy put out his hand, and Jake tentatively shook it as Ziggy sat beside him.

  “Jake, here, is the next generation of gamer. You should watch yourself, Zig, he’ll run circles around you.”

  “Oh really?” Ziggy looked mildly impressed. “What do you play?”

  “Anything, really,” Jake said modestly, then listed a couple of his favourites.

  “Know those?” I teased Ziggy, knowing perfectly well that he did the concept artwork for both.

  “I’m familiar with them,” Ziggy smirked. “You any good?”

  Jake shrugged. “Not bad. You?”

  “Oh shit,” I muttered and laughed hard.

  “I can hold my own. We should play later,” Ziggy suggested.

  “Okay, but I’m not letting you on my world if you’re going to take all my loot,” Jake warned him.

  “I wouldn’t dream of it,” Ziggy laughed.

  “Hey Jake, have you heard of Starman?” I asked.

  “Course,” Jake scoffed. “Who hasn’t?”

  “Can you keep a secret?” I asked, looking around conspiratorially. Ziggy’s eyes narrowed. He knew I was about to bust him out to his biggest fan, and he was okay with it because he was family, and it was going to make Jake’s whole damn year.

  “Sure,” Jake shrugged.

  I leaned down and whispered in his ear, and his back straightened as I said the words. When I pulled back to look at him, his eyes were alight, and he was staring at Ziggy like he was the second coming or something.

  I left them to it, at that point. No one was getting a word in while the normally reserved Jake talked Ziggy’s ear off.

  “What did you do?” Charlie asked in disbelief, watching Jake talk animatedly with Ziggy, who had also clicked immediately into gamer gear.

  “How to make a teen boy light up like the 4th July - 101. Introduce him to his hero,” I smiled.

  “Huh?” Charlie grunted, still confused.

  “Ever heard of Starman?” I asked, happy that I could do this for Jake. Of course Charlie had heard of him; he, Scott and Danny had invented a new platform a couple of years ago and sold it to one of the big three gaming companies. It had gone on to become the next big thing.

  “Yeah, of course. But no one knows who he is.”

  “Well…almost no one.” I looked back to where Ziggy and Jake were both simmering with excitement.

  Charlie followed my gaze and then snapped his face back to mine. “No!”

  I gave him a look that said, “Oh yes, little brother.”

  “NO!”

  I nodded.

  “So, you mean to tell me that this dude you like…”

  “Shhhh!” I hissed. “Keep your Goddamn voice down!”

  “This dude you like,” he leaned in and whispered, “that you have working for you, I might add….is fucking Starman?”

  I cringed. “When you put it like that, it sounds slightly soap opera-ish, don’t you think? But that’s pretty much the situation, yeah.” I tried to sound innocent, like this was just a small detail I’d left out when I spilled my guts to him on the phone, but I knew damn well that I wasn’t going to hear the last of this.

  “Holy shit,” Charlie whispered under his breath.

  “Yeah,” I agreed.

  It was nice to have a minute to appreciate the little miracle for what it was, with someone who could appreciate it. Right in the eye of the storm of my life when I felt like things were so complicated, it was easy to overlook the simplistic pleasure of the achievement that was employing a legend no one else could get. I had known on the way over that everyone was going to shit a brick when I walked in with a guy. It just hadn’t occurred to me until we were talking to Jake that they would all know who he was.

  It was clear by the time breakfast had ended that Danny and Scott had been filled in, and I’d had to threaten them with wedgies, which were more effective than non-disclosure agreements. I knew they wouldn’t blow his cover, and it was a good feeling, honestly, to have their respect.

  Jake had talked Ziggy’s ear off, and once we got to Charlie and Max’s place, they had disappeared into Jake’s room. I had a feeling I wouldn’t see them for a while.

  “Sooooo?” Max asked pointedly, taking the seat on one side of me as Charlie took the one opposite. “What’s newww?”

  “Ugh, do me a favour? Let’s not play the game where you act like he didn’t tell you every last detail, and I have to go through it all again for your amusement. Okay? It’s exhausting. I just need you to tell me how to make this all go away.”

  “Well, if you want it all to go away, bringing him here was your first mistake,” Max informed me.

  “Yeah and employing him wasn’t too smart either,” Charlie added.

  “Thanks Captain Obviou
s and Lieutenant Duh!” I flicked Max on the forehead. “But I’m looking for helpful suggestions and actual advice here, thank you very much. I employed him before all this happened. Now what do I do?”

  “Firstly, this Jonathan dude? Do we need him?” Charlie asked

  “What do you mean, ‘Do we need him?’”

  “I mean, is he a key player in this or just a bit part?”

  “Harsh!” I snorted.

  “Harsh, but true, Trix. Either we need him, or we can lose him.”

  “I don’t think it’s fair to categorise him like that. He hasn’t done anything wrong.”

  “I agree,” said Max. “In fact, I think he has done you a real service. He’s woken you up from your slumber, Sleeping Beauty.” He returned the flick to my forehead.

  I wrinkled my nose. “You think?”

  “Tell me how he makes you feel.” Max demanded.

  I thought for a moment. “He makes me feel beautiful, special even, but then again he’s so smooth, it might just be a well-polished act he brings out to charm every woman he meets. I don’t know. I’m hopeless at this.”

  “Bingo!” Max cries. “What we have here is a classic case of inbound man.”

  “I’m sorry?” Charlie asked his husband, perplexed. I was relieved when even he didn’t understand the logic because I was totally lost.

  “A rebound guy is the guy you bang right after a break up. He’s supposed to make you feel better but inevitably screws you up more than the one you were trying to get over.”

  “We get that, oh wise one. It’s the inbound shit you lost us on,” Charlie told him, exasperated.

  “There has to be an opposite to that, right? Like if you have a late bloomer, or in Trixie’s case a looooong hiatus, there has to be a warm up act, someone who reminds you you’re alive and prepares you for when the real deal shows up,” Max tried to explain.

  “And you think that ‘inbound’ is the term? I hate to tell you this, Max, but inbound is not the opposite of rebound.”

  “It sounded good. Work with me here.”

  “Fine, whatever,” Charlie dismissed. “So, Jonathan is the ‘inbound’ guy?”

  “Exactly.”

  “Well, then who is supposed to be the ‘main event’?” I asked, struggling to keep up.