Pesto and Potholes

by Baganz, Susan M. ;

Renata returned from her lunch break on Tuesday to find a small vase on her desk, wrapped in cellophane. She glanced at the card.

  You’re cute. Thinking of you. Tony.

  She reached for scissors in her desk and sliced through the ribbon. There were several carnations dyed green and gold and a Packers ribbon around the base. Flowers. He had sent her flowers. No one had ever done that before. She fought back the tears and slid the note into her purse. She had a hard time focusing on her work for the rest of the day.

  * * *

  Wednesday morning, Tony met with the guys.

  “Tony, how are things going with Renata? Every time I see you, it seems you are by her side. Getting serious?” Simon asked.

  Tony frowned, not liking this line of questioning. His voice was gruff as he answered. “I like her. That’s all. Nothing serious. After Stacy, do you think I would walk down that road again?”

  “Whoa, boy,” said Dan. “You are a man, aren’t you? Stacy didn’t castrate you. It would be normal for you to desire a woman like Renata. She’s modest, gentle, and sweet. I’ve seen the looks you give each other. Don’t deny there’s more there than friendship. We’re here to help.”

  Nick spoke up. “Tony, no one is going to accuse you of being foolish for caring about a woman. It’s natural and normal.”

  “Fine. I like her. A lot. I cannot stop thinking about her. My family likes her. Are you happy?” Tony spooned a mouthful of hash browns into his mouth to keep from saying any more and avoid eye contact.

  “What’s the problem? She loves Christ. She’s everything a guy like you could want. What’s holding you back?” Simon sipped his coffee and waited.

  “I don’t want to rush things, okay?”

  “Come on, Tony. Look at whom you are talking to here. You took things slow with Stacy. It was two years before you proposed, and she kept pushing off the wedding date before she eloped with Malachi and moved to Arizona. It’s over. It’s done. Move on. Taking your time will not necessarily prevent a bad choice. Have you prayed about this gal?” Dan looked Tony in the eye.

  Tony sighed. “I pray more for deliverance from my own thoughts and the temptation she presents to me. We have not kissed. She acts skittish and has been hurt. I can’t rush her. I found out she had been married to a brute. She’s a widow. Even if I were ready to trust, she isn’t. But you are right, Dan, I need to be asking the Holy Spirit to lead me in this. I’m afraid I’m going to mess it up.”

  “Have confidence,” encouraged Nick. “If she’s worthy of you, it’ll be worth the wait.”

  “What’s going on with Bryan’s case?” Simon changed the subject.

  Dan answered this time. “Bryan’s bail has been posted, but no one has come forward with the money. He remains in jail. Several more women from church have come forward with similar claims of sexual assault. All within the statute of limitations. He’s facing more charges now, some in Washington County and some in Milwaukee. He’s pleaded ‘not guilty.’ Renata will have to testify in court.”

  “She never mentioned this to me.” This revelation shocked Tony. “Does she know about the new charges?”

  “Sharon said she does and has already sought help in getting an attorney to represent her,” reported Dan. “I think she may be meeting with the Women’s Ministry Director, too. Mary Beth will be a great support.”

  Tony nodded his head.

  “How are you feeling about Bryan, Tony?”

  “I’m struggling to forgive him. I struggle with letting go of my anger. I know forgiving him doesn’t mean I approve of his actions. I know that in my head. I can’t get the images of his behavior, and Renata’s reactions to it, out of my mind. They haunt me. The look in his eyes. His venom toward me. It baffles me. I pray. I forgive and keep fighting with God over my right to be angry, more for Renata’s sake than even my own. I guess it will take time.”

  “Don’t stop praying. He still has to face his consequences. Pray God’ll soften his heart, and he’ll repent. He has lost his job, his family has distanced themselves, and he has alienated you, his best friend.” Simon paused. “He’s pretty lonely, I would suspect, and prime real estate for the enemy’s work. For the sake of your past friendship, Tony, don’t give up on him, if nothing more than in your prayers for his soul.”

  * * *

  Renata had seen in the bulletin on Sunday that, instead of a gathering of the group on Thursday night, they were meeting the following Sunday for Frisbee golf at the park in Brown Deer. She wasn’t quite sure what Frisbee golf was, but it sounded fun. The Packers had a bye week. It was mid-October and the leaves were starting to turn but were still not at peak color.

  She had not heard from Tony, except for the flowers. She was sad he had not arranged to see her Thursday night. She chided herself for wanting to see him. A man was not essential to her happiness. She could want him, but she needed to guard her heart from needing him. He was a friend. Nothing more. Right, her heart responded, since when do you have dreams like that about friends?

  * * *

  Tony had thought of calling or texting Renata to meet on Thursday evening. Up to this point, all their activities had been in groups and there was nothing scheduled for that night. He didn’t feel ready for the intimacy of a ‘date.’ He figured she wasn’t either. How else would they get to know each other?

  He gave Alexandr the night off.

  Stephanie came to the kitchen around eight o’clock after the dinner rush had subsided and walked up to Tony. The kitchen was noisy, but no more orders were up. Wait staff bustled about, cleaning and making sure the remaining customers had what they needed. Tony scraped off the stovetop with an old spatula, pulling up drops of sauce that had baked on. He saw Stephanie approach. She was dressed in a blue skirt, white blouse, and high heels. Her blonde hair was in a bun. She had a determined look on her face as she approached and a twinge of fear prickled his spine.

  “Why are you working?” she asked with her arms folded in front of her as her foot tapped.

  Tony straightened and glanced at her. “There was no group. I thought I would give Alexandr a chance to be home with his brood. He gave Sophie a night off instead of me.” He turned away and resumed cleaning the flat stovetop.

  “What a bunch of crap. What about Renata?”

  “What about her?” Scrape. Scrape. Scrape.

  “Well, it seems to me like you are sweet on her and yet, when you have an opportunity to take her out and treat her nicely, you choose instead to come to work.”

  Tony shrugged. “We’re friends. There are no expectations.”

  Stephanie reached up to grab Tony’s chin and force him to look her in the eye. “Don’t you go messin’ with her heart, Tony. I swear you will regret it if you hurt her.”

  “I have no desire to hurt her, Steph.” Tony shook her hand away from his face.

  “Why are you here?”

  Tony threw his spatula down and growled. “Listen, Stephanie. Neither one of us are ready to rush into anything. She’s gun shy, and I don’t want to scare her. Yes, I like her. A lot. And you know what?” Tony’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m scared, too.”

  “Well—” she stammered. “Tony, I think you both need each other more than you realize.”

  “Matchmaking, Stephanie? Back off, I get enough of that from my family.”

  Stephanie’s hands went up in surrender. “Fine. You know if you break her heart you will be answering to me and, trust me, it will not be pretty.” She spun on her heels and strode out of the kitchen with her back straight and her head high.

  Tony shook his head and went back to cleaning his stove. Stephanie was more bark than bite. What did women want anyway? He wished he knew.

  * * *

  Friday morning while at work, Renata got a text from Tony:

  Sunday Frisbee golf—you coming?

  Was thinkin bout it.

  Be my partner, Ren? Please?

  Sure—but I’ve never played before.

  Me neither!


  Renata floated through the rest of the day.

  * * *

  Sunday was cold. The sun shone brightly, and Renata sat at church, surrounded by more of the De Luca clan. Tony winked at her as they worshipped together. She experienced such joy and freedom in the music and lyrics. This was the new Renata. Free. Joyful. Loved. What a difference from a year ago.

  After church, she raced home to change into jeans, sneakers, a sweater, and a coat. She pulled on knit gloves to keep her hands warm and found a matching knit cap to put on her head.

  Tony arrived to pick her up in his car, and they went through the drive-thru at Taco Bell for something to eat. Renata laughed when part of Tony’s burrito dribbled onto his sweatshirt.

  They arrived at Brown Deer Park early, and Tony suggested they take a walk over by a small pond.

  “This is such a peaceful place.” Reverent awe filled her voice as she gazed about.

  “Sure is, but watch out for the goose doo doo.”

  “Doo doo? Is that an Italian term for poop?”

  Tony laughed. “No, that’s me trying to be more delicate, since I’m with a gorgeous woman in a beautiful place.”

  “Awww, Tony, you’re sweet.” They walked side by side, not touching. Renata could see their breath in the air.

  “Edith agrees with you.”

  “Edith? My neighbor?” Renata stopped to stare at him.

  “Yeah, the other night she gave me a kiss because you had neglected to do it for her.”

  Renata laughed. “Is she my competition for your affections?”

  “Are you seeking my affections?” He looked at her with one eyebrow raised.

  Renata looked away. Her entire neck and head grew warm.

  “You have no competition. No one can compare to you.” His voice was seductive to her ears when he used those words.

  “Now you go too far, Tony. I’m not as perfect as you seem to think I am.” She had to rein this in. She didn’t want to lead him on.

  “Who said you were perfect? Surely not I.” He placed his hand flat on his chest.

  Renata laughed and gave Tony a playful punch in the arm but was quickly distracted. She pointed to the pond. “Look at the geese coming in to land. They look like they are waterskiing when they put their feet down.”

  “Waterskiing geese. Now I’ve seen everything. What’ll you think of next, Ren?”

  “I don’t know. I thought it was your turn to be absurd for a while.”

  Tony reached out and tickled Renata. “Stop!” She laughed and started tickling him back before she took off running into the grass. Tony ran after her and, with his longer legs, managed to catch her, causing them both to fall on the leaf-covered lawn. Renata grabbed a handful of leaves and tossed them at Tony, and he returned the favor. Soon they lay there in the leaves, giggling and gasping for breath.

  “It is beautiful out here,” Renata said. “It’s hard to believe this is Milwaukee.”

  “It’s hard for me to believe my good fortune to be sharing this with you.” Tony looked over to Renata and reached to grab her hand to give it a squeeze.

  Renata’s shoulder muscles seized at his touch. The touching, the laughter, and the sense they were alone in the world without any past or present or future to worry about, shook her. She needed him too much. No. She wanted him. She desired him. She looked at his face, so close to hers, and imagined what it would feel like to kiss him. Stop. This has to stop. No man will ever love you. No man will ever see you as more than a plaything. The messages bombarded her.

  The monsters were back.

  * * *

  “We probably should continue our walk, or we’ll be late for our game.” The playfulness was gone from her voice. She stiffened as she pulled her hand from his.

  Tony nodded. He watched Renata get to her feet and brush off the leaves clinging to her.

  “Did I say or do anything wrong?” Tony sat up, watching her. She stopped her movement and looked at him but didn’t speak. Tony let the silence weigh between them.

  “No, Tony, you did everything right. It’s—”

  “What? I complimented you, stated how much I’m enjoying being with you, and you shut down.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m not used to being friends with a man. I’m not used to having someone treat me...nicely. It’s hard to trust. It’s the truth, although I’ve no doubt you are sincere. The defect is on my side. I wish I could explain it better.”

  Tony rose to brush off the leaves on his pants and coat. “I don’t intend to make you uncomfortable, Ren. I’m not trying to butter you up to get something from you. I respect you too much to try to do anything that would jeopardize your regard for me. I am not going to stop complimenting you, or telling you how I feel when I see admirable qualities in you.”

  “I know that.” She reached up to pull some leaves out of his hair, and their eyes met. “I have to learn to accept those comments as truth, and use them to override the lies many others have told me for too long. Satan would have me believe lies rather than truth. Please don’t stop speaking the truth to me, even if I don’t always receive it well.”

  Tony reached up to pull leaves out of her cap and the hair down her back. “There, I think we are looking more respectable now. Shall we continue our journey around the pond before we humiliate ourselves in Frisbee golf?”

  Renata nodded and grabbed his hand, which surprised him. She did not let go as they walked side by side.

  Frisbee golf was fun, and they teamed up with another couple from church. Renata found she was better at tossing her Frisbee than Tony, and he joked about the higher the score the better. When everyone had finished the course, they drove to meet at Pastor Dan’s home for hot chocolate, cider, and snacks.

  * * *

  Nick approached Renata as she sat sipping hot chocolate by the fireplace. He looked to be about Tony’s age and height, but was thin and wore wire-rimmed glasses. He had light brown hair and freckles across his nose.

  “Hi, Renata, did you enjoy the game?”

  “Nick, good to see you. Yes, it was fun, but cold.”

  Nick looked uncomfortable.

  “Did you want to talk to me about something?”

  “I wanted to get to know you a little better, since Tony is a good friend of mine. We are in an accountability group together.”

  “How long have you known each other?”

  “We’ve been meeting for two years now. Tony’s one of the most humble and honest men I know.”

  “Sounds like you respect him and value his friendship.”

  “I do. I went through a rough time last year. An auto accident injured my wife, and Tony was there for me...praying, encouraging, and challenging. I’m not even sure I could’ve held on to my faith if it weren’t for him, Dan, and Simon.”

  “I know Dan. Simon, I’ve yet to meet. I’ve not met your wife either.”

  “Simon’s an older gent at church, further along in his faith journey and full of wisdom. He’s a treasure to have in our group. My wife is still struggling with her health and cannot come out much. I hated to leave her home, but she insisted I have some time away.”

  “What is the problem? If you don’t mind me asking.”

  “No, and she won’t mind me telling. She struggles to walk and often has intense back pain. Today was not a good day. Her sister is with her this afternoon.”

  “I will look forward to meeting her in the future.”

  “Renata?”

  “Yes?”

  “Who is Tony to you?”

  “That’s a bold question.”

  “I’m sorry if I offend you, but…well, Tony’s had his share of pain, and I’d spare him from more if I could.”

  “But pain is part of life isn’t it? That’s how we grow.”

  “I want Tony to be happy. If anyone deserves it, it’s him.” At that moment, Tony’s laughed across the room as he chatted with Chris and John. Renata experienced a twinge of jealousy.

  Everyone wanted T
ony happy. What about me? Who wants me to be happy? Does anyone care about that?

  She set those thoughts aside, biting the inside of her cheek before she answered.

  “He doesn’t appear to be unhappy. Listen, Nick, I have no evil intentions toward Tony. I like him. He’s an honorable man. I can’t promise you I’ll never hurt him, as he could never promise to avoid giving me pain. I trust him and enjoy being with him. Where we go beyond that, I’ve no clue or plan. I’m not a Jezebel plotting his downfall, and I would do all I could to protect him from pain as well, if I could.”

  Nick nodded. “Thank you. Again, I apologize if I put you on the spot. You’re new here and unknown.”

  “And you care deeply for your friend, which is commendable. Tony is fortunate to have people like you in his life, invested in his wellbeing.”

  “You’re kind, Renata. I hope we can be friends, too.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “I heard you got to enjoy last week’s Packers game with Tony’s family—”

  * * *

  Renata was quiet on the drive back to her apartment.

  “You okay, Ren?”

  “Yes, it was a wonderful afternoon. Fresh air, fun and friends. I’m tired.”

  “I can relate.” He paused. “I’m glad you came today. I enjoy the time we spend together.”

  Renata looked over at his handsome profile. “I enjoyed it too, Tony.”

  Tony smiled. They arrived at her apartment. He helped her exit the car and walked her to the door, opened it for her, and followed her into the hallway.

  “Studmuffin. Dearie. Wait up,” Edith called. Tony and Renata walked back to the foot of the stairs to watch her descend in her erratic, off-kilter way.

  “Hi, Edith, did you need something?” Renata asked.

  “Oh, yes, I am glad to see you both.” She whispered. “I think the ninjas are back!”

  “What have you done to offend Obama and Pelosi this time?” asked Renata with mischief in her eyes. She glanced at Tony but spoke in a serious tone of voice.

  “Well, dearie,” Edith said in a whisper. “I sent him a death wish.”

  “How?” Tony asked now.

  Edith regarded Tony with care and looked at Renata. “Is he to be trusted? I know he looks good, but he’s not with them, is he?”