Eternal Craving

by Nina Bangs

  She found the spot she was looking for on the fire escape. The second landing. High enough that no one could get to her too fast. Low enough for everyone to hear her.

  While she stood gathering her courage, she saw Al glance at where he expected her to be. When he didn’t see her, he scanned the area. If she was reading his body language correctly, he was worried.

  Whether he was worried or not, the thought gave her a warm feeling inside. She must be going crazy, because no way should an ancient predator make her feel anything except mindless terror.

  He hadn’t looked up yet.

  Jenna put her fingers to her mouth and whistled. Everyone below her stared up. After the first shock passed, Al looked furious. Too bad.

  She waved at them. “I don’t like to interfere in your little war here. I mean, you all have your own way of settling things. But I really don’t think killing each other’s the answer. Sure, it’d be a lot of fun, but the consequences would be pretty messy.”

  Jenna pulled her cell phone from her purse. “See, I’m just an ordinary human, no powers to speak of, but it doesn’t take a ton of power to solve this problem.” She calmly—okay, semicalmly—pressed 911. Then, before the vampires and raptors below could stop her, she explained to the operator that someone was threatening her, gave the address, screamed a little, and hung up.

  She put the phone back into her purse. Everyone below seemed frozen. “I guess you should get moving. I don’t know what the response time is for Philly’s finest, but you don’t want to be caught here.”

  Suddenly, the vampires broke and ran. They were nothing but a blur as they scattered. Guess they’d parked their cars somewhere else. Left with no one to fight, Utah and Tor abandoned their raptor forms. From where Jenna was standing, they looked sort of cranky. But not half as cranky as Al.

  He glared up at her. “Get down here.”

  She’d discuss his dictatorial attitude later, but they didn’t have time to argue. Jenna ran down the fire escape and over to the car where Utah and Tor were already in the backseat. She climbed in beside Al and they took off.

  Safe. But not from Al’s fury. His anger filled the car with a dense cloud of disapproval. He said nothing, though, because Utah and Tor filled up the silence with their own complaints.

  “You should’ve stayed out of it.” Utah seemed to be aiming his comment at both Al and her. “This was personal pack business.”

  Since Al didn’t seem interested in saying anything, Jenna glanced back at Utah. He’d changed in the short time since Rap had died. No more spiked hair. No more cool piercings. No bright eyes. No smiles. He’d turned dark overnight.

  Jenna tried to reach him. “I know how you must feel about your brother, but—”

  He turned on her with a snarl. “Wrong. You don’t have a clue how I feel, so shut the fuck up.”

  It wasn’t his words that sucked the breath from her lungs, but the expression in his eyes. There was nothing human at home in that gaze. It was cold, flat, and predatory. The eyes of a killer. Jenna knew she was seeing his soul in its basic, stripped-down version, untouched by any kind of humanity. He was terrifying.

  Al hit the brake. Without caring that he’d stopped in the middle of the street, he slammed the car into park, shoved open his door, and climbed out. Then he yanked Utah’s door open. “Get the hell out of the car.”

  “Glad to.” Utah’s eyes almost glowed with all his suppressed rage.

  “Ohmigod.” Frantically, she stared at Tor. “Stop your brother. He can’t go off by himself while he’s this way. What if he…” Goes crazy and kills people.

  Tor shrugged. His eyes were just as cold as Utah’s, but his anger was contained. And perhaps all the more dangerous for it.

  “Never could stop Utah when he had his mind set on something. I’ll tag along. Pack stays together.” Tor smiled, and his soul lived in that baring of his teeth. “We’ll only kill the ones that need killing.”

  Jenna felt like the top of her head was going to explode. She was surrounded by three men used to expressing every urge in extreme violence, and none of them were thinking straight. She scanned the street. Thank heaven it was so late and the traffic was light. Taking a deep breath, she scrambled from the car and ran around to where Utah and Al faced off.

  She tugged at Al’s arm. “Stop him.”

  The gaze he turned on her held the same cold, flat expression as Utah’s, but without the murderous rage. “Do you want me to kill him?”

  Horrified, she realized he wasn’t kidding. “No. God, no. Is that how you solve everything? Killing?”

  His grin was a savage twist of his lips. “It works.”

  “Look, I don’t care what he said to me. That’s not Utah the man looking out at us right now. You can’t turn him loose on Philly like that.”

  “I do care what he said. Besides, you took killing off the table, so I can’t stop him if he wants to go.” Al’s expression said Utah’s departure wouldn’t be met with sorrow on his part.

  A quick glance at Utah showed he wasn’t paying any attention to either of them. He’d turned away and was starting to walk down the street. At least he wasn’t wearing his soul on the outside yet.

  Tor got out of the car and slammed the door shut with a little too much force. “Damn. I’m tired. I don’t feel like doing this shit to night.” But he started to follow his brother.

  Without thinking, she punched Al’s shoulder. “Do something, damn it. I don’t want to wake up to a report of more killings.” She watched his eyes light up. “No, not that way. Don’t you dare go prehistoric in the middle of Philly. We don’t need any soul sightings to night.”

  When he turned his hard gaze on her, she instinctively took a step back. Remember who he is, what he is. She couldn’t go around punching ancient predators and expect to walk away with all her limbs. She’d allowed herself to get too comfortable with him.

  Then he smiled, and it was Al’s smile, human and a little rueful. “Yeah, Fin would shit nails if I let Utah get away.”

  He turned toward the fast disappearing raptors and shouted after them. “Hey, I thought pack stayed together! You said I was pack now. I’m trying to keep you guys out of trouble with Fin. He’s in my head. He knows what’s going on. And if he has to come after you, he might just put your souls away for the duration. Give Rap some company. Then how would you get revenge?”

  Both raptors stopped, and Jenna held her breath. Tor turned around and headed back to the car. Utah took longer to think about it, but at least he was thinking. Finally, he trailed after his brother. They both climbed back into the car without comment. Jenna felt weak with relief as she got in beside Al. He was the last to climb in. He didn’t speak to anyone as he continued driving.

  “What do you think Fin will do?” Tor sounded a little worried.

  Jenna refused to turn around to look at either raptor.

  Al shrugged. “Nothing happened. No one died. A slap on the wrist if you’re lucky.”

  Left unsaid was that both raptors could lose their hunting licenses. Like Al. But Jenna thought that Fin couldn’t afford to ground more of his men. If things kept going like this, pretty soon all of the Eleven except for Fin would be sitting in different corners of their leader’s condo.

  Once back at the condo, Al dropped Utah and Tor at the front entrance to face Fin alone. Their car would be ready, so they could drive themselves to their apartment.

  Jenna stayed with Al as he parked his car in the underground garage. She was glad he didn’t have much to say, because she was busy with her own thoughts. “I think I’ll walk in the park for a few minutes before I come up.”

  “Not alone.”

  She didn’t try to argue with him. He was right. After what she’d seen since arriving, she didn’t think she’d ever want to walk alone at night again. “I need my space.”

  “Sure.”

  His voice gave nothing away. She crossed the street and wandered along one of the walkways crisscrossing the park.
A pretty park. Well lighted and as safe as any park could be after midnight. She liked it.

  “You shouldn’t have interfered back at the club.” He sounded neutral, but she’d bet he was still ticked.

  So was she. “And you shouldn’t try to order me around.”

  “You could’ve gotten yourself killed.”

  “I had the best plan. Simple and effective.”

  “You still should have obeyed me and—”

  “I don’t obey anyone.” She hoped he realized how close to the edge he was treading.

  Whatever he thought, he must have decided to keep it to himself because he walked silently beside her. And when the first few snowflakes drifted down around them, she pushed aside her mad to let a little joy in.

  “Snow.” She knew he’d hear the excitement in that one word. Snow wasn’t a frequent visitor in Houston. “I can’t believe it. Look.” Jenna lifted her face to the sky as the flakes fell faster and faster. “It’s beautiful.” Happiness bubbled up, for the moment burying the memories of the night. She dropped onto a park bench to watch.

  Al settled beside her, but not before scanning the park for danger.

  She refused to let this reminder of the evil still out there dampen her mood. Mesmerized, she stared at the falling snow that was now so thick it gave her only a hazy, impressionistic view of the buildings surrounding the park. It wiped her mind clean of her conflicted feelings for him. Al was with her, and no matter how much his beast terrified her, she still felt safe with him.

  Without asking permission, he put his arm across her shoulders and pulled her close against his body. She allowed herself to relax into him, absorbing his heat and a feeling she wasn’t quite ready to acknowledge.

  “My soul still frightens you.”

  That sure came out of nowhere. “Shouldn’t it?” The falling flakes formed a cocoon around them, muffling sound, isolating them on their own little park bench island. “If it’s any comfort, all of the Eleven’s souls frighten me.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’d be stupid not to be afraid.” There was no inflection in his voice, nothing to tell her what he felt.

  Jenna didn’t turn to look at him. A coward? Maybe. But she didn’t want his expression to influence what she would say. “When I first showed up here, all I wanted to do was to get the goods on you guys and drag Kelly home. So it was all about Kelly. Then I found out what you were, what was at stake, and that I had a part in it. So then it became about Kelly and saving humanity. Now I’ve spent the last few nights watching things happen I’d never thought possible and being scared witless. Along the way, I’ve started to get to know and sort of like all of you guys. And yes, making love with you was more special than you know. So now it’s about Kelly, humanity, and…you.” She left it up to him to decide whether “you” was singular or plural. “Oh, and saving my own butt is in there somewhere too.” She searched for the point to her little speech. “So even though your soul triggers all kinds of survival instincts, I still…care about you.”

  She felt his smile. It sneaked past her guard and stomped through her mental patch of prickly-pear resolves to reach her heart. She’d built a barbwire fence of I-will-nots around that particular organ for the express purpose of keeping out marauding dinosaurs, but it didn’t seem to be working.

  “Put yourself at the front of the line. It’s always about personal survival.” The smile was gone.

  “Do you really believe that?”

  “My soul does. Survival drove everything I did back then, even sex. You know, survival of the species and all that crap.”

  “What about the human you? What does he believe?” The snow was sticking to the ground, her clothes, her hair, but she gloried in it. Snow. People didn’t treasure the ordinary, but to a Houstonian this snow was extraordinary and therefore precious. She felt the same way about any peek into his thoughts he might give her, rare and therefore precious.

  He exhaled deeply as he stared at the falling flakes. “I’m not sure now. I was sure a few days ago.”

  The silence between thought and words seemed to use up years of her life. What was he trying to say?

  “My soul slept for millions of years. So for me, it’s only been three months since I hunted in a world without humans, without buildings, without all of this.” He swept his hand up to indicate the surrounding city. “Emotions weren’t a problem. Didn’t have too many. And I was too dumb to appreciate how good I had it.”

  “You don’t like emotions?” He wasn’t smiling so maybe he was serious.

  He rubbed his hand across his face. “Too much too soon. I feel too much.” Something in his eyes said she had a thing or two to do with his emotional overload. “I never had to control anything back then. Any emotions I did have were pale imitations of what humans have. I’m not handling them well. And when all the feelings I don’t understand stack up in the back of my head, I just…” He shrugged.

  She took a chance. “Want to explode?”

  He nodded. “Lots of repressed rage.”

  Jenna knew she should stop while she was ahead, but she had to know more. And this definitely wasn’t the journalist in her talking. This was personal. “Is the rage just because of all the new emotions?”

  For a moment she didn’t think he’d answer her, but then he explained. “You already know the Eleven can’t be together long without our aggression getting out of control, but there’s something more with Fin. He’s twice as bad as all the rest. I don’t know why. And once I found out he’d erased some of our memories, the anger got even worse.” Frustration shone in his eyes. “I don’t know. It’s just like everything he does makes me mad. No rhyme or reason.”

  Jenna knew she should keep her thoughts to herself, that what she was going to say might turn his anger toward her, but she spoke anyway. “He’s an authority figure. He’s the most powerful of the Eleven. That must be tough when you’re used to being the biggest and baddest in town.” She held her breath for his reaction.

  He surprised her. He smiled.

  “Ego? I don’t think so. Remember, I was used to Fin being in my head, giving orders. Of course, my dinosaur brain wasn’t a very complex affair. I had my basic instincts, and that was enough to keep me satisfied.”

  “Not like now?”

  “Not like now.”

  Something in his gaze made her breathing and heartbeat pick it up a notch, and she didn’t have a clue whether it was fear, nerves, or something else altogether.

  “Now I think about what I’m feeling. And the emotions batter me from every side. Your feelings are part of your humanity. With me, they’re a new experience, and not always a good one.”

  She nodded, trying to understand.

  “For example, I want to have sex with you again. Right now. Right here on this bench.”

  He left the statement hanging in the frigid air, and Jenna swore she could see the snowflakes melting around the words.

  She wanted to say something funny, something to show what he’d said hadn’t shaken her all the way to her curling toes. Nothing came to mind, so she just stared at him.

  “Back in the day, that wouldn’t have been a problem. Thought would become deed with no emotions or any burned brain cells involved.”

  Words still escaped her, so she just nodded.

  “But now things are different, harder.”

  She finally found her voice. “You can’t just bop me over the head with your club and drag me off to your cave.”

  The slight up tilt of those sexy lips relaxed her a little. “No club. Didn’t have opposable thumbs.” He shrugged. “Anyway, now I think about what I want and what I’m feeling. Amazingly, there are emotions attached to my sex drive. I’m still trying to untangle them.”

  As much as she wanted to wallow in this particular topic, she knew she’d better steer the conversation in another direction before she said something she might regret later. But she didn’t have to root around for an alternate talking point; without warning, Seir appeared o
ut of the snowy night.

  He walked toward them, his long, multi-shades-of-blond hair floating around him on a nonexistent breeze. No snowflakes seemed to touch his leather pants and jacket. His ice-blue eyes seemed to light with real pleasure at finding them.

  Al made a disgusted sound as Fin’s brother settled his gorgeous body onto the bench next to Jenna. Seir smiled. Al scowled.

  “And here I thought I had the night all to myself.” His husky voice suggested that being alone with him in the night wouldn’t be a bad thing, at least not for Jenna.

  Al didn’t seem impressed. “You have a reason for being out here?”

  “The night calls.” Seir’s gaze shifted toward where Fin’s condo would be if Jenna could see it.

  Jenna found something in his voice that he probably wouldn’t want her to hear. Surrounded by family, she’d never known loneliness, but that was what she sensed in Seir. It touched her in a surprising way. “He’s up there. Why not just go up and say hi?”

  His soft laughter held real amusement. “It would take Philly years to rebuild.” He met her gaze. “We have a…complex family relationship.”

  “Why’d you decide to talk to us to night?” Al said.

  Seir didn’t answer right away. And when he did, Jenna had the feeling what he said came reluctantly.

  “I got tired of talking to myself.”

  That was strange. With his spectacular looks, Seir could walk into any club in Philly and within minutes have a pile of women’s keys sitting next to his drink.

  “Keys get old after a while.”

  She shot him a quick glance. Okay, he could read minds like his brother did.

  Seir abandoned the key topic. “So what’s happening?”

  “Nothing.” Al wasn’t holding up his end of the conversation.

  “We have to spend tomorrow looking for bells.” Oops. Jenna didn’t need Al’s sharp stare to know she’d said too much.

  “Bells?” Seir’s cold blue eyes sparked with interest.

  “Yeah. It’s a hobby. Love to search out all kinds of bells when I visit someplace new.” Would he buy that?