by C. A. Harms
I poke his side and her jerks away quickly. Ticklish, I’ll have to remember that for torture later.
“She’s just a pain in the ass on a good day.” All eyes shift toward Elle, as she lifted her beer to her lips and took a big drink. I think it was the first time she’d spoken in hours. I didn't mind that it was to throw a dig at me, I’d take it.
“Considering you are just like me, I can safely say you too are a huge pain in the ass.” I say challenging her and see a smile cover her lips. It had never felt so good to see someone else smile as it did in that moment.
“I think it is safe to say you are so much worse than me,” Elle tossed back. She then looked around our small group looking for anyone who’d dare to argue. Nicole shook her head indicated she didn't disagree, followed by Ryker. When she looked at Ben, I followed her gaze and her only smirked.
“You’re not gonna defend me?” I asked knowing he would be the last to argue this but giving it a shot anyway.
“Love ya, babe, but I can’t argue with her,” Ben said pulling me back to his side and giving me a squeeze. “I have never in my life met a more difficult person than you.”
The argument forgotten as I mulled over his words, finding that I wasn’t the only person that picked up on the fact that he said he loved me. Nicole too looked at him, only she was smiling wide. He couldn't actually mean he loves me loves me, it was too soon for that. Wasn’t it?
The conversation quickly shifted to other things, but I had a hard time letting go of what Ben had said. The familiar panic I’ve felt so many times before began to resurface.
Elle leaned in closer, resting her head against mine and I closed my eyes for a moment, accepting her comfort. “Don’t fight it Liz,” she whispers and I closed my eyes tighter knowing exactly what she is referring to. “Don’t analyze it because I know you are. Don’t question it, because none of us know if we have a tomorrow. It can all be taken from us and then the only thing we are left with is regret of the things we didn’t do, the things we never said. If what he said is true, if he does love you, then let him love you. For once in your life stop holding on to the horrible memories of dad and the things he put us all through. Ben is not dad.”
My lower lip trembled.
“I know you tried to hide me from the things going on around us, and I thank you for that, but you need to stop being the one holding onto those years. You need to live Liz, and love,” she practically ordered me. “ Please stop living in the past.”
I could only nod my head assuring her I would. I would to afraid to speak knowing that if I had the words wouldn't come out clear.
It was time to live in the now, and stop growing in my past.
Chapter Seventeen
BEN
I was aware of what I’d said earlier, only I chose to ignore the questioning glances from not only my friends but also Liz. It was something I may have let slip, but I didn't regret it. I did love her, was I in love with her.
But that simple statement I let fall from my lips before I had a chance to stop it, felt as if it caused things to shift between us. The way Elizabeth looked at me, as I slowly undressed her, made my heart swell.The look of pure longing as I kissed her gently, slowly made my pulse quicken.
She sat down on the bed and moved over the mattress with ease, just before lying back on the pillow behind her. Her light brown hair fanning out over the light sheets beneath her, she smiled up at me and in that moment I swear the floor gave out beneath me. Liz made my knees weak, she was so fucking beautiful.
I unhooked my belt, unbuckled my pants and lowered them to the floor, before doing the same with my boxers. The way her eyes roamed over my body taking in every inch from head to toe made me feel powerful. The obvious appreciation in her eyes did great things to my ego.
There was no need for words, our hands talked for themselves.
We were like two starved people seeking the things we craved the most, each other.
One of my most favorite things about Liz was that she didn’t deny herself the things she wanted. If she wanted faster, she demanded it. If she wanted slower, she got slower. She had no problem asking for the things she wanted, or taking them in most cases. Her confidence was sexy, her persistence was alluring.
Before I had a chance to slide inside her warmth she pushed against me and rolled me over, following behind. She straddled my lap and leaned over, pressing kisses along my jaw, and over my chest.
Closing my eyes, I allow myself to enjoy each brush of her lips against me.
“I don’t think I’ve told you,” she says before pressing a kiss over my heart, “just how much you mean to me. I hide it well I know, but I do care about you so much.”
I open my eyes to find her staring back at me.
“I’m difficult I know, but I don’t know how else to be. I don't know how to change that.”
I reach up and place one hand on each side of her face. “I don't want you to change that, or anything for that matter. You're perfect just the way you are.”
“Now you’re lying,” she laughs only I refuse to let her pull away.
“The woman you are, is the woman fell for,” I confess without saying the actual words. The last thing I want is to scare her. “You challenge me,” I add pulling her face down to mine.
As her body presses to mine, I remove my left hand from her cheek and gently run my palm over her shoulder and bring it to rest in the center of her back. The small indentation above her ass had to be one of my favorite parts of her body, the way it dipped before curling up once again to the contour of her bottom.
The moment I cover her ass with my hand and pull her against me she moans against my lips. “Don’t ever change,” I tell her as she slides her body upward and her slick wetness glides over my cock. It was then my turn to moan. “Perfect,” I say pushing against her feeling myself enter her just slightly, before pulling back.
The look of disappointment on her face was thrilling. She wanted me, wanted the connection.
I roll her over once more, regaining the upper hand and she lie beneath me looking so needy at lustful. I felt so raw and defeated from the last few days that in a way thins control grounded me. It was a strange feeling but I was in control. I hadn't been in control for one second since the moment Mrs. Gunther gave me the news of Luke.
I needed control.
I push inside of her just enough to tease her once more before retreating again. A whimper falling from her lips as she attempts to lift her hips to chance after what she wants the most. “Ben,” she pleads and I lean in to kiss her. A deep conquering kiss that leaves her breathless.
“Tell me what you need,” I demand. I felt ravaged, like an out of control feeling that was hard to control. When she didn't respond I pushed against her once more and she gripped my shoulders tightly. “Is this what you want?”
“Yes,” she breathed. “Please,” she added, “I need you.”
I cupped her breast as I lean in and take her nipple in my mouth, rolling it with my tongue. Her back arches as I bite softly and tug. A needy whimper fills the room just before I push my hips forward and enter her with one hard thrust.
“Oh god,” her screams echo of the walls of the hotel room, “more.”
I begin to move hard and fast, giving her what she needs and taking what I crave. The contracting of her walls around me drove me harder and faster. The sound of the bed smacking the walls as I drove into her over and over.
The sound of my name, the way she begged for more, mixed with the sounds our bodies made was the most erotic mix.
“Amazing,” I say as I stare down at her. Elizabeth’s face morphed into pure pleasure. Her hips lifting to meet my every thrust as if the deep penetrating thrusts weren't enough. My own need matching hers as I searched for more. Fuck I couldn't get deep enough, I was a crazed man seeking the deepest connection. “Fucking good,” I add as I feel my balls tighten.
“Ben,” again she says my name only this time it was more of a growl.
Her fingernails digging into my shoulders and the bite felt amazing. Reaching beneath her with both hands, I grip her ass and lift. Tilting her upward I drove into her hard and fast feeling her pussy tighten just before she came hard. I was lost, seeking my own release and riding out the pleasure of her body tightening around me.
“Fucking perfect,” I coo, just before I lose myself and fall with her.
***
I reached across the center console that separate the two front seats and take Liz’s hand in mine. I didn't need to look in her direction to know she was watching me as I pull our joined hand over and rest them on my thigh. I knew her well enough to know she was looking at me in search of what I was feeling.
The problem was I didn't know what I was feeling.
I was still so emotionally spent from the turn of events that I just simply needed to feel her close.
I needed something to keep me grounded.
Liz was that something. She was at this point the only thing holding me together.
Since Ryker had decided he was driving Nicole home, we traded in the small car for a full sized Tahoe and all rode together. It was my turn to drive while the others slept. The quietness of the car ride gave me too much time to think.
Too much time to remember the things I’d already lost.
It gave me the chance to realize how much time I had already given.
“What are you thinking?” Liz asks and I force myself to keep my eyes on the road. I knew if I looked at her, I would break. My heart ached and my throat burned and seeing her eyes would be the end of the small amount of control I still held.
“This is a long fucking ride,” I say attempting to hide the truth. “I hate car rides.”
“I do too,” she replies before a silence settles over us. For a moment I thought I was in the clear until she spoke again. “But I know that you’re thinking of more. I also understand if you don’t want to talk about it I just want you to know that I’m here.”
I nod, as I grip the wheel tighter with my left hand.
“You’ve been the one to hold everyone else together,” Liz begins again. “You’ve help the Gunthers, you've comforted your friends and even Elle, but you haven't had a chance to grieve yourself.”
I could feel myself growing agitated and it surprised me. I had no reason to be pissed, because she wasn't saying anything that wasn't true. But the knowledge of knowing anger wasn't warranted did nothing to tame it.
“You can lean on me,” Liz whispers.
“I’m fine,” I assure her.
I didn't like feeling so out of control. I needed control.
“He’s gone and there isn't a damn things any of us can do about it. Talking won’t bring him back, crying won’t reverse a fucking thing. So like I said I’m fine,” I forced myself to stop. She didn’t deserve this anger.
I drove a few more feet before I couldn't force myself to go any further and I turned the Tahoe toward the shoulder and once it slowed I placed it in park.
“Ben,” Liz said my name but I didn't let it keep me inside the truck. I needed air.
I walked a few feet ahead and placed my hands on my hips as I looked off in the distance. Deep breaths, one after another did nothing to slow my racing heart.
The moment a strong hand squeezed my shoulder I hung my head and my shoulders sagged.
“It’s gonna be okay brother,” Ryker said just before he steps around and wraps me in a hug. My body sags to his and I let go. I let it all out as the tears fall. Days of pent up frustration, and anger and grief, all flowed from me in a rush.
“We’ll get through this together,” Ryker says and I continue to cry.
I finished out my enlisted time with Luke. Ryker was gone and it was just us, and over that time we grew closer, almost inseparable. He listened to me talk for hours about the shit of my past and then he talked me through the feelings I’d had for Liz after our short time together. He was the one that told me to be patient.
He was also the one that told me to chase after what I wanted, but to be gentle in my advances.
I wanted Liz.
“Fuck,” I say as I stand tall and step back from Ryker. I look toward the Truck to see Liz staring ahead through the windshield, a look of worry on her face. “I need to apologize to her.”
“She’s worried about you,” Ryker says and I look back to him.
“She was being kind and I was a dick.”
“She understands your hurting,” He assures me.
“Doesn’t make it right,” I say as I look back toward my girl. “I think I love her,” I say without hesitation. “That fucking ache that makes you feel like you can't breath without them. That deep need to have her close, the desire to have her look at me like I’m all she’ll ever need, it’s there. But I’m scared to tell her. Scared she’ll freak out and run and then I’ll lose her too.”
Ryker remains silent but I know he knows just what I’m feeling. He spent five years loving the same girl, wishing he could go back and fix the biggest mistake he ever made. The guy lives for Nicole and for Tori. If anyone understood, it was him.
“I’m okay,” I say as I start back toward the vehicle.
I can hear his boots against the gravel behind me as I move to the passenger side.
When I open up the door, I step in close and take her face in my hands. “I’m sorry,” I say and she begins to argue, only I don’t allow her too. I cover her mouth with my own, silencing her. “I’m okay,” I say as I pull back and look into her eyes, “as long as I have you.”
It may not have been me confessing my love but something in her eyes told me she heard that hidden message.
I understood her fears, I had once had some of my own until I met her. Liz was the first person since Holly that made me think of my future.
“Let’s go home,” I say giving her an out, because I understood that it was hard for her to share her deep feelings. On the rare occasion that she did, I felt lucky to be the one allowed to witness them. This, here in front of her sister, Nicole and Ryker wasn't the time to make her feel forced to share.
As I stepped back she surprised me and held onto my arm, pulling me back against her. The gentle look in her eyes made my stomach tighten. “I’m not going anywhere,” she whispers as she reaches up and places her palm to my jaw. “You have me completely,” she says as she leans in and kisses me once again.
I reciprocate and take full advantage of the kiss, holding her close.
Though some may not understand how big of a step this was, I did.
She was mine and in turn I was hers.
Chapter Eighteen
LIZ
“Who are you talking to?” I ask Elle as I flop down on her bed and look at her computer screen.
I figured it was her friend Melanie who was attending NYU, but I couldn't have been more wrong. The face of a man I’d only met a little over a week ago filled the screen. Deep smoldering green eyes, almost emerald in contrast to his darkened skin. I wasn't sure what nationality Wade was, but it made him appear as if he had a permanent tan.
“Hi,” he says with a smile. Not just any smile, but one of those sinful make a girl too her panties to the wind kinda smile. Dangerous, it was the one word that came to mind when I looked at the computer screen.
“Hi,” I respond with caution as I look over at my little sister with curiosity.
“What?” She asks.
“You and I will be talking later,” I tell her as I slowly move from the bed. Once I am out of the view of a certain soldier, I lift my hands in the air and mouth what the fuck. This of course only makes Elle laugh.
“Is she freaking out?” Wade asks surprising me.
I say no at the exact time Elle says yes and then they both begin to laugh leaving me even more stumped than before.
Why did I suddenly feel so parental over my sister?
As I stood back observing her, I realized it was the first time since Luke’s funeral I had heard a genuine laugh fall from her lips.
Part of me wanted to be okay with it being Wade that brought it out in her but another part had me wondering what he had to gain. She was still so vulnerable and raw over the loss and I wasn't about to let him or any other man for that matter take advantage of her state.
I walked out of Elle’s room with a knot in my stomach as I began descending the stairs toward the kitchen. My mother was standing at the sink with her back toward me when I entered. “Has Elle talked to you about a guy named Wade at all?”
My mother didn't even flinch as if she knew I was coming. “Yes, she has.”
She said nothing more.
“And?”
Her shoulders bounced lightly indicated she was now laughing at me and my persistence.
“And she met him once before when Luke and her were Skyping. He seems like a nice man.”
“The timing isn't an alarming indication,” I state only making her laugh more.
“Listen momma Liz,” she says as she finally turns around to face me. “Elle is a big girl, and just because she a Wade are talking doesn't meant they are dating. I think they find comfort in one another by simply talking about the friend they’ve both lost.”
She steps forward and places her hand on my arm. “She knows she has you and me, but she also knows that you have Ben.” I start to interrupt, but she stops me. “Wade gives her comfort and I’m not gonna question that. He makes her laugh and let’s face it, that has been rare lately. Luke was one of Elle’s best friends, and Wade’s too. Let them provide comfort to one another without questioning it. They are both adults.”
I nod my head, even though I wanted to march back upstair and tell him to be kind to her heart or I’d cut off his manhood. But more than my need to hover and demand, was a need to see my happy hearted sister return. For a small amount of time I’d seen that only moments ago, and it was because of Wade.
***
“Ms. Berfield,” one of the kids yelled out as I exited my office and enter the game room. It is more like a huge living room in the center of the youth center, filled with an assorted of items. Air hockey table, Ping pong table and about three large televisions. One is set up for playstation games, the other a Wii. The third one is designated for the younger kids to watch movies on. There is also two tables set up for board games, coloring or whatever else the kids decide to use them for. This room is the general hang out for most when they weren’t in the gym playing basketball or outside on the playground running ragged.
