Coming Home

by Stacy Hawkins Adams

  Today, Tamara didn’t care. Her heart was hurting and she needed to be quiet and feel the ocean breeze speaking to her.

  Mrs. Chestnut had once told her if she listened closely, she could hear God speaking in the wind. Tamara thought her bank customer and friend was being eccentric that day, but after Mrs. Chestnut made a surprise visit a week ago to drop off the prayer book she had promised, Tamara believed her.

  The book turned out to be a devotional. However, once Tamara began reading the entries, she understood why Mrs. Chestnut referenced prayer. Reading it made Tamara want to deepen her communication with God, curl up in his lap, and give him her problems so she could relax.

  Thinking about the book led her to pull Experiencing God from her beach bag. She flipped it open to a random passage, since this wasn’t her formal prayer and meditation time. Whenever she did this, her eyes landed on a page or passage that made her feel as if God had timed that specific message for that particular moment of need, doubt, or questioning.

  Today was no different. She opened the devotional and began reading a paragraph on page 106 that explained how God wants his children to adjust their lives to his will, not the other way around. Did this mean God wanted her to cease her secret prayer that Brent be miraculously healed? Did it mean that he wanted her to live an empty existence once her husband was gone? Was that part of his will? Was it punishment for starting a relationship with Brent when she knew he was married, and she was befriending his wife?

  Tamara wept, but she kept reading.

  The passage indicated that God’s ways are so much better than man’s ways — proof to Tamara that if she’d allow herself to fully trust God with this painful and stressful situation, he’d somehow work it out for her good and Brent’s as well.

  I don’t know how to do that, Lord. Show me! Help me! She looked toward the sky and uttered the words aloud just as a strong breeze swept past her. Was the wind carrying her words to her Maker? How she hoped so.

  Tamara sat upright for a while, staring at the clouds, wishing a skywriter would fly by in one of those small turbo-engine planes and scrawl God’s answers to her.

  Knowing that was wishful thinking, she spoke to the Lord again. Show me your will, in your way, Father. I thought I had forgiven myself for my sins from the past, but maybe I’m still feeling guilty, maybe I’m still worried that Brent’s impending death and my infertility are your judgment for my wrong choices. Just so you know, Lord, I am more than sorry. And to make things even worse, now I’m feeling rejected by the man I’ve loved all these years. What do you want me to do?

  She left her chair and strolled along the beach, near the edge of the ocean where the water occasionally covered her ankles. She was glad her shades somewhat hid the tears streaming down her face as she walked.

  She didn’t have any answers, but she knew what God wanted her to do in regard to Brent: keep caring for him and encouraging him, even when he hurt her. Keep loving him, even when she sat at his bedside and he called for Dayna.

  She might not have known just what she was getting into when she said “for better or worse” on her wedding day, but all these years later, after developing a relationship with God, she knew it meant she had to love her husband, despite his proving her long-held suspicions to be true: after the lust had faded, she registered second place in Brent’s lineup of choices. With his life growing dim, he didn’t seem to mind letting her know.

  forty-seven

  Seconds after pulling out of Duchess’s driveway, Dayna tried Warren’s cell to see if he was in close enough range to pick up on the sailboat. The call rolled right into voicemail, and she figured he and the boys were still pretty far out. It was four o’clock, though. They’d be heading back soon.

  She decided to stop by the mall and then go to the marina where he kept the boat docked so she could meet him and the twins upon their arrival. He’d be pleasantly surprised, and she would offer to treat all three of them to dinner. Duchess was right; she couldn’t get so wrapped up in the man from her past that she failed to nurture the one who held first place in her heart now.

  The mall closest to the marina happened to be her favorite shopping spot. It was the perfect day to stroll through its open, outdoor design and flit between shops, and she drove there in anticipation of finding a few bargains.

  An hour later, she returned to the boat dock, satisfied with her purchases and eager to share them with Warren. He wouldn’t care what had been on sale and what hadn’t; he merely liked seeing her wear the new items and enjoy them.

  She stood on the pier with her hand shielding her forehead from the sun and watched several boats dock. When Warren’s boat, Water Dancer, came into view, she grew excited. It finally drew close, and Dayna began waving widely, almost making an arc with her hand and arm.

  A grin spread across her face as she saw the boys working in unison with Warren to adjust the masts and slow the boat’s speed. Warren loved his time with his boys; she imagined they’d spent the day trading stories and sharing advice in a way that their normal, electronics-filled routine wouldn’t allow.

  Suddenly though, her heart sank. Before Michael disembarked from the boat, he stretched out his hand to pull someone up behind him. The minute she saw the dainty fingers grasp his, Dayna knew Lily had somehow managed to get invited to the boys-only party.

  When she emerged, Lily gave Michael a big hug, which he returned, and they left the boat hand in hand. Her grin was as wide as Dayna’s had been before seeing her nemesis.

  Lily’s eyes widened in surprise as she and Michael approached, but Dayna knew Lily had to have seen her from afar, if she had been on the boat’s stern as they approached land. Why play innocent now? And where was Warren?

  Interesting that he hadn’t told her that he had invited a guest along — a special guest, her body language seemed to indicate.

  Warren surfaced a few minutes later, and he too seemed wonderstruck.

  “Hey, babe,” he said, and embraced her. “What a nice surprise!”

  He didn’t seem nervous or awkward, although Dayna felt both for some reason. It was an unsettling feeling she hadn’t experienced before in this relationship. Was something shifting? She lingered in Warren’s arms and looked over his shoulder at Lily, who was eyeing them intently.

  Dayna felt like going sister-girl on the woman and asking her, “You got something to say? What you looking at?” Instead, she focused on Warren. “How were the waves and wind today? Easy sailing or rough?”

  “Smooth sailing,” Warren said. “It was an absolutely beautiful day to be on the water. I’m so glad I decided to follow through.”

  He wrapped his arm around her waist and turned to Lily and the boys.

  “Ready to go? Help me tether the boat, boys, and we can be on our way.”

  Dayna and Lily were left alone while the guys secured Water Dancer. They sized each other up without speaking. Lily finally ran her fingers through her shoulder-length blond hair and sighed.

  “Warren was right. It was a magical day to be on the ocean. You missed a treat, Dayna.”

  Dayna counted to ten under her breath and decided not to respond. She surveyed Lily’s flawless skin and the lemon-yellow sundress that fit Lily’s size-two frame as if it had been tailor-made for her. Her white sandals and coral toenails, which matched the color and tone of her makeup, completed the look.

  Dayna felt like a gangly Amazon as she towered over this petite woman. Wasn’t anyone’s fault but her own that she had left her man open to be pursued by his biggest crush. Dayna didn’t blame Lily for trying; Warren was worth it.

  But girlfriend better watch out: Dayna wasn’t planning to walk away just like that.

  “I’m glad you enjoyed your time with my favorite guys,” Dayna finally responded. “We’ll make sure to invite you again sometime.”

  The smile Lily plastered on her face didn’t reach her eyes. “Warren has already welcomed me back anytime I want. I’m definitely planning to take him up on the
offer.”

  Dayna made a mental note to self: Ride or die the next time Water Dancer hits the water.

  Dayna smiled at Lily and chose not to respond.

  Please, Lord, let Warren hurry up.

  Time seemed to stand still. The tension between Dayna and Lily had always hovered beneath the surface, but in recent months, it was clear that the more serious Warren grew about Dayna, the more overt Lily grew about expressing her affection for and interest in him.

  Dayna had never been the type to go to battle over a guy, but this was different. She and Warren were talking marriage, planning a future together. Even though Lily had been in his life long before Dayna, Lily had no right to try and come between them. If Warren had wanted to build a future with Lily, that would have happened before he showed interest in Dayna.

  This time she would follow the guidelines in Nehemiah 4:14 and fight for the family she had already begun treating as if it were hers. She looked toward the pier and was relieved to see Warren strolling in her direction with the boys trotting behind him wrestling with each other.

  When he reached the two ladies, who had squared off as if preparing for a boxing match, he looked from one to the other with a curious smile.

  “You two okay?”

  For a second, Dayna wanted to kick him. He knew how she felt about Lily’s constant flirting with him; how dare he take that woman sailing and not even bother to let her know.

  She smiled though, hoping the frustration spilling from her eyes wasn’t obvious to Lily.

  “What are we doing for dinner, Dad?” Michael asked. “We’re starving.”

  “Yeah, and it takes you too long to cook!” Mason chimed in. The boys stood shoulder-to-shoulder in front of him, forming an alliance. They were nearly eye level to Warren and in a few months, might zoom past him.

  Warren smirked. “You two always say it takes me too long to cook when you’ve already decided where we’re eating. What’s on the menu?”

  “It’s a pasta night!” Michael said, and grinned.

  Warren gave him a playful shove. “Go get in the car, knuckle-heads. I’m coming.”

  The boys pumped their fists in the air and dashed toward Warren’s SUV. Mason paused and looked at Dayna. “You coming to Mama Cucina’s with us, Dayna?”

  She folded her arms and looked at Warren. The real question was whether Lily was coming. Interesting that Mason hadn’t asked her.

  “Sure, I’ll join you,” she said. They didn’t need to know she was still stuffed from the meal and dessert Duchess had prepared.

  Warren nodded. “Great. Lily’s coming too, right?”

  Lily peered at the two of them, then tucked her hands behind her back. “Actually, Warren, if you don’t mind, I’d like to go on home. I’m a little tired from being on the water all day. I think I’ll have something at home and go to bed early. If you’ll swing by your place so I can get my car, I’ll just do that, okay?”

  Were her eyes playing tricks on her, or did Warren look relieved? Dayna was getting madder by the minute.

  “That will work,” Warren told Lily before turning his attention to Dayna. “Want to just meet us there, babe?”

  Dayna shook her head. “No, I’ll follow you home, and when we get to your place, I’ll park my car and hop in with you, okay?”

  Warren smiled. “Sounds like a plan; don’t know why I didn’t think of that.”

  Dayna, Lily, and Warren left the pier together and she reached her car first. She sat behind the driver’s seat and watched from the rearview mirror as Lily and Warren walked side by side to his SUV.

  There was appropriate space between them, and nothing that hinted of impropriety. Still, Dayna knew she was in for the fight of her life. Lily had somehow sniffed out Warren’s discontent over Dayna’s lack of time lately — or maybe he’d even complained to her about it — and she was doing her best to distract him and reel him in.

  Dayna sighed. She didn’t know if she was up for a fight, and yet she couldn’t just hand her future to another woman. Not this time.

  forty-eight

  The twenty-minute drive to Warren’s house from the pier felt like two hours to Dayna as she followed his car and watched him laugh and chat with Lily throughout the ride.

  She trusted Warren, yet it was all she could do to keep from pulling her car alongside his and honking her horn to distract them at each stop sign and traffic light. When Warren turned into his driveway, she exhaled and parked on the street, behind Lily’s white sedan. The two of them sat in his SUV chatting, and Dayna watched as Lily leaned over and gave him a light hug.

  Dayna was surprised at her level of worry. Warren and Lily had been friends for years, and Lily was like a member of the family. Why all of this angst now? Even as she questioned herself, though, she knew the answer: the stakes were higher.

  Lily saw Warren about to get away, but little did she know Dayna was facing the same concerns because of his frustration with Brent’s reappearance.

  While Dayna waited for Lily to emerge from Brent’s SUV, she tried to recall the last time she and Warren had gone to salsa lessons or to a movie. They still met at the gym and had dinner together a few nights a week, but she couldn’t remember their last authentic date night. She needed to get back in the game.

  Warren walked Lily to her car and waved good-bye before walking over to Dayna’s. She lowered her driver’s-side window and he leaned his elbows against it before taking a finger and tracing her cheek.

  “What are you doing?” Dayna asked.

  “Wiping off the green stuff,” he said.

  “Huh?”

  He chuckled. “You’re cute when you’re jealous, you know. But the green-eyed monster conceals your real beauty.”

  If she hadn’t been embarrassed she would have protested.

  “I know you better than you think I do, lady.” He leaned in and kissed her, then opened her door. “Come on. Roll up your window so we can go. ‘Frick’ and ‘Frack’ in the backseat are dying of hunger, so they say.”

  Dayna closed the window, locked the door, and walked hand in hand with Warren to his SUV. She still had questions — chief among them was why Lily had been on the boat. But that could wait until later. For now, she was glad to be in his presence.

  forty-nine

  “What do you mean a trip to Alabama is out of the question?” Dayna was floored by Warren’s flip-flop on her invitation.

  “I gave it some thought. With your parents not really wanting me there, it would be a strained and stressful weekend, and I’d rather spend it here with the boys than deal with that.”

  Warren squared his jaw, the sign that his mind was made up. Disappointment sapped what little appetite she had left, and she slid the only thing she had ordered tonight, the tiramisu, toward him.

  “You aren’t going to finish it?”

  Dayna shook her head and looked away in hopes that he didn’t see the tears forming. What did this about-face mean?

  “Aren’t the boys spending Easter weekend with their mom’s parents, as usual?” Dayna asked, after pulling herself together. “They are welcome to join us in Alabama, of course, but the reason I’d only mentioned it to you, and not to them, was because you told me that’s the usual routine.”

  Warren swallowed a gulp of soda. “They usually do, but it’s up in the air this year. Their grandmother is having cataract surgery the week before Easter, so we’re deciding whether the boys should still go or stay with me.”

  “Well, you know as far as I’m concerned, they are welcome. Mama will have an issue either way, so we’ll roll in whatever way is best for us.”

  Warren sat back in his chair and smiled at her.

  “What, babe?”

  “Why are you trying so hard?” he asked.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You just don’t seem like yourself. You’re almost antsy. What’s going on?”

  Dayna left her seat to sit next to Warren in his booth. The boys were at a table a few feet away, a
nd they scrunched up their faces.

  “No PDAs!” Michael hissed.

  “Whatever!” Dayna called back to him. Warren looked confused.

  “That’s ‘public display of affection,’ babe,” she told him and laughed.

  Warren shook his head. “I can’t keep up with those two. Thanks for translating. And for coming over here to snuggle with me.” He kissed her cheek.

  Dayna smiled. “Look, Warren, I know I’ve been spending a lot of time setting up Brent’s foundation, and that’s an issue. I’m feeling a distance between us, and I guess I just need to know that everything is all right with us. I see how Lily looks at you. I’m not blind. Or stupid.”

  “I was right about the jealousy, huh?”

  “Guess you were. So what?”

  Warren grabbed her hands under the table and leaned in toward her.

  “It’s cute to see you want to fight for me, babe, but where I want to be is with you. I admit I’m a little frustrated by all the time Brent is taking. I mean, Tamara’s his wife, not you. On Friday he as much as admitted that he’s not over you. You didn’t tell him you loved him back, but you didn’t deny it either.”

  Finally, they were getting somewhere. “Warren, I’m sorry that what you heard Brent say to me hurt you. I didn’t respond to Brent because I didn’t want to hurt him. He was in a precarious place, and I was trying to say as little as possible not to push him over the edge. I hope you know that if I had any feelings for him, I first of all would let you know, and then I’d get as far away from him as possible. I’m not trying to get caught in his web.”

  Warren’s expression didn’t reveal what he was thinking.

  “I see the way he looks at you,” he told Dayna, “and you know what? The same way you looked at Lily today is how Tamara stares at you.”

  Dayna’s eyes widened. This was getting to be too much. “Just so you know, I’m planning to ask Carmen to take over the forming of the foundation so I can step back. I think that’s best all the way around.”