Caspian
What am I going to do with the next six months of my life? I take a sip of the ice-cold water in front of me and turn away from the girls eying me across the bar. I give them five minutes before they approach asking for a picture.
We just finished our last show. It was a bittersweet goodbye, but I’m glad to have the tour behind me with a few relaxing weeks to look forward to. Normally, I go back to the hotel after the shows, but tonight I hang around with the guys as sort of a last farewell. Leo and Fiz are hanging at a table chatting with a few fans. Booker has run off, and who the hell knows where Aly is.
I’m taking the Redeye back to my parent’s place in Albuquerque. They’ve been begging me to take some time off for a family vacation with my older brothers, and I’ve run out of excuses. A relaxing vacation sounds nice, but then again the inquisition about Aly and our breakup will be never ending.
Just as expected, the two girls make their way over.
“Hey, Caspian. I love your music. Can we get a picture?”
“Sure” I wedge in between the two young brunettes and smile as one of the girls hold out her phone for a selfie of us. I chat with them for a few minutes about the songs before waving goodbye. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fans, but I’m so exhausted and have a long night ahead of me.
I make my way over to the guys and take a seat in between Fiz and some girl. Leo is dealing out a hand of five-card poker. He nods at me before dealing me in.
“Are you guys hanging around LA long?” one of the fans ask.
“Nah, I’m hopping on a flight in about an hour.” I set down one card and pick up a new one that Leo slides over to me.
“Where are Booker and Aly?” Fiz asks me.
I shrug and set my cards down on the table. My cards are shit. This is why I don’t gamble for money. “I don’t keep up with Aly’s whereabouts.”
“Got a light?” the redhead to my left asks. She looks familiar, definitely been at a few of our shows in the past. Must be a friend of Leos.
I pat down my jean pockets. “No sorry. I don’t carry one on me anymore.”
Fiz pulls me into a headlock and rubs the top of my head with his knuckles. “Little ole Cas has given up on all the fun things in life. No smoking, no drinking. Next thing we know, he’s gonna be dragging us to church with him on Sunday mornings.”
“Very funny,” I tell them and pull out a small green electronic cigarette from my shirt pocket. “I haven’t exactly quit, but this is as close as I’m gonna get.” I bring it to my lips and inhale. It’s banana pudding, my favorite flavor.
Leo is a bit nicer about the whole thing. “Good call. Caspian has a set of lungs he needs to preserve.”
I check my phone. It’s getting late, and I don’t want to risk missing my flight. Pushing my chair back, I stand up. “I’m heading out, guys.”
“We’ll see you in a few weeks. You better get to writing,” Leo tells me while holding a hand out.
“Indeed. I’ll have a few quiet weeks on the beach with the family.”
I’ve already packed, and my one bag that I’ve been living out of for months is sitting in the corner behind the bar. I grab it and make my way out to the street. I’m so ready for some time to clear my head.
“Caspian!”
I turn around to see Aly running through the bar doors.
“Yeah?”
She’s out of breath. I didn’t even realize she was still at the bar. “I heard you’re going back to your parent’s place?”
“Yeah. We’re going on vacation for a few weeks.”
She looks down at her feet for a second before looking back up at me. “Tell them I said hi?”
“Sure. Have a goodnight.” I move to get inside a waiting taxi.
“Cas? Can I ask you something?” she calls out.
I turn back around. A part of me is afraid to hear what she has to say, but we’ve been doing so good at being civil to each other. Surely, she won’t ruin it on my last night. “Yeah?”
“That other girl? Are you going to be with her?”
I set my bag down and take a deep breath. This isn’t a conversation I want to have with her, ever.
“Why does everyone keep asking me that? We’re just friends.”
“All five of us spend so much time together. Maybe we see things you won’t allow yourself to see. You want to be with her right?”
“That doesn’t matter. The band comes first. I’m not gonna make this anymore awkward for you than it has to be. I made a promise to Booker. I’m not going to destroy the band. I’ve put everyone through enough this year.”
She doesn’t look me in the eye. Instead, she hangs her head and picks at some black nail polish on the edge of her nails. “I want to clear the air before you leave. I want you to be happy, I guess. If she’s what you need to be happy. I’ll get over it.”
I raise an eyebrow at her. This is too easy. Aly has to be up to something, she normally has something up her sleeve.
“What are you getting at?”
“Nothing, I promise.”
I don’t believe her, but keep my thoughts to myself. “Still doesn’t change anything. Ginger and I are friends. We’re on different ends of the relationship spectrum. We live in different states, and we each have our own careers. It never would have worked out.”
“So you don’t even want to try?”
I do, badly, but there are a million reasons why I won’t. I don’t need to go over them again. “What’s the point?”
“That’s too bad. Have a good one.”
We hug before I pick my bag back up and get into the taxi.
It’s quiet moments like these in the back seat of a taxi that cause my mind to wander. I haven’t seen Ginger since the night in San Francisco, but we’ve kept in touch via email when she needs someone to talk to. She even called right before the show started, but I pressed ignore. If we’re going to remain friends, I need to cut back on the amount of time I speak to and think about her. I find myself way too infatuated with thoughts of what she’s doing or how she’s doing. I decide to send her a quick message. Tell her I’ll be MIA for a while.
Ginger,
My wonderful Denna. I’ve been thinking of you. Another long night, but the last long night I’ll have in a while. I can’t say I’ll miss it. I’m on my way to my parent’s home in Albuquerque. My brothers and I are joining them on a long overdue family vacation. Did you ever go on vacations with your family? My parents have had the same timeshare for decades so once a summer we would all pack into our tiny minivan and make the three-day drive down to the Florida panhandle. There’s a little island down there called St. George Island that’s perfect for relaxing. The beaches are quiet, and there’s nothing to do for miles. I think I’ll enjoy the fresh air, as this is my first vacation since…jumping on the wagon. My mom will be pleased to hear I’ve quit smoking. I have you to thank for that. Are you excited about your show? I still think it’s a risky move, I know how much you hate being followed and having no private life. Don’t you think this will make it worse? I’ll speak with you in a few weeks. Hope everything is going okay.
Cas
I press send and turn my phone off. A break from Ginger. I’m determined to take a break from this girl that’s constantly on my mind.
When I get to my parent’s ranch, it’s almost morning. I find the door unlocked and my brother and parents huddled around the kitchen table.
“Something smells good!” I drop my stuff and inhale the scent of frying bacon which sizzles on the griddle.
“Cas!” My father stands and throws his arms around me. We’re a tight knit family, and they’ve always supported everything I’ve done. Dads good-looking for a guy pushing sixty. We all got our blond hair and blue eyes from him. I’ve missed them.
“Pops! You excited about the trip?”
“You bet. Go sit next to Edmund, my boy. I’ll make you a cup of coffee.”
I sit down next to my older brother, who looks to
be half-asleep still. Even though he’s only 11 months older than I am, he’s a few inches shorter. We look similar, except for the fact that he has a more conservative feel. No tattoos or piercings allowed when you have an office job. He’s a dentist, like my father, but has a thriving practice in New York. I’m the only artistic one in the family. I’m not sure where it came from, everyone else is professionals. His light hair is sticking up all over the place, and he covers a yawn before holding up his fist. I bump mine into his and ruffle up his hair a bit.
“Hey, Ed. When did you get in?”
“Late last night. Did you bring Aly?”
I look over to my mom who is stirring the pancake batter at lightning speed. “You didn’t tell anyone?”
“Well, I figured you guys would get back together. Now’s not the time to waste your life on foolishness. You’ve been together so long.”
I groan and look to my father. Mom is always trying to get me to settle down and start a family. Like she doesn’t have enough grandkids as it is. My two oldest brothers, Peter and Tirian, have five kids between their families, and I’m sure Ed won’t be too far behind. If you haven’t noticed the trend in our names, my mother is obsessed with C.S Lewis. If she had gotten the girl she wanted so badly, she would have been named Lucy. I love my name, but poor Edmund hates his and insists we call him Ed. My parents are the only ones who call him by his given name.
“Leave him alone, dear. If Aly was the one, he would have already gone and married the little thing.”
“Thanks, Pops,” I tell him as he sets a steaming mug in front of me. “When is everyone else getting here?”
“Peter can’t get out of work until Tuesday so he, Jess, and the kids are gonna fly down there soon.”
“You excited about a work-free two weeks?” I ask my parents. Mom sets a stack of her famous pancakes with a side of eggs and bacon in front of me and gives me a kiss on my cheek.
“Yes, baby. I need a break from all those kids. I live for these vacations.”
I don’t know how she deals with twenty ten years olds on a daily basis, but after raising four rambunctious boys, she has the patience of a god. She and I have a similar demeanor, calm, cautious, and cool while my father and Ed are most alike with loud attitudes.
“How is the band going, son?”
“Better than ever. We’ve sold out at almost every show.”
I lift a bite to my mouth before Ed slaps it out of my hand causing my fork to hit my plate with a loud crash.
“Ouch! What in the hell was that for?” I cry out, rubbing the back of my palm. I can hear Mom tsking me for saying the word hell out of context. Well, her version of out of context anyway.
“We haven’t said grace,” my father reminds me.
I hold back a sigh and drop my head while my father mumbles a few words of thanks. My father depends on prayer, me not so much. I deal with my demons in a different way. This annual trip is just what I need to clean them out. Get away from the bars and the pressure.
“You smell different,” Mom says to me.
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t smell like smoke.”
“Oh,” I pull out my e-cigarette and wave it in the air at her.
“I’ve almost quit.”
My mom gasps and puts her hands over her chest as if she is about to have a heart attack. “You mean to tell me that after ten years of me nagging, you have finally quit?”
“Yup,” I tell her proudly.
“Who’s the lucky gal?” Dad wiggles his eyebrows at me, making my blush for the first time in years.
“Just a friend.”
“You’ve never quit for anyone else. Whoever she is, she’s really made an impact if you’re willing to clean up your act. Filthy habit, it was son.”
I need to change the subject. I’m not ready to discuss Ginger, and my dad is pretty old school. He’s into wooing and flowers. He’d pressure me to quit the band and be with her. “When is Tirian meeting us?”
My parents exchange a glance.
“What? Am I missing something?”
My father clears his throat. “Tirian won’t be joining us this year. He claims he can’t get out of work.”
“But we go every year. He’s never missed a trip,” Ed complains.
“He’ll join us on our Christmas vacation,” my father tells us, referring to the orphanage in Mexico.
“Perhaps,” I say. We eat the rest of our breakfast in silence, and by the end of the meal, we are all laughing. Even Ed has woken up enough to join in.
Afterwards, my parents go upstairs to get dressed. Ed pulls out a small black box from his pocket and sets it on the wooden table.
“Why Ed, you shouldn’t have,” I joke, picking up the box and flipping it open. Just as I thought, a large diamond ring sits upon a bed of velvet. “Tell me who she is.”
“I met her a few weeks ago. Her name is Delilah; she’s twenty-three, smart, and gorgeous. We live next door to each other. Get this; I bought this the night of our first date. She’s the one, Cas. I’m gonna ask her to marry me when we get back from the island.”
“Do Mom and Dad know?”
“Not yet. I’ll break the news after I ask her. I want her to meet my family. I want you to meet her.”
“Congrats, but don’t you think this is moving a little fast?”
Ed grabs the box from my hand and signals toward his heart. “You’re always the cautious one, Cas. It feels right, and I don’t need to waste five years of my life to make sure.”
It feels like a knife has just cut into me. He doesn’t know everything about my break up with Aly. There were reasons I never married her. It’s just not anything I ever wanted. What kind of life would we have anyway? I could never settle down in one place or have a normal job to support a family.
“Did Mom put you up to this?”
“No, I never liked Aly in the first place. A little too dramatic if you ask me, but I did hear a little rumor from a friend at work. A rumor about you and a certain actress.”
I keep a poker face. “Ginger.”
“Yup, what’s the deal with her?”
Ed and I are close, and I want to talk about my feelings with someone who won’t guilt me or take sides. “I really liked her. I like her, but…”
“But what?” he presses.
“Booker and Aly both hate her. We have different lifestyles, plus she drinks a lot.”
Ed laughs and leans back in his chair. “Is that all?”
“What do you mean?”
“Those are pathetic excuses. Aly is gonna hate any new girl, and Booker…well we all know he thinks of himself first.”
I try to think of a defense. “Well it isn’t so pathetic when you’re trying to spare the broken heart of a girl who loves you.” Even though Aly had cornered me and told me it was all right to date again, I know her, and she wasn’t sincere. She had ulterior motives, I just don’t know what.
“Aly, huh? I can’t tell you what to do little brother, but I definitely believe you should follow your heart and tell the other people to go fuck themselves.”
“Really? Just say…” I cock my head at him in amazement.
“Just look them in the eyes, like this. Repeat after me.” He puts his hand on my shoulder. “Go. Fuck. Yourself.”
“Go. Fuck. Yourself.” I could never say that to my friends. They’re my friends. I’ve been with them my entire life.
“Yup.”
Life wasn’t that simple. “Yeah because that works so well in the real world. I’m gonna go catch up on some sleep. Thanks, Ed.” I stand and pat him on the shoulder. Yep, family is exactly what I need right now. They aren’t afraid to tell me how it is.
Ginger
Caspian,
I’m glad you’re getting to spend time with your parents. I’ve never been to the island but it sounds wonderful. The crew is here right now, actually. They are having me answer some candid questions. I understand your concerns about the show, but it’s m
oney. I need work and the job offers aren’t exactly pouring in. Have a nice vacation. You deserve it with how hard you work. G2G. Filming time.
Ginger.
The storyline of my reality show has been planned to follow my infamous break up and how I manage life past the scandals. I pull up my emails and reread the one from Caspian. If there’s some sort of cryptic message behind his disappearance, I have no idea what it is. I’m glad that he’s spending time with his family. They’re close, but not having him around will be kind of hard.
“What are you reading?” one of the guys from the crew asks. I press my phone to my chest. The guy in charge is named Wes. He’s about my age. Seems nice and all, but insistent on playing up the drama that I’m so committed on cutting out of my life.
“Nothing from nobody, Wes.” I don’t want Caspian to get dragged into my drama. Wes doesn’t say anything. I curl up on my couch as the interview for the diary portion of my show begins. It’s pretty laid back, and the entire thing is Q&A style.
“Remember, Ginger. You need to be candid and honest during these questions. People want a glimpse into your life, not another interview.”
“I understand.”
“Ready?”
“Yes.” As the words leave my mouth, so does my happiness. Here I am; offering up the most vulnerable parts of my soul to the public. All for money. Greed.
“Last night, your ex fiancé announced his departure from Timelines. He also announced publically that he is dating someone new.”
I take a deep breath. This is gonna be harder than I thought.
“I was shocked, but Barrett and I have hardly spoken in months. He’s free to do what he wants.”
“Do you know the girl?”
“No, I have no idea who she is. That portion of my life is a closed chapter. I’m ready for a new beginning.” At least I hope. Barrett moved on so easily. Why am I having so much trouble? The one guy I want, doesn’t want me.
“Can you tell us about your plans for tonight?”
The One Thing Page 17
