by Nola Marie
The split did more damage to Dad for a while. His work suffered for the first several months. The love of his life just ripped his heart out and stomped on it. He eventually let go and moved on though. And four years later, he was engaged.
“Get to my room,” Maddox’s all business voice breaks through my thoughts.
He fascinates me the way he can do that. Just flip a switch and you’d think he was CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Dad always wanted me to be like that, but it’s just never been in me. Not like Ryder and Maddox anyway.
A few minutes later, Liam is entering the room. In a little over an hour, we have to be on the bus heading for Phoenix, so we don’t spend much time on idle chat.
“What do you know about the contracts the crew has to sign before the tour?” Ryder asks as soon as Liam sits.
“The label gives out the same standard contract to everyone,” he shrugs. “Expectations, roles, duties and an NDA for anything they say, do, or hear.”
“Do they send contracts to people’s apartments?” I ask because that’s the part that has been bothering me the most.
“They could. They have the means and resources, but they wouldn’t,” he tells us crossing an ankle over a knee. “They always have the contracts signed in office or sometimes another office if the person is being outsourced. They like to have all their lawyers and witnesses present. What’s going on?”
“Someone on the crew had a contract delivered to their apartment the day before we left,” Dane explains. “We are trying to figure out where the contract came from.”
“You need to talk to Danny,” he suggests. “A member of the crew getting a contract outside of the label would come from someone who represents the band. Your manager or agent, for example.”
“Get Danny on the phone,” I grit.
“It won’t do any good,” Liam nods at Maddox already dialing. “He’s flying out to Phoenix to meet us when we get there.”
“That’s two days from now,” I complain.
“No, Mate, this is good. It gives us time to figure out how we want to approach him. I’ve got to say, I’m not thrilled that he would think it a good idea to do something like this without consulting us,” Ryder says with quite a bit of agitation in his voice. His face shows even more as his expressive brows furrow.
“It’s his job,” Liam argues for a second, but you can tell he’s just being logical. He doesn’t believe what he’s saying.
After some mental deliberation between the four of us, Ryder jerks his head toward Liam. So, I begin to tell him what happened.
“That sounds like something Danny would do,” he nods with a bit of a scowl. “He’s been known to interfere in the personal relationships of the bands he manages.”
“Why would he do that?” Dane demands.
“Sometimes to maintain an image. Sometimes because he thinks it will keep a member from leaving the band. Sometimes,” he growls, “it’s for other reasons, but always in the name of protecting the band.”
“You don’t agree with him,” Maddox observes.
“Let’s just say I’ve seen firsthand the damage his meddling can do. What did this messenger look like?”
“Get her in here,” Maddox tells me.
“I don’t have her number.”
“Dude, how can you profess your undying love, fuck her, and not have her number?” Dane chortles.
“Just go get her,” Maddox tells me fighting his own grin. “Tell her she’s riding to Santa Fe with us. We’re getting this shit resolved before Phoenix. You two have spent enough time apart.”
Josephine
I sit nervously beside Angel as we make our way to Phoenix. I was nervous when Angel told me that Maddox said I was to ride with them to Santa Fe. I wasn’t thrilled he told them everything, but I suppose that’s the nature of a band. In order to figure out the problem, he had to talk to someone right?
Not one of the guys so much as batted an eyelash when Angel pulled me into his lap. I was more than a little shocked that they seemed to be accepting of this thing between us. Then when I couldn’t take it anymore, I asked why they were all so cool.
“The broody bastard got worse when you came around. Maybe now he’ll stop with the shit,” Dane remarked.
“We’re not blind, Love. When I said you two should fuck already, I meant it,” Ryder smirked with a brow waggle.
“Look, you two were going down a path,” Maddox said with that gorgeous wide grin he has. “I’d rather it goes this way than us having to visit one of you in the morgue and the other in jail. We like you Josephine, so if you two want to be together then fuck whatever contract you signed. If it comes to it, you can work for us.”
After our conversation in my hotel room, I realized I wanted Angel more than some job. I suppose it was still a few lingering doubts and insecurities that made me think otherwise. I wasn’t entirely sure, in spite of what he said, that the night wasn’t a one off.
I definitely wanted the job, but I could always find something else. There was only one Angel. There always has only been one. If he were easily replaceable, it would’ve happened by now, but no one has ever made me feel as much as he does. Not anger, not happiness, not rage, not joy. He’s the only one that can give me any of that. Without him, I sometimes wonder if I feel anything at all.
“Tell me again what the guy who brought you the papers looked like,” Liam asks again for the fifth time since the we left Denver.
Angel squeezes my thigh in encouragement. He knows I hate repeating myself. I always have. The rest of them nod.
“Tall, bald, burly with dark beady eyes. Intimidating as hell,” I repeat and just barely refrain from huffing or rolling my eyes.
“This him?” Liam asks as he turns his phone toward me. “I’ve been trying to remember him since you described him.”
“That is definitely him,” I say with a nod.
“It’s Danny’s brother–in– law. He’s worked for Danny for years. Guess it’s Danny’s way of making sure his sister is taken care of.”
“Okay, so we know this contract was made by Danny on behalf of the band,” Angel acknowledges. “How binding is it?”
“As binding as you want it to be. You guys have a contract with Danny, but at the end of the day he works for you. Not vice versa,” Liam tells us.
“I was careful with the wording of our contract with Danny,” Maddox tells him. “We all had our lawyers look through it carefully as well.”
“Then it’s not enforceable if you don’t want it to be. The label won’t fire her. Hell, they’d have to start chopping heads left and right if they were concerned with these things,” Liam explains then turns to me, “Your firm won’t care as long as they don’t lose a client. If it’s not in any of their contracts for you, they won’t have any real expectations of it. Danny, technically, can fire you but the band can override him.”
“That contract is getting shredded as soon as we see him,” Ryder grunts. “He shouldn’t have drafted it in the first place, much less make a point to just give it to her.”
“He saw something that made him nervous, I’m assuming,” Liam tells us. “Look, straight shooting here. Everyone within a hundred-mile radius knew there was some serious tension between you two. Danny was probably just worried his bassist was going to either commit homicide or run off with the wardrobe girl.”
“There was always more to it than that,” Angel growls.
“But no one knew that but you two. And I guess the ones you chose to tell.”
I never imagined that stupid contract would be a problem. At the time, the thought of me with anyone from the band seemed laughable. I was determined that I hated Angel, and the rest, as hot as they are, held no interest for me. Truthfully, even if I’d felt a twinge of something for one of them, I wasn’t going to do that to Angel. Not with his friends. I may have thought what I was feeling was hate, but I didn’t want to hurt him. Not really.
With the weight I had no idea I was carrying lifted o
ff my shoulders, I’m suddenly ready to crawl under covers. My eyes suddenly feel as weighted and heavy as last night before Angel, once again, consumed my mind and body. Oh, how he consumed me.
Of course, the guys gave him hell about using the bedroom. Apparently that particular activity wasn’t supposed to happen in there. Then the rest of the trip to Santa Fe, I slept in there. It was such a great sleep. They discussed their music and whatever else while I was lost to endless, dreamless sleep.
I feel myself nodding off, leaning into Angel’s shoulder, until a bump in the road jostles me awake. “Maybe we should get the crew bus to pull over so I can get to bed,” I suggest. “I’m barely keeping my eyes open.”
“You can sleep on this bus,” Angel tells me.
I shake my head. “It might cause some issues with the rest of the crew.”
“Let me rephrase,” he says gripping my chin. “You’re sleeping on this bus. I fucking hated you being on that bus from the first day.”
“Angel, I don’t think -.”
“He’s right, Josephine. You should stay on this bus,” Maddox tells me. “Hell, so should Cami. I know there isn’t a lot of difference. Bus full of guys versus a bus full of guys and all, but at least, the guys on this bus will watch out for you instead of trying to get in your pants.”
“No one tried to get in my pants,” I mumble with an eye roll.
They each give me a doubtful look. They know better. They haven’t been doing this long, but this isn’t their first tour. And they know as well as anyone how guys confined in one place too long can be. I’m not sure saying the crew is confined is completely accurate though.
“If at least one of those guys haven’t tried to get with you or Cami then they’re all gay. I’m sorry but you’re not putting two girls on a bus with eight other guys and one of those guys doesn’t try something,” Dane says with a shake of his head.
“Well, I’m telling you that none of them tried to get into my pants,” I argue as I fold my arms across my chest.
“Chase?” Angel says looking down at me.
“He didn’t try to get into my pants,” I roll my eyes again.
“Just shoved his tongue down your throat,” he growls.
“Is this because you don’t trust me?” I challenge. He better think long and hard before he answers that question too.
“I trust you, Josie. But I’m also a jealous son of a bitch when it comes to you. I’ve never liked it when another guy looks at you, so it’s a bit difficult for me to be okay with you being on a bus full of horny men. You’re sexy as hell, and they all know it.”
“You get jealous?” I ask a little breathlessly because I never pictured Angel as the jealous type. I mean, have you seen him? Why the hell would he get jealous?
“Yes, Josie. I. Get. Jealous. I don’t want you on that fucking bus. If it causes problems, then tough shit. You don’t work with any of them anyway.”
“Just give him his way tonight, Love, and we can work out the rest later,” Ryder suggests.
I look up to Angel again. His eyes are tight, and worry lined. He’s worried I’m just going to do what I want. It’s not that farfetched of an idea, but I’m not going to do that to him. I can see this is a big deal to him.
So, I nod in agreement without a word. I let him see in my face that I’m not going to argue or fight with him.
The relief he exhales is almost tangible. I kiss him on the cheek and make my way to the back.
“That was easier than I thought it would be,” I hear Maddox say.
“She didn’t even threaten to remove any balls,” Dane adds.
I can’t help but chuckle to myself. I knew that Camilla had been giving scary vibes, but I had no idea that I had as well. Although, I suppose when it comes to my interaction with Angel the last several weeks, I can see where they might think I was a wee bit scary.
As I’m walking past the bunks, I see Angel’s old, tattered journal. I really thought he’d have tossed that thing by now, but it’s the same one from when we were in school, just noticeably thicker. I also recognize the picture sticking out of the top.
I slide into the bunk and I’m a little more than shocked to see several other pictures tucked into the top bunk. All of them of me or the two of us. I cover my mouth to hide the shock of what I see. Pictures I haven’t seen in years staring back at me.
Even though I realize now it was unintentional, Angel tore my heart out. That night I went home and burned every single picture I had of the two of us together. Come to find out, I tore his heart out too, but he kept the pictures.
I guess we each deal with grief, hurt, and betrayal in different ways. I wanted to forget. But for years, he kept trying.
I pull out a strip of pictures of the two of us when we were seventeen. It was our junior prom. I didn’t want to go and neither did he, but our mothers were not taking no for an answer. So, we got the dress and the tux and pretended to go. We ended up at the mall for hours, looking absolutely overdressed and having the time of our lives. We found ourselves in a photobooth and sat through five strips.
I look at the pictures of us laughing, making funny faces, and just being us, but it’s the sixth strip I never saw. He told me they didn’t take. Looking at them right now causes my breath to catch. The way he’s looking at me. The way I never saw when we were kids.
I lay back in his bunk, the scent of the ocean – of him – surrounds me. I look up at the pictures, remembering when and where most were taken. A few, I had no idea he was taking pictures. So many of me laughing and smiling. A few of me just sitting there reading or doing homework.
I must drift off to sleep because the next thing I know, Angel is tucked behind me. He pulls me to his chest. “You didn’t quite make it to the bedroom,” he whispers.
“The pictures,” is all I can coherently say.
“I didn’t need them to see your face. I have seen your face every day for as long as I can remember. You have always been the first thing I thought of when I woke and the last thing when I would fall asleep. You’d torment my dreams. I used the pictures to remind me of what it was like with you. Of what I wanted to find again.”
“I burned all of my pictures,” I whisper with a crack as tears threaten because he’s just too much. I am starting to really see how his heart was just as broken as mine all these years. Maybe more because, while what I believed to be true wasn’t, he didn’t know at all. He had no clue what I thought or believed. He had no explanation.
“You can have mine,” he tells me. “I don’t need them if I have you.”
I feel a tear escape. “I’m sorry, Angel. I fucked up so many things because I let my head get in the way. My insecurities and fears and my doubts and uncertainties. I should’ve just talked to you.”
“It doesn’t matter, Josie. You’re here now. Like you said, maybe saying goodbye to each other all those years ago is what helped make us into who we are now.”
“But I didn’t give us that goodbye,” I tell him softly.
He looks down at me thoughtfully. He gently pushes a stray hair from my forehead. As he searches for what he wants to say. “We didn’t say goodbye, did we?” he ponders aloud. “Maybe Eden was right.”
“Right about what?”
“That saying goodbye to the past is our second chance. Saying goodbye to how we hurt each other, saying goodbye to the hurt everyone caused. Just letting it all go and taking this – us – now.”
I entwine my fingers with his and bring them to my mouth, kissing each of his fingers. “Our second chance.”
“I’m ready for it, Josie. I’m ready to say goodbye to the bullshit and take our second chance.”
“Me too,” I whisper softly as I bury my head into his chest, falling back to a peaceful sleep.
I’m working on getting the guys’ wardrobe for tonight’s show ready when I hear a throat clear behind me. I turn around and let out a big squeal. “Oh my God, Cami,” I grab her for a hug. “How’s your dad?”
&
nbsp; “He’s fine. Got a few lifestyle changes to make, but he’ll be okay,” she tells me as she hugs me back.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back today?”
“Because I can’t sneak up on you if you know I’m coming,” she teases. “I see you don’t need me at all though.”
I blow out a laughing breath. “Oh, I definitely need you. I’ve quit at least a dozen times since Dallas. I still don’t understand why four grown men can’t just put on what I’ve laid out for them. I literally put them in their chairs and somehow, every damn night, one of them ends up with the wrong thing.”
“So, you did miss me?” she teases some more. “Because I don’t remember too many texts or phone calls.”
I feel my face heat with embarrassment. She’s right. I haven’t been the best friend to her, or to Eden for that matter. Until a couple of days ago, I was too busy being angry and wallowing in self-pity. “I’m sorry I’ve been a raging bitch the last few weeks,” I tell her sincerely.
“Don’t think I don’t get it, Josie,” she tells me with a knowing smile. “You’ve been struggling since the day we walked onto the video set.”
“I’m still sorry. I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you, and I should’ve checked in with you after you left.”
“Speaking of,” she tells me with a smile. “I went by the shoebox you call an apartment and picked up your mail. Threw away the junk and brought what looked important. It’s all in my bag.”
“I should probably thank you, but the thought of what could be in there makes me nauseous,” I admit with a grimace.
“How are we looking for the show tonight?” she asks as she gestures to what I’ve got set out.
“Well, when we dress them in black, t-shirts, jeans, and boots, it’s pretty simple,” I laugh. “Think I’m about done. Just need to steam them for wrinkles. I still think the record label is wasting money on us.”
“If they think those boys are good enough to waste money on, then let them,” she comments.
“They are good enough,” I tell her honestly. “They’ve been killing it since the second single released.”
