by C. A. Harms
Chapter Ten
LIZ
I was beginning to think there was a pattern here. A plan set forth to keep my mind hazy and my body temperature higher than the normal 98.6 degrees. Ben was obvious a smart man who knew exactly how to make a woman like me feel off kilter.
It infuriated me.
He did as I asked and slipped away to his room to get dressed. If you call replacing the towel with shorts the hung very low and forgoing the boxers beneath dressed. It made it real hard to concentrate when his friend was making an appearance and refusing to go away.
He had to be partially hard. He had to.
I shook my head as to clear my thoughts and he chuckled.
“What did you say?” I asked trying very hard to hide the fact I was just checking out his packaged. But to my defense he was lounged back on the couch, his legs parted and again those damn shorts were entirely too low on his waist.
“I asked you if you were going to take a seat and talk, since you refuse to let me take you to dinner first.” I wanted to argue, but honestly what was the point? By the arrogant look on his face he knew in the end I would give in and do as he asked. Why fight it?
The moment I sit on the opposite end of the couch, as far away as possible, I’m engulfed with the aroma of his irresistible cologne. I closed my eyes for a split second and chastised myself for once again letting my mind wander to the far off place of devouring Ben in one hundred different ways. The man was without a doubt a walking aphrodisiac for women.
“What do you want me to say?” I again try to remain irritated. I was slipping fast.
“Whatever you wanna say,” he tells me. “Why is is so hard for you to try this with me? Why do you automatically assume it will end badly. You won’t even give it a shot, already damning it from the beginning.”
“I don’t believe in forevers,” I say refusing to look at him. Looking at him will only give him a chance to see the hesitation in my eyes. There was a time, okay more than once, I let myself envision something more with Ben. The idea of what Nicole had with Ryker, the marriage, kids and having a man that treasured me.
“Scorned by a past lover?” Ben’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts.
“No.”
“Then what?” He asks. “There has to be something holding you back. Something keeping you from believing you deserve more than random men, a few wild nights and nothing more.” He was pushing and I was trying to figure out how to tell him without coming off as some crazed little girl trapped in a woman’s body.
“There has to be some asshole out there that hurt you and ruined my chances because he was to fucking stupid to realize what he had.”
“It wasn’t an ex-lover,” I say before I can stop myself. “I just had a really shitty father. A no good, sorry sack of shit that barely noticed he had kids, treated his wife like she was nothing and would rather spend his nights drunk at a bar, whoring himself out to random woman than being home with his family.” It was all said in a rush and I took in a deep breath knowing I’d said much more than I had planned.
Frustration tends to get me in trouble, when it forces my mouth to get ahead of my brain.
“I watched my mother suffer at the hands of my father for years. So many nights she’d wait up for him. She would welcome him, even though she knew what he’d been up to, just hoping for an ounce of his attention. It tore her down, it wrecked her.” I looked across the room focusing on a brass figurine of a soldier sitting on the shelf next to his television.
“I swore I’d never go through that.” I say in a low voice, almost a whisper. “It broke her, slowly over time I watch the vibrant woman I knew change and wither into someone who’d lost hope. She fought to make it work, I think more for us than herself. In the end, she realized staying with him was hurting us more than if she’d ended it all.”
Ben remained silent and I couldn't turn to look at him.
“I don’t want to be a woman trapped in a loveless relationship,” I continue. “I don’t want my children to ever know what it feels like to have a father who doesn’t want them. That is why I’ve decided to never have children, because they are the ones that get hurt most out of it all.”
For a moment a silence settled over us and I was sure he was looking at me like I was some crazy chick with daddy issues. Then he spoke and I couldn't help but look at him.
“I have two brothers, both younger. I have a mother and father who still after twenty six years of marriage act as if they are newlyweds. That’s how love should be.” He leaned forward, placing his elbows to his knees, and linking his fingers together. “There hasn’t been a day in my life I’ve ever witnessed the two of them stay mad at one another for more than five minutes. They have bickered and have fought, but never to the point where anyone questioned their love and loyalty. That is the kind of life I want.”
Something inside my chest ached for him to keep talking.
“Sometimes my brothers and I would get so tired of our parents fawning over each other, or us. Hell at times it was embarrassing.” He smiled and looked over at me. “But now all I picture is having those same things. The happy marriage that makes other envious. The love that makes my kids cringe when they think of their parents being that in love. I want that, I want that comfortable, settled, forever.”
“You’re lucky you got to witness that kind of love,” I tell him, “because I don’t have a clue what something like that looks like.”
“What I’m saying Liz, is that I’m not your father.”
I knew he wasn’t, but hearing him say those words made something inside me break.
“He’s a selfish man that didn’t love three of the most beautiful, extraordinary woman I’ve ever met. He’s the one that lost that gift, threw it away, but you can’t let his actions set precedent to your future. He doesn't deserve that ability. He shouldn't be allowed to have your chance at happiness, he should see that even though he was a bitter selfish man, you each still went on to strive without him.”
“You make it all sound so easy,” I tell him.
“It is,” he assured me, “you just have to willing to let go that power you’ve given him and strive for something greater.”
I smile at Ben because in that moment I’d been granted a part of him I didn’t know existed.
“You Benjamin Keaton have a logical side to you,” I say with a smirk. “One that I’m not quite completely sure I’m convince by, but you do make it all sound so simple.”
“Not trying to bullshit ya Liz. Yes, part of this may be my own way to convince you to give this,” he uses his finger to motion between the two of us, “a shot. But whether it be you and me, or you and someone else, it’s not fair to judge your future based on your past. You deserve to be happy Liz.”
“Sometimes I wonder if happy isn’t just overrated,” I say with complete honesty.
“I can assure you if you give me the chance to, I’ll prove you wrong.”
“Always so sure of yourself,” I tell him, feeling a little less tense.
“Well, ya know,” he shrugs followed by leaning in to bump shoulders with me. “Girls dig it.”
I don’t know about girls, but this girl was finding it harder to ignore. “Wasn’t there some talk of a kiss or two,” I say playfully, “I still don’t know what you’re referring to when you mention a loopy feeling.”
Ben smiled, a full fledge, playful smile, accompanied by that dimple that only chose to peek when he was at his happiest. “I don’t recall the mention of any kiss,” he tosses back.
“Oh really? I guess I must have imagined it,” I reply as I start to stand up from the couch. I didn't make it far before he hooked me around the waist and spun me around. I was in his lap, and his lips were only inches from mine before I had a chance to register what had happened.
“I’ll kiss you when you tell me you’re willing to give this a chance.” He was so very close that it was hard to concentrate on the words he spoke. “When you assure me that you’ll stop fighting it, you�
��ll stop analyzing it and you’ll see where it takes us.”
Why did he have to be so persistent?
I wanted to challenge him, but I also wanted the kiss, or the kisses.
“I can’t promise I won’t be difficult.” I tell him.
“Babe, I know you’ll be difficult, I’m counting on it actually. You wouldn't be the Liz I adore if you weren’t.”
Something about hearing him say he adored me gave me that loopiness he said I only got when he kissed me.
“I’ll try,” I tell him and he seemed overly pleased by my words. “Yeah, go ahead and act like your,” I didn't get the chance to finish my sentence before his lips were pressed to mine and his hand was gripping the back of my neck holding me close.
My head spun, my heart race and I knew right then and there that either been was going to heal the emptiness inside me, or break me to the point of no return.
Chapter Eleven
BEN
“Will you stop staring at that door,” Khloe says as she pushes against my shoulder moving toward the pool table. “You are like a trained dog.”
“You’re just jealous Liz is meeting me here and not you,” I throw back at her. Khloe has mentioned a time or two how attractive Liz is. She has also mentioned that she may try to convince her to give the better side of life a try. A girl on girl type of scenario, I’m not going to deny that it wouldn't be one hell of a site. But I would kill anyone that touched Liz, male or female.
She was right though, every single time that door opened, I felt my heart race with the thought of it being Liz. Yet each time it wasn’t, I felt the pang of disappointment.
“I’m telling you, if you’d just give me one shot to convince her, she’d be lost to you forever,” Khloe tosses back. She reminded me of myself, always so eager to throw around her confidence. “Just one lick and I’d have her,” I held up my hand to stop her.
“No,” I say with authority, “not another word about Liz or you licking anything.”
Khloe laughed and pointed over my shoulder just as Elizabeth stepped in the door. “We should really let her decide,” she says with a shrug. “I think it’s only fair.”
I shake my head, staring at the gorgeous woman that just entered the bar. Tight jeans, the kind that fit her every curve, showing off her slim waist and long legs. There was no chance any man inside Lucy’s bar hadn’t noticed the way her top was like a second skin as it pushed her breasts up, showing off her amazing cleavage. Instant chub, that was for sure.
“Eyes off,” I tell Khloe, because her silence reassured me that she too was noticing.
Tonight was our first official night out as an item. As in, she had finally given in to my request and agreed to give this a chance. That simple fact had made me very, very eager.
“Who’s your friend?” Liz asks and at first I think she may be jealous of Khloe, until I see the way she’s looking at her. A seductive stare, lightly biting on her lower lip. It was like she didn’t even see me. When I look back and see Khloe giving Liz an interested glance of her own I immediately step in front of Liz to block her view.
As if it had all been planned, both girls begin to laugh and I knew then I had been played.
I wrap my arm around Liz’s waist and pull her close, our bodies now pressed together firmly. “You think you’re funny,”
“The funny part is the look on your face,” she insists.
“He was so close to hiking up his leg and pissing on you I swear,” Khloe says still laughing as if she’d accomplished some big goal.
“When the hell did you two work this all out?”
“She drops off her little brother every day at the youth center,” Liz adds with a shrug.
I turn just enough to look back over my shoulder at Khloe, “Judas,” I say with a forced glare. This of course only furthers her amusement. “I thought you were on my side,” I add just as I turn back around ignoring her.
“I am on your side,” she insists, “you should hear how much I harassed this girl about giving my saddened, lonely friend a break.”
“It’s true,” Liz adds and I knew they were both continuing to play me. I made a mental note to keep an eye on these two, because I had a feeling they were going to gang up on me as often as they could manage.
“You aren't allowed to talk to my girl, unless I am present,” I tell Khloe and she shrugs as if to say whatever. I then look at Liz, “and you are to let someone else greet her when she comes into the center.”
“I can't do that,” Liz says amusement evident in her smile, “it is my job to assure each person’s greeted properly and on a daily basis.”
“Yeah, and you are Ms. Cheery,” she narrowed her eyes but before she could argue I cupped the back of her neck and kiss away the argument, ignoring the cat calls, or any other noise surrounding us.
***
My night turned out better than I had imagined it to be. Elizabeth was relaxed and though Khloe and she continued to gained up on me, it was great to see her with a smile. She drank, but not much, so the happiness was not induced by the alcohol which made it even better.
Nicole wasn't feeling well so Ryker kept her home, but Elle had joined us when she could. She was waitressing tonight so she’d run to my rescue and yes lay it on thick, just to harass her sister. She knew just how to get a reaction out of Liz. A reaction that showed me just what I needed to see. She was into me, more than she put on.
Our night was coming to an end and honestly I didn't want it too. For the first time since I moved to Arab, I wasn't walking on eggshells around Liz. We had hit that comfortable mark where I felt free to say whatever it was on my mind at the time.
She’d shared things with me I’m sure she’d never shared with another man, and in my eyes that was a huge step. Call me hopeful, but I had a good feeling about what was going on between us. Call me stubborn and difficult, but there was no way in hell I would let her act as if we were nothing.
I sat on the barstool watching as Khloe, Liz and another girl I had not yet been introduced to, dance to the song playing on the jukebox. The band had ended about twenty minutes ago and the girls weren’t quite ready to stop dancing.
I was aware of a few of the guys packing up the band equipment watching the girls, which did trigger a possessiveness inside me when it came to Liz. For now I remained where I was, but knew if I had to I would in fact make a move.
When Liz looked in my direction and smiled, I felt a deep ache in my chest. Damn she was gorgeous.
“She finally stopped ignoring her feelings,” I knew it was Elle taking a seat at me side. The resemblance between her voice and that of her sister’s was so similiar. Elle was a little less fiery and a lot sweeter, kind of like a girl lost in dreamland.
“It wasn’t easy getting her to stop,” I reply thinking of all the battling back and forth bringing us to the now. “But worth every minute of it,” I added with a smile.
I noticed a look of interest from Liz being shot our way as she leaned in to tell Khloe something before excusing herself and walking toward us. There was this innocent competition between the two women, like Elle poked at Liz in all the ways she could just to prove she could gain a reaction out of her. Made me love Elle even more, like a kid sister.
“What are you two talking about?” Liz asks as she eyes her sister.
Elle didn't even take a second to pause before she fired away.
“About how difficult and stubborn you are,” Liz watched her still not reacting. “How you are the biggest pain in the ass who refuses to make any situation smooth. Always bitching and moaning about anything and everything instead of letting whatever is to happen, happen.”
“It that right?” Liz asks as she crosses her arms over her chest. Now she was looking at me, then shifting her gaze back to Elle. I wanted to wait it out, see where this went, but a big part of me new if I did I may be going home without her tonight.
The thing was I really, and I do mean really, wanted her with me when I walked t
hrough my front door tonight.
“I said absolutely nothing of the sort. This girl,” I point to Elle, “is trying to push your buttons.”
“Pussy,” Elle whispers making me chuckle.
A smile tugs at Elizabeth and she stands back and now watches Elle and I bicker.
“You are just like Ryker,” Elle complains. “You both sweep into town, all confident and cocky, then turn to mush. The moment you get the girl you both lose your balls and forget all about that dominance.”
It was then Liz laughs.
“When I meet a guy that sweeps me off my feet, he better stay that same man. I’m talking be stern and confident. Tell me he wants me and then take me. I don’t need no mushy guy that gets all gooey eyed when he realizes I’m interested.” She walked off mumbling something about soldiers shouldn’t be pussy whipped.
“Here I thought she was the quiet one,” I say shaking my head as I look back to Liz.
“She grew up with me as a role model,” she shrugs, “how could you ever think she’d not be mouthy too?”
Damn Berfield girls, I thought just as Liz steps in between my legs and places her hand on my thigh. “I’m trying really hard not to be so difficult.”
I lift my hand and curl it around her hip, bringing it to rest on her back. “I know you are,” I confess. I can still see the way at times she hesitates as if she wants to argue, but decides against it. I know this isn’t easy for her because she has spent so long avoiding relationships and attachments. But I wanted this. I’d show her over time that she wanted it too.
“You think maybe we can get out of here?” She asks as she leans in and kisses my jaw. “Maybe you could take me home with you and wear that towel again.”
Her mouth skims over the side of my neck and chills cover my arms and shoulders.
“Or I could just forego the towel all together,” the words fell from my lips in a breathy pant because Liz was still kissing me, teasing me with her tongue.
“Well, there’s that option too,” she coos, “only if I can do the same.”
