Happily Never Forever

by Sarah Peis

  “Do you enjoy seeing how far you can push me?”

  I shook my head emphatically. “No. Definitely not. I’m not enjoying a minute of this. I wish you’d see that this is not working. Next thing you know, I’ll be forced to take a more drastic approach like strippers in the office. Why don’t we save both of us some time? You yell some, then fire me and get Claire out here to do some actual work.”

  “I don’t want Claire. I want you.”

  Well then, I didn’t expect that. And I would definitely not interpret this as anything other than him saying he wanted me in the office. Not that he wanted me as a person. Because we no longer had a relationship. Not as friends or otherwise. Thinking anything else was a path I wouldn’t go down.

  It was time for honesty, my last ditch attempt at getting me out of this. “But I’m a terrible employee. You know it, I know it, Cassie knows it. There is no reason for you to want me here. And I have responsibilities. A life to live. One that’s in Butler, not Denver. I hate it here.”

  “You are not a terrible employee. If you would try harder, you could be a great asset. You are smart, always have been. You just have no interest working in an office. And you’re terrible with computers. And you always wanted to move to Denver. I thought I was doing you a favor, that this was what you wanted.”

  I preferred working with people. Not machines. So sue me. And why would he keep bringing up this stupid dream of mine to move to Denver? I was sixteen when he last saw me. I’d changed my mind on everything about twenty times since then.

  “Well I don’t want to move to Denver anymore. And if I can’t keep Josie with me this week then I’ll have to go back.”

  “Why is it so important that you keep her with you? Just to piss me off? It’s not like you don’t leave her with Oma every other time. Now she suddenly has to come with you? Give me a break.”

  “This is different.”

  “How.”

  “It just is.”

  “That’s not an explanation.” His voice was rising and I could tell he was getting frustrated with my non-answers.

  “It’s none of your business.”

  “It’s very much my business when you bring her to work with you,” he thundered and got up. The pulse in his neck was beating rapidly, and I pushed the chair back to put more distance between us.

  “Is this the part where you fire me?”

  “I’m not going to fire you,” he yelled and leaned forward. “Now start talking.”

  “What the hell do you care? I promise she won’t be a bother. She’s a great kid. I’ve brought her to work with me before when Oma was sick.”

  “If you had a legitimate reason, I wouldn’t care. But you don’t talk to me. You just tell me that it’s none of my business. Not good enough, Emmi. Unless you start talking, Josie is going home and you are staying here.”

  It was my turn to stand up and raise my voice. Why couldn’t he just let it go? “You don’t get to tell me what to do.” I stalked toward the door, fuming. I didn’t make it far before he blocked my way. “Stop running away from me. And I’m your boss, so technically I can tell you what to do,” he said, his tone frustrated.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and lifted my gaze. “I can’t leave her at home because she’s not safe there,” I whispered.

  His forehead creased in confusion. “What do you mean? Oma’s house is the safest place she could be.”

  “Oma can’t keep her safe. She’s too old. If Anna came barging in, there would be nothing she could do.”

  “Anna? As in your mother Anna?”

  Defeated and too exhausted to keep trying to get him off my back, I started talking. “She’s back. And she wants Josie.”

  “Why would she want your child?”

  Shit, he didn’t know Josie wasn’t really mine. “She’s my niece. Nate had a daughter. He gave me custody in his will. Now Anna wants her for some reason only known to Anna.”

  Rhett grabbed his hair and stepped back. “Why did you lie to me? Again?” He looked upset and so disappointed. My heart dropped and I reached my hand out toward him. He side-stepped me and started pacing.

  His action hurt but I turned and started explaining. “I never said I gave birth to her, only that she was mine. Because she is. And I love her with all my heart.”

  “Nate had a child. And I never knew,” he muttered, ignoring my explanation.

  Looked like Rhett didn’t just cut all contact with me but Nate as well. Why the hell would he do that? They were best friends. I never talked to Nate about Rhett and he never said anything about him. I just presumed they were still in touch. At least occasionally.

  “He did. And luckily he had a will that stated he wanted me to have full custody of Josie.”

  He turned and all his focus was back on me. “Why does Anna want custody?”

  “I don’t know. But she is determined. And you know how she gets. Once she has an idea, it takes root and overthrows her life. She won’t stop at anything until she gets what she wants. She doesn’t know the meaning of no. I couldn’t leave Josie at home. I just couldn’t.” My voice cracked at the end. I didn’t want to cry in front of Rhett, but I had no idea what to do anymore.

  “Did you speak to your lawyer? The one who drew up the will?”

  I shook my head. “Not yet. He didn’t have time until Monday. I haven’t even been read the full will. Only the part about Josie because she needed someone straight away or would have gone into a home. But Rhett, you have to understand that I can’t leave Josie. Anna is unpredictable. What if she takes her?”

  “Why didn’t you ask me for help? Explain why Josie was here?”

  “Because it doesn’t concern you. She is my responsibility. I will find a way to get Anna off our backs.”

  “Independent as ever, I see.” His admission was forced, like he was proud of my independence but hating it at the same time.

  “I should get back outside before Lexie tries and teaches Josie how to take minutes.”

  “I wish you would trust me.” It didn’t sound like he wanted me to hear his admission, but I did nevertheless.

  “How can I trust you when I don’t even know you?” I answered, realizing how much truth was behind my words.

  “You did once. And I’m not that different from the boy you grew up with.”

  I scoffed, unable to stop the sound from escaping. “You are so different from the boy I grew up with that sometimes I wonder if he was real.”

  He made a grab for my arm again but I dodged him and opened the door. “I gotta get back to pretending to work.”

  His lips curled up on one side, the movement so small, if I had blinked I would have missed it. “You do that,” he said and turned back towards his desk, his mind most likely already back on work.

  Josie and I were back at the apartment, exhausted from playing, which would be Josie, and trying to dodge Rhett all day, which would be me. We were in our PJs happily munching away on mac and cheese, sitting on the large king-sized bed in the room I’d claimed, watching yet another episode of a show called Meister Eder und sein Pumuckl. It was in German, I understood about half, Josie probably a little less but she loved it nevertheless. The series was old, the graphics questionable but the story was cute. It was about a little goblin cartoon character with bright red hair that could make himself invisible and lived with a carpenter.

  Oma had a million and one VHS tapes of it from when my dad was young and once Josie saw the first episode, she was hooked. Oma was happy because she was trying to teach us all German, with varying degrees of success. And lucky me, the show was on YouTube so we could watch it whenever we wanted.

  Josie was giggling at Pumuckl, the goblin, and happily shoving food into her mouth. I was laughing with her, mostly because she was hilarious and so engrossed in the show that she tried to repeat some of the words they were saying. And her version was so much better.

  A knock pulled me out of my happy place and back into reality. Since not many peop
le knew I was staying in this apartment, the list of possible visitors was fairly short. So unless Oma and Freddie had driven out here, the only other option was Rhett.

  I reluctantly made my way to the door, thinking of the best way to get rid of him. Josie would be no help since she was in another dimension when she watched TV. The apartment was huge, the bedrooms at the other end, meaning it took me a while to get to the door and the knocking got louder.

  “Keep your pants on, I’m on my way,” I grumbled and made it to the door just in time to interrupt another round of knocking.

  “What took so long? Is everything okay?” Rhett asked, dropping his hand.

  “It’s a huge apartment. And I’m a slow walker when I have a full belly. Takes a while to get the door is all.”

  Rhett’s gaze dropped to my stomach, and I wrapped my arms around myself protectively. I was pretty slim, but compared to his fiancée, I was a clunker. She was super tall and a size zero; I was super short and a size four. My clothes were old, the t-shirt one of Nate’s. It was washed out and had a hole in the shoulder, the shorts were in a similar condition. But I held on to as many of Nate’s things that I could without going into creepy territory and his shirt was one of my favorites, so I wore it often.

  “What do you need that can’t wait until tomorrow?” I asked, sounding bitchier than I intended. But I had no energy left to argue with him. I was all argued out for today. I just wanted to get back into bed and cuddle with Josie.

  “I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

  Okay, that was sweet and thoughtful. And I felt like a dick for snapping at him. “We’re fine. Anna doesn’t know we’re here.”

  “You don’t have to worry. Security in this building is pretty tight. She wouldn’t even get past the entrance.” He looked over my shoulder. “Can I come in? Or are we going to have a conversation in the hallway?”

  I guess it was his apartment after all. And I felt bad for snapping at him, so I blamed my lack of retort on that and stepped back to let him through.

  He didn’t waste any time and stepped past me, his arm lightly brushing my front and making my nipples harden. Down girls, this was not what it felt like. Accidental brush does not equal sexy times were about to come your way. Goosebumps formed and I had to swallow the lump in my throat. If he made my body react this way with an accidental touch, I didn’t want to find out what he could do when he meant it.

  I closed the door and followed him into the living room. He looked around in confusion. “Where is Josie?”

  “Watching her show. We’re doing dinner and TV in bed. Don’t tell Oma.”

  His lips twitched and he looked unsure of himself. I was thrown off course because the only Rhett I knew was the confident version. The one that took charge and told you what to do. The one that didn’t take no for an answer.

  “Sorry to interrupt your dinner.”

  “Have you eaten yet? We’re having mac and cheese.” Did I just offer him dinner? What was wrong with me? I didn’t want him in the apartment, much less eating dinner with us.

  “Sure, that sounds nice.” He sounded perfectly at ease, happy to eat our two dollar dinner that came from a box.

  “I’ll just have to check on Josie quickly. Do you want to sit down while you wait?”

  He moved towards the kitchen, waving me off. “I can get it. Despite popular belief, I do know how to put pasta in a bowl. And since this is my apartment, I also know where the bowls are kept.”

  “Great. Pot is on the stove, help yourself. I’ll be right back.”

  I disappeared around the corner, breathing easier once I was out of sight. He made me nervous. And excited. And I got all sorts of feelings I didn’t understand. It was almost like my childhood crush had come back full force and I was helpless to stop it. Reminding myself that he was engaged poured a bucket of ice water on my feelings.

  “Hey, Spatz, you want more food?” I asked, popping my head in the door.

  Josie was lying back against the pillows, bowl clutched tightly in front of her, mac and cheese all over her PJs and bed.

  “I had accident.”

  “I can see that,” I said and took in the mess, a macaroni and cheese bomb seemed to have gone off in the bedroom. And it was my fault for leaving a two year old to eat by herself on a bed. So there was no way I would tell her off. “Let me just grab something to clean you up okay? Don’t move.”

  “M’kay,” she replied, eyes back on the TV. If she wasn’t so entranced she would have moved, but I felt confident she’d stay in place.

  I wetted a hand towel from the attached bathroom and sat down next to her.

  “Are you all done?” I asked and pointed at her food. Or what was left of it.

  She nodded, not looking at me. I took her bowl, set it on the nightstand and went about cleaning her up. I picked off the bits of macaroni stuck to her face and shirt and brushed off any pieces smashed onto the bed cover.

  “I think we have to change your PJs. They’re all wet from the towel. Sorry, Spatz.”

  She lifted her arms, indicating her approval. I pulled her top off and tickled her belly, making her giggle and squirm. “No, Mimi,” she told me between giggles, bending her little body so she could continue watching the TV.

  I left her in her night Pull-Ups and searched the bag for a change of clothes. Her second pair of PJs were at the bottom and by the time I’d found them, the contents of the bag were strewn all across the floor. “Got them,” I exclaimed triumphantly and held them up.

  “Did you leave anything in the bag?” Rhett asked from the door, holding a bowl in his hand.

  I scrambled to my feet and got back on the bed. “They were at the bottom. I had to get everything out to reach them.” I pulled the top over Josie’s head. “Arms up.” She did as instructed, looked over at Rhett and waved, halting my efforts to put her hand in the sleeve.

  He smiled at her, a genuine light-up-his-face smile that left me breathless. “Hello, Josie. How was your dinner?”

  “Good,” she said and I finally managed to wrangle her into her PJs. “Sit,” she said and pointed at the screen. “Pukl.” She still hadn’t figured out how to say the name properly, and I didn’t blame her. It was a long ass name that didn’t make any sense.

  He shot a questioning look my way and I translated. “She wants you to sit down and watch her show because that’s what we did for dinner. The main character is called Pumuckl. But it’s okay, you don’t have to –”

  I didn’t get a chance to finish the sentence before he sat down, his back to the pillows, legs stretched out in front of him.

  Who was this person? “Are you feeling okay?” I asked, genuinely curious. Let’s just repeat that he was sitting on a bed, watching a show in a language he didn’t understand and wearing a thousand dollar suit, all while eating mac and cheese. And he looked perfectly comfortable doing it.

  “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be? Are you going to finish your dinner?” He lifted the fork to his mouth and continued eating.

  “I guess so,” I said and sat down on the other side of the bed, Josie sprawled out in the middle. My food was cold but I didn’t care, I couldn’t taste anything anyway.

  Josie continued to repeat sentences, making me laugh. I had finished my dinner, stacked my bowl on top of Josie’s and was leaning back into the fluffiest pillows known to man. I was smiling because how could you not when you had the cutest two year old next to you. My moment of peace was interrupted when I made the mistake of looking at Rhett. And he was watching me. Like there was nobody else in the room. Like we were more than old friends. Like he thought I was special.

  He needed to stop. “Don’t look at me like that,” I said, squirming under his intense scrutiny.

  “How am I looking at you, Emmi?”

  “You know how.”

  “And here we go with the non-answers again.”

  “Just watch the show.”

  “What if I’d rather watch you?”

  “Don’t.
You have a fiancée,” I couldn’t help but say.

  “How would you know that?”

  “It’s public knowledge.”

  “No, it’s not.” He sat up and grinned, looking way too happy. “Have you been stalking me?”

  “Of course not. Someone must have mentioned it.”

  At that his smile dimmed. “Couldn’t imagine who would that have been.”

  “Hah, I knew it. You do have a fiancée.”

  He sat up straight. “I don’t have a fiancée. There has always only been one girl for me and it wasn’t her.”

  My heart dropped and I broke our stare off. He was in love with someone? Maybe it was Stella, his high school girlfriend. I never knew why they broke up, but she was heartbroken. Maybe Rhett was as well? You could never tell since he didn’t show emotions very often.

  “Right. None of my business anyway.” I pointed to his bowl. “Do you want more?”

  “I’m good.” I gathered the bowls together and started cleaning up the room. Rhett followed me to the kitchen, thwarting my attempt at escaping.

  “Are you going to tell me why you thought I was engaged?”

  “I told you, I heard it somewhere.”

  “And I don’t believe you.” He caged me in, my back to his front, his whole body touching mine, his lips brushing my ear when he spoke. Dear lord, I couldn’t think straight when he was this close. Ever heard of personal space? “Now why did you think I was engaged?”

  “I saw it on Facebook.”

  “I don’t have an account.”

  “It wasn’t on your Facebook.”

  “How much stalking did you actually do, Emmi?”

  Another brush of his lips and I was ready to jump out of my skin. When I didn’t respond straight away he trailed his hand up my arm. And I was a pile of mush.

  “Not that much.” If three nights of obsessively trying to find anything on Rhett could be called not much. “Your girlfriend doesn’t have a privacy setting on her account. Anyone can just look at her pictures. So I did. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “Still doesn’t explain why you thought I was engaged.”