by C. A. Harms
“Well, I don’t need you to do me any favors,” I looked over my shoulder and narrowed my eyes. “You and Ryker were different. You had a past, you two loved one another even though you decided to be pigheaded and stubborn.”
“You have the pigheaded part perfected,” she mumbled, but I heard her clearly.
I let her words die between us, but I could almost feel her eyes burning a hole in the back of my head.
“You know he’s not dating either of those girls,” she finally spoke again.
“How do you know?” I asked instantly regretting the engagement.
“Let me see,” she replies sarcastically. “My husband is his best friend, they are together almost daily and,” she paused causing me to turn completely around to face her. I shouldn't show interest, but I can’t help it. “I asked him.”
“You asked him,” I repeated and she nodded.
“Khloe isn’t into men if you know what I mean,” she went back to stuffing envelopes, but never stopped talking. “They met the first night he was here after you left with Paul.” I felt the guilt hit me once again, though I shouldn't feel guilty, I still did. “She befriended him and they’ve been hanging out ever since. Shauna though is interested in Ben, as in very interested.”
My stomach knotted at the thought.
“Only he told Ryker that he isn't interested in her in the same way. Friends yes, but nothing more.”
“She didn't get that memo,” again I wanted to slap myself for engaging.
“So you noticed,” she smiled happily still looking down at the paper in her hands. “ I thought you did.”
“Will you stop looking so happy about it?” I rolled my eyes twisting back around to my computer.
“Will you stop being so stubborn and admit that you feel something for him?” She fired back with her own request. “Because this continuous denial of what you truly want is so annoying.”
“Then stop worrying about it,” I was being mean, but I didn’t want to think about it anymore. I’ve thought about it every single minute since the last time I saw him. Hell, I even caught myself dreaming of it too. I was burned out and honestly, needed something else to think about.
“I’ll stop worrying about it when you stop making all your life decisions based on what happened with your parents.”
There you have it. That was what I got for arguing with someone that knew me better than any other person did. Nicole and I have been friends since we were in kindergarten. She stood by me when it all fell apart and listened to me swear over and over that I would never allow myself to go through the same things my mother did. I couldn't deny that the reason I held back was due to the things I saw and heard as a child, not with her. She knew.
“Ben’s not your dad,” Nicole added and the words made my chest tighten. “He’s had his fair share of heartbreak. I just think you’re making a mistake by pushing him away.”
I took in a deep breath, my shoulders sagged as a feeling of defeat hit me.
“I’ll mess it up,” I confessed, “someway, somehow I’ll do or say something to screw it all up. He’ll get tired of me and then it will all come to an end. That part terrifies me.”
“Tell him,” she insists. “Be honest with him, instead of continuing on with this ‘I don’t want the things he wants’ charade. It’s kind of unfair to him that you won't give him a chance to prove to you he’d understand.”
It was times like these that I wished she didn’t know me so well. It would make ignoring her words so much easier.
Chapter Seven
BEN
I rushed from my bedroom, hopping along on one foot toward my front door. I yanked it open and found Ryker standing in the doorway holding Victoria, who wore a fluffy pink dress. In fact, the fluff was so elaborate that Ryker’s arms and chest were hidden in the madness.
“Look at you,” I said reaching out to tap the end of her nose. “Like a princess.”
“Daddy got it for me,” she stated proudly and Ryker’s smile grew. He may not be her biological father, but you’d never know. He’d loved Tori as if he’d been there everyday of her life, raising her and nurturing her.
The day Tyler Murphy decided to sign over his rights as her father giving Ryker that role, was one of my best friend’s most memorable days. I still remember that call, the one where he shared an emotional tearful declaration of his love for the sweet little blond haired girl that was now legally his daughter. It still got to me every time I saw the two of them together.
“It’s my birthday,” she added regaining my attention.
“I know,” I replied as I turned around and pointed toward the big box that sat on my coffee table. I wrapped it pink paper and a bow that almost matched the poof of her dress. “That is yours.”
She squealed in delight as she tried to wiggle free from Ryker’s hold. “Not until your party,” he tells her. “Which, if Uncle Goofball doesn’t get a move on, we’re gonna be late for.”
“And Momma will be mad,” Tori added making both Ryker and I laugh.
“That she will be princess,” Ryker states as he reached out and pushed my shoulder. “Get a move on man, when Momma gets mad, Daddy gets lonely if you know what I mean.”
I knew exactly what he meant and I could sympathize, I was lonely as fuck.
The drive across town toward Allan’s house was full of Tori and her giggles. The excitement that flowed off of her was contagious. Hell, I was excited. Mine of course was more related to Aunt Liz as Tori continued to say. Apparently Liz had decorated and made her cake with May, her mother. I still couldn't understand how someone that obviously loved kids couldn't one day want her own.
When we pulled into the driveway of Nicole’s father house, it looked like a bottle of Pepto Bismol had exploded. I have never in my life seen so much pink in one location.
“Wow,” I said because honestly, it was all I could think of.
“Yeah,” Ryker added looking at the house in equal amazement. Even though the guy was all frilly and lace, I think he was even shocked. Round two was coming for the poor guy as Nicole just found out recently they were having another girl. A hell of a lot more pink was coming his way.
I opened the truck door and reached out to take Tori who practically leaped from the cab and into my arms. She wiggled and squirmed as I lowered her to the ground and she took off like a bullet toward the house. She Bypassed Nicole who had just hobbled down the steps. She leaped toward her grandpa and he caught her mid air. Seeing Allan always made me miss my own father, and reminded me that because I left home didn’t mean I couldn't still visit.
I lifted my present for Victoria from the back of Ryker’s truck and just as I turned back around toward the house, I froze. Liz stood next to her mother and sister and the resemblance of the three of them was uncanny. The Berfield women were definitely a pleasant site. They stood out, radiantly beautiful.
“You coming to the party or you plan on standing out here all day and perving on the woman?” Ryker pushed against my shoulder as he moved forward leaving me alone to gather my wits.
“Smart ass,” I mumbled with a smile on my face as I too followed behind.
It was almost as if Liz felt me coming as she looked toward me and the smile she wore made me falte for just a second. I wanted nothing more than to be the one making her smile like that Bigger actually, and brighter.
“Hey Ben, it’s nice to see you again,” May said happily as she stepped up and pulled me in for a hug. I willingly returned one, as I watched Liz’s reaction to her mother’s.
As May stepped back, Elle stepped forward also offering me a hug, “She is a pain in the ass, but don’t give up on her,” she whispered just before she stepped back and offered me a wink.
There I stood, still staring back at Liz, her eyes locked on mine. “Do I get a hug from you too?” I asked.
“Not sure yet,” she threw back at me with a little bit of sass. “I don’t give them out as easily as these two.” She motioned toward h
er mom and sister.
“Oh sweetheart then you are missing out,” May tossed right back, “because that man smells good.”
I felt the heat rise in my cheeks as both Elle and Liz burst out laughing at their mother’s words. Of course, May looked at the both of them as if they’d lost their minds. “What?” She asked. “He does.”
“That’s exactly what Liz says too,” Elle threw in just before she darted out of the way when Liz reached out for her. I, of course, was now intrigued by the knowledge that Liz talked about me.
“You think I smell good do ya?” I teased her as I stepped in closer.
“Ben,” she said holding up her hand to stop me, but I kept advancing. When she attempted to step backwards herself, she found that she was trapped between the tables and the porch. “Stop,” she ordered and then laughed.
Liz of course narrowed her eyes at me, but I was beyond caring. I wanted to feel her even if it was only for a split second.
By this point, both May and Elle had slipped away and it was only the two of us.
“Just one hug,” I said as I held out my arms to her. “Then I’ll make it easy for you to ignore me.”
She didn’t smile which is what I intended for her to do. Instead she lowered her head and stepped closer, her face pressing against my chest. “I don’t want to ignore you,” she confessed and my heart did that crazy leap thing it always did when it came to Liz. “And you do smell good.”
I wrapped my arms around her and for a second, just held her close. I didn't care what anyone else thought or whispered behind us, I just accepted what she was offering.
“For the record,” I whispered near her ear, “I think you smell good too.”
I felt her body shake against mine and I knew she was laughing. That tightness in my chest let up just a little hearing her happiness.
“You’re such a goof,” she said though her words were slightly muffled by that fact that her face was still tucked in tightly to my chest. “But it only makes me like you more.”
I stopped laughing and felt as if I may have heard her wrong.
“I’m a mess when it comes to this type of thing,” she added as she finally lifted her head and looked up at me. “I’ve spent so long avoiding any type of attachment that I honestly don’t know what to do with the feelings I have for you.”
“Are you done then?” I asked feeling my hands shake as I tried to hold back the urge to kiss her.
“Done with what?”
“Are you done pretending that you don’t feel something for me? Done pretending that our one night together was more than just two people having a little fun?” I wanted to say more but held back.
“It was pretty fun though,” she added with a smirk.
I shook my head at her sassiness, “It was a whole lot more than just fun.” I corrected her. “I’ve been patiently waiting for you see me, but now I’m done waiting.” I lowered my lips to hers, but didn't miss the flash of panic in her eyes just before our lips touched. It didn’t take long for her to give in, and she lifted her hands up to cup the back of my neck.
Here was the girl I remember. The one who gave herself over to me without hesitation. The same girl that rocked my world over and over, leaving me to crave her every fucking day since.
I heard someone say it’s about damn time, just before a woman laughed. It may have been Nicole, but I wasn’t sure. The last thing I was gonna do was pull away long enough to look. It had taken me this long to get Liz to stop being so damn resistant. I was going to take it all in for now.
She finally pulled back and I rested my forehead to hers, watching her close. I refused to allow her to say this was a mistake.
“There is a lot you don’t understand about me,” she finally whispered painfully. “I’m worried I’ll mess this up. I’m not sure I know how to have this type of connection with someone.”
“Then we go slow,” I assured her. “We talk and you tell me what it is you fear the most. In turn, I’ll do everything I possibly can to make sure that neither of us does anything to mess this up. But you have to talk to me Liz, I need to understand what has you so worried.”
“Later,” she assured me and for now, I have to take her word on it.
I stole one last kiss causing her to smile as I stepped back and we both turned to face our audience. The girls were smiling, Alan had Victoria entertained near the table of presents and Ryker offered up the cheesiest fucking smile I’d ever seen.
“Yeah, yeah,” Liz said waving her hand around in front of her. “Move on now, there is nothing to see here.”
I linked my fingers with hers, lifted her hand to my mouth and pressed a kiss against her palm. The smile she gave me in return was the one I’d wished for only moments ago. Then that same rush of excitement, the one that made my chest tighten and my legs wobble, returned.
This girl was going to bring me to my knees, and I was so ready to fall.
Chapter Eight
LIZ
“There is a tall, handsome and might I add dreamy hunk of a man waiting just outside for you.” I try not to laugh at the wide eyed expression of the teenage girl standing in my doorway. She was awestruck apparently and the way she was smiling had to cramp her cheeks.
“Did you get his name?” I asked already knowing who it was.
Her smile faltered as she looked back over her shoulder and then to me once more. “I forgot to ask,” she said with a high pitched voice. “I guess I was distracted.”
It was my turn to smile, “Believe me when I say I know exactly how that can happen.” She looked a little relieved. “His name is Ben and you can send him in.”
With a nod of her head, she stepped out and within seconds he appeared in the open doorway.
“Good morning,” he said as he moved in and sat on the edge on my desk. His large frame practically swallowing up the surface beneath him. “You avoiding me again?”
“No,” I leaned back and crossed my arms over my chest. “I’ve actually been busy.”
He watched me close as if I would somehow show him I was lying. Arching my brow I remained in place and his smile grew wider. “Have lunch with me,” he said, he didn't ask.
“Busy,” I replied holding up the stack of papers on my desk and giving them a little shake.
“Dinner then,” he continued to try. “I’ll even bring it to you if you can't get away.”
“What are we having?” I ask still not yet agreeing.
“What do you want?” He asks his eyes remain locked on mine. A mischievous smirk covering his lips. Ben and I had developed this little flirty game, we’ve pretty much mastered it. I knew he wanted me, and I wanted him, that was never the issue. I just had to learn to get past this hesitance inside of me that was always reminding me of what could go wrong.
“Steak,” I finally say ignoring the flutter in my stomach. “Seasoned vegetables and garlic roasted potatoes.”
“Can we forego the garlic?” He asks, “I kinda wanna kiss you later and I don’t want any excuses from you. If I add garlic in the mix, well I’m setting myself up for disappointment.”
I couldn't help the laughter that bubbled up and spilled from me. “You’re insane,” I told him.
“For you, yes,” he added and the humor instantly left me.
I still wasn’t sure how to react when he said things like that to me. It excited me, I’m not gonna pretend it didn’t. But it also gave me that rush of anxiety that set forth the need to backtracked, slipping away from the situation that was developing between us.
As if Ben knew the thoughts rolling around in my mind, he stood up and came around the side of my desk. Kneeling down, he placed his hands on my knees and forced me to look at him. “I need you to accept that I’m gonna say things like that to you. I won't lie to you, and I won’t hide the way I feel.”
I tried to turn away from him, but he slid his hand up my legs and held them firmly.
“I think we have a long overdue talk that needs to be done. So yo
u come to my place after you get done here, maybe six.” He waited for me to argue and when I didn't he continued. “I’ll make us dinner and then we’ll go over all the things that make you want to run away from me.”
I looked away from him because when he spoke the words I could see the frustration in his eyes.
“I know that’s what you want Liz, but I won’t let you.”
I knew he wasn’t lying, he was determined and had been since the day we met. Text messages, phone calls and now visits like these.
His palms slid over my thighs, up along my hips and around my waist. “Just promise me something,” he asks. When I start to shake my head, he leans in closer, his eyes boring into mine. “Promise me you’ll try.”
“I am trying,” I said.
“No,” he smiled but I could tell it didn't reach his eyes. “You’re stalling.”
I rolled my eyes at him, as if it was an uncontrollable reaction and he chuckled.
“You can’t pump the brakes on this before you even give it a chance.”
“I’m not,” I assured him. “I really have been busy.”
“Okay, then dinner, tonight.” I nod my head and he seems pleased as he moves in and presses a kiss to the corner of my mouth. “If you don’t show up, I will come and get you.”
With one more kiss, he stood tall and walked from the room without a glance back.
***
I could smell the steaks cooking the moment I climbed out of my car.
I stopped off at the bakery on the way to Ben’s and when I couldn't decide between the cupcakes or the cheesecake, I got both. I had never been more nervous than I was as I walked up the sidewalk toward his front door.
It took a pep talk from Nicole, a nagging rant from my sister, and a motherly lecture from my mom to get me here, but the point was I was here. I may feel nauseous and my pulse may be racing, but this was a step in the right direction.
