Coming Home

by Stacy Hawkins Adams

  She glanced at the clock and realized two hours had passed. For months now, her life seemed to be moving in slow motion. The fact that she’d actually been able to lose herself in the pages of a book, even one on such a difficult topic, was comforting.

  She stood up to stretch and decided to turn on her cell phone. She had missed three calls — from Winston, Brent, and Dayna. Seeing the names on the phone’s flat screen filled her with tension. Her reflex was to ignore them, but common sense told her to pick whom to call back first. Instead, she chose a third option: she sent a text to her mother-in-law, asking if she was coming to Florida and if Brent was okay. As long as she received a positive message, the voicemails could wait.

  Right now, she needed to give it all to God. Only he could soothe her aching heart and soul, so that when she returned home, she could shower Brent with all of the attention and love he needed, despite his attitude or actions.

  fifty-seven

  Dayna was still reeling from Tamara’s disappearing act when she received a call from Audrey just as she reached home, asking if she could come over. It was after nine-thirty and Dayna was weary, but if Audrey needed her, Audrey needed her.

  Audrey arrived twenty minutes later with a grateful smile and a hug. “Just need to talk through some things with you.”

  Dayna nodded and ushered her inside. She made her customary cup of tea and gave Audrey the diet soda she requested before they settled on the sofa in the family room.

  Dayna was eager to share with her how tonight’s foundation meeting with Brent had gone, but she knew Audrey’s needs must be pressing.

  “What’s going on?” she asked and took a sip of tea.

  “I saw someone die today during my community service shift at the hospice,” Audrey said. “I finally understood what you’ve been trying to tell me all along, about the dead-end life I was creating for myself with the cheating.”

  Dayna wasn’t sure how to respond. Audrey continued. “My trial and conviction last week shattered my pretense that all was well in my black urban yuppie world, but not until this morning, when Mrs. Cooper died, did I accept how hollow my life has become.”

  Dayna could feel Audrey’s pain. She reached for her friend’s hands and let her keep talking.

  “Since my court-ordered community service began, I’ve helped with everything from answering the phones to escorting family members to a relative’s room. Believe it or not, the place isn’t as gloomy as I expected. People are dying, but most of the ones I’ve met, and their families, are so Spirit-filled that the place seems more like a residential physical therapy facility instead of a place where people come to die — I can’t explain it.

  “Today, I happened to be standing in the doorway of a bedroom occupied by a sweet old lady named Mrs. Cooper when she died.”

  “Oh, Audrey, I’m sorry; that must have been hard,” Dayna said.

  Tears filled Audrey’s eyes and she shook her head. “Watching her die was difficult, but you know what really tore me up,

  Dayna?” Dayna waited for her to continue.

  “It wasn’t the death; it was the jealousy that seeped into my soul.”

  Dayna frowned.

  Audrey hugged herself and continued. “Mrs. Cooper slipped from life with a hint of a smile on her face, not the mark of fear or grimace of pain you always see in those made-for-TV deathbed scenes. Maybe it was because in a fog-free moment, Mrs. Cooper had recognized her husband when he leaned close to gaze into her eyes and kiss her lips. Maybe her children and teenage grandchildren’s soft humming of her favorite hymn had helped — I don’t know.

  “Whatever the reason, Mrs. Cooper made death look like a welcome nap, the kind of resting place everyone should curl up and embrace, and I stood there in the doorway, Dayna, watching like a guilty intruder, stealing the sweetness from this family’s private moment, but unable to lift my feet and back away.

  “I had expected to get physically ill or to cry the first time someone died on my watch, you know? Especially if it was a patient and family I had come to know,” Audrey continued. “But envy? That caught me off guard.”

  Dayna was stunned. It made her wonder how she was going to feel when she got the final word about Brent’s demise.

  “That is powerful, Audrey. Are you okay?”

  Audrey shook her head. “Not really. I mean, I’ve spent the day asking myself what could I possibly want that a dying woman had, and you know what answer I came up with? Authentic love. I watched as Mrs. Cooper’s husband, children, grandchildren, and siblings surrounded her and shed tears after she died, caressing her arms and kissing her forehead. They didn’t seem to care that she couldn’t respond; they wanted to be in her presence for as long as they could.

  “That’s the kind of devotion and commitment I long for, Dayna. I want to be loved and eventually missed — right now, not someday.”

  Dayna squeezed Audrey’s hand. Her friend had experienced some truths, and right now, it looked like they might once again be in the sea of longing together.

  Audrey eked out a laugh. “One of Mrs. Cooper’s brothers turned toward the door and saw me standing there, crying,” she said. “Do you know he came over and tried to console me? He told me the family was crying tears of joy, because they knew Mrs. Cooper was heaven-bound; he wanted to make sure my tears were for the same reason.

  “It would have been rude to tell that kind older gentleman that while Mrs. Cooper had been one of my favorite hospice patients, the woman’s journey to heaven was the last thing on my mind. I was crying because I wanted what she left behind — the husband, the children, the love. Am I sick or what?”

  Dayna hugged Audrey and they held the embrace for a while.

  “You’re not sick,” Dayna finally responded. “You’re finally coming out of the coma Raymond seduced you into. It’s not easy to look at your life and realize you’ve been living it on someone else’s terms. I’ve been there, friend. Just today I’ve had some revelations myself about who and whose I want to be. I’ve got some more growing to do too, but we’re both going to be okay.”

  Audrey wiped her tears and smiled. “You’re right — we will. Now that I know better, I can do better. Mrs. Cooper’s death was a gift of sorts to me, today. I guess I don’t have to have exactly what she has, but I definitely want the good God has for me, and I know that means a life rich in all the right things, obtained the right way.”

  Dayna wiped her moist eyes and nodded in agreement. Audrey had unwittingly taught her a lesson she needed to learn too. “Saying it is easy, isn’t it?” Audrey said and smiled. “It’s the doing that requires courage and commitment. Mrs. Cooper was a wonderful example, and you know what? So are you, Dayna. If you would be my accountability partner, I would be grateful.”

  “What do you mean?” Dayna asked, thinking about how she had messed up her own relationship with Warren and allowed herself to get so embedded in Brent’s life that now his marriage appeared to be in jeopardy, in part due to her. “I don’t know that I have any wisdom to share.”

  Audrey squeezed her hand. “I don’t need you to be perfect; I just need more of the encouragement you’ve already given me to work harder at being my best self. You haven’t been a ‘yes’ friend, allowing me to take the easy way out to do what’s most convenient. You’ve challenged me to stretch myself in every area of life, and for that, I appreciate you.”

  fifty-eight

  After stalling by watching the evening news and some Letterman, Tamara finally listened to her messages.

  Three voicemails made all the difference. She was still a wanted woman.

  Tamara cried as those truths, delivered in messages from her brother-in-law Winston, Brent, and Dayna, tickled her ears.

  Winston’s call had been first. “Tamara, first I want to let you know that Brent is okay. The second big piece of news is that he has officially been knighted ‘Jerk of the Year.’”

  Tamara laughed out loud through her tears and had to start Winston’s message o
ver four times before she could get past that part. “I know all about what’s been going on with Dayna and the foundation — Brent has spent the past few hours filling me in and answering my questions. Just know that your husband loves you, and he wants you to come home. But if you need to rest awhile yet, don’t worry; Mom and I plan to fly in and will be there tomorrow morning.”

  The second voicemail was from Brent, who spoke in a shaky voice. “Take whatever time you need to rest, Tami, and when you get back, I owe you an apology. I’m so sorry, Tami. I guess I’ve been so caught up with what I had done in the past, I didn’t realize what I had in my present and how I was wasting the precious time you and I have together. I love you, baby, and I want to spend the rest of whatever time I have left with you.”

  Tamara wanted to pack her bags, but the storm was still rattling windows and pelting the guesthouse roof with raindrops. The noises had initially made her uneasy, but now she was lost in joy.

  Dayna had called sometime after the foundation meeting to apologize.

  “I got caught up in trying to be Brent’s savior when he asked me to help set up the foundation,” Dayna said in the voicemail message. “It stroked my ego and made me feel like something. Here he was, groveling for my help after all. It was wrong, Tamara; I was wrong.

  “My friend Duchess always says, ‘If you do the right thing for the wrong reason, it becomes the wrong thing to do.’ I’m just calling to let you know that Carmen has officially taken over the foundation work. I wrapped up my part of the project tonight. Brent was doing okay when we left. He needs a maid service, but mostly, he needs you.”

  There was a long pause before Dayna continued, but by now, Tamara was smiling into the phone.

  “One more thing, Tamara — you and I will never be best buddies; there’s too much ‘stuff’ between us for that. But we can get along; we’ve proven that. If you ever need me — for something related to the foundation or just to talk — please keep my number.”

  Tamara curled up on the king-sized bed and stared at the ceiling, letting the power of what had just occurred marinate in her spirit. Then, the truths about how she had become Brent’s girlfriend, and then his wife, struck her hard.

  She remembered renting a room from a cousin who owned a house in Dayna and Brent’s neighborhood because she was between jobs and romances. She saw herself at the neighborhood cookout, meeting Dayna for the first time and eventually accepting invitations to movie night and dinner at Dayna and Brent’s house. Dayna had helped her revise her résumé and had called her the minute she learned that the company Brent worked for needed administrative assistants.

  Tamara recalled riding to work with Brent a few times when her car wouldn’t start and enjoying his company and his jokes. She couldn’t recall when or how she’d decided that Brent was her type, or when she’d begun flirting with him; but she remembered him flirting back, especially when she listened to his hopes and dreams and repeated them back to him in his own words.

  Tamara lay here tonight, revisiting her life choices in slow motion, and asked herself a tough question: Had she purposely set out to steal her friend’s man?

  If she was honest and acknowledged the kind of person she was eight years ago, the truthful answer would be yes; if he would allow himself to be “stolen,” she’d do the taking. Living a better life, with all the trappings of the American dream, was icing on the cake.

  Tamara sat up in bed and thanked God for allowing her to see her flaws and sins for what they were. When she had gathered her bearings, she bowed her head and repented anew. She had sought and received forgiveness from God a long time ago for her role in breaking up Brent and Dayna’s marriage. Tonight, she realized the missing link was Dayna. Tamara needed to apologize to her too.

  fifty-nine

  The following afternoon Dayna drove herself to the airport for the first time in a long time, and it broke her heart.

  Usually Warren dropped her off and wished her well. Or if they were traveling together, they’d park the car and walk into the terminal together. Today, however, she was preparing to catch a late afternoon flight into Birmingham, Alabama, all by herself. She’d land around six p.m. and get a rental car to drive the rest of the way to Atchity. The timing would allow her to miss Good Friday services as she had initially planned, but truthfully, after all that had transpired, she wouldn’t have minded sitting through the service, even if Daddy and her brother-in-law Randy stood in the pulpit grandstanding. More and more, she was learning to peek behind the pomp and circumstance of organized church and see God’s essence, in word, in song, in dance, and in relationships. Warren had been nudging her in that direction for a long time, and in the time since they’d last talked, his admonitions seemed to be sinking in.

  Dayna parked the car, checked her bag, and cleared security before she realized her cell phone was buzzing like crazy. She grabbed a spiced chai tea from an airport coffee vendor and settled into a seat near her flight’s gate. With at least an hour to spare before boarding, she could catch up on phone calls, emails, and maybe even a nap.

  She checked her phone and found that in the twenty-minute drive from her house to the airport, she had received two calls and several text messages.

  Tamara had texted to let Dayna know she was back home and that Brent’s mom and brother Winston were in town, if she wanted to come by. Dayna wasn’t sure what had prompted the olive branch, but she informed Tamara that she was en route to Alabama for Easter and wished her well.

  There was a text from her sister Jessica, letting her know she’d be thrilled to see her in a few hours.

  It’s been too long, sis. We’ve got to do better about staying connected. Looking forward to a mini-reunion, and even to seeing our folks. Guess there’s nothing like family — in small doses. LOL

  Dayna chuckled. She hoped she would leave their Easter visit with that same positive sentiment. She was going home out of obedience, but she looked forward to the day when she returned joyfully and expectantly, having forgiven Mama for taking Brent’s side, having accepted that Daddy was giving all the affection he was capable of, and having appreciated Shiloh for being a devoted daughter, wife, and mother. Her family was flawed, but they were still her family, and just as she wanted to be loved unconditionally, she had to extend unconditional love.

  All of this sounded wonderful in theory. She had begun praying days ago for God to help her put it into practice once she made it home.

  The final text came from Monica, reminding her of a final business call Dayna needed to make before officially declaring herself on vacation. Then she switched to pick up voicemail.

  Brent had left a message, thanking Dayna for working so hard on his vision and for connecting him with Carmen. “I got an official letter in the mail informing me that the Calero Community Foundation was impressed with my plans and with the organization of my application. My foundation is under careful consideration, and we should have an answer in a week or so.

  “I also want to apologize, Dayna,” Brent said, in a tired, raspy voice she almost didn’t recognize. “My brother Winston and I have been sitting here talking about old times, and at one point I brought you up so much that he stopped me and asked me to share details with him about some of the memories I’ve formed with Tamara. You know Winston loves you like the brother he once was to you, but he was right; somewhere along the way I developed a bad habit of focusing only on the good memories of which you were a part; in essence, dismissing all of the beautiful seasons I’ve shared with my wife. I called Tamara last night after you left Cocoa Beach and asked for her forgiveness. She’s back home now.”

  Dayna’s spirit swelled with joy at the news. This message explained Tamara’s text.

  “So, I’m calling you to acknowledge that I’ve been a jerk and to thank you for loving me anyway,” Brent said. “‘Cause I know you had to love me to put up with me and help me get this foundation in good enough shape to present to the Calero Community Foundation. Just want you to know I
appreciate you. And I called Warren to thank him for sharing you with me. He didn’t say much, but he suggested that you might be heading to Alabama for Easter. If you’re en route now, travel safely, my friend, and thanks for all you’ve done for me and for Tamara.”

  The next message was short and sweet, but it made Dayna’s heart leap.

  “Hey, this is Warren. All is well with me and the boys. Just wanted to call and say hello and wish you a nice Easter with your family. Don’t let them get to you; it’s just for a few days. Take care.”

  Dayna’s heart melted. Was it wishful thinking, or had he sounded like he missed her?

  Before she talked herself out of it, she dialed Warren’s cell number and was stunned when he picked up on the first ring.

  “Hey.”

  That one word sounded like music.

  “Hey,” she responded. “It’s been too long.”

  “Tell me about it,” Warren said. “I thought it was good to hear your voice on your cell phone message; live is even better.”

  A hug and kiss would be much, much better.

  Dayna didn’t utter those sentiments, but oh, how she longed to. An airline attendant came over the airport speakerphone and announced that her plane would be boarding soon, and Dayna listened to her heart.

  “I know it’s been a while since we talked,” she said. “I … I just want to tell you I’m sorry for taking you for granted. You’ve probably moved on and all, but I miss you, and I love you, Warren. This time we’ve been apart has confirmed for me that what we have is real. We can’t give up on us … can we?”

  She hadn’t had the strength, or maybe the determination, to fight for Brent, and by the time she had a say in the matter, he was already emotionally gone. With Warren, she just needed to find the courage to dwell in his love, whatever may come.