I hold out a hand. A friendly handshake is our safest bet.
He looks down at my outstretched hand and raises an eyebrow. “Come here.” He throws his arms around me. For a few brief moments, we’re connected. I take him in. The strength in his embrace, and the way I have to raise up on my toes wrap my arms around his neck.
“Sure you don’t want me to walk you back to the hotel?”
A courtesy, nothing more. “I’ll be fine.”
“Goodbye, my Deena.”
“Goodbye, Cas.”
I turn around slowly, and as soon as I’m turned one hot tear rolls down my cheek. Please come after me. If my life were a book or a movie, he would chase after me and scoop me up into his arms. He would tell me he made a mistake and beg me to marry him. Alas, life is not a book or a movie. I don’t get happy endings. A few blocks away, I turn around and look back. The tears are falling down my face now, but I don’t make a sound. I refuse to give in to the pain. Caspian is still in the same spot. He isn’t under a light, so I can’t see him that well. He’s just a fading shadow in the distance. I turn and keep walking.
My hotel is only a few blocks away. I can breakdown once I’m in the safety of my room. My phone beeps.
Quinn: Well? Are you two getting busy in the hotel or what?
Far from it.
Ginger: No, he shot me down. We’re only meant to be friends. He told me we would be a waste of time.
Quinn: What does he mean a waste of time?
Ginger: I guess he thinks neither of us are in a position to put 100% into a relationship.
Quinn: I’m sorry. I know how much you like him.
Ginger: It’s fine, but I just need to be alone tonight and gather my thoughts. I’ll be home tomorrow.
Quinn: Okay. Come by anytime.
I put my phone away, and for the first time tonight, I have that familiar overwhelming urge. As I stroll past a few bars, I contemplate walking in and ordering the strongest drink on the menu, but I can’t. It’s easy to give in and have a few shots, but this isn’t what I want. I keep my eyes pointed forward and focus on my destination. I think about the hangovers and all the pain associated with drinking. I think about waking up next to Tucker. I think about the disappointment in Caspian’s voice when he confronted me. That thought is the only one strong enough to mask the urge that drowns me.
The next few weeks drag on in a massive blur. I keep myself busy so I don’t have time to worry about anything or anyone else. Contracts are drawn and signed for me to shoot and star in five episodes of a reality series called A Ginger Life. Bringing in money again is a huge stress reliever, but until I can earn back all the money I lost, I can’t spend extravagantly. Over the years, I’d become dependent on brands. Now I don’t care at all. Gone are the days of thirty thousand dollar shopping trips, I relieve stress with work now. Commercials, appearances, whatever my agent can get me.
I’ve not done much of anything since getting back from San Francisco. I visit with Quinn and Chase, but that’s the extent of my social life. Caspian has sent a few emails, and I reply, but things aren’t the same. We don’t flirt. We don’t get personal. He gives me words of encouragement and updates me on his tour. The sting of rejection was hard to hear, but it’s becoming easier to accept. Since I’m in no mood to jump into another relationship, I focus on me.
My foul mood has returned and the happiness I once saw in life when Caspian was around has vanished, but I still keep to my word. I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol in weeks. It’s easier than I thought it would be, only because I’m so determined to do this for Caspian. I want to show him what I’m capable of.
We also started shooting the last two episodes of Timelines. The directors have done a good job at keeping Barrett and me in different scenes, but today our luck has run out.
“Ginger? You ready?” my stylist asks.
I snap out of my thoughts and look into the mirror in front of me. I’m perfectly airbrushed, and my hair is swept into a low messy bun. I’m no longer Ginger. I’m Aimee Manning, a fictitious character.
“Thanks.” I hop out of the chair and walk towards the set. We shoot on location so I don’t have far to go.
“Ginger, wait!”
I don’t turn around. My stomach is already in a huge mess over seeing Barrett today. I haven’t talked to him since he showed up at Quinn and Chase’s house insisting he still loved me. We’ve become strangers. Even when we’re at the same party or in the same room, we completely ignore each other.
I turn my head to see who’s calling me.
Oh, it’s just Chase.
I forgot he was filming the finale with us today as well. He isn’t a major character on the show, only because his film career has taken off. He still appears here and there.
“What’s up Chase?”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“I don’t know. You’ve been distant lately. Even Quinn has noticed. We hardly see you, and when we do you’re quiet. Strangely quiet. You’re never quiet.”
I scan the crowd for Barrett. “I can’t talk about this right now, Chase. I’m about to shoot a scene with Barrett, and I need to get into character so I don’t punch him in front of everyone.”
Chase steps in front of me, and moves as I try and look over his shoulder. “Listen to me.”
“Fine. What?”
“I just wanted to say I’m proud of you. Quinn told me you haven’t gone out drinking in a few weeks.”
A compliment from Chase is as rare as a blue moon. I let a grin spread across my face as I cross my hands in front of my body. “Well, it’s what you wanted, right? Anything else?”
“Why are you being such a bitch?”
“Because I realized I’ll never be enough for any man.”
“Oh Ginger, don’t be such a drama queen. You’ll find the right guy eventually.” His voice lowers, and he looks around to make sure no one is watching. “In the meantime, I’m gonna ask Quinn to marry me.”
I let out a small squeal of delight and throw my arms around him. If I can’t have Cas, planning a wedding will cheer me up. Lord knows that Quinn can’t even plan a proper dinner party.
“Thought that would put you in a better mood. I want to take her out to where we had our first date, but I have a problem. Quinn won’t leave the baby’s side, but she may for you. I was hoping you could watch Collin for a few hours, but only if you swear to act responsibly and promise there’ll be no drinking.”
I roll my eyes, offended that he didn’t trust me. Okay, maybe he has reason not to, but I’ve really turned my life around. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, seriously. Can you do this? Can I trust you?”
“Yes. Of course. You can trust me. I swear.” I do my standard boy scouts honor sign with two fingers. He’ll trust me again soon enough. I give a little hop and throw my arms around Chase one more time. “This is so exciting. I’ll need to plan the shower, and start working on a venue, and of course, we all know I’ll be the maid of honor. So much to do. Gotta go.”
As I walk away, I begin making notes on my phone. Caterers, florists, and save the dates. The wedding will have to be in the Fall. I need at least six months to plan something this extravagant. This will keep me busy for months. No time to think about what’s his face.
“How are you Ginger?”
I stop my typing and look up to find Barrett hovering over me. My mood drops. It was only months ago I was planning my own wedding to him. I didn’t get far into the process, thankfully.
“Barrett.”
“I figured it would be best if we talked before the scene. It might make things less awkward.”
“We’re both professionals. No need to talk.”
“We’re going to be kissing in a few minutes. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t fall back in love with me.”
“Oh trust me, that’s not gonna happen.” I roll my eyes and grab one of the female assistants. “Can you be a doll and put my phone w
ith my stuff?” She walks away and I begin ignoring Barrett.
“Ginger, come on. I know you’re mad at me. Talk to me. I’m sorry I was such a jerk. I was confused. I’m not gonna beg for you back.”
I struggle to find the right words, but instead I find a newfound strength that wasn’t there before and the nerve to tell him off. “Mad? Of course, I’m mad. You betrayed me, Barrett. You were never a good friend. You were an even suckier boyfriend, and a shitty fiancé. Let’s get this episode filmed so I can get on with my life.”
I walk past him and take my spot on set. I need to clear my mind. I can’t be so pissed at him, I need to pretend we’re in love. He joins me a minute later, and I tune out everyone and everything. When Barrett and I first began dating, he had been so attentive. That’s what I need to remember when I look at him. In the back of my mind, I hear the director call action. My lines, what are my lines?
Barrett walks closer to me. I clear my throat and look him in the eyes. I can’t concentrate. I can’t get into character.
“Talk to me. Why are you ignoring me?”
I have to remember this isn’t Barrett talking. He’s playing a part. I’m playing a part.
I find my voice. “I’m scared. I don’t know if I can trust you.”
“Then tell me what you’ve been hiding,” he says. He grabs my hands and strokes my knuckles with the pads of his thumb. He leans in and lays a kiss on my lips. His kiss is soft, gentle, and familiar.
“I can’t.” I pull out of his grasp and turn my back to him. I’m only halfway in character.
“Aimee. Please. Whatever it is. It can’t be that bad.”
Deep breathe. Turn around. Serious Gaze.
I go through the motions in my mind like a robot.
“Cut!” the director yells. “What the hell is wrong with you Ginger? There’s no passion, no emotion.”
“I know. I’m sorry,” I tell him. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. Come on, Ginger. Stop screwing this up.
“Don’t be nervous,” Barrett tells me. “It’s just me. I’m just Barrett.”
A voice rings through my head. Just Caspian... I’m just a guy. Just Caspian.
With that beautiful memory, my eyes open. All my feelings toward Barrett are masked by my feelings for Caspian. The warm, fuzzy feelings tingle in my toes and move up through my throat. I get into position.
“Action!”
“I’m dying. I have cancer.” I face him, and Barrett gasps. What a cliffhanger this will be. The fans will hate me.
Barrett moves closer. He’s gonna kiss me. He’s kissing me! I blink to hide the tears that slide down my cheeks, but it doesn’t help. They fall down anyway. Like a final goodbye. I didn’t rehearse a cry, but it works.
The director yells a few directions. “Hold the gaze! And five…four…three…two…one. Cut! That’s a wrap, people. Ginger, nice tears.”
As soon as the words are said, I walk off set. That wasn’t too hard. My work here is done. I tie up a few loose ends with the cast before grabbing my bag and heading to my car. There’s a private cast party at a local museum in a few hours, and I have a ton of things to do. Hair, nails, facial, and all the good stuff.
We begin filming A Ginger Life tonight as well. There will be one camera tracking me on my day-to-day life. I know the producers want drama and fun, but my life isn’t filled with that stuff, anymore. I know they have things planned, but I’m not sure what yet.
When I’m finished with my errands, I find myself standing in front of the museum staring at all my cheerful friends through the glass windows. This is the first time I’ll be around alcohol since I stopped drinking. I thought I could handle this, but now my stomach is twisting inside. What if I mess up? There’s a microphone hidden down the front of my dress. I adjust my boobs so it’s not poking me so much.
“I can’t do this.” I grab my phone and instinctively dial Caspian’s number. Come on. Pick up.
He doesn’t answer.
Shit, shit, shit. It’s a Friday night so he’s probably playing a show. I need him to say the right thing at the right time, and I could really go for the wisdom of Cas right now. Something moves from behind me, a photographer. “Ginger! Ginger Teague!” He snaps a few photos before I can get inside. The guards will stop him from getting any further into the party.
Here goes nothing. I enter the crowded, dark room, and smile and wave at a few familiar faces. I know there’s a camera around here somewhere filming everyone. Any second now, my privacy for the next week will become nonexistent. Jo sits at a round table surrounded by a few guys in the back. I haven’t spoken to her in weeks. A large shadow blocks my view. I look up and my face turns down at the sight.
“Not now, Tucker.”
“You’ve been ignoring my calls.”
“You think?” I hiss. I look around to make sure no one is listening in.
“Is this about Valentine’s night?” Are you still worked up over it?”
“That was weeks ago. We were drunk and I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t talk about it ever again.”
“I wasn’t that drunk. Come on, let me take you out. We can have a little repeat of the other night.”
I drop my jaw and shake my head at him. Is he kidding me? I’m not going out on a date with him.
“That’s not a good idea.” I spot a camera centered on us in the crowd. Oh, crap. I completely forgot.
“Why?”
“Plenty of reasons.”
“Name one.”
I cross my hands in front of my chest and take a step back so I don’t have to crane my neck to look at him. “Okay. You are friends with Barrett. I don’t feel like going there. You sleep around, and I’m not attracted to you. Plain and simple. Is that enough?”
Tucker laughs before shifting his weight from side to side. Wait, is he nervous?
“You’re attracted to me.”
My pulse quickens as he reaches out to touch me. Maybe I am, but that means nothing. Physical attraction always fades. “I’m not, actually.”
“And actually,” he begins, “I’m gonna take you out tomorrow night.”
“No, you’re not.” I throw my hands up in the air and try to step around him.
He grabs my arm and pulls me close. “I’ll pick you up at ten. We can go to a club, have a few drinks. I don’t mind if you wear this sexy little number.”
He fingers the strap of my long pink gown.
I pull my arm out of his grasp and keep on walking. There’s no way I’m going anywhere with him. When I look at him, I’m reminded of one of the worst nights of my life. Even though Caspian won’t admit it, sleeping with Tucker caused a rift between the two of us.
Jo’s face lights up when she sees me. “Ginger. Oh my God, girl. Where have you been hiding?”
She gives me two air kisses. One on each cheek and throws an arm around my waist. The smell of alcohol is strong on her breath and from the way I’m practically holding her up, she’s already tipsy.
“Did you try the shrimp and grits? It’s amazing? Can you believe I’ve never had shrimp and grits? Have you ever had…shrimp…and…grits?”
“I’m from Tennessee. What do you think?”
“That’s right!”
“Yep.”
“Oh, and these two studs here are gonna take us out for a night at the hotel.”
I look at the two muscular guys sitting at the table. One has mocha colored skin and short hair. The other has blond hair. He looks vaguely familiar like he’s been in a recent movie. They’re cute, but I’m not in any mood for a Tucker repeat.
“Jo, I can’t party tonight,” I hiss in her ear. “I have the cameras with me. I’d rather come off as a smart savvy actress not a drunken slut.”
“Whatever. Sluts are fun. Money is fun.” She hold up her drink. “Rum is fun.”
It’s the alcohol talking, and until now, I’ve never realized how much of an elitist she is. She stand up and hooks arms with both the men before walking away
.
The way she blows me off gets my blood boiling. How dare she act like I’m inconveniencing her. There’s more to life than partying all the time. There has to be at least one person here that I don’t mind talking to. A band starts playing some sort of upbeat jazz while I head over to the bar. I feel awkward without a drink in my hand. One little drink couldn’t hurt, right? I stand a little ways off from the bartender and contemplate ordering a martini. I’m not gonna get drunk. What’s the harm?
“Miss? What will it be?” the bartender asks.
I bite my lip. I shouldn’t. I’ve been working so hard, and I can’t disappoint Cas again.
“Who cares about Caspian? He doesn’t want you.”
“I care about him!”
“Jack and Coke on the rocks,” I say. After a slight pause, I add. “Hold the Jack, extra rocks.”
He hands me the drink, and I take a sip. I turn around and watch everyone laughing and talking. If I can make it through an hour, I can go home. I walk over to a few coworkers and begin a regimen of small talk full of gossip, the latest movie, followed by a critique of a passerby’s attire.
I’m in a heated conversation with a writer about my character on the show when the music stops and Barrett’s voice comes over the speaker.
“Attention everyone. I just wanted to say a few words. We’re all here to celebrate the end of another great season, but I have an announcement of my own. As you know, I’ve been on this show since I was sixteen.”
Where is he going with this? I walk closer to the stage, but everyone has crowded around it, leaving me without a clear view.
“This will be my last season on the show. I have a lot of reasons why, but Timelines has been good to me. It has nothing to do with my cast mates.”
He’s talking to me. I can believe he’s leaving though. He’s wanted to move to New York and be on Broadway for a while.
“Or the writers or producers. Hopefully soon, you will see me on Broadway. I know this is sad news, so here is a toast to the past ten years and a bright future with my new girlfriend.” A blonde haired girl steps up beside him, and kisses him on the cheek.
The glass slips between my fingers, and in the back of my mind, I hear it shatter on the tiled floor, the sound is covered by everyone clinking their glasses together in a toast and clapping.
The One Thing Page 16
